Mothering

Heathrow

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Jul 2, 2009
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She sat in her bed bearing the unique mood of a new mother, the preternaturally calm air of someone who had just had her genitals torn open and then been well compensated for the pain. She coddled the babe over her shoulder and, as I watched, it upset its contents onto her.

In that moment I saw the whole fallacy of motherhood laid bare. The unconditional attention of every mother to her child is the whole seed of our resentment. From every other person on this earth we learn that in order to be loved we must behave according to social norms, but a mother ? by necessity ? learns to flout this rule as they care for a mewling, shitting, helpless infant. As a result we begin to expect this indulgence from our mothers; not learning to respect their desires as we would anyone else's.

When we outgrow our mothers and wish to assert some new independence the generous façade is fractured and we see through it to the core of her desire for the first time. She cared for us as she would a part of herself and we now wish to remove that part. The mother wonders why her wish for nearness and affection is not fulfilled ? after all did she not care for you gently and fully when you were helpless? Does she not deserve some reward for that?

The child wonders why their new need for autonomy is not responded to as all other needs are, is the indulgence of the mother not universal? Will she not grant us this one thing? Never before has anything else been asked of her.