Need your opinions

[SirDeadly]

Hey guys I would like your opinions about a poem that I have for my girlfriend for her birthday.

Everything I've longed for
You've made my dreams come true.
But the greatest gift of all
Is being loved by you
Have a really lovely Birthday
Indeed I'll see that you do.

Do you think it's any good?

 

[traceur_]

nice

 

[SmilingKitsune]

Remove the "that" from the last line, makes it flow better. Overall it's a nice poem.

 

[Major_Sam]

That's pretty sweet! But yeah one too many in the last line. Short is good cause I used to get page length ones every week and they were very lame and annoying and creepy after awhile. But I think yours is great!

 

[SirDeadly]

ty guys

 

[Crowser]

If she likes cheese (like me) then yes its great.

Still, if she doesn't she will still appreciate the sentiment unless she is a total *****.

 

[Chipperz]

The beat on the last line is out slightly. The rest is great. My (30 second) suggestion is...

Have a really lovely birthday
This day belongs to you.

Keeps the flow and the focus on her for the entire thing. I'll think some more on it and come back to it later. Hope she enjoys her birthday