Hello everyone.
I'm in a very unpleasant situation for the moment, and i need to know what i can do to make my life more enjoyable than it is right now. There are some things you'll need to know in order to understand my situation. I used to be a very timid, almost anti-social person. I believe that came forh out of my very abnormal childhood and home situation. I didn't let it define me and at some point i told myself i had to work on myself as a person, that was in my early/mid-teens. I started socializing, actually gaining a very large group of friends. By doing that i managed to overcome my anxiety and introvertness for the largest part and am very happy with the friends i have and the more social person i am today. Thing is, when i was almost 18 (i am 21 now), i had to move away from my home city. To see my friends i had to take a 45minute train, which caused a big strain in my social life. Worth noting is i also never knew what to do with my school, i did lots of entirely different things in high school, tried a course in college and didn't like it. Tried another one this year and it really wasn't my thing. And because i couldn't see my friends very often, i developed a video game addiction (yes, really) and my cannabis usage had gone way up. But because of all that, i felt very lonely and sad in this village i don't feel i belong in. I spent my days gaming and smoking weed, didn't go to classes so that really was my life. I felt like i couldn't escape and was stuck in this shitty situation while all of my peers were doing good.
So here's the thing: ALL of it changed about two months ago. A friend asked me if i wanted to go clubbing, like we do once in a month or so. This is a good friend who studies in the capital and lives in some sort of dorm, but ive never visited him before. There were two girls from his hallway coming to the party as well. From the moment we left his place to walk to the party, i kept chatting with one of them (we went to some pre-party as well, and socialized like never before). Anyway, at the club i think i spent three hours just sitting and talking with her, never had a connecting experience like that ever before. Eventually i slept with her at her dorm. I was so baffled by this whole thing it felt like a revelation. I thought to myself: what. the. fuck. are you doing with your life, wasting away simply smoking and gaming. So the day after that, i threw out my weed. I dropped out of this college i was very unhappy about, and immediatly knew what i really want to study. I also just knew i HAD to get away from home, away from that stupid village. So i only just now found a job, plan is to save up and pay for my own dorm next year, also in the capital. Thing is, i started dating this girl afterwards. We had really fun times, but the best part was i felt liberated, that i could go out and do something else aside from hanging with my stoner friends (know that i was sober, so it's no much fun). It was great being able to meet her friends, have fun with "normal" people who don't smoke daily. BUT all good things come to an end and it didn't work out with her, for several reasons.
And since our thing ended, i'm back home with nothing to do. It was fun while it lasted but i don't feel that great happy vibe i had when i had this 'revelation'. It feels like i'm back in the situation i was before, again. Right before all this happened, around christmas, i was genuinly feeling depressed about my life. So i'm worried i will just spiral back into the same situation, because it already feels like nothing changed. I smoked a joint yesterday and i didn't regret it, after 56 days clean. I feel empty and have nothing to do here, so i started playing games again. The gaming doesn't satisfy me because i don't want to get full into it again, i feel like i have to do so in order to enjoy gaming. I don't wake up refreshed and happy anymore. Don't know what to do with myself and i feel stuck. Also, my car broke down, great. I feel like this girl was actually a big factor in me throwing my life around, maybe that's sad, maybe not.
It's like the universe is playing games with me. All of the sudden, everything is working out, i felt confident in what i did and had to do. And just like, that im back where i was, with my car broken and a freakin kidney stone. So i want to know how i can prevent myself from relapsing into my old habits and spiral down again into a negative mindset. It may be possible i have too much time and therefore think too much, as i said i found a job and am starting next monday. But that doesn't take away the sadness i feel when being home.
Sorry for the long text. Maybe it's not easy coming up with a word of advice, but i appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Thanks!
I'm in a very unpleasant situation for the moment, and i need to know what i can do to make my life more enjoyable than it is right now. There are some things you'll need to know in order to understand my situation. I used to be a very timid, almost anti-social person. I believe that came forh out of my very abnormal childhood and home situation. I didn't let it define me and at some point i told myself i had to work on myself as a person, that was in my early/mid-teens. I started socializing, actually gaining a very large group of friends. By doing that i managed to overcome my anxiety and introvertness for the largest part and am very happy with the friends i have and the more social person i am today. Thing is, when i was almost 18 (i am 21 now), i had to move away from my home city. To see my friends i had to take a 45minute train, which caused a big strain in my social life. Worth noting is i also never knew what to do with my school, i did lots of entirely different things in high school, tried a course in college and didn't like it. Tried another one this year and it really wasn't my thing. And because i couldn't see my friends very often, i developed a video game addiction (yes, really) and my cannabis usage had gone way up. But because of all that, i felt very lonely and sad in this village i don't feel i belong in. I spent my days gaming and smoking weed, didn't go to classes so that really was my life. I felt like i couldn't escape and was stuck in this shitty situation while all of my peers were doing good.
So here's the thing: ALL of it changed about two months ago. A friend asked me if i wanted to go clubbing, like we do once in a month or so. This is a good friend who studies in the capital and lives in some sort of dorm, but ive never visited him before. There were two girls from his hallway coming to the party as well. From the moment we left his place to walk to the party, i kept chatting with one of them (we went to some pre-party as well, and socialized like never before). Anyway, at the club i think i spent three hours just sitting and talking with her, never had a connecting experience like that ever before. Eventually i slept with her at her dorm. I was so baffled by this whole thing it felt like a revelation. I thought to myself: what. the. fuck. are you doing with your life, wasting away simply smoking and gaming. So the day after that, i threw out my weed. I dropped out of this college i was very unhappy about, and immediatly knew what i really want to study. I also just knew i HAD to get away from home, away from that stupid village. So i only just now found a job, plan is to save up and pay for my own dorm next year, also in the capital. Thing is, i started dating this girl afterwards. We had really fun times, but the best part was i felt liberated, that i could go out and do something else aside from hanging with my stoner friends (know that i was sober, so it's no much fun). It was great being able to meet her friends, have fun with "normal" people who don't smoke daily. BUT all good things come to an end and it didn't work out with her, for several reasons.
And since our thing ended, i'm back home with nothing to do. It was fun while it lasted but i don't feel that great happy vibe i had when i had this 'revelation'. It feels like i'm back in the situation i was before, again. Right before all this happened, around christmas, i was genuinly feeling depressed about my life. So i'm worried i will just spiral back into the same situation, because it already feels like nothing changed. I smoked a joint yesterday and i didn't regret it, after 56 days clean. I feel empty and have nothing to do here, so i started playing games again. The gaming doesn't satisfy me because i don't want to get full into it again, i feel like i have to do so in order to enjoy gaming. I don't wake up refreshed and happy anymore. Don't know what to do with myself and i feel stuck. Also, my car broke down, great. I feel like this girl was actually a big factor in me throwing my life around, maybe that's sad, maybe not.
It's like the universe is playing games with me. All of the sudden, everything is working out, i felt confident in what i did and had to do. And just like, that im back where i was, with my car broken and a freakin kidney stone. So i want to know how i can prevent myself from relapsing into my old habits and spiral down again into a negative mindset. It may be possible i have too much time and therefore think too much, as i said i found a job and am starting next monday. But that doesn't take away the sadness i feel when being home.
Sorry for the long text. Maybe it's not easy coming up with a word of advice, but i appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Thanks!
