My Parents Threw Me Out; I Need to Pay for College

[thevillageidiot13]

Hey. Basically, my parents and I have never really gotten along. Growing up, I got beaten and verbally abused and just generally made to feel like shit all the time. After a year of college, I moved back in for summer. I managed to put up with my parents for about two months, then my dad and I got into a fight and I got beat down (physically). I moved out, and now, my parents have given me an ultimatum: apologize or lose the money I need for college. I firmly believe that I'm in the right, and I can't possibly apologize and mean it.

My mom *says* that she supports me but that my dad has frozen their joint account (and, therefore, "her hands are tied"). But, my mom has a major history of lying to me to support my dad, and I don't know if she can be trusted. My dad, on the other hand, I can't apologize to. The last 19 years have taught me that he is violent, abusive, oppressive, and not to be trusted in any way, shape, or form.

I feel like I have a good thing going for me already as a college student. I have a 3.95 GPA and I'm hoping to eventually go to graduate school for a PhD. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what working while studying will do for me; I have a feeling that it'll put a huge wrench in my plans by ruining my grades.

So... Help me. What do I do? Do I take out a loan? Do I fake an apology (against every instinct)? But, I don't want to give either of them the *satisfaction* of believing that they were in the right for the last 19 years. Is it lawful for one owner of a bank account to freeze a joint account without the approval of the other holder? I need input, experience, advice, and insight. Thanks.

 

[Tarkinor]

If you ask me, fake the apology, then when you land a successful job and have everything going well, rub it in their faces. If they need help, don't give it to them.

I know it sucks, but if you have the ability, you need to get your education. Working while in school tends to severely hamper grades, and I think that faking an apology and having to hold your tongue for awhile is far better than taking that blow to your school life that might have a very long lasting effect on the rest of your life.

 

[MorsePacific]

Well, for one, I'm not sure if a joint account can be frozen by one holder, but it seems like a possibility if only as a safeguard against messy divorces or something.

To answer your actual question, if your pride means that much to you, start looking for loans. They help quite a bit and filing for financial aid will throw plenty of money at you. Just make sure you're able and willing to pay them back when the time comes. You're nineteen years old and obviously independent now so that should help get more towards tuition.

In the mean time, don't worry about school just yet. Make sure you're taken care of in the present and things will work themselves out.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Sometimes if you want to make it in this world, you have to bend over and take it like a *****.

Either you apologize, get the money for college, finish that damned thing, and then never ever ever ever ever talk to your parents again, or you take out a loan and spend most of your 20s paying it back and possibly more than that (My mother was 42 when she finally payed back for everything). The apology is definitely the better way to go.

Don't give a shit about your parents getting the "satisfaction" of you apologizing, it'll be their loss when they rot away in a home for the elderly without anyone visiting them.

 

[Ratlover]

Do your best fake sorry and take the money for college. Now you have got realize that most people don't know the difference between the two. I would graduate and then never see them again. Really not hurting your pride here because once your making the big bucks, the jokes on them. They want to treat you like crap, well then let them. Know, do what I do and just avoid them and only speak when spoken to. Nothing worse then being called names and having people beat on you, but just give them short word answers. After several years go by, they will feel bad and try to cantact you. Say to damn bad and just avoid them. Tell them that you were just fake being nice to get the money from them. Suck it up and take them for a fake ride.

 

[BrailleOperatic]

How can you have a 3.95 GPA and not have your college beg to throw money at you? You clearly have the grades for merit scholarships, so shoot for them. After that, get a part-time job to pay for anything they don't cover. Go to st loans as a VERY LAST resort. Just always start at your school's financial aid department. They'd love to take r money, and they will try their damnedest to find you money for them to take.
If being with your pant's makes you so miserable, it's time o spread your wings and learn to fly. Welcome to independence mate; we have individual lease agreements.

 

[ediblemitten]

i'd fake the apology, take the money, go to college and never see them again. If they treated you as poorly as you say, they deserve much worse.

 

[Kitteh]

wow this is almost the complete opposite of my situation: im stuck with my parents (who havent rly beat me). my grades were so shít last semester, that they cut off my housing funding

 

[thiosk]

I'd fake the apology, take the money, and stop going home for the summer. Summer jobs, summer research, summer classes.

Be nice and try to get the next three years of college paid for. You don't want the loans if you can avoid them. Tough future economic times and all.

Then, do a graduate program that pays full ride scholarships. That would be chemistry, and typically physics. Some of the life sciences are ok. Engineering is a little weird, from what I understand, but I don't spend much time with those folks.

 

[SonicKaos]

My respone may not be the best, but I figure you've got 2 options here:

1. You take out a student loan. You will need a way to pay this back though so a job would be handy. Many people do it, though graduating in debt does suck. However, if you are doing very well and believe you can get a great job afterwords, it would be worth it.

2. Fake an appology for the money. I don't know what the fight was about, but if you need that money to go to school, you could always lie through your teeth. Sure, he "wins" whatever you were fighting about, but in the end you're the real winner because you get lots of money. If you must win, think of it as screwing him out of a large sum of money with a single lie lol.

Personally, I'd probably take the money. Swallow the pride for a few moments and come out a bit farther ahead in life. Then again, I don't know what the fight is about.

 

[kebab4you]

Call the police about that beating as a kid and now? From your description your father sounds like he should be in jail or at least at some kind of rehab.

However all I could think of is that you apologies and put up with them until you got your PhD.

 

[Kpt._Rob]

Part of growing up is realizing that sometimes you have to choose between one of two things you don't want to do.

You could try and find a way to support yourself through college. You could get a job, and gather every scholarship you can get your hands on, but that probably won't be enough. Or you could take up a student loan which might very well haunt you with debt for the rest of your life. Honestly, I can't suggest it.

What that leaves you with is a choice. Is your college education more important to you, or is your pride more important to you? If it's your pride, then you might want to let the idea of college go, at least for a couple years until you've managed to create a financially stable situation for yourself. But if you want your college education, then it might be time to bite the bullet, and fake an apology. If it helps you deal with it, think about it as tricking your dad into doing something you want him to do by lying to him. That may mean that you'll have to play a game for a couple years of lying to him and pretending his shit doesn't smell. But after it's all said and done, you'll have a degree, and won't have to keep up the charade. If I were you, that's what I would do.

 

[photog212]

snip

Get a loan.
Talk to a financial adviser. Since "You're on your own" you might qualify for a good rate. Watch the interest, get a part time job (near campus or for the school. If you work for school you might get credit or experience as well), if you can go to school without getting a dorm or moving do that, some states (I'm assuming you live in the US) give grants (esspecially for PHD there are restrictions. Like if you go for med school you can get a state grant but after graduation you have to practice in that state).

Also, stay moved out for a bit, then apologize. Your parents might be asshats but they're the only ones you get. YOU be the bigger person and let the chips fall where they may. You'll sleep better.

 

[Asti]

Come to Germany. University is free here.

Seriously though, that sucks a lot. There wouldn't be any chance you could get scholarships, would there?

 

[Erana]

How can you have a 3.95 GPA and not have your college beg to throw money at you?

Depends on the school. And if the OP has parents able to pay for school out of pocket, then loans and scholarships are harder to get. There was a certain school I kinda had to go to, and even with lots of scholarships, there was still plenty to pay left over.

Because of the overwhelming greed of certain people in my life, going to school was not possible without student loans. I've simply come to accept this. If home stuff doesn't work out, just go for loans and find a way to pay for them after you get your PhD.

 

[thevillageidiot13]

I'd fake the apology, take the money, and stop going home for the summer. Summer jobs, summer research, summer classes.

Be nice and try to get the next three years of college paid for. You don't want the loans if you can avoid them. Tough future economic times and all.

Then, do a graduate program that pays full ride scholarships. That would be chemistry, and typically physics. Some of the life sciences are ok. Engineering is a little weird, from what I understand, but I don't spend much time with those folks.

I would, but, unfortunately, my passion lies in History, and that's what I eventually want to get my PhD in...

 

[Cowabungaa]

In this case it really doesn't matter who's right. Just apologize, take it like a ***** for your future's sake. I'm suprised he's actually still willing to pay for your college. Do that until you find a way to support yourself either in or after college, then just never contact your parents again.

Teenagers never know how great they have it. They talk back, get a beat down, then think their parents are bad.

Way to go, he alread said he's been abused for years.

I would, but, unfortunately, my passion lies in History, and that's what I eventually want to get my PhD in...

In that case, definitely go for your parent's cash. I doubt you're going to find a job with a PhD in History that easily, which would make paying off your loans damn hard.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Sometimes if you want to make it in this world, you have to bend over and take it like a *****.

Either you apologize, get the money for college, finish that damned thing, and then never ever ever ever ever talk to your parents again, or you take out a loan and spend most of your 20s paying it back and possibly more than that (My mother was 42 when she finally payed back for everything). The apology is definitely the better way to go.

Don't give a shit about your parents getting the "satisfaction" of you apologizing, it'll be their loss when they rot away in a home for the elderly without anyone visiting them.

This is capital advice. Swallow your belief that you're in the right, get your education then never deal with them again if you so choose to. If you have the means to pay for school without taking a loan, I would go for it. I know I'd love to have parents who can afford to help me out more than they already are.

If need be, just concentrate on the thought of them alone in a carehome without even a card to acknowledge your existence in their lives.