Need help keeping animals off my lawn!

[mrhappyface]

Okay, i live in the suburbs in Hawaii. I can't hurt the local wildlife, and nor can i really call animal control to trap wild animals. I can't build anything on my lawn (i live on military land) and i certainly can't move somewhere else! Goddam animals LOVE my lawn. They don't necesarilly live on it, they FUCK on it. Cats and Rats and Mongooses LOVE to fuck on my lawn. And every morning, i see them kind of wasted on my front yard. How do i get them away without harming them, because i want to go to sleep without having to hear animals have intercourse every night? (My room is right next to the front lawn, plus my window is only screen.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Landmines. I am well aware you wanted to be humane.

 

[Dahni]

get double glazing? sounds proofs your windows a lot.
i used to be able to hear cats doing that in my back garden til I got double glazing.
The other night, two cats were fighting and I couldn't even hear them.

 

[Jark212]

Grab your Bible and your shotgun!!!

I herd you say this awhile ago and I thought you where kidding, I'd recommend you get some sonic deterrents, they make noises on a level humans can't hear and annoy animals...

 

[Gigaguy64]

Ammonia will mess with the smell of many animals, including dogs, it drives them away from wherever its put.
Its how i keep dogs and other animals from knocking over my garbage cans.
just pour a little bit on the base of the can and viola, no more picking up garbage in the cold morning.
A little bit wont hurt them but it will drive them away.
Just get something and pour a little on it, then place it on the lawn.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

Landmines. I am well aware you wanted to be humane.

Yup, your on a military base, do it.

And or you know, get a fence.

 

[blue heartless]

Whatever is growing on your lawn, put it on your neighbors'.

Urinate around the perimeter of your house.

CALL ANIMAL CONTROL. (I'd like a picture of a Catgoose by the way.)

Rabbit traps are a good investment. And catnip.

 

[TheSeventhLoneWolf]

A dog would work, but hey. It's an animal.

Get a water pistol?

 

[mrhappyface]

I can't disturb mongooses while they have sex. They REALLY HATE being cockblocked.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Problem solved

 

[God's Clown]

Put a bear on your front yard. Just like, in a cage, on your front yard. Totally win, until it breaks out and eats everyone.

 

[Wuvlycuddles]

You thought about buying one of those cat alarm thingamys?

They are sortof motion detectors that let loose an ultrasound noise when they detect a small creature, barely audable to most humans and scare the crap out of cats.

 

[gbemery]

Simple, find out where the animals live and start bringing dates back there and start fucking your date in front of them. See if they can take what they are dealing.

 

[mrhappyface]

The sound thing doesn't work on the mongooses. They don't get spooked as easily as cats. And i can't interrupt their sex! I tried to, and they ruined my Levi jeans!

 

[Omikron009]

You could make lots of loud noises when they go on your lawn. It works great, and it's also hilarious!

 

[effilctar]

Okay, i live in the suburbs in Hawaii. I can't hurt the local wildlife, and nor can i really call animal control to trap wild animals. I can't build anything on my lawn (i live on military land) and i certainly can't move somewhere else! Goddam animals LOVE my lawn. They don't necesarilly live on it, they FUCK on it. Cats and Rats and Mongooses LOVE to fuck on my lawn. And every morning, i see them kind of wasted on my front yard. How do i get them away without harming them, because i want to go to sleep without having to hear animals have intercourse every night? (My room is right next to the front lawn, plus my window is only screen.

Shoot the fuckers while shouting "Requiescant in Pace!"

 

[Nouw]

You could make lots of loud noises when they go on your lawn. It works great, and it's also hilarious!

At 3.am in the morning? I don't think so

OT: Water Sprinklers. And I think you should investigate your lawn. Also, this sounds like its coming from Diary Of A Wimpy Kid

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Foil works well against any animal with clawed feet. (like cats or dogs)

 

[mrhappyface]

You could make lots of loud noises when they go on your lawn. It works great, and it's also hilarious!

At 3.am in the morning? I don't think so

OT: Water Sprinklers. And I think you should investigate your lawn. Also, this sounds like its coming from Diary Of A Wimpy Kid

Hah, great book series. But Greg never had to face a bunch of constantly horny mongooses at night. Never ever interrupt a Mongoose during sex. That's a big no no.

 

[mrhappyface]

Okay, i live in the suburbs in Hawaii. I can't hurt the local wildlife, and nor can i really call animal control to trap wild animals. I can't build anything on my lawn (i live on military land) and i certainly can't move somewhere else! Goddam animals LOVE my lawn. They don't necesarilly live on it, they FUCK on it. Cats and Rats and Mongooses LOVE to fuck on my lawn. And every morning, i see them kind of wasted on my front yard. How do i get them away without harming them, because i want to go to sleep without having to hear animals have intercourse every night? (My room is right next to the front lawn, plus my window is only screen.

Shoot the fuckers while shouting "Requiescant in Pace!"

"Vae Victis" would work pretty good if i could actually shoot the mofos without fear of getting mauled.