Mortal combat in five mins.

[Jonluw]

Hiya escapists.
[sub]I have a lot of time to spare and am sort of bored, so let's play a game.
Really sorry if this has already been done.[/sub]

Through some sort of divine intervention, you have received knowledge that someone is going to come smashing through the door to the room you're currently in in five minutes and try to kill you.
In these five minutes, you have to use what ever is in the room you're currently in to prepare yourself for battle.

What do you use, and what do you do? i.e. How do you prepare for combat?

Edit: And no "leave the room" cop-outs!

Edit: This thread initially said that "someone" was the above user's avatar; but I changed it to shift the focus to the preparations for battle, rather than the battle it self.

 

[mParadox]

Well.... you're a cow. Assuming you have Mad Cow disease...

I'll use my forks and knives.

On a more serious note: I do have sticks. Really tough sticks. Might poke them in your eye while you're running in blinding rage.

 

[mrm5561]

id use trimmers to give you a hair cut. seeing as no anime guy can survive with short hair you would be kill yourself. if that fails ill grab a shovel

 

[The Zango]

I'm fucked

 

[Jonluw]

snippety

snip

Guys, you're missing the point. This isn't about how you'd fight the above avatar. It's about how you would use whatever is in your room to prepare for a fight against the above avatar.

For example: If I knew Batman and Solid Snake were going to come and assault me in a few minutes, I'd turn over the table here in the living room for cover, and then grab a bunch of knives from the kitchen.
I also have a huge metal candle-holder that I'd use as a club.

 

[mParadox]

Big snip

Ah but I did say it.

On a more serious note: I do have sticks. Really tough sticks. Might poke them in your eye while you're running in blinding rage.

 

[Jonluw]

Big snip

Ah but I did say it.

On a more serious note: I do have sticks. Really tough sticks. Might poke them in your eye while you're running in blinding rage.

Yeah, I suppose; but you didn't really put the focus on how you'd prepare for the fight.

You know, setting up traps and such...

 

[SteakHeart]

A cow? I'd grab my printer and get ready to brain it.