My Problem

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Alright, so first things first, I don't know if this is in the right forum, because I'm not looking for advice as much as an answer to a question. But getting down to business:

My Problem, said quickly, is that my standards are a bit too high. All the girls I would want to date never seem to be very interested in me, and the only one who are interested are crazy/annoying/extremely physically unattractive/all 3. It seems all the girls I find attractive are only attracted to the typical sporty douche bags

Brief info about me: I am a 16 year high school student who doesn't play many sports. Average appearance, nerdy, and intelligent.

So what is the deal? Should I drop my standards? Become more of a "jock"? Give up?

 

[Kortney]

I wouldn't ever suggest changing yourself, so I'm not going to now. The attractiveness of a girl isn't what determines her preference in men - her personality does. Are you sure you aren't attracted to the personality type of girls that like "sporty douche bags"?

 

[TonyVonTonyus]

I wouldn't ever suggest changing yourself, so I'm not going to now. The attractiveness of a girl isn't what determines her preference in men - her personality does. Are you sure you aren't attracted to the personality type of girls that like "sporty douche bags"?

For once I agree with her. Never change your personality and never conform to do what other want you to do or change to a way where you think they'd like you or become interested in you. If you do that they don't like you, they like a lie.

 

[zombiesinc]

So what is the deal? Should I drop my standards? Become more of a "jock"? Give up?

Well, you're in high school, and everyone you're surrounded by is either still developing emotionally, or concerned with social acceptance. Thing is, many of those overly pretty popular girls will likely only date the jocks. Of course this won't always be the case, but more often than it should, it is. Kids in high school are concerned about 'being cool' or attractive, and not so much about dating someone they truly enjoy being around. They're also caught up in their own little social circles and drama, so anyone not noticing you isn't anything personal.

You notice girls you find attractive, and there's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't date someone you don't find attractive, but you shouldn't date girls because they're socially attractive. Are you sure you're attracted to these popular girls anyway (taking more than their physical appearance into consideration)? Or that these 'unattractive' girls who seem to like you are really girls you wouldn't want to date? From the sounds of it you're fairly caught up on physical appearance, which isn't everything in a relationship. It's what will initially grab your attention, and of course important, but hardly half of what's truly important in a genuine relationship.

Don't become more of a 'jock' or change who you are in the hopes of catching a more preferable girl's attention. Continue being you, and keep your chin up. As cliche as it is, when it's 'meant to be, it's meant to be'.

 

[ultrachicken]

Everyone thinks they're intelligent.

*Ahem*

It doesn't sound like you're interested in these girls for any reason other than that they're attractive. Which is not a good way to hunt for girlfriends.

 

[TimeLord]

Never change who you are. Because it just means that if you changed and started going out with one of these girls you like, you would be forced into retaining the new you.

Looking at a girl and basing your entire feelings on her physical appearance is a wrong way to start anyway. Get to know one of these girls you like, you might find that they all aren't into "jocks"[footnote]Being decidedly British, I can only vaguely guess at the term "jock", but I assume it is the football playing/"popular"/"cool" kid[/footnote]

 

[SimuLord]

Ten bucks says it's because you're 16 and your "high standards" conceal a lack of range.

I'd say drop your standards. And I mean to a level far "below" what you ever thought possible. Unless she's got audible acne, the body type of Jabba the Hutt, or breath like low tide at the fish processing plant, there is probably something she will bring to your life that you never, ever would've thought you actually liked. And even if you have a string of Seinfeldian breakups (a bit before your time, but a recurring joke on Seinfeld was a character breaking off a relationship for a completely trivial reason), you still expand your own horizons.

You're too young to say "I know what I want and I won't settle for less." You miss out on a lot that way.

 

[Rhaff]

I wouldn't ever suggest changing yourself, so I'm not going to now. The attractiveness of a girl isn't what determines her preference in men - her personality does. Are you sure you aren't attracted to the personality type of girls that like "sporty douche bags"?

Actually, adapting our personality and behavior are fundamental social skills, that a person should have. If everyone insisted on being themselves, and not conforming to others norms, then we would all be a bunch of antisocial pricks.

However i agree with the rest of your post, and would like to add, that OP is probably more attracted to the social status that these girls represent..

 

[Kortney]

Actually, adapting our personality and behavior are fundamental social skills, that a person should have. If everyone insisted on being themselves, and not conforming to others norms, then we would all be a bunch of antisocial pricks.

First of all, I completely disagree but that's off topic.

TheGreatCoolEnergy isn't being an antisocial prick, nor is his personality or behaviour causing problems for others. His attraction is causing problems for himself, and you can't exactly change who you are attracted to. (At least I can't!)

I think the main issue that needs to be addressed is to figure out why he is attracted to those girls and go from there. Not change who he is.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Forgive the question, but have you ever been with a girl before? Hooked up with one at least?

Yes. I have trouble convincing myself of the "All the same in the dark" mentallity though

Everyone thinks they're intelligent.

But I am! Really!

I realise this, and I know I am not Eistein, but I mean honestly, people seem very..ignorant. Maybe I'm an eletist

@everyone: Thank you, these are all sensible points, and I appreciate everyones input

 

[rutger5000]

Rather simply put. Yay you're not going to date any of the hot girls like that. In high school average appearance with nerdy and inteligent will only get you nerdy girls. Nothing wrong with that, those can be very cute. But even I (a non American) understand that you'll have to be a quaterback to date a cheerleader. So yeah become a jock, if you want to date the hot girls. Though I think it's better to stick true to who you are, and just take a closer look to those girls in your own social world. On the other hand breaking from your own social world and entering a alien is great! People should do it more often. So yeah bassically I'm saying you should figure it out for yourself.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Forgive the question, but have you ever been with a girl before? Hooked up with one at least?

Yes. I have trouble convincing myself of the "All the same in the dark" mentallity though

Everyone thinks they're intelligent.

But I am! Really!

I realise this, and I know I am not Eistein, but I mean honestly, people seem very..ignorant. Maybe I'm an eletist

@everyone: Thank you, these are all sensible points, and I appreciate everyones input

Have you figured out anything new yet regarding your issue?

I have figured out that I suck at coming to a conclusion

 

[Hollock]

How big is your school? If it's small and you really can't find a girl who has a compatable personality with you, and that you're attracted to, maybe you can wait till your in college and your options explode and socializing there. That's what I'm doing (hopefully... o_o [tried and failed with the like 2 girls out of 20 in my grade who I like and aren't already with someone])

 

[The Man With the Soap]

How big is your school? If it's small and you really can't find a girl who has a compatable personality with you, and that you're attracted to, maybe you can wait till your in college and your options explode and socializing there. That's what I'm doing (hopefully... o_o [tried and failed with the like 2 girls out of 20 in my grade who I like and aren't already with someone])

And, if that fails, you could try my approach. Which is, "Screw it, I'm gonna be single."