Muffins and Cupcakes

[2012 Wont Happen]

Sorry to bother you guys with this sort of thing, but this is a shortish piece I wrote, and I want your opinions on it. Personally, I think I might have tortured my metaphor a bit, and bit incoherent at certain points. I tend to think more negatively of my own work than others do though, so I'd like ya'lls opinions. This Escapist community tends to be willing to constructively criticize, without being hostilely negative, so I figured this would be a good place to post it.

edit-

Okay, so, this isn't really discussing muffins and cupcakes at all in a literal sense. While its fine to post about how awesome muffins and cupcakes are, what I was sort of looking for was a critique of what I wrote.

Muffins are damn tasty though haha.

Spoiler: Muffins

If you ask a child which they prefer, muffins, or cupcakes, they will answer cupcakes. Cupcakes are very colorful, and the layer of fake sugar on top makes them enticing. As we grow, become adults, some of us will cling to this childhood preference. However, others find their preferences changed, and prefer the muffin, because a layer of fake sugar and appealing colors just don?t cut it for them anymore. And when it really gets down to it, when you take these two things away, once the colors and the fake sugar have been stripped away, a cupcake is just sugary bread, which, while tasting okay as it goes down, will leave a sickening fake sugar taste in your mouth. Muffins however, are much different.

Because, whether you prefer blueberry or chocolate chip, whether you prefer cinnamon or lemon, or even if you just prefer plain, whatever muffin you prefer has some real quality to you. You?re not eating it because a mound of fake sugar has been poured on top of it. You?re not eating it because it?s colorful, and looks nice. You?re eating it because you truly enjoy it. You?re eating it not because its look is appealing on the exterior, but because its taste is appealing at its core.

And though I?m not so old myself, I?ve evolved through what age I do have to prefer muffins, ignoring the flakey and bland exterior, for what is inside them. Because, at some point, we need to ask ourselves what we really want from our pastries. And if the answer to that is anything but good taste, why even bother with pastries in the first place? So when I sit down to eat my pastry, cheap bread, coated in fake sugar, just can?t compare to the true quality of a muffin.

 

[Eumersian]

I typically enjoy a chocolate chip muffin for breakfast if the opportunity presents itself. I know a person who once described a cupcake as a "slutty muffin", to which I heartily agree.

That's not to say that I despise cupcakes though. I especially like the old-fashioned ones, as opposed to that store-bought garbage with frosting that hardens in about a week.

 

[AugustFall]

Muffins. Aw man, a Sesame Seed Muffin or just like a straight up fucking Chocolate Muffin. That shit is DENSE!

I feel that appropriately sums up my feelings on how awesome muffins are. I do like the occasional cupcake or 6 for nostalgia.


Edit: Oh wow did I miss the point of this thread lol

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

I typically enjoy a chocolate chip muffin for breakfast if the opportunity presents itself. I know a person who once described a cupcake as a "slutty muffin", to which I heartily agree.

That's not to say that I despise cupcakes though. I especially like the old-fashioned ones, as opposed to that store-bought garbage with frosting that hardens in about a week.

I like to eat both muffins and cupcakes. They were more of a metaphor than anything haha.

That is a good, lighter side topic though. My personal preference is blue berry muffins. I don't like other things with blue berry, but add in muffin bread and it becomes a perfect blend.

 

[Macgyvercas]

Why must I choose? I like both equally. Though donuts beat both of them.

 

[Bon_Clay]

Better quality of writing than I can do, everything is run on sentences with me. I tend to write too much like how I would talk.

But I think its a decent use of metaphor. I don't know about it being tortured, but I would agree you do want to keep their use as short as you can while still getting out all the important information.

On a more literal note, I still love cupcakes and cake and anything else coated in fake sugar.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Why must I choose? I like both equally. Though donuts beat both of them.

I wasn't asking you to choose, I was asking for something like this.

Better quality of writing than I can do, everything is run on sentences with me. I tend to write too much like how I would talk.

But I think its a decent use of metaphor. I don't know about it being tortured, but I would agree you do want to keep their use as short as you can while still getting out all the important information.

On a more literal note, I still love cupcakes and cake and anything else coated in fake sugar.

That makes me feel a bit better about it. I'll still probably end up changing it a bit, but I guess it didn't come off as awkward as I thought it did.

In a literal sense, I also like fake sugar from time to time. I do prefer muffins, but I'll eat the hell out of icing too haha.

 

[WanderingFool]

I see where you're going with this... CHOCOLATE CHIP!!! Now those are some good muffins... that and these Lemon and bluebarry...

 

[Outright Villainy]

Okay, it was a little bit strained, but it's pretty clear what you're getting at.
I mean it doesn't quite fit, but it's a good point, and analogies are often nice ways to make a point.

Also, definitely muffins. Blueberry ones. Yum.

 

[open trap]

Ha i remember another thread you made about this one, i read that one, but not this one, funny isnt it.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Okay, it was a little bit strained, but it's pretty clear what you're getting at.
I mean it doesn't quite fit, but it's a good point, and analogies are often nice ways to make a point.

Also, definitely muffins. Blueberry ones. Yum.

Before doing anything with it publicly (once I get it down I'll probably perform it as a monologue for my theater class) I'll revise it a bit to make it a bit more refined.

What specific points do you think I could change to make it seem less strained?

note-

blueberry muffins are the best ever!

Ha i remember another thread you made about this one, i read that one, but not this one, funny isnt it.

The irony is excellent considering the other thread was about people not reading threads before posting haha.

 

[dex-dex]

i have never been a fan of muffins or cupcakes. and the only time i have liked a muffin was only the top of a banana muffin and it was a bit crumbly.
other than that they are only good at throwing at people.

 

[A Gent of Villainous Intent]

I don't know why but my whole life Icing has made me sick to my stomach.

So I hate most Cakes, Cupcakes, etc.

Muffins have been one of the few things I can eat without vomiting.

 

[SideburnsPuppy]

Why did you use the word, "fucking?" Avoid profanity wherever possible. Unless you can honestly say that the piece genuinely suffers without the edgy charm, get rid of it.

 

[xdgt]

Just read your other thread and bumped into this one.

Overral I think its a pretty good metaphore, though quite transparent to me (its about video games right? right?or is it movies? damn...could it be women...? i'm confused now...maybe it isn't transparent...), just don't stretch it too far.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Why did you use the word, "fucking?" Avoid profanity wherever possible. Unless you can honestly say that the piece genuinely suffers without the edgy charm, get rid of it.

I'll have to censor that anyway if I perform it in my theater class, which I probably will after I refine it a bit, but I thought it added a good effect. Now that you point it out it doesn't seem as good a choice as before... I'll definitely think about it.

Thanks for the advice.

edit-

Just read your other thread and bumped into this one.

Overral I think its a pretty good metaphore, though quite transparent to me (its about video games right? right?or is it movies? damn...could it be women...? i'm confused now...maybe it isn't transparent...), just don't stretch it too far.

If was the last one. I'm guessing you knew that though haha.

Is there any specific advice you have for how I could improve it?

 

[Outright Villainy]

Okay, it was a little bit strained, but it's pretty clear what you're getting at.
I mean it doesn't quite fit, but it's a good point, and analogies are often nice ways to make a point.

Also, definitely muffins. Blueberry ones. Yum.

Before doing anything with it publicly (once I get it down I'll probably perform it as a monologue for my theater class) I'll revise it a bit to make it a bit more refined.

What specific points do you think I could change to make it seem less strained?

Well, you made the point of cupcakes being terrible for you. Muffins are also terrible for you. I think the focusing on the goodness of the muffins over the horrible cheapness of cupcakes isn't the best tack for either point, you're kind of looking down on people who have a genuine preference for cupcakes. You could say a lot of people are unwilling to broaden their tastes though, because of the shiny sugar they have in front of them. That way you're not just saying everyone who likes cupcakes is shallow (in this metaphor). Maybe something a little simpler like that I guess.

I could be rambling though, I'm pretty tired.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

Okay, it was a little bit strained, but it's pretty clear what you're getting at.
I mean it doesn't quite fit, but it's a good point, and analogies are often nice ways to make a point.

Also, definitely muffins. Blueberry ones. Yum.

Before doing anything with it publicly (once I get it down I'll probably perform it as a monologue for my theater class) I'll revise it a bit to make it a bit more refined.

What specific points do you think I could change to make it seem less strained?

Well, you made the point of cupcakes being terrible for you. Muffins are also terrible for you. I think the focusing on the goodness of the muffins over the horrible cheapness of cupcakes isn't the best tack for either point, you're kind of looking down on people who have a genuine preference for cupcakes. You could say a lot of people are unwilling to broaden their tastes though, because of the shiny sugar they have in front of them. That way you're not just saying everyone who likes cupcakes is shallow (in this metaphor). Maybe something a little simpler like that I guess.

I could be rambling though, I'm pretty tired.

Alright, I'll look back over those parts of the piece and revise it.

Thanks

 

[KefkaCultist]

Blueberry and banana nut muffins for the win but cupcakes are always tasty too

EDIT: now that I've read the other post and gone back to this one to read past the the word fucking I'll answer the real question. Its a good metaphor, but maybe not everyone would get it straight away. I had to reread it to get it. Maybe if you made it a simile at the start "muffins and cupcakes are like women" or something like that just so that you don't completely loose people (like many on here, including me, who posted about their favorite muffins lol)

 

[Zap Rowsdower]

I like blueberry/chocolate chip muffins, yet I still like cupcakes! Why must you make me choose?