My Own Stupidity

[artanis_neravar]

Forward: I am really just ranting, and don't really expect anyone to respond. If anyone has advice they would like to leave or stories of their own, please do so.

Clarification: I didn't do anything stupid, so much as I stupidly didn't do something

Right, so back-story (kind of?)
I was in a wedding this weekend (best man). Towards the end of the reception, after the Bride and Groom had cut the cake, I was given the task of serving cake/cupcakes. During this period the Groom got me a beer (it was an open bar for the wedding party) which I promptly drank (drunk?...drinked?). Not to long after that I was done serving and I brought the Groom a beer, along with one for my self, which I also promptly..consumed. By this point I wasn't so much drunk as I was somewhere between tipsy and OK, I'm feeling it...[footnote]http://dolanspoonings.blogspot.com/2010/01/10-steps-to-happiness-levels-of-drunk.html][/footnote] As they announced the last song I had to push the bridal party table back a little (for reasons unimportant to this story) when we are done moving the table one of the other groomsman looks at me pointedly then looks somewhere else with his eyes, obviously trying to tell me something. When I don't get what he saying he does it again then tells me "Dude, ask her to dance" Then the other groomsman, who somehow ended up standing on the other side of me says the same thing. At this point I am extremely confused, I know exactly who they are talking about (maid of honor), but I can't figure out for the life of me how they knew that I liked her (I found out later that I wasn't super obvious about because they were the only two to figure it out.) After some refusal on my part and some more...encouragement on their part I finally decide to do it, but as I started to approach her she started to talk to my ex (friend of the bride), and since we did not end on good terms (she hates me) it was just to awkward for me to do.

Now it's a couple days later and I still really regret not doing it.

As I said at the beginning
I am really just ranting, and don't really expect anyone to respond. If anyone has advice they would like to leave or stories of their own, please do so.

 

[Lionsfan]

Are you gonna see this girl again? Or does she live on the other side of the country?

 

[Substitute Troll]

What does your ex have to do with this? You go up to the girl, ask her to dance, and refuse to even look at your ex. If she already hates your guts what's there to lose?

 

[artanis_neravar]

Are you gonna see this girl again? Or does she live on the other side of the country?

Yes I will see her again, the four of us tend to hang out relatively often.

What does your ex have to do with this? You go up to the girl, ask her to dance, and refuse to even look at your ex. If she already hates your guts what's there to lose?

It was just awkward for me, hard to explain

 

[artanis_neravar]

What does your ex have to do with this? You go up to the girl, ask her to dance, and refuse to even look at your ex. If she already hates your guts what's there to lose?

I think it's because sometimes, one's ex will say bad things to people about their last relationship. Since that would directly put him in a bad position, it would make asking her to dance awkward if she just heard a mouthful of bad things from his ex. 'So, you're THAT guy!' basically. It can also hurt his ex if she feels like he's trying to make her jealous with another girl right infront of her. There's dozens of reasons. :/

Yes, thank you add to that the possibility of my ex seeing me be rejected, and you nailed it

My advice is don't be too hard on yourself. We all hesitate on decisions sometimes. If you didn't feel comfortable doing it then, I believe that was the right choice to make. That alone could have made the conversation go over less then smoothly, or worse. Since you are going to see her again, asking her to hang out/go out with you will be easier if your ex isn't around. At that point, it's all up to you though. After all, you won't ever know how she feels unless you ask her.

I hope this helps!

It does help, thank you. I am still a bit mad at myself, I mean if she had said yes it would have been the best ending to an awesome day. Either way you're right, I won't know how she feels until I ask, so next opportunity I will have to suck it up. The interesting thing is that I am fairly certain she has no idea, and these two other groomsman picked it up after seeing me interact with her for 4-5 hours

 

[Lionsfan]

Are you gonna see this girl again? Or does she live on the other side of the country?

Yes I will see her again, the four of us tend to hang out relatively often.

Well Aylaine pretty much ninja'd me, but I wouldn't sweat it too much. Yeah, that wedding could have been perfect, but it also could have been a disaster. If you were nervous/not comfortable beyond a normal amount, maybe that was your brain/body telling you not yet.

I would just ask her next time you see her, it'll probably be easier too since there's not all the pressure for everything to be "perfect" or else it's a "failure"

 

[artanis_neravar]

Are you gonna see this girl again? Or does she live on the other side of the country?

Yes I will see her again, the four of us tend to hang out relatively often.

Well Aylaine pretty much ninja'd me, but I wouldn't sweat it too much. Yeah, that wedding could have been perfect, but it also could have been a disaster. If you were nervous/not comfortable beyond a normal amount, maybe that was your brain/body telling you not yet.

I would just ask her next time you see her, it'll probably be easier too since there's not all the pressure for everything to be "perfect" or else it's a "failure"

I am suddenly overcome with the urge to ask her to dance, while there is no music (I know what you actually meant but that is what I thought of when I first read your post, and that seems vastly entertaining)

 

[artanis_neravar]

I agree with Lion. When the risk of the ex-factor (hoho!) is taken out of the picture, it should be much easier for you to make your move & see whats up.

I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you, Right now I fully plan to make my move next chance I get. Hopefully I don't get into my own head, which happens often, and over analyze stupid things. For example waiting outside for pictures after the ceremony it was obvious she was cold so I offered my tux jacket (the other bridesmaids already had the other groomsmen's jackets) and she turned it down citing being used to the cold due to her "heart of ice". It occurred to me after that I should probably have offered once more, but at first I completely over analyzed it.

It also occurs to me that her responses to my flirting (which is poking fun at her like a 3rd grader) always have a laugh or smile accompanying the threats of physical violence. Which probably mean she either knows and enjoys it or doesn't know and is just reacting.


Sorry I rambled its easier for me to think things out when I type it.

And Thank you by the way

 

[artanis_neravar]

Awww. I think asking twice would have been a good call, honestly. Something like 'You sure?' would have worked probably. Still, don't stress it if you over-do it in your head. So long as you can get those words out. The rest really depends on her. Though it sounds like you both get along pretty well. In my opinion, laughing then retorting with violence like that is usually playful. If she felt offended, it's possible that her reaction might have been vastly different. You would know that better then I would though.

No need to apologize. The Advice Forum is meant for that, so type away if it can help you put your thoughts in a place where they make more sense!

You're very welcome!

Haha I've been getting "aww'd" a lot lately and I never even say the thing I would expect to get "aww's" from...interesting.

And yes, if she was offended, her best friend (aka my best friends new bride) would have no problem letting me know. She would, on the other hand, have no problem watching me squirm while I try to find a way to ask her friend out. Of course she might also respect me enough to not tell her friend anything

I guess what I am getting at is I am sure I would know if I was doing something wrong or unwanted.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Now it's a couple days later and I still really regret not doing it.

I am only 26 years old and I already am filled with regrets. The very best thing you can do is if you see an opportunity do it. If it looks like there may be some consequences ask yourself how hard will it be to live knowing you didn't do it and go from there.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Now it's a couple days later and I still really regret not doing it.

I am only 26 years old and I already am filled with regrets. The very best thing you can do is if you see an opportunity do it. If it looks like there may be some consequences ask yourself how hard will it be to live knowing you didn't do it and go from there.

Yeah, I'm 24 and this is my only real regret, so I will have to remedy that asap.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Awww. I think asking twice would have been a good call, honestly. Something like 'You sure?' would have worked probably. Still, don't stress it if you over-do it in your head. So long as you can get those words out. The rest really depends on her. Though it sounds like you both get along pretty well. In my opinion, laughing then retorting with violence like that is usually playful. If she felt offended, it's possible that her reaction might have been vastly different. You would know that better then I would though.

No need to apologize. The Advice Forum is meant for that, so type away if it can help you put your thoughts in a place where they make more sense!

You're very welcome!

Haha I've been getting "aww'd" a lot lately and I never even say the thing I would expect to get "aww's" from...interesting.

And yes, if she was offended, her best friend (aka my best friends new bride) would have no problem letting me know. She would, on the other hand, have no problem watching me squirm while I try to find a way to ask her friend out. Of course she might also respect me enough to not tell her friend anything

I guess what I am getting at is I am sure I would know if I was doing something wrong or unwanted.

That's good then. Sometimes, that bit of reassurance isn't made known until it's too late, so I'm happy you have it sooner then later.

Any updates on asking her? :3

Hahaha I haven't seen her since the wedding, and I might not get a chance to until the beginning of next month, but I will make sure to post an update here when I do ask.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Hmm, a decent chunk of time away. Do you both live far apart from each other? Awesome. Again, good luck!

An hour or so, but we are both unemployed, well she has a part time job and is living at home 'til she starts grad school, and I am working on grad school now while living on campus, so things are kind of busy. Next month is a convention we usually go to, where we have actually been mistaken as a couple before.

And thank you, good luck is always welcome!

 

[artanis_neravar]

Hmm, a decent chunk of time away. Do you both live far apart from each other? Awesome. Again, good luck!

An hour or so, but we are both unemployed, well she has a part time job and is living at home 'til she starts grad school, and I am working on grad school now while living on campus, so things are kind of busy. Next month is a convention we usually go to, where we have actually been mistaken as a couple before.

And thank you, good luck is always welcome!

Oooh. Ok! Well, that could be your chance then. How often do you talk to her, if I may ask?

Often when we are in person, much less often then I would like when we aren't. Neither of us really uses facebook, and I don't legitimately have her number. (she told my [married] friend her number while I was standing there because we were planning on going to the movies and I have a head for numbers so I just remembered it without actually trying)

 

[artanis_neravar]

Hmm, a decent chunk of time away. Do you both live far apart from each other? Awesome. Again, good luck!

An hour or so, but we are both unemployed, well she has a part time job and is living at home 'til she starts grad school, and I am working on grad school now while living on campus, so things are kind of busy. Next month is a convention we usually go to, where we have actually been mistaken as a couple before.

And thank you, good luck is always welcome!

Oooh. Ok! Well, that could be your chance then. How often do you talk to her, if I may ask?

Often when we are in person, much less often then I would like when we aren't. Neither of us really uses facebook, and I don't legitimately have her number. (she told my [married] friend her number while I was standing there because we were planning on going to the movies and I have a head for numbers so I just remembered it without actually trying)

Why not talk to her a bit more on FaceBook? Try to get her number in a more direct way then you did previously? The reason I say this is, sometimes showing a bit of interest before asking is a good thing. This way, she can see you talk to her regularly. It's quite easy for you to be on her mind or someone that crosses her mind if she has some more exposure to you each week. Although it goes without saying, too much attention can be counterproductive. You just want enough to the point that she thinks of you and initiates conversations too.

Just something to consider.

She does know I have her number, the group of us had had a few drinks and I wrote out a text to her making fun of Batman, showed it to my friend who promtly hit send.

edit: I should also include that she promtly responded with the threat of a roundhouse kick to the head.

And I still have to set up a bachelor/jack and jill party for my friend (there was no time we could all do it before the wedding) so that would give me a good excuse to start a conversation