Hey guys, probably not many of you even know me since I think I'm a bit on the low-key end of the forums, trying not to be too vocal about stuff. Honestly just here to talk and bs like anyone else typically.
Today however I'm really struggling (mentally), I just need to talk here I guess I'm not looking for advice or pity, I just want to talk...so if someone just started talking about how much they like a controller or whatever that'd be fine.
My mom has always been the nicest person I've ever known, she raised 3 kids, donated to many, many charities, looked out for her 5 brothers and sister. She always made people smile with her clay figures that she made since ...I don't even know, well before I was born. She made thousands of them over a long span of time, like a 1 woman assembly line, peal, roll, shape, pose, repeat a few more times, bake and tada, adorable girl with reindeer slippers.
Today she's retired, however she couldn't continue if she wanted to.
She has asphasia, it started in 2006-7 (hard to know) and it slowly limited her speech and other abilities. It's a rare form of the very rare disease, a lot of cases people lose their ability to speak and other functions get a bit screwed up.
Her case isn't so 'lucky', she's progressively lost her speech, she started driving worse and her clayfigures started having very strange and alarming anomalies in make. It took a few years to find what she had, it's rare form, we don't know what variant (they need to literally open the brain up after to know what it...was) but it's progressive, there's no cure and it's terminal. I've helped take care of her for a few years already, recently she's started seeing 'a strange woman' in the house to our surprise she meant her reflection, and she would converse with 'this woman' and it would range from pleasant to finding her curled up by her bed in fear. She can't communicate this well either, she gets out maybe 3-4 words and it makes it hard to know exactly what's going on.
It's hard to cope with, at this stage she really isn't aware of what's going on...aware of how bad it is that is. She gets frustrated with speech but ...it's hard to explain but she seems unaware because of her condition.
I divert my attention to art, a little webcomic I do on the side that is a mixture of fun and something to keep my mind off this, we all sorta have these things to do. My brother has his music and my sister is in another state, she has her work and husband and she visits often as someone can from across the country.
My dad took her out on a little vacation and unfortunately there's mirrors everywhere, in the room, the hallways, the bathrooms everywhere. And he had to cut it short because of her reactions to them getting progressively worse. There's a lot of things I'm leaving out, probably because my heart can't take it, we tried new meds today and her left arm was having spasms and she has been asleep most of the day. It's really painful to see, it's the worst thing because you can't help her in anyway to make this better, all we can do is just watch and try and make her happy and it's painful it's so hard to see this. After weekly trips of her and me to the nursing home to visit her father who slowly passed to Alzheimers, this is what happens after that?
She's happy, that's all I can do for her, just make her happy, make sure she doesn't hurt herself and honestly if it wasn't for that today I would say I wouldn't have said any of this. But it's just impossibly hard to watch that, my father, man I've never seen cry was brought to tears.
Helpless, we're helpless to do anything for her, no treatment, no cure. Again...I'm not looking for sympathy, advice, these things have been explored over the span of a few years and there's no fixing it. I just need to talk I guess...I just want things to be alright and they're not. Heck I even thought about doing a donation thing to help with the meds/other things she needs but no one's heard of this disease and we don't live on the street so it hardly seems fair, honestly the only reason it probably came up in my head is because I need to do something but there's nothing to do.. I'm not trying to say life is the worst for us, we get along and there's those with far worse problems. I just want to talk or ...something. I don't know after seeing all that you know? Scrambles your thoughts. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a ban for this since I'm not really delivering a topic for discussion..
So ...uh...Team Fortress 2, that's been fun lately. I hope everyone has been enjoying some game. There's been so many complaining about video games still hope there's someone liking what they play, because they're there for.
Today however I'm really struggling (mentally), I just need to talk here I guess I'm not looking for advice or pity, I just want to talk...so if someone just started talking about how much they like a controller or whatever that'd be fine.
My mom has always been the nicest person I've ever known, she raised 3 kids, donated to many, many charities, looked out for her 5 brothers and sister. She always made people smile with her clay figures that she made since ...I don't even know, well before I was born. She made thousands of them over a long span of time, like a 1 woman assembly line, peal, roll, shape, pose, repeat a few more times, bake and tada, adorable girl with reindeer slippers.
Today she's retired, however she couldn't continue if she wanted to.
She has asphasia, it started in 2006-7 (hard to know) and it slowly limited her speech and other abilities. It's a rare form of the very rare disease, a lot of cases people lose their ability to speak and other functions get a bit screwed up.
Her case isn't so 'lucky', she's progressively lost her speech, she started driving worse and her clayfigures started having very strange and alarming anomalies in make. It took a few years to find what she had, it's rare form, we don't know what variant (they need to literally open the brain up after to know what it...was) but it's progressive, there's no cure and it's terminal. I've helped take care of her for a few years already, recently she's started seeing 'a strange woman' in the house to our surprise she meant her reflection, and she would converse with 'this woman' and it would range from pleasant to finding her curled up by her bed in fear. She can't communicate this well either, she gets out maybe 3-4 words and it makes it hard to know exactly what's going on.
It's hard to cope with, at this stage she really isn't aware of what's going on...aware of how bad it is that is. She gets frustrated with speech but ...it's hard to explain but she seems unaware because of her condition.
I divert my attention to art, a little webcomic I do on the side that is a mixture of fun and something to keep my mind off this, we all sorta have these things to do. My brother has his music and my sister is in another state, she has her work and husband and she visits often as someone can from across the country.
My dad took her out on a little vacation and unfortunately there's mirrors everywhere, in the room, the hallways, the bathrooms everywhere. And he had to cut it short because of her reactions to them getting progressively worse. There's a lot of things I'm leaving out, probably because my heart can't take it, we tried new meds today and her left arm was having spasms and she has been asleep most of the day. It's really painful to see, it's the worst thing because you can't help her in anyway to make this better, all we can do is just watch and try and make her happy and it's painful it's so hard to see this. After weekly trips of her and me to the nursing home to visit her father who slowly passed to Alzheimers, this is what happens after that?
She's happy, that's all I can do for her, just make her happy, make sure she doesn't hurt herself and honestly if it wasn't for that today I would say I wouldn't have said any of this. But it's just impossibly hard to watch that, my father, man I've never seen cry was brought to tears.
Helpless, we're helpless to do anything for her, no treatment, no cure. Again...I'm not looking for sympathy, advice, these things have been explored over the span of a few years and there's no fixing it. I just need to talk I guess...I just want things to be alright and they're not. Heck I even thought about doing a donation thing to help with the meds/other things she needs but no one's heard of this disease and we don't live on the street so it hardly seems fair, honestly the only reason it probably came up in my head is because I need to do something but there's nothing to do.. I'm not trying to say life is the worst for us, we get along and there's those with far worse problems. I just want to talk or ...something. I don't know after seeing all that you know? Scrambles your thoughts. Wouldn't be surprised if there was a ban for this since I'm not really delivering a topic for discussion..
So ...uh...Team Fortress 2, that's been fun lately. I hope everyone has been enjoying some game. There's been so many complaining about video games still hope there's someone liking what they play, because they're there for.
