Need help with my mother.

[AtheistGuy]

I have quite a few problems with her. Let's start off with the simplest one. She's projecting. Let me put it in more Yahtzee-ish terms to see if I can better convey this. If she were projecting any harder I could point her at a wall and open my very own drive-in movie theater.

These bits of the usual conversation go a little bit like this:

Spoiler

Her:I know college at 16 is hard for you but you can't freak out over this. It's your first year and you need to stay calm and study every day.
Me:Like I was saying I'm not the kind of person to fr-
Her:I also know you're not sure what you wanna major in so you gotta be sure to learn as much as you can. Look at me. I came in studying psychology and now I'm doing criminal psychology. I know you wanna be a biologist but when you look at it closer you'll find there's lots of different kinds of biology. You know?
Me:I know mother. I've already decided on my major. I want to study biotechnology.
Her:You don't really know what you want yet. You gotta learn more and come ask me questions.

She's belittling. Constantly along with the projection she insists I'm A. About as mature as a kid, B. That my atheism is "Just a phase", C. That she automatically knows more than me simply because she's older, and D. "We have to take this chance. We're better than everyone else so we gotta take this chance now that the government is paying our studies because of disability. If we don't once the economy improves people are gonna be coming back to college and we won't be able to get in any colleges anymore".

And my small gripe on the side: She only talks about her studies.

So what can I do about her (I don't live with her for the record)

 

[drisky]

A. If you refuse to listen to anything she says you aren't being very mature, a lot of people change their major or focus after a few classes and she is only telling you to keep an open mind. Your never to old to get advice, and your never to old for your mother to stop thinking of you as her little baby.

B. Being atheist when younger then going back to religion happens all the time, ideals aren't permeant. With that in mind you should let her know that it shouldn't matter what you believe in the future because this is what you believe now.

C. She lived longer and wants to pass down her knowledge to you. You do have less life experience so just except it. Still if you feel the need to prove your experience just talk about specific topics you know more about. She may have more experience, but she doesn't have the same experience.

D. This seems like a minor issue, just calm her down by saying your already going to college and don't need more convincing.

As a side note, don't take going to college early to lightly, your age gives you a social stigma, so you have to be prepared to deal with people dismissing you for your age. Although it seems you've already started and are doing fine, but her worry is understandable.

 

[Insanum]

Just humour her? She wants you to succeed and she may not realise she's doing it.

As long as she doesn't aggressively go out of her way to change/control/steer your[/I] life in a way that you dont want it to go (i.e signing you up to criminal biology or something) then just nod and say 'ok mom'.

This helps with marriage too, but substitute 'mom' with 'dear'.

 

[Keoul]

But seriously, take her opinion into account as well as your own, perhaps she isn't belittling, just very concerned and nurturing? Just humour her for a while till you move out or sort out your differences

 

[Galletea]

If you don't live with her then don't worry about it. She only has her own experiences to refer to so that's what she does time and again. As for the atheism thing, that's probably where her opinion of your maturity comes from, she can't deal with it in terms of an adult making their own decisions, so she prefers to think of it as a angsty teenage sort of phase.
A lot of what she says might well be based on how you react. If you're adamantly arguing your point then she may well get more and more stubborn and belittling, it may be because that's how she's used to dealing with tantrums, and she is unused to discussing such issues as adults.

It's very important to remain calm, regardless of what she says or how she says it. If she really starts to piss you off about something, then go for a non-committal answer, like 'Maybe you're right, I don't know' or something to that effect, then change the subject back to her, if you don't live with her then that should be easy enough. Just be polite when you speak to her and don't give her reason to think you immature. Continue with your dreams regardless and sooner or later she'll come around.

It could be worse, at least she pays a sort of interest in what you're doing, and wants you to do well. Everything I say, my mother seems to have it worse and like your situation, she compares it to her life, but only in a bitter and resentful fashion.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip

I did a post in the other thread you made, so if you want sincere advice, go and read what I said then.
Otherwise, either ignore her or have a big argument with her because you clearly want to.

 

[Angie7F]

I dont think you have to do everything she tell you to do, but you should listen because she may have some good points here and there.
After all, she has already done this stuff once.

I know that I would have a lot of advise to give my 18 year old self if I can go back in time with the knowledge I have now.