My lady help

[ireskimo]

Right, I'm curious as to what you all would do in my situation.
I've gone through this process with the girl I like (being friends/more than friends/friends/more than friends) and recently we decided to go for it officially.
Now I panic in situations that require commitment. Not because i cheat or anything i just worry about getting hurt. And i know that her view on what we have is different, she basically, if she wants to do something, she'll do it. (eg. I know if the moment arises and she really wanted to she'd potentially cheat or something, which is where I worry.) Now should i see this relationship as something good and be really happy she's with me? Or should i be worried about how things might go?

Ps. We both do like each other a lot. It's not one sided or anything.

Pps. I've probably explained it terribly so just ask if there is anything you wanna know about

Thanks.

 

[Imp Poster]

So is the risk too great if something bad happens? Probably, but that is something you are going to have to weigh yourself. Only you know what the situation is, more better than us even if you explained it like Martha Stewart. Anyone has a chance to cheat even you. Even if you don't plan on it, believe it or not. Unless she has shown some symptoms of cheating or even make you feel like she may be, I wouldn't think she would or she is. Any girl you meet can do that to you even ones that you think wouldn't. So why go forward into a more intimate relationship? Because you can. I think it is a beautiful thing when two people decide to get close. It isn't easy and it sure doesn't happen all the time. And yes, most relationships end than last forever, but hey atleast you had one. And who knows where it will go until you try.

That's my 2 cents.

 

[ireskimo]

Thank you guys, even with just two replies I know what should happen
I reckon now that i've seen it from a different view there really isn't any other option than trying to make it work. I'd rather have tried and have it not work than never know.

 

[Frezz]

Looks like you've made up your mind, but let me add a few things to help ward off the almost guaranteed second-guessing that comes with this stuff.

Firstly note that outgoing, and even flirtatious, doesn't necessarily mean promiscuous. Give the girl some credit and relax.

Secondly, my boyfriend (of nearly 2 years) and I might have graduated in the same position you're in right now, if not for the fact that he finally boned up and asked me to one of those stupid school dances. Go for it.

 

[Giftfromme]

you could just take the relationship as experience, and basically expect that she will do something to compromise it later. I mean if you're in love, that obviously this won't work lol, and you will simply get hurt if she does something. But if you want to just take it as experience, and learn how to read signs etc, then go for it. This way you don't need to worry about commitment either, as it's unlikely this will be a deep relationship anyway.

 

[Frezz]

you could just take the relationship as experience, and basically expect that she will do something to compromise it later. I mean if you're in love, that obviously this won't work lol, and you will simply get hurt if she does something. But if you want to just take it as experience, and learn how to read signs etc, then go for it. This way you don't need to worry about commitment either, as it's unlikely this will be a deep relationship anyway.

Oh no please no. D:

Going into a relationship with that kind of attitude is pretty much deliberately sabotaging it if it does have potential, and it's more than a little insulting to the other party. People are never to be used for "experience."

I get that going into relationships is scary, but remember that you're not the only one involved, and there's no justification for wasting another person's time and possibly hurting them with a false, shallow imitation of one.

 

[jhlip]

No trust = no relationship built to last. Period. Figure out if its you or her that's causing the trust issues and fix it in whatever way you can (and yes, that may mean breaking up with her if she is actually liable to cheat on you).

 

[gazumped]

To be honest, (and forgive me if I've misunderstood what you're saying the deal is here) if someone said to me "We'll date, but if I want to sleep with someone else I will" I'd say "Well f*** you, then" and leave. Don't be in a relationship with someone who's happy to take your love and respect but will crap on you at the first opportunity, you're better off with no one at all than someone who can't be bothered to care about your feelings.