My "Emptiness"

[Keepitclean]

Hey there Escapists, I haven't spoken to any of you much recently and haven't done anything remarkable recently around here. But this forum has never really lead me astray no matter what I have asked. Whether is has been a $1000 investment (thank you BonsaiK)or just general screwing around this has been a valuable resource to me.

Now I have to ask you something more personal. I am asking you, a group of semi anonymous internet posters because I am too proud to speak to anyone who knows who I am about it.

Some of my friends have said my current life is empty. This is because my life consists of surfing, drinking, partying and uni work (1st year uni work). Now, this is awesome. How could it not be? Doing what I love with little to no effort, doing it well and fucking loving it.

But then last weekend I went to a friends birthday party. It was pretty standard birthday material. Y'know drinking, smoking, hooking up etc. For me it was awesome, I got with the hottest girl there and had her hanging off me all night(seriously, whenever another girl got close she got real protective it was awesome). All is going well, life is continuing awesome as usual but then I realise something.

I actually liked this girl

Why does this suck? Two reasons
1.It was a party hook up, they aren't meant to mean anything. We have all seen people who take them too seriously and have seen the shitstorm that that kind of behaviour has caused.
2.It's pretty clear she doesn't feel the same way.


I need a way to get rid of this horrible feeling that is linked to it. It feels different to average rejection, it feels worse. Whenever I think about it I feel the need to throw up and I can't stop thinking about it. It just hangs around.
C'mon guise wat do?

Also, not sure if this is meant to be in advice or not.

 

[Proteus214]

There isn't much that you can do in this situation except give it time and try to fill that void with something worthwhile. Take up a new personal project or hobby for a while; not necessarily a lifelong endevour, just something to get you over the hump and keep your mind occupied. That kind of rejection hurts like hell and there isn't a good way to deal with it other than moving on. If you do start feeling super depressed about it still, talk to someone about it.

Acknowledge that it hurts, but don't let it rule your life.

 

[Hop-along Nussbaum]

It could be that it may turn into a "friends with benefits" type situation down the road, but don't get hung up on her.

Further, if you ignore her completely, like you hardly remember who she is, it might peak her interest and make her pursue you.

Or, you could just get on with your life and fuck what your friends say about your life being empty. It's your life and if you're happy with it, rock on.

 

[Galletea]

The problem with your situation is that you have too much time on your hands, so can get hung up on this girl. The best way to get over her is to try and keep busy. A few more parties might help. Don't forget you don't really know this girl so there isn't much to feel you're missing out on.

And the whole thing about wasting your life with the internet and drinking and stuff? It's your first year at uni, it's not like you're in your 30's living in the basement having done nothing with your life. Enjoy it while you can.

 

[Death Prophet]

It could be that it may turn into a "friends with benefits" type situation down the road, but don't get hung up on her.

Further, if you ignore her completely, like you hardly remember who she is, it might peak her interest and make her pursue you.

Or, you could just get on with your life and fuck what your friends say about your life being empty. It's your life and if you're happy with it, rock on.

Let me just stop you there, I can tell you from numerous experiences with the friends with benifits system that it doesnt work. Someone always developes feelings, its human nature. Then it crashes and burns and is a bigger mess than a failed relationship. I think the best advice I can offer you OP is cut and run and find someone else at another party. The longer you dwell on this girl the more your desire will eat you up inside. And as you said its clear she doesnt reciprocate your feelings. Oh and I do agree with fuck what your friends say. Empty and shallow works, sex without callbacks is nice and relaxing.

 

[Azure Sky]

Empty and shallow works, sex without callbacks is nice and relaxing.

Except when it come and emotionally bites you in the ass like it has now.

While I really don't much care about people who partake in such a lifestyle, lets see what we can do.

Firstly, I pretty much agree with Proteus.

The feeling could be anything from you blowing it out of proportion to waking up and smelling the flowers. Either way, as Proteus mentioned, keeping your mind off it is probably the best course of action, hobbies, hanging out with friends, etc. If you ever get too down, have a chat with mates or someone similar. Don't dwell on it too much.

Worst case scenario is, you have a human heart just like the rest of us. =3

 

[zombiesinc]

I need a way to get rid of this horrible feeling that is linked to it. It feels different to average rejection, it feels worse. Whenever I think about it I feel the need to throw up and I can't stop thinking about it. It just hangs around.

Firstly, this isn't rejection, simply how she feels. You can't allow yourself to take it personally, because how she feels (or doesn't feel) isn't a choice. I'm sure you can understand that given the current situation. If you continue to tell yourself that she's 'rejecting' you, you'll bring yourself down. The lower down you get the more you'll focus on the negative situation.

By allowing yourself to dwell on the situation you'll make it more difficult to accept it, and start moving on. On the other hand, if you find that over time you still feel strongly about her, why not express that? Unless you've already asked her, you can't know for sure. And unless you know for certain how someone feels in any situation, you'll generally struggle to fully accept and get past it.

The best way to get past something you're struggling with is by getting into a routine, distracting yourself and taking the time to enjoy things. As it's often said - it'll get better over time.

Also, not sure if this is meant to be in advice or not.

The Advice Forum is simply that, a forum meant for users to post threads in which they request advice.

 

[Zantos]

For epic life win, answer one of the following questions:

EITHER

Are you really going to lose that much just by asking her out on a date for drinks and such?

OR

Was it just because she was hot, since with most party hook-ups we don't tend to get to know erach other that well first, and will the feeling subside when you find someone you actually connect with in an environment more suited to chatting and getting to know someone?

Note: No extra marks will be awarded for answering both, but it may be good for the soul.

 

[BonsaiK]

Hey there Escapists, I haven't spoken to any of you much recently and haven't done anything remarkable recently around here. But this forum has never really lead me astray no matter what I have asked. Whether is has been a $1000 investment (thank you BonsaiK)or just general screwing around this has been a valuable resource to me.

Now I have to ask you something more personal. I am asking you, a group of semi anonymous internet posters because I am too proud to speak to anyone who knows who I am about it.

Some of my friends have said my current life is empty. This is because my life consists of surfing, drinking, partying and uni work (1st year uni work). Now, this is awesome. How could it not be? Doing what I love with little to no effort, doing it well and fucking loving it.

But then last weekend I went to a friends birthday party. It was pretty standard birthday material. Y'know drinking, smoking, hooking up etc. For me it was awesome, I got with the hottest girl there and had her hanging off me all night(seriously, whenever another girl got close she got real protective it was awesome). All is going well, life is continuing awesome as usual but then I realise something.

I actually liked this girl

Why does this suck? Two reasons
1.It was a party hook up, they aren't meant to mean anything. We have all seen people who take them too seriously and have seen the shitstorm that that kind of behaviour has caused.
2.It's pretty clear she doesn't feel the same way.


I need a way to get rid of this horrible feeling that is linked to it. It feels different to average rejection, it feels worse. Whenever I think about it I feel the need to throw up and I can't stop thinking about it. It just hangs around.
C'mon guise wat do?

Also, not sure if this is meant to be in advice or not.

I helped you with an $1000 investment? Gosh, I'm glad it worked out, I'd hate to bear the responsiblity for giving you shitty advice there.

Anyway, just next time you see the girl, you could ask her out for drinkies or whatever and just see what happens. She'll likely say no, but do it anyway, just to put your mind at ease and why the hell not. Getting emotionally attached is a mistake, and you can definitely prevent that. The way to do so is to not devote mental energy to it. Hang with friends, do cool stuff, keep you mind occupied. She's probably not devoting time thinking about you either so why pour your energy into a hole?

(Hey if you want something to distract your brain, now's an awesome time to attempt quitting smoking, heh.)