Most retarded thing you ever did

[Trivun]

Oh, mine was in my first year of uni (I'm in my third year now). Me and my flatmates, and some other friends, were on a night out and we were heading to our student union nightclub. Well, the halls we were in that year were on campus, and to get to the student union we had to follow a road that had a big barrier in the middle for restricting car access onto campus. Anyway, one of my friends thought it would be funny to try and jump over this barrier. As we were all fairly drunk already, I didn't notice him jump, and I lifted the barrier at one end just as he was making the leap. Hit him full on in the legs and knocked him over. We all saw the funny side though, after he stopped hurting...

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I was at the beach once and i jumped from a wooden platform onto a nearby sand dune. I landed on my stomach so I turn over to my left and the next thing I know I'm looking up a the sky in daze and covered cuts, I had rolled over the edge of the dune and fell into a ditch filled with some nice sharp thorns. Lesson learnt never try to show off

 

[TurtleBlob]

I saw the title and went, *snrk* my ex-girlfriend *snrk* but sadly, I'll have to revisit something awkward...

Wait for it...

nope, repressed memories are repressed today, but suffice it to say that logically I know that I have done something extremely retarded but I just can't remem...

Oh god...

I drew a penis when explaining what a Van der Graff generator is to a girl, without actually beginning my explanation proper, it went something like, hey on the subject of static electricity have you seen one of *draws Penis der Graff generator* these?

Slowly I looked down, taking in what I had drawn, in math class no less, to hear her go, well *giggle* yes I have.

My face. Red as hell. Stuttered explanation. Waking up four hours later in jail with someones blood one my hands. It was horrible.

 

[KaosuHamoni]

Oh my god loads! =D

Faceplanted out of bed while asleep when i was five. Broke my nose.

Fell up some stairs when i was seven. Split my head open.

Fell down some stairs when i was eight. Almost lost an eye.

Punching a solid oak door. Really hurt.

Walking into several doors and door frames.

Hit myself in the face with a badminton racket (by accident)

Tried to undo a hex bolt on the Floyd Rose locking saddle of my guitar. With my teeth. Chipped
a tooth, cause its metal and I'm dumb.

Fell asleep while standing. Fell backwards like a felled tree. Onto a wooden floor.

Tested how sharp a knife is by running my thumb along the blade. Hurt like a *****.

On the subject of knives, got bored one day and played Five Finger Fillet. Ended up dragging the blade along my thumb and stabbing myself four times in quick succession.

Caught a water balloon fired by a three man catapult. Ouch.

Forgot to wear my body armor while racing motorbikes. Fell off in front of an opponent trying to take a corner too fast. Got run over.

Crashed my friends motor-tricycle 10 seconds after kick-starting it

Crashed my friends quad in the same way.

Dropped the clutch by accident about to set off on my dirt bike. Then did it again 10 minutes later.


And many, many more... Yeah I'm an idiot, but hey! It makes like fun!

Edit: Bounced off a trampoline.

Walked off a trampoline by accident. Wasn't looking where I was going.

Sprained every finger at once. MY GOD that hurt.

EditEdit: Snorted an extra-long tube of sherbet for a dare. Then proceeded to cough and sneeze at the same time. Got it stuck in the back of my nose

For those in the UK, it was one of these.

I burn my hands all the time picking up hot pans at work, cause I forget that they are hot.

 

[smearyllama]

My face. Red as hell. Stuttered explanation. Waking up four hours later in jail with someones blood one my hands. It was horrible.

Wow. You ever find out who's blood?

OT: Not me, but in my sister's earth science class (freshman class, she had to take it to graduate her senior year) she met some "interesting" people. Some of them didn't understand latitude and longitude, and she was declared "smart" for knowing this.

One guy in her class had animal crackers. One of them was a donkey. He made it "walk" around his desk for a bit, then ground it up, made a paper tube and snorted it. Seriously.

 

[eggy32]

Well, about an hour ago I realised I was tired and needed sleep so I proceeded to go to youtube and listen to various reincarnations of Bloody Tears from Castlevania. it is now approximately 2 am and all i want to do is fight vampires instead of sleep.

 

[Roroshi14]

I have four that I can't decide from:
1.) Using electro-therapy patches I made a complete circuit by sticking a patch on my chest and one on my.. uhm "no-no" area. Then turned it on high.
2.) Jumped from a second story balcony onto a trampoline into a kiddy pool. While on a snowboard.
3.) Had a drunken night tryst with my cousins model wife.
4.) Broke my friends nose thru a elaborate and well put together prank, actually that one took some thought and time.

There is just so many to choose form!

 

[Sovvolf]

Tried to butter toast while the toast was in the toaster. Almost netted my self a Darwin Award. I hit the hot metal things and the power of the house went out... I didn't even receive a shock. Lucky bastard I am.

 

[flangleelgnalf]

hmm... there was this one time i spent about 30 minutes looking for my shoes, not realizing i was wearing them.

 

[Stormz]

Opened up a cupboard to get something. Smacked my face against it because I forgot it was open. I did this three times on different occasions.

Walked into a glass door because I thought it was open.

Went full speed on a bike that didn't have any breaks. That didn't end well.

 

[SenseOfTumour]

I'm sure I have better ones than this, but this is all that jumps to mind.

When I was like about 8, visiting grandfather in hospital, I needed the toilet, so went, and then couldn't find the flush, after looking around, I figured 'It must be this pull cord'. Cue rushing nurses to the toilet to see a kid wondering why he was being glared at for pulling the 'I've fallen and can't get up' alarm cord.

Or more recently, bought a pizza, put it in the oven, took it out, but it smelled funny. Looked underneath, and yes, I'd somehow managed to put it in the oven still on the polystyrene base, now baked into the crust just like cheese isn't.

 

[Kuroneko97]

"Briana, stop stabbing that paper. My foot's under it, and you're gonna stab it."

"No I won't. I'm making sure of it. See?"

"OW!!!"

I also commonly turn on the oven and realize half an hour later we had some of those metal cooking sheets in them. Once it was a pizza box.

 

[Thedayrecker]

I thought I could fly when I was about 7.

Jumped off the top of my double decker bed, smacked my head on the floor.

Few weeks later, I do it AGAIN!

Jump off, faceplant, rip gums off teeth.

Felt like a right idiot, immediately after I was done screaming in pain.

Who says we learn from pain?

Trying to pick the dumbest thing I've ever done is hard... How about the time I was racing my brother (on bikes), crashed into him, and broke my arm. Or the time I went off a ramp (on my bike), and broke my arm. Or the time when I went into the road (on my bike), without looking, nearly got hit by a car, and whilst dodging it, fell and broke my arm...


I don't ride bikes anymore.

 

[Thedayrecker]

I got ran over by my own car. . . while I was driving it.

about 4:20

 

[Fanta Grape]

About three years ago, my friend asked me, "Five times ten!"

And then I paused...

And I stood there thinking for thirty seconds...

And then I started to count on my fingers...

"FIFTY!"

 

[Tonythion]

I snorted pepper once, thinking I'd sneeze comically a few times, look hilarious, and get on with my day.

I felt like shit for at least an hour. I do not recommend it one bit.

I feel your pain, but I've also done this with pixie sticks, salt, baking soda, and lucas...the stuff I did for money back in middle school...The Lucas and the pepper had to be the worst though, I did so much of them my nose was bleeding....and this isn't the stupidest thing I've done.

 

[Death God]

Forgot how to turn the lights on in MY house. Yeah, brilliance on my part.

 

[keve4433]

I "loose" my car keys when I'm driving quite often...

 

[Vault101]

went to the movies, paid for my ticket then turn around and walked off without taking it

 

[SuperCombustion]

went to the movies, paid for my ticket then turn around and walked off without taking it

I know how that feels *nods knowingly*