I finished my first short story a few weeks ago, but I'm not sure what to edit about it. It's written in a, I guess, poem format, and I know it's not really much of a poem, but I feel really lazy to put it into an actual paragraph style.
I'm content with it, but I want to know some opinions, because I've never been good at dialog, nor character progression.
Thoughts and criticisms?
I'm content with it, but I want to know some opinions, because I've never been good at dialog, nor character progression.
1.
Three gray, stone walls were surrounding me,
One
Corroded gate
Made up of long, iron bars
Reaching from the dirt-covered floor
To the darkened ceiling above.
A slab of stone,
Sitting in a corner,
Opposite of a door that
Doubles as both
My jailer and savior,
Serving as a cold, grainy-textured bed.
Upon a wall
And above my bed,
A small window allowed the moonlight to
Softly pierce through my blackened room.
It shines so beautifully
That it made even this unforgiving cell seem elegant.
But,
A dream stirred during my sleep,
Causing memories--
A memory--to slowly drift into my slumbering mind.
The subject of it being the reason I lay here
Incarcerated.
---
2.
Looking down at my feet--
Back leaned against the smoothly finished side of a white, towering cathedral--
It?s shadow falling over four houses;
Darkening over the stone, city streets
That are lightly covered
In a glaze of snow.
The cold air found its way
Down into my lungs;
And with each breath
I could see the vapor
Visually burst out of me
Like a cloud of smoke.
My mind racing--
Only from two choices could I pick:
One was to walk away--
Far away;
The other was, to say the least,
Unpleasant.
I lifted my head,
In front of my eyes I saw
A wandering child--
Her hair,
A blonde field of curly locks,
And her height, no more than four-feet tall.
Where she wandered,
I did not know, but
My eyes followed as she went.
She put one foot
Slowly ahead of the other,
Leaving her small foot imprint in the snow.
Past the tavern--that is, to my right now,
Its dimly lit windows
Gave off a gentle glow.
Its open, wooden door
Let out an air
Drunk with mead.
The child then walked past an alleyway--
I began to fear;
She began to hum.
Soft sounds in harmony with my pounding heart.
And each time her foot hit the ground, it beat harder,
And harder.
A shadow was approaching her,
Its figure now peaking out of the alley
And onto the street--
The shadow?s height was enlarging.
Closer, and closer still, it came.
Footsteps now became audible.
I saw the girl stop,
And I heard the steps grow even louder--
They were now the pulse throbbing in my ear.
Fear took over me,
And even still, I started to walk closer
But it was a mistake.
The figure?s arms outstretched,
And the girl ran into them
With a cry:
?Father!?
My fear subsided, but my heart
Needed time to calm.
I began to regain my mind
From the startle it had witnessed
And went back to my original post at the wall.
My head leaned backwards--
It rested itself against that holy wall.
My eyes looked up.
Not a cloud I saw on this winter night;
No moon was there to illuminate the city;
Only artificial light to pave way
For what was,
Is,
To happen tonight.
Suddenly, my heart began to pound,
Like a blacksmith?s hammer thundering down on heated steel.
My vision--spinning,
Seeing snow fall harder to the ground;
Seeing time?s flow begin to slow.
All colors blurred.
Thunder now roared in the sky;
They echoed in my head.
One after another,
They came in succession,
Like the sound of drums--
They were drums.
---
3.
I awoke, disoriented,
To the sound of beating drums.
My eyes slowly opened
And I felt a light stream of warm tears
Stream down the sides of my head.
Still they sounded.
I looked out my window;
Luckily, the sun was on the opposite side.
Through it, I saw a gallows erected
In a snow-covered field.
The noose on it swung back and forth
As the wind blew.
A crowd began to gather around;
One by one, they marched towards the gallows
Like a swarm of ants.
Heads turned to each other;
Unintelligible sounds being the outcome
Of the mixture of chatter coming from each person.
My eyes directed at the door behind that wood-and-rope executioner.
I saw it begin to open;
Through it came a man.
His robe, a dusty black,
And he carried with him a book.
He stepped onto the gallows--beside the rope.
My ears began to ring from the loud, echoing crowd
Causing me to be unable to hear the priest speak,
But he outstretched an arm--
As he did,
A man, or what seemed to be the figure of one
Came through.
He wore only a white cloth that went
From waist to mid-thigh;
It was soiled from top to bottom
In dirt, his own urine,
And both
Dried and fresh blood.
His legs were tattered and bruised;
Around that, the few splotches of what was left of him
Were pale and blue.
They shivered and collapsed
As he was violently pushed closer
To his end.
The man whose hands shoved the prisoner to his resting--
Hanging--place
Was the executioner.
He stood, towering over the feeble man and dragged him to his feet.
Opposite of our prisoner, he dressed in black bearskin
And wore a leather hood over his head.
As the soon-to-be deceased fell
I noticed his back--
It was decorated the same as his legs,
But strands of skin hung off where it had been pulled.
Blood trickled down his spine
Onto his cloth.
The prisoner was lifted up by his hair
That was now powdered with snow.
It fell down an inch under his ears
And was jet black with a hint of crimson from his own bodily dye.
He stood back on his feet and began to slowly ascend
The stairs to the gallows
My ears still rang as I struggled to hear the poor man?s sentence--
I could call him no more
For whatever crime was committed
By he was,
To me, repaid.
I must be an observer only, I presume.
His head, carefully put through the noose went limp.
Held up by the executioner because
Those limbs he used to stand on could not carry
His weight any longer.
The noose was tightened around his neck.
I could hear again.
Cries and cheers went together in harmony.
(The executioner retreated from the lifeless case.)
Stones were thrown, and the thump of them hitting skin came to my ears.
(His hand reached for the lever to release the man to his fate.)
?Release him?, some yelled; ?Kill him? was the opposing argument.
(The priest nodded to signal the lever to be pulled.)
I saw the body fall through a trapdoor;
The prisoner began to convulse.
He grasped at the last signs of life that he had
Before finally succumbing to his demise.
The crowd had fallen silent--
Very, very silent.
Slowly, they left, and not a word escaped;
Even the priest and executioner had left.
The man hung alone as the frost still continued to bite at his flesh.
His body swayed slightly back and forth?lifeless--
And no one seems to care any longer.
It was no longer a spectacle.
That was what I will have to endure when my time comes.
A few days from now, I will be in that very spot--
Tortured for hours until the final hour comes
When I, too, must hang there,
Sentenced for a crime that I did not
Commit.
---
4.
It was unbelievable that the execution had
Taken place in just under ten minutes,
For another drum roll sounded.
At this, I was to be awake and dressed.
A supervisor came, but I had no will to examine his looks--
He unlocked my cell.
I lined myself up with the other prisoners
Just outside of my cell--
My bare feet slapped the cold, stone floor
With each step I took.
We were being led through a hallway
That led to the chapel for our ten-minute prayer time.
We continued to walk until we reached the chapel--
Twelve stone kneelers laid in a row on the right;
Another twelve on the left.
We slowly walked to our assigned places and knelt,
I let my fingers from one hand fall into the others
And closed my eyes.
I also let my head fall onto my interlaced hands,
And the silence of the room let my mind drift away.
I began to wonder if who I wanted to pray to
Was actually there.
It would not hurt to, for what I might have done,
Apologize.
---
5.
Forgive me, I said,
Please forgive me
For what I was about to do that night--
Three nights ago.
I would change the way my mind worked as it did that day,
If I could.
Ill luck throughout life, and nothing ever changed.
No prayer went answered;
No sign of any alterations in life were shown;
No love was given to me,
Not from you.
I wanted revenge because of that.
I prayed for you to help me,
When I could not help myself.
You offered me nothing for my time,
But here I give this apology to you
Because I still have faith that
You can save me.
I apologize for contemplating the thought
Of whether I should set that cathedral ablaze,
So that the flame would reach your heaven
And burn it into a Hell,
Like one that I was
Born into.
I wanted to see the pastors and priests
Run out of that holy door
With flames, like whips,
Striking their backs
As they leave their precious scriptures
Behind.
I do not lie, when I say
That I wished to hear the cry of mothers
As they burn;
The cry of their children
As they beg.
I wanted this to be my doing.
That Hellish fire I wished to unleash
Would have boiled your holy water--
Purging its holiness into damnation;
Left your books to disintegrate into ashes--
The paper slowly crumpling itself up as it darkens.
I would have done this.
I realized then, that I would take it all back.
I may never have your forgiveness--
But I need it.
If you are there,
Forgive me Lord
For the thoughts I once had.
Thoughts:
That is all they were.
They were a plan that I did not take into action.
All I did was stand there beside that holy place until I--
A drum sounded again for us, and again, I was
Distracted.
---
6.
Our ten minutes of prayer were up, although it was not ten,
And still the drum sounds--
It sounded so loudly that its vibration
Broke our concentration
And our connection to
Our so-called God.
We remain knelt;
With our hands together,
But our heads turned to the side to see
That black-dressed man:
The priest enter and walk, with audible footsteps,
To the alter.
He turned to face us with a graceful motion
That showed his own tranquility.
Slightly darkened hands set a scroll down
On a white, embroidered mantle.
The priest, with a motion, opened the rolled up paper
And looked down upon it.
Our priest began to read,
But my mind traveled elsewhere.
It went to my dream
And how vivid the images came to me;
They were just as it was
Three nights ago.
I could not concentrate
When the priest read,
And it had been this way
Since I arrived.
I needed silence so that I may
Think to myself.
Time passed ever so slowly;
My chaotic mind shut itself down,
Started back up, and went down again--
it left me dazed.
I needed that next drum to
Sound.
---
7.
I did not notice when
We started to walk, but I appeared
Near the washing area--
A large, cool, damp hallway,
Housing several wells.
I was third in line to wash our hands.
Freezing my hands in this water
Did, and still does not, seem appealing to me--
I would rather my hands stay dirty
If washing them meant
Engulfing my hands in this
Icy water.
I saw the man in front of me shivering.
Fresh cuts on his back reminded me of the man who still hangs outside.
I could see specs of dirt ingrained in small scabs
That were spread around a larger gape across his spine,
And dark blue and purple bruises
Surrounded the wounded area.
His shivering worsened as he
Soaked his hands and up to his wrists in water.
I turned to see his face, but his hands were
Splashing water on it,
Leaving brown streaks of mud to ride like slow streams
Down his neck.
Hands cupping water
He lifted his arms and poured it down his back,
And like a maze, the water ran across the cuts
In the design of the dreadful art painted on it.
He slowly stepped away,
And I was next.
I let my hands sink in--
The cold seemed to break through my skin
And chill the bone to the marrow.
I, too, started to shiver,
As my hands turned
A lighter color.
The chilled water had the same effect
When it made contact with my face.
It was so cold that it made my head pound hard--
The same as it had the days prior to today.
I finished fast, and got back in
Line.
--
8.
We walked through the narrow hallways--
Empty cells on each side,
Between each division, a wooden torch--
Unlit.
It?s crude shape, a sign of
Rushed work.
We passed dozens of them,
And it felt as if we walked in the same spot
Over and over.
It seemed endless.
Finally, we reached our next stop:
The bread distributor.
One by one, we were handed a ration of bread--
It?s stale center,
And crust, hardened as if were yet another stone
In this our home.
But it was our first meal of the day--
It was our luxury.
Bite after bite, my teeth crashed through
To meet each other at the middle,
To devour this ration
Like a starving animal.
And with each bite, the hard outer layer--the crust--
Would leave tiny incisions in my gums.
---
9.
The drums sounded louder than they had previously--
Each contact of stick and drum
shaking the heart down
To its most feeble state,
Instilling fear into our fragile, broken
Minds.
A foot in front of the other:
Repeating motions.
Heart-rate getting higher and higher
As I walked
Ahead and behind another.
The sunlight found us.
As I exited our cruel keeper
The light attacked my eyes;
Eyes that were denied it directly for hours--
Like a rain of arrows falling upon them,
Stinging each moment they were open--
Causing me to glare through.
The sky above with no cloud made an appearance;
Snow, reflecting the light back into the sky and its surroundings;
Blades of grass cutting through, displaying their glossy, green tips;
Our shadows marking the ground with our crude, black castings.
Slightly swaying is our victim of this morning--
Eyes dead and wide, staring as we walk.
Further and further still, we went,
Until the opposite end of the courtyard was reached.
The gate was opened for us,
It made a creak as it went wide.
One by one, we entered that
Pitch-black room.
---
10.
A blast of hot, humid air
Surrounded my body
As I entered the room.
My skin began to itch
As I moved deeper inside;
Torches were being lit.
Within seconds the entire room
Was brightened with the red flames
That danced graciously
Upon their metal floors
On which they
Were born unto.
We partnered up into groups of two:
One would bring the mine cart
To and fro from a heaping mountain of extracted metals
To a large furnace;
The other would scoop up the metals with a shovel
And place it into the cart.
Having seen my company for the day,
I realized that there was no point in having him
Do the most rigorous part of our labor.
Spade in my hand, I walked in a slow pace,
Towards my work station,
And with an even slower pace, I began to work.
Repetitive motions--
Sweat covered arms thrust,
Particles of mixed elements
Flew through the air;
Forcing both arms up and to the side
To drop the content into the cart.
Hours upon hours, we worked,
And no end seemed in sight.
It never felt this long before--
The reason must have been that
My time drew ever
Closer.
---
11.
Glazed with perspiration,
Which served as an adhesive
To capture each spec of dirt
That touched our bodies;
It colored us in a mixture of black
And brown.
Beside me was my partner,
Weaker than he was before,
And when I noticed the scars on his back
I realized who he was--
I realized that I saw him earlier
Today.
I lowered my head and placed his
Slowly healing arm across my shoulders,
And placed my
Sore, but fine,
Arm around his waist to balance his weight
On me.
Walking out of the work room
Was the biggest relief that I had felt;
Feeling that cool mid-day breeze
Was the pinnacle of joy to me
In each day
We passed here.
---
12.
Suddenly, my surroundings changed;
I saw no one ahead of me,
And no one behind.
Walls turned from their stone color
To wooden houses
Standing upon the snow layered ground.
I kept walking,
My slow pace being somewhat forced into
A pushed sprint as I felt something behind me
Shove against my exposed back.
I fell to my knees, but slowly
Made my way back to my feet.
I continued walking without a purpose until I reached a house,
The house that I used to live in.
Its door fell open and I was pulled aggressively inside
By nothing.
Everything was as it was left
Before I left.
Walking through the hallways,
I noticed that the walls repeated themselves.
A bright light at certain points could be made out,
And doors opened and were shut fast
With slamming sounds and a grunt that followed
Each time.
A dozen more lights,
And a few more doors
Until I reached the room that belonged to
My wife and I.
I was pulled in so hard that I fell to the ground
and there I lay for a while.
I crawled towards my bed and reached for my wife,
?Paula!?
I cried and each time,
She would back away further, mouthing her question:
?Why??
She repeated it.
?Why?? With anger,
Tears streaming down her face,
And her cries growing louder and more fierce,
?Why??
Face distorting and causing my heart to
Fall in fear.
Blood stained her stomach,
And the circle grew larger and larger still
By the second.
She fell silently upon my bed
And each time that I outstretched and arm for her,
Her body was out of hand?s reach.
I heard my daughter crying
As she entered my room.
I could not read her lips, and she hovered over
Her mother?s decomposing body.
She looked at me
Without emotion.
?Sleep,? I heard her say in a soft voice
That I could only recognize as her own.
?She?s dead now.
And so am I.?
The words struck me like a whip upon
My heart.
And as if in unison, both voices spoke:
?He?s not getting up,
Leave him alone. There?s no use trying.?
It repeated itself in my head and they grew
Into a deep, monotone voice
Of a man.
---
13.
I blinked once,
Though I was still in my house;
I blinked again,
Then the whole room spun grey and black.
My eyes shut tight as I rubbed them hard.
Finally, I gave one last blink--I was back.
Crawling to my bed, I felt that my ribs were bruised,
And it made it difficult to stand.
I felt a blade sink into my chest whenever I made any kind of fast movement,
So I, very slowly, let myself fall just inches away from
And then tried to resume my little
Slumber.
My head pounded hard,
Like a stampede of bulls trailing upon a large drum at full pace.
I tossed and turned,
Each position that I sprawled my body out into gave off the same effect.
I lay there on my back.
Thoughts, coming and going--being born and dying.
Eyes widen, and pupils dilated to adjust to the darkness.
I noticed the soft moon?s feeble light
At my window again.
It was attempting to comfort me, but being,
Like everything else,
Out of reach.
I thought of how much time I had left;
If God would somehow manage to make my life last a little more.
I imagined myself hanging,
Blood pouring from wounds;
The early sun showing in the horizon to consume the darkness--
People cheering to see it?s fall--meaning me.
Lastly, I thought of my wife and daughter.
They were gone forever.
Their deaths engraves and decorated with sorrow
Deeply into the core of my heart and mind.
I would have nothing to go home to,
If that was even a possibility.
Maybe death was not so bad.
Two more days.
I could make it through two nights without losing my mind.
Had I lost it already?
No.
Did I even have it to begin with?
It could be the effects of my hallucinations,
Maybe it took my mind away.
I felt a smile come across my face.
Holding my ribs, I walked towards the cell door.
I heard laughter. I heard cries.
But in my mind, was what I heard lies?
I saw Paula in a cell,
She sat on the bed, her knees to her chest.
She rocked back and forth and stared to the ceiling.
I whispered:
?Paula..,?
And heard a loud shushing sound come from the cell besides mine.
I said it louder,
And got the same result, but louder as well.
Paula stood up and seemed
Pale as the moon--and just as elegant, still.
She held her hand to her wound,
And my world filled with red.
?Quiet!? I heard and began shaking my head in disbelief.
I reached for my wife until my shoulder was pressing
Against the cold, steel gates.
My vision became blurry as tears of frustration fell.
Just out of reach.
Again.
---
14.
I was laying on the floor when I awoke,
But, I don?t quite remember what happened after I saw her.
The sun had risen--
So had the amount of pain surging through my head.
I heard the dreaded drumbeat of the morning.
I had to make do with the amount of sleep I had gotten.
I could hardly walk,
Which reminded me of my--
Of the-
My mind went blank.
The room spun in endless circles
In my mind.
The man.
He was beaten and walked with a limp.
I remembered because he stood there--
Looking--
As if to closely examine this
Image so close to his own self.
We paused for a short while and before I knew it,
A crackle came loudly in my ear
As a whip, with its splendid leather tip
Struck the ground between us.
We both awoke from this curious
Trance.
I watched my feet as I moved,
And felt odd that they were the cleanest part
Of my body.
I smiled
And suddenly bursts into the laughter
Of a mad god.
I fell to my hands and knees,
And my partner knelt beside me--
Putting his cold, dead hand
Upon my back.
?What is the meaning of this!?
I heard, and laughter resumed with higher activity.
?He?s truly mad.?
I heard whispers say.
?He smiles so uncomfortably.?
They say.
?He?s gone.?
I felt nothing, nor did I see.
---
15.
I felt myself begin a dream,
The rusted cogs in my mind turned,
And turned.
My body glided to unknown places.
It went from black to a pale, grotesque
Grey.
It began to snow
As my feelings returned itself to me--
Wrapped in a cloud of illusion.
The back of my head banged against the cathedral wall,
And each strand of hair pressed
Against my skull.
Black leather boots clasping my feet;
A pair of black and grey breaches
Concealing my legs;
Long, cuffed, grey great coat shining in the moonlight.
Naked hands feeling the cold breeze of a winter?s
Night.
My eyes slowly grew accustomed to seeing,
As beauteous, white snowflakes fell lightly
Over my body
And the body of this earth
As the night went on--
Time went forward.
A breath--
My lungs expanded,
Breathing in the cold air.
My hands clenched
Until my knuckles became
As white as this falling snow.
I turned to an alley and
There I saw a shadow--
Its arms outstretched, reaching.
Reaching for a small girl:
?Father!?
Fear awoke inside of me.
---
16.
Fear and pain awoke
Just as I did.
I was unable to move my legs,
And until I looked down at myself,
I had not noticed that my arms were immobilized as well.
I was tied down.
The leather straps blistered my skin as I struggled
To get free.
The cold stone underneath,
With its bumpy texture rubbed uncomfortably
Against my back.
I began to yell.
I hoped that the shouts would be audible,
And I had hoped that someone would come.
Time went by,
Still I shouted
Until my breath fell short
And my lungs felt as if they were tied as well.
My head turned from side to side
Rapidly.
My eyes looked all around in a sense of
Confusion.
My body trembled as I felt I was nearing
Death.
---
17.
Again, I passed out.
No dream.
Not this time.
No small recollection of things of past.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
But I was back in my cell.
Drums were pounding,
As the evening sky was beautifully being displayed
Outside my window.
Bright, silver stars sparkled with a brilliant light,
But my mind dimmed so dull.
I heard footsteps to accompany the drums--
The evening drums.
I had been gone until the end of our labor.
The line of men depleted as,
One by one,
They went back to their cells.
I saw a gap in the line
As they approached me.
A thin, beaten man was no longer there.
There were no footsteps that lacked strength,
Nor were there those blistered hands that consoled me.
My partner was gone.
I felt relief,
But also pain.
It was the only comfort I had known here.
I wondered how he left us.
If his tired body simply gave out,
Or if he was killed. Tortured. Hung. Beheaded?
I called out for a guard before he passed me completely,
He turned to me,
And for a moment I saw Paula?s eyes looking at me.
I turned quickly
And soon enough, my tears ran like streams
Through the creases of my palms.
I retreated to a corner and began to sob;
To sob and laugh.
Tears fell down my face,
And I felt a salty wetness flow down my lips.
It dripped down my chin and onto
The floor.
---
18.
I heard the guards footsteps slowly fade away,
The leather boots slapping against the stone floor,
Its echo reaching every part of the room.
I stood up and ran back to the bars of my cell and reached out.
?Paula!? I screamed, but it was nothing more than with a quiet voice
Muffled with tears and pain.
I missed her.
I loved her as best as I could, but somehow
I lost her.
Although I wasn?t the greatest husband,
I did what I could do.
I failed.
I don?t know who killed her, and it does not matter.
Not anymore.
Nothing does.
Not even the smile I had on when I said this.
Not the uncomfortable laugh.
Not the death of my daughter.
I did not want to remember it,
But the girl who was there that night
I was to burn the cathedral down
Was my life.
She was joy wrapped in flesh and bone;
The joy of Paula and I.
We named her Vilet.
It was a name my wife came up with
One night we talked about having
A child of our own.
I never thought I?d hear her die.
Not once.
The man who she called ?father?
Was not.
Because of my nervousness and fear
I did not recognize the voice,
Until it was too late.
Although, I wish I had.
I heard her die that night and I did nothing.
I did nothing.
Not a single movement came through my body--
Not until I heard her scream.
Not until I ran to her body laying lifeless on the ground
Bleeding from stab wound through her fragile heart.
I did nothing until my hands--
Trembling--
Grabbed her tiny, soft, little hands.
And I felt, throughout my whole body
The heat slowly departing from her--
Leaving them as cold as this night.
I kissed them,
Rubbed them,
Kissed them again and stained them with tears
And saliva.
Rubbed them some more, wishing that the warmness would
Bring her back.
I held her all night.
My daughter.
She was dead.
I wrapped my coat over us both and slept on the street
With her small body in my arms.
I awoke then, with red, swollen eyes.
---
19.
Once I awoke,
I carried Vilet through town, wrapped in my coat.
My arms and body hurt from the cold.
My head pounded like a mad-man
Banging on his cell.
But, yet, I walked.
My footprints marked the snow hard,
And it accumulated on my boots as it was kicked up
With each step.
Luckily, our home was close by;
But I wished it had not been.
I did not want to face Paula.
I did not want to--
Especially not carrying our dead daughter.
I wanted time to think of what to say--
To maybe console her more than she would need
To console me.
I was at the steps before I knew it.
I pushed the door in slightly;
But it creaked.
I stepped slowly, but now
The floor creaked.
I began to cry.
And I walked up the steps to Vilet?s room.
I opened her door and left her laying peacefully
Upon her bed.
Her cold body rested.
I took my coat off of her and put a hand upon her cheek.
It trembled, again, just as when I first saw her.
I caressed that tiny cheek of hers.
I shut my eyes tight and turned away.
Walking, I began to wonder at why I heard nothing.
The house was completely silent.
I knew Paula was here, as the door to the house had been left
Unlocked.
I ran.
I ran through the house
Pushing doors open.
I ran throughout the entire house and left one door closed.
Maybe because I knew what I would find when I opened it.
My head thumped against the wooden door
And both my hands were upon it.
I let the weight of my body push it open,
And as soon as it did,
I fell to my knees.
I saw my wife there.
She was not sleeping, but she laid there,
On our bed.
I could not stand, so I crawled to her;
I began to shake her gently.
?Paula,? I cried.
I shook her again.
?Paula,? I whispered.
Nothing.
?Please wake up.?
I said to her ear
And I put an arm over her.
?Please wake up,?
I could not believe this was real.
I still do not.
As I said,
I loved her as best as I could.
I lost her, still.
I did not even know how I did.
But I did.
I love her.
I walked back to Vilet?s room and carried her
Back to where Paula lay.
I set her down beside her and slept holding my wife
And daughter.
I wished that I would not wake.
Not tomorrow, or ever again.
But I did.
I awoke to the chaotic sound of the front door being broken down.
I awoke to rapid footsteps searching throughout the house,
Just as I did when I let Vilet down.
I awoke to loud yelling
That I could not understand.
I was ripped from the touch of my wife.
Ripped away from my dead daughter
Laying beside her.
Ripped away from life,
Although not yet,
But soon.
I was kicked and pushed by several guards
Who took me out of my house and dragged me to a cart.
I was tied down,
As I was earlier.
I did not want to live any longer.
I still do not want to.
I was carried in that cart through town,
And I saw the sky fly by,
The houses and trees
All seemed as a blur.
I felt the cold air hit me
Hard.
I was taken to this prison where I am now,
And where I hope to die tomorrow.
Taken here, to this unforgiving place.
And I sit here on this cold bed right now,
unable to sleep.
No, not tonight.
---
20.
I do not know when,
But I guess I fell asleep.
Those drums, they are sounding now.
I hear them so clearly today.
They sound like death?s chariot
Coming for me fast.
I try to stand, but
My legs seem to fail me,
And now I hope for a guard to simply drag me.
It cannot be much worse than what will be inflicted upon me
Soon.
And even that, I hope, will not be worse than losing my family.
I hear footsteps now,
And I hear some chatter that is
Too far away to hear.
They come closer--
And closer.
They are visible now.
I watch as this guard, fully armored,
Withdraws a key from his belt and inserts it into the tiny
Keyhole.
He opens it and I feel the swift air of the cell door brush against my skin.
It gives me goosebumps.
My leg shakes up and down in anticipation.
He reaches towards me and grabs my arm--
Not so hard, but enough to have a good grip.
I let myself go and he pulls.
Another comes to me and grabs the other arm.
It is comforting how gently they do this.
I hold in a smile.
Through the corridor I am dragged,
My feet, limp, hovering above the ground
Ever so slightly.
I see the torches,
But their flames are not dancing,
There is are no flames at all.
I reach the exit
With the help of the gentle guards.
The light outside is dim and my eyes take a moment
To become adjusted.
I see some of the snow has melted and they have left
Small puddles.
I see the grass sparkling and sharp.
I feel the cool air of an early spring.
The clouds have left,
As if they wish not to see this display of death.
The sun begins to peek just above the prison.
Its hot eyes looking at me--I hope with pity.
My shirt is pulled off as if this has been done
A thousand times before,
And my pants are stripped off of my legs
With the same ease.
I begin to shiver
And my goosebumps returns.
My hands are placed on a tree stump,
There they are tied.
My head is lightly pushed down,
And my legs are pulls out to full length.
I cannot help be shed a tear.
And before I can brace myself.
---
21.
I feel a whip land hard on my back,
I feel its sting jolt through my body
Like a surge of electricity.
Crack--another.
And then another.
And another.
My back becomes almost numb
As the strikes successfully rupture my skin--
I wince in pain, but no word will escape me.
No, not a sound.
I begin to feel the blood trickle down to my stomach
And it drips to the ground.
Again,
And again, I am struck still,
But now my legs are the ones feeling this jolt of leather.
They cut so easily with the force in which
I am being hit.
My legs begin to tremble.
My hands clench so hard
That my nails cut the palms and my bare knuckles whiten
As new-found snow in the spring.
My ears begin to ring loudly,
And the crack of the whip soon turns into a
Single, long screech.
Surprised that I am still alive,
The ringing stops.
The jolts of pain recede.
All that remains is the trembling of my body
And the feeling of dripping blood.
My hands slowly begin to be untied.
I hear the announcement
That the priest is making,
But all it is to me is incoherent mumbling.
I hear the crowd cheering,
And the thundering claps
When he finishes.
I am pushed up to a single flight of stairs,
I remember this from when I saw,
And wonder if another prisoner is watching,
Just like I did.
I wonder if he will die here,
Just like I will.
Again, I am pushed, but now
I face the rope.
There?s a noose tied.
I see it up close,
I look around,
And see an unknown crowd.
The noose is lifted,
It is tilted to fall over my head--
To go down around my neck.
And it does.
It tickles my neck and I smile to myself.
I begin to shake.
I shake more and more,
My hands clench again and my eyes glisten
With tears.
I look up to the sky.
?I love you, Paula.?
?I love you, Vilet.?
I shut my eyes for the last time.
And feel the pressure under my feet loosen.
I am falling.
So slowly, do I feel this.
My life is being taken from be by a rope.
I am falling through.
My neck will snap soon.
I wonder what I look like,
And I wonder what people will think of this.
I wonder if there will be somewhere for the dead.
I hope there is.
I doubt it, though.
I love them both.
I do, so much.
I feel pressure on my neck, and I cannot stop it.
My neck snaps.
I black out
For the last time.
Three gray, stone walls were surrounding me,
One
Corroded gate
Made up of long, iron bars
Reaching from the dirt-covered floor
To the darkened ceiling above.
A slab of stone,
Sitting in a corner,
Opposite of a door that
Doubles as both
My jailer and savior,
Serving as a cold, grainy-textured bed.
Upon a wall
And above my bed,
A small window allowed the moonlight to
Softly pierce through my blackened room.
It shines so beautifully
That it made even this unforgiving cell seem elegant.
But,
A dream stirred during my sleep,
Causing memories--
A memory--to slowly drift into my slumbering mind.
The subject of it being the reason I lay here
Incarcerated.
---
2.
Looking down at my feet--
Back leaned against the smoothly finished side of a white, towering cathedral--
It?s shadow falling over four houses;
Darkening over the stone, city streets
That are lightly covered
In a glaze of snow.
The cold air found its way
Down into my lungs;
And with each breath
I could see the vapor
Visually burst out of me
Like a cloud of smoke.
My mind racing--
Only from two choices could I pick:
One was to walk away--
Far away;
The other was, to say the least,
Unpleasant.
I lifted my head,
In front of my eyes I saw
A wandering child--
Her hair,
A blonde field of curly locks,
And her height, no more than four-feet tall.
Where she wandered,
I did not know, but
My eyes followed as she went.
She put one foot
Slowly ahead of the other,
Leaving her small foot imprint in the snow.
Past the tavern--that is, to my right now,
Its dimly lit windows
Gave off a gentle glow.
Its open, wooden door
Let out an air
Drunk with mead.
The child then walked past an alleyway--
I began to fear;
She began to hum.
Soft sounds in harmony with my pounding heart.
And each time her foot hit the ground, it beat harder,
And harder.
A shadow was approaching her,
Its figure now peaking out of the alley
And onto the street--
The shadow?s height was enlarging.
Closer, and closer still, it came.
Footsteps now became audible.
I saw the girl stop,
And I heard the steps grow even louder--
They were now the pulse throbbing in my ear.
Fear took over me,
And even still, I started to walk closer
But it was a mistake.
The figure?s arms outstretched,
And the girl ran into them
With a cry:
?Father!?
My fear subsided, but my heart
Needed time to calm.
I began to regain my mind
From the startle it had witnessed
And went back to my original post at the wall.
My head leaned backwards--
It rested itself against that holy wall.
My eyes looked up.
Not a cloud I saw on this winter night;
No moon was there to illuminate the city;
Only artificial light to pave way
For what was,
Is,
To happen tonight.
Suddenly, my heart began to pound,
Like a blacksmith?s hammer thundering down on heated steel.
My vision--spinning,
Seeing snow fall harder to the ground;
Seeing time?s flow begin to slow.
All colors blurred.
Thunder now roared in the sky;
They echoed in my head.
One after another,
They came in succession,
Like the sound of drums--
They were drums.
---
3.
I awoke, disoriented,
To the sound of beating drums.
My eyes slowly opened
And I felt a light stream of warm tears
Stream down the sides of my head.
Still they sounded.
I looked out my window;
Luckily, the sun was on the opposite side.
Through it, I saw a gallows erected
In a snow-covered field.
The noose on it swung back and forth
As the wind blew.
A crowd began to gather around;
One by one, they marched towards the gallows
Like a swarm of ants.
Heads turned to each other;
Unintelligible sounds being the outcome
Of the mixture of chatter coming from each person.
My eyes directed at the door behind that wood-and-rope executioner.
I saw it begin to open;
Through it came a man.
His robe, a dusty black,
And he carried with him a book.
He stepped onto the gallows--beside the rope.
My ears began to ring from the loud, echoing crowd
Causing me to be unable to hear the priest speak,
But he outstretched an arm--
As he did,
A man, or what seemed to be the figure of one
Came through.
He wore only a white cloth that went
From waist to mid-thigh;
It was soiled from top to bottom
In dirt, his own urine,
And both
Dried and fresh blood.
His legs were tattered and bruised;
Around that, the few splotches of what was left of him
Were pale and blue.
They shivered and collapsed
As he was violently pushed closer
To his end.
The man whose hands shoved the prisoner to his resting--
Hanging--place
Was the executioner.
He stood, towering over the feeble man and dragged him to his feet.
Opposite of our prisoner, he dressed in black bearskin
And wore a leather hood over his head.
As the soon-to-be deceased fell
I noticed his back--
It was decorated the same as his legs,
But strands of skin hung off where it had been pulled.
Blood trickled down his spine
Onto his cloth.
The prisoner was lifted up by his hair
That was now powdered with snow.
It fell down an inch under his ears
And was jet black with a hint of crimson from his own bodily dye.
He stood back on his feet and began to slowly ascend
The stairs to the gallows
My ears still rang as I struggled to hear the poor man?s sentence--
I could call him no more
For whatever crime was committed
By he was,
To me, repaid.
I must be an observer only, I presume.
His head, carefully put through the noose went limp.
Held up by the executioner because
Those limbs he used to stand on could not carry
His weight any longer.
The noose was tightened around his neck.
I could hear again.
Cries and cheers went together in harmony.
(The executioner retreated from the lifeless case.)
Stones were thrown, and the thump of them hitting skin came to my ears.
(His hand reached for the lever to release the man to his fate.)
?Release him?, some yelled; ?Kill him? was the opposing argument.
(The priest nodded to signal the lever to be pulled.)
I saw the body fall through a trapdoor;
The prisoner began to convulse.
He grasped at the last signs of life that he had
Before finally succumbing to his demise.
The crowd had fallen silent--
Very, very silent.
Slowly, they left, and not a word escaped;
Even the priest and executioner had left.
The man hung alone as the frost still continued to bite at his flesh.
His body swayed slightly back and forth?lifeless--
And no one seems to care any longer.
It was no longer a spectacle.
That was what I will have to endure when my time comes.
A few days from now, I will be in that very spot--
Tortured for hours until the final hour comes
When I, too, must hang there,
Sentenced for a crime that I did not
Commit.
---
4.
It was unbelievable that the execution had
Taken place in just under ten minutes,
For another drum roll sounded.
At this, I was to be awake and dressed.
A supervisor came, but I had no will to examine his looks--
He unlocked my cell.
I lined myself up with the other prisoners
Just outside of my cell--
My bare feet slapped the cold, stone floor
With each step I took.
We were being led through a hallway
That led to the chapel for our ten-minute prayer time.
We continued to walk until we reached the chapel--
Twelve stone kneelers laid in a row on the right;
Another twelve on the left.
We slowly walked to our assigned places and knelt,
I let my fingers from one hand fall into the others
And closed my eyes.
I also let my head fall onto my interlaced hands,
And the silence of the room let my mind drift away.
I began to wonder if who I wanted to pray to
Was actually there.
It would not hurt to, for what I might have done,
Apologize.
---
5.
Forgive me, I said,
Please forgive me
For what I was about to do that night--
Three nights ago.
I would change the way my mind worked as it did that day,
If I could.
Ill luck throughout life, and nothing ever changed.
No prayer went answered;
No sign of any alterations in life were shown;
No love was given to me,
Not from you.
I wanted revenge because of that.
I prayed for you to help me,
When I could not help myself.
You offered me nothing for my time,
But here I give this apology to you
Because I still have faith that
You can save me.
I apologize for contemplating the thought
Of whether I should set that cathedral ablaze,
So that the flame would reach your heaven
And burn it into a Hell,
Like one that I was
Born into.
I wanted to see the pastors and priests
Run out of that holy door
With flames, like whips,
Striking their backs
As they leave their precious scriptures
Behind.
I do not lie, when I say
That I wished to hear the cry of mothers
As they burn;
The cry of their children
As they beg.
I wanted this to be my doing.
That Hellish fire I wished to unleash
Would have boiled your holy water--
Purging its holiness into damnation;
Left your books to disintegrate into ashes--
The paper slowly crumpling itself up as it darkens.
I would have done this.
I realized then, that I would take it all back.
I may never have your forgiveness--
But I need it.
If you are there,
Forgive me Lord
For the thoughts I once had.
Thoughts:
That is all they were.
They were a plan that I did not take into action.
All I did was stand there beside that holy place until I--
A drum sounded again for us, and again, I was
Distracted.
---
6.
Our ten minutes of prayer were up, although it was not ten,
And still the drum sounds--
It sounded so loudly that its vibration
Broke our concentration
And our connection to
Our so-called God.
We remain knelt;
With our hands together,
But our heads turned to the side to see
That black-dressed man:
The priest enter and walk, with audible footsteps,
To the alter.
He turned to face us with a graceful motion
That showed his own tranquility.
Slightly darkened hands set a scroll down
On a white, embroidered mantle.
The priest, with a motion, opened the rolled up paper
And looked down upon it.
Our priest began to read,
But my mind traveled elsewhere.
It went to my dream
And how vivid the images came to me;
They were just as it was
Three nights ago.
I could not concentrate
When the priest read,
And it had been this way
Since I arrived.
I needed silence so that I may
Think to myself.
Time passed ever so slowly;
My chaotic mind shut itself down,
Started back up, and went down again--
it left me dazed.
I needed that next drum to
Sound.
---
7.
I did not notice when
We started to walk, but I appeared
Near the washing area--
A large, cool, damp hallway,
Housing several wells.
I was third in line to wash our hands.
Freezing my hands in this water
Did, and still does not, seem appealing to me--
I would rather my hands stay dirty
If washing them meant
Engulfing my hands in this
Icy water.
I saw the man in front of me shivering.
Fresh cuts on his back reminded me of the man who still hangs outside.
I could see specs of dirt ingrained in small scabs
That were spread around a larger gape across his spine,
And dark blue and purple bruises
Surrounded the wounded area.
His shivering worsened as he
Soaked his hands and up to his wrists in water.
I turned to see his face, but his hands were
Splashing water on it,
Leaving brown streaks of mud to ride like slow streams
Down his neck.
Hands cupping water
He lifted his arms and poured it down his back,
And like a maze, the water ran across the cuts
In the design of the dreadful art painted on it.
He slowly stepped away,
And I was next.
I let my hands sink in--
The cold seemed to break through my skin
And chill the bone to the marrow.
I, too, started to shiver,
As my hands turned
A lighter color.
The chilled water had the same effect
When it made contact with my face.
It was so cold that it made my head pound hard--
The same as it had the days prior to today.
I finished fast, and got back in
Line.
--
8.
We walked through the narrow hallways--
Empty cells on each side,
Between each division, a wooden torch--
Unlit.
It?s crude shape, a sign of
Rushed work.
We passed dozens of them,
And it felt as if we walked in the same spot
Over and over.
It seemed endless.
Finally, we reached our next stop:
The bread distributor.
One by one, we were handed a ration of bread--
It?s stale center,
And crust, hardened as if were yet another stone
In this our home.
But it was our first meal of the day--
It was our luxury.
Bite after bite, my teeth crashed through
To meet each other at the middle,
To devour this ration
Like a starving animal.
And with each bite, the hard outer layer--the crust--
Would leave tiny incisions in my gums.
---
9.
The drums sounded louder than they had previously--
Each contact of stick and drum
shaking the heart down
To its most feeble state,
Instilling fear into our fragile, broken
Minds.
A foot in front of the other:
Repeating motions.
Heart-rate getting higher and higher
As I walked
Ahead and behind another.
The sunlight found us.
As I exited our cruel keeper
The light attacked my eyes;
Eyes that were denied it directly for hours--
Like a rain of arrows falling upon them,
Stinging each moment they were open--
Causing me to glare through.
The sky above with no cloud made an appearance;
Snow, reflecting the light back into the sky and its surroundings;
Blades of grass cutting through, displaying their glossy, green tips;
Our shadows marking the ground with our crude, black castings.
Slightly swaying is our victim of this morning--
Eyes dead and wide, staring as we walk.
Further and further still, we went,
Until the opposite end of the courtyard was reached.
The gate was opened for us,
It made a creak as it went wide.
One by one, we entered that
Pitch-black room.
---
10.
A blast of hot, humid air
Surrounded my body
As I entered the room.
My skin began to itch
As I moved deeper inside;
Torches were being lit.
Within seconds the entire room
Was brightened with the red flames
That danced graciously
Upon their metal floors
On which they
Were born unto.
We partnered up into groups of two:
One would bring the mine cart
To and fro from a heaping mountain of extracted metals
To a large furnace;
The other would scoop up the metals with a shovel
And place it into the cart.
Having seen my company for the day,
I realized that there was no point in having him
Do the most rigorous part of our labor.
Spade in my hand, I walked in a slow pace,
Towards my work station,
And with an even slower pace, I began to work.
Repetitive motions--
Sweat covered arms thrust,
Particles of mixed elements
Flew through the air;
Forcing both arms up and to the side
To drop the content into the cart.
Hours upon hours, we worked,
And no end seemed in sight.
It never felt this long before--
The reason must have been that
My time drew ever
Closer.
---
11.
Glazed with perspiration,
Which served as an adhesive
To capture each spec of dirt
That touched our bodies;
It colored us in a mixture of black
And brown.
Beside me was my partner,
Weaker than he was before,
And when I noticed the scars on his back
I realized who he was--
I realized that I saw him earlier
Today.
I lowered my head and placed his
Slowly healing arm across my shoulders,
And placed my
Sore, but fine,
Arm around his waist to balance his weight
On me.
Walking out of the work room
Was the biggest relief that I had felt;
Feeling that cool mid-day breeze
Was the pinnacle of joy to me
In each day
We passed here.
---
12.
Suddenly, my surroundings changed;
I saw no one ahead of me,
And no one behind.
Walls turned from their stone color
To wooden houses
Standing upon the snow layered ground.
I kept walking,
My slow pace being somewhat forced into
A pushed sprint as I felt something behind me
Shove against my exposed back.
I fell to my knees, but slowly
Made my way back to my feet.
I continued walking without a purpose until I reached a house,
The house that I used to live in.
Its door fell open and I was pulled aggressively inside
By nothing.
Everything was as it was left
Before I left.
Walking through the hallways,
I noticed that the walls repeated themselves.
A bright light at certain points could be made out,
And doors opened and were shut fast
With slamming sounds and a grunt that followed
Each time.
A dozen more lights,
And a few more doors
Until I reached the room that belonged to
My wife and I.
I was pulled in so hard that I fell to the ground
and there I lay for a while.
I crawled towards my bed and reached for my wife,
?Paula!?
I cried and each time,
She would back away further, mouthing her question:
?Why??
She repeated it.
?Why?? With anger,
Tears streaming down her face,
And her cries growing louder and more fierce,
?Why??
Face distorting and causing my heart to
Fall in fear.
Blood stained her stomach,
And the circle grew larger and larger still
By the second.
She fell silently upon my bed
And each time that I outstretched and arm for her,
Her body was out of hand?s reach.
I heard my daughter crying
As she entered my room.
I could not read her lips, and she hovered over
Her mother?s decomposing body.
She looked at me
Without emotion.
?Sleep,? I heard her say in a soft voice
That I could only recognize as her own.
?She?s dead now.
And so am I.?
The words struck me like a whip upon
My heart.
And as if in unison, both voices spoke:
?He?s not getting up,
Leave him alone. There?s no use trying.?
It repeated itself in my head and they grew
Into a deep, monotone voice
Of a man.
---
13.
I blinked once,
Though I was still in my house;
I blinked again,
Then the whole room spun grey and black.
My eyes shut tight as I rubbed them hard.
Finally, I gave one last blink--I was back.
Crawling to my bed, I felt that my ribs were bruised,
And it made it difficult to stand.
I felt a blade sink into my chest whenever I made any kind of fast movement,
So I, very slowly, let myself fall just inches away from
And then tried to resume my little
Slumber.
My head pounded hard,
Like a stampede of bulls trailing upon a large drum at full pace.
I tossed and turned,
Each position that I sprawled my body out into gave off the same effect.
I lay there on my back.
Thoughts, coming and going--being born and dying.
Eyes widen, and pupils dilated to adjust to the darkness.
I noticed the soft moon?s feeble light
At my window again.
It was attempting to comfort me, but being,
Like everything else,
Out of reach.
I thought of how much time I had left;
If God would somehow manage to make my life last a little more.
I imagined myself hanging,
Blood pouring from wounds;
The early sun showing in the horizon to consume the darkness--
People cheering to see it?s fall--meaning me.
Lastly, I thought of my wife and daughter.
They were gone forever.
Their deaths engraves and decorated with sorrow
Deeply into the core of my heart and mind.
I would have nothing to go home to,
If that was even a possibility.
Maybe death was not so bad.
Two more days.
I could make it through two nights without losing my mind.
Had I lost it already?
No.
Did I even have it to begin with?
It could be the effects of my hallucinations,
Maybe it took my mind away.
I felt a smile come across my face.
Holding my ribs, I walked towards the cell door.
I heard laughter. I heard cries.
But in my mind, was what I heard lies?
I saw Paula in a cell,
She sat on the bed, her knees to her chest.
She rocked back and forth and stared to the ceiling.
I whispered:
?Paula..,?
And heard a loud shushing sound come from the cell besides mine.
I said it louder,
And got the same result, but louder as well.
Paula stood up and seemed
Pale as the moon--and just as elegant, still.
She held her hand to her wound,
And my world filled with red.
?Quiet!? I heard and began shaking my head in disbelief.
I reached for my wife until my shoulder was pressing
Against the cold, steel gates.
My vision became blurry as tears of frustration fell.
Just out of reach.
Again.
---
14.
I was laying on the floor when I awoke,
But, I don?t quite remember what happened after I saw her.
The sun had risen--
So had the amount of pain surging through my head.
I heard the dreaded drumbeat of the morning.
I had to make do with the amount of sleep I had gotten.
I could hardly walk,
Which reminded me of my--
Of the-
My mind went blank.
The room spun in endless circles
In my mind.
The man.
He was beaten and walked with a limp.
I remembered because he stood there--
Looking--
As if to closely examine this
Image so close to his own self.
We paused for a short while and before I knew it,
A crackle came loudly in my ear
As a whip, with its splendid leather tip
Struck the ground between us.
We both awoke from this curious
Trance.
I watched my feet as I moved,
And felt odd that they were the cleanest part
Of my body.
I smiled
And suddenly bursts into the laughter
Of a mad god.
I fell to my hands and knees,
And my partner knelt beside me--
Putting his cold, dead hand
Upon my back.
?What is the meaning of this!?
I heard, and laughter resumed with higher activity.
?He?s truly mad.?
I heard whispers say.
?He smiles so uncomfortably.?
They say.
?He?s gone.?
I felt nothing, nor did I see.
---
15.
I felt myself begin a dream,
The rusted cogs in my mind turned,
And turned.
My body glided to unknown places.
It went from black to a pale, grotesque
Grey.
It began to snow
As my feelings returned itself to me--
Wrapped in a cloud of illusion.
The back of my head banged against the cathedral wall,
And each strand of hair pressed
Against my skull.
Black leather boots clasping my feet;
A pair of black and grey breaches
Concealing my legs;
Long, cuffed, grey great coat shining in the moonlight.
Naked hands feeling the cold breeze of a winter?s
Night.
My eyes slowly grew accustomed to seeing,
As beauteous, white snowflakes fell lightly
Over my body
And the body of this earth
As the night went on--
Time went forward.
A breath--
My lungs expanded,
Breathing in the cold air.
My hands clenched
Until my knuckles became
As white as this falling snow.
I turned to an alley and
There I saw a shadow--
Its arms outstretched, reaching.
Reaching for a small girl:
?Father!?
Fear awoke inside of me.
---
16.
Fear and pain awoke
Just as I did.
I was unable to move my legs,
And until I looked down at myself,
I had not noticed that my arms were immobilized as well.
I was tied down.
The leather straps blistered my skin as I struggled
To get free.
The cold stone underneath,
With its bumpy texture rubbed uncomfortably
Against my back.
I began to yell.
I hoped that the shouts would be audible,
And I had hoped that someone would come.
Time went by,
Still I shouted
Until my breath fell short
And my lungs felt as if they were tied as well.
My head turned from side to side
Rapidly.
My eyes looked all around in a sense of
Confusion.
My body trembled as I felt I was nearing
Death.
---
17.
Again, I passed out.
No dream.
Not this time.
No small recollection of things of past.
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
But I was back in my cell.
Drums were pounding,
As the evening sky was beautifully being displayed
Outside my window.
Bright, silver stars sparkled with a brilliant light,
But my mind dimmed so dull.
I heard footsteps to accompany the drums--
The evening drums.
I had been gone until the end of our labor.
The line of men depleted as,
One by one,
They went back to their cells.
I saw a gap in the line
As they approached me.
A thin, beaten man was no longer there.
There were no footsteps that lacked strength,
Nor were there those blistered hands that consoled me.
My partner was gone.
I felt relief,
But also pain.
It was the only comfort I had known here.
I wondered how he left us.
If his tired body simply gave out,
Or if he was killed. Tortured. Hung. Beheaded?
I called out for a guard before he passed me completely,
He turned to me,
And for a moment I saw Paula?s eyes looking at me.
I turned quickly
And soon enough, my tears ran like streams
Through the creases of my palms.
I retreated to a corner and began to sob;
To sob and laugh.
Tears fell down my face,
And I felt a salty wetness flow down my lips.
It dripped down my chin and onto
The floor.
---
18.
I heard the guards footsteps slowly fade away,
The leather boots slapping against the stone floor,
Its echo reaching every part of the room.
I stood up and ran back to the bars of my cell and reached out.
?Paula!? I screamed, but it was nothing more than with a quiet voice
Muffled with tears and pain.
I missed her.
I loved her as best as I could, but somehow
I lost her.
Although I wasn?t the greatest husband,
I did what I could do.
I failed.
I don?t know who killed her, and it does not matter.
Not anymore.
Nothing does.
Not even the smile I had on when I said this.
Not the uncomfortable laugh.
Not the death of my daughter.
I did not want to remember it,
But the girl who was there that night
I was to burn the cathedral down
Was my life.
She was joy wrapped in flesh and bone;
The joy of Paula and I.
We named her Vilet.
It was a name my wife came up with
One night we talked about having
A child of our own.
I never thought I?d hear her die.
Not once.
The man who she called ?father?
Was not.
Because of my nervousness and fear
I did not recognize the voice,
Until it was too late.
Although, I wish I had.
I heard her die that night and I did nothing.
I did nothing.
Not a single movement came through my body--
Not until I heard her scream.
Not until I ran to her body laying lifeless on the ground
Bleeding from stab wound through her fragile heart.
I did nothing until my hands--
Trembling--
Grabbed her tiny, soft, little hands.
And I felt, throughout my whole body
The heat slowly departing from her--
Leaving them as cold as this night.
I kissed them,
Rubbed them,
Kissed them again and stained them with tears
And saliva.
Rubbed them some more, wishing that the warmness would
Bring her back.
I held her all night.
My daughter.
She was dead.
I wrapped my coat over us both and slept on the street
With her small body in my arms.
I awoke then, with red, swollen eyes.
---
19.
Once I awoke,
I carried Vilet through town, wrapped in my coat.
My arms and body hurt from the cold.
My head pounded like a mad-man
Banging on his cell.
But, yet, I walked.
My footprints marked the snow hard,
And it accumulated on my boots as it was kicked up
With each step.
Luckily, our home was close by;
But I wished it had not been.
I did not want to face Paula.
I did not want to--
Especially not carrying our dead daughter.
I wanted time to think of what to say--
To maybe console her more than she would need
To console me.
I was at the steps before I knew it.
I pushed the door in slightly;
But it creaked.
I stepped slowly, but now
The floor creaked.
I began to cry.
And I walked up the steps to Vilet?s room.
I opened her door and left her laying peacefully
Upon her bed.
Her cold body rested.
I took my coat off of her and put a hand upon her cheek.
It trembled, again, just as when I first saw her.
I caressed that tiny cheek of hers.
I shut my eyes tight and turned away.
Walking, I began to wonder at why I heard nothing.
The house was completely silent.
I knew Paula was here, as the door to the house had been left
Unlocked.
I ran.
I ran through the house
Pushing doors open.
I ran throughout the entire house and left one door closed.
Maybe because I knew what I would find when I opened it.
My head thumped against the wooden door
And both my hands were upon it.
I let the weight of my body push it open,
And as soon as it did,
I fell to my knees.
I saw my wife there.
She was not sleeping, but she laid there,
On our bed.
I could not stand, so I crawled to her;
I began to shake her gently.
?Paula,? I cried.
I shook her again.
?Paula,? I whispered.
Nothing.
?Please wake up.?
I said to her ear
And I put an arm over her.
?Please wake up,?
I could not believe this was real.
I still do not.
As I said,
I loved her as best as I could.
I lost her, still.
I did not even know how I did.
But I did.
I love her.
I walked back to Vilet?s room and carried her
Back to where Paula lay.
I set her down beside her and slept holding my wife
And daughter.
I wished that I would not wake.
Not tomorrow, or ever again.
But I did.
I awoke to the chaotic sound of the front door being broken down.
I awoke to rapid footsteps searching throughout the house,
Just as I did when I let Vilet down.
I awoke to loud yelling
That I could not understand.
I was ripped from the touch of my wife.
Ripped away from my dead daughter
Laying beside her.
Ripped away from life,
Although not yet,
But soon.
I was kicked and pushed by several guards
Who took me out of my house and dragged me to a cart.
I was tied down,
As I was earlier.
I did not want to live any longer.
I still do not want to.
I was carried in that cart through town,
And I saw the sky fly by,
The houses and trees
All seemed as a blur.
I felt the cold air hit me
Hard.
I was taken to this prison where I am now,
And where I hope to die tomorrow.
Taken here, to this unforgiving place.
And I sit here on this cold bed right now,
unable to sleep.
No, not tonight.
---
20.
I do not know when,
But I guess I fell asleep.
Those drums, they are sounding now.
I hear them so clearly today.
They sound like death?s chariot
Coming for me fast.
I try to stand, but
My legs seem to fail me,
And now I hope for a guard to simply drag me.
It cannot be much worse than what will be inflicted upon me
Soon.
And even that, I hope, will not be worse than losing my family.
I hear footsteps now,
And I hear some chatter that is
Too far away to hear.
They come closer--
And closer.
They are visible now.
I watch as this guard, fully armored,
Withdraws a key from his belt and inserts it into the tiny
Keyhole.
He opens it and I feel the swift air of the cell door brush against my skin.
It gives me goosebumps.
My leg shakes up and down in anticipation.
He reaches towards me and grabs my arm--
Not so hard, but enough to have a good grip.
I let myself go and he pulls.
Another comes to me and grabs the other arm.
It is comforting how gently they do this.
I hold in a smile.
Through the corridor I am dragged,
My feet, limp, hovering above the ground
Ever so slightly.
I see the torches,
But their flames are not dancing,
There is are no flames at all.
I reach the exit
With the help of the gentle guards.
The light outside is dim and my eyes take a moment
To become adjusted.
I see some of the snow has melted and they have left
Small puddles.
I see the grass sparkling and sharp.
I feel the cool air of an early spring.
The clouds have left,
As if they wish not to see this display of death.
The sun begins to peek just above the prison.
Its hot eyes looking at me--I hope with pity.
My shirt is pulled off as if this has been done
A thousand times before,
And my pants are stripped off of my legs
With the same ease.
I begin to shiver
And my goosebumps returns.
My hands are placed on a tree stump,
There they are tied.
My head is lightly pushed down,
And my legs are pulls out to full length.
I cannot help be shed a tear.
And before I can brace myself.
---
21.
I feel a whip land hard on my back,
I feel its sting jolt through my body
Like a surge of electricity.
Crack--another.
And then another.
And another.
My back becomes almost numb
As the strikes successfully rupture my skin--
I wince in pain, but no word will escape me.
No, not a sound.
I begin to feel the blood trickle down to my stomach
And it drips to the ground.
Again,
And again, I am struck still,
But now my legs are the ones feeling this jolt of leather.
They cut so easily with the force in which
I am being hit.
My legs begin to tremble.
My hands clench so hard
That my nails cut the palms and my bare knuckles whiten
As new-found snow in the spring.
My ears begin to ring loudly,
And the crack of the whip soon turns into a
Single, long screech.
Surprised that I am still alive,
The ringing stops.
The jolts of pain recede.
All that remains is the trembling of my body
And the feeling of dripping blood.
My hands slowly begin to be untied.
I hear the announcement
That the priest is making,
But all it is to me is incoherent mumbling.
I hear the crowd cheering,
And the thundering claps
When he finishes.
I am pushed up to a single flight of stairs,
I remember this from when I saw,
And wonder if another prisoner is watching,
Just like I did.
I wonder if he will die here,
Just like I will.
Again, I am pushed, but now
I face the rope.
There?s a noose tied.
I see it up close,
I look around,
And see an unknown crowd.
The noose is lifted,
It is tilted to fall over my head--
To go down around my neck.
And it does.
It tickles my neck and I smile to myself.
I begin to shake.
I shake more and more,
My hands clench again and my eyes glisten
With tears.
I look up to the sky.
?I love you, Paula.?
?I love you, Vilet.?
I shut my eyes for the last time.
And feel the pressure under my feet loosen.
I am falling.
So slowly, do I feel this.
My life is being taken from be by a rope.
I am falling through.
My neck will snap soon.
I wonder what I look like,
And I wonder what people will think of this.
I wonder if there will be somewhere for the dead.
I hope there is.
I doubt it, though.
I love them both.
I do, so much.
I feel pressure on my neck, and I cannot stop it.
My neck snaps.
I black out
For the last time.
Thoughts and criticisms?
