My talent for self-sabotage wins again

[tuliphead]

So, after years of lurking on this site, I'm posting here. I don't really know what to say so I guess I'll just list my woes. It starts in high school, for some reason I just can't play along. I skip class I talk back, and this leads to me getting expelled sophomore year and a run in with the law. No big deal I bounce back

I go to a charter school and go from all F's to A and B. My whole life i had planed out since middle school, I was gonna join the navy as a corpsmen and be a combat medic for the marine core. After that I was gonna use my experience to volunteer in 3 world country's. So I walk into a recruiters and make it to MEPS and get a 92 on my AFQT that means I scored better then 92% of the people that have ever taken that test. However my past run ins with the law exclude me from service. No big deal I bounce back.

I decide that being a paramedic would be peachy. I enroll in a community collage and take an EMT-1 class. class is going good and one day we all get told to stay after class to take a CPR course It will cost 25 dollars and we need the card. I decide that I don't want to pay 25 dollars for what I can get online for free, so I don't go. Sure enough at the end of the semester I get pulled aside and told that the card i have doesn't count and I cant graduate. No big deal I bounce back.

Then I get a job at a assisted living home for the mentally. I don't make much money I live paycheck to paycheck but I love my job. Me being me I ruin it for myself in the dumbest way possible. I get into a argument with my boss over a dirty bathtub, even knowing that I was in the wrong and she had every right to be mad I look her right in the eyes and tell her to "Fuck off". I'm tired of bouncing back.

It's not just my professional life I'm king a messing up Its relationships also. girlfriends, friends, family I push them all away I'm down to one friend and for some reason I keep ducking his calls, So here I am 20 years old soon to be friendless back living in my dads basement jobless and no prospects and once again i have failed to quit smoking. With no one to blame but myself. Why do I keep sabotaging myself? how can I stop? and what can I do with my life/

 

[Moth_Monk]

Get over your issues with authority figures. Each time you fucked up is because you contended what someone in authority wanted for you. Realise that sometimes it is in your best interests to accept what they want of you.

 

[Kuilui]

Sounds like you need to learn to swallow your pride and stop fighting "The man". I had a brother who was the same as you. Fought with everyone, run ins with the law. He got A's all the time and slept through all his classes or just didn't show up. He fought with teachers, he actually punched one out, how he didn't get expelled I have no idea. He dropped out of high school and started working as a mechanic. He even joined the navy and is still in it. I'd recommend going to a therapist and talking out your problems because I feel that your issues aren't something some random person over the internet is really going to be able to fix for you. My step brother is a self centered cocky Ahole who thinks he knows better than everyone else in the world and that he knows better. He'll never get help because he's lost in his own ego but at least your humble enough to realize you have issues. Seriously I'd recommend talking to a professional. Nothing wrong with that, I have enough family that have gone and it has helped them immensely.

 

[Barbas]

It sounds like you've got the talent and can put in the effort to do just about everything you've put your mind to, and the only thing you lack is a certain amount of self-control. What you need to think about is where you will be in several years if you keep sabotaging yourself, and how much you want to avoid being there. You should aim to be more reasonable in your relations with people. I wouldn't rule out talking to a therapist or psychologist or somebody else who probably knows more about this than I do. You've already taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem and that you seem to be the person causing it. You have to come to learn when it is best to take the counsel of others, since a lot of them - especially your friends and family - will want to see you happy and successful in life.

Do that and the chances are that in a few years' time, you will look back on this problem as no more than a minor hurdle.