Needing Human Contact...
- Thread starter arsenicCatnip
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High five? I'm not sure if you're lying or not...D Bones said:
I personally love being around people. I hang out a lot at school, but I like to keep a bit of time for myself after school. I find interaction with others nice. The thing is finding the people with common interests but different personalities. That usually makes things fun.
A little of both. I like the attention every once in awhile, but having them kind of gawk at me is weird.sinclose said:
I hope the same thing... if only because I'm a loud proud gamer girl. I'd like to not feel ashamed by the fact that I like to play with the boys.Naheal said:
My wife and I met online and recently celebrated our 25th anniversary. Eldest daughter met a guy on WoW who was 1500 miles away. They have been living together for about 4 years now. Youngest daughter has had several long distant relationships that didn't work out, though not because of the distance IMO.
I guess what I am saying is good luck!
Dum Spiro Spero, as the Romans used to say.
(While I live, I hope)
I guess what I am saying is good luck!
Dum Spiro Spero, as the Romans used to say.
(While I live, I hope)
I really enjoys hanging around people. It's just who I am. I really enjoys being around and hanging out with others.
Well, part of the problem is the first bit. We do treat gamer girls as though they're rare and strange, when, really we shouldn't be. But, that reaction just seems normal. To say that it's you're fault would just be wrong, but you're joining a group that has been, for lack of a better phrase, dominated by guys for years. Really, the problem stems from how gamer girls and, to a lesser extent, gamer guys are viewed. For the most part, you're your gender first and whatever hobby/label second. Once we realize that we should just be looking at anyone as a gamer first and whatever gender you happen to be second, we may start seeing this segregation decline.lilmisspotatoes said:
Unfortunately, that's an unrealistic goal and outlook.
Well, hello, there, 4chan!tblrtoras said:
Yeh, sometimes. When I'm bored of games, I scroll through my Steam Friends list and see if anyone's online, or go here.
The relative rarity of women in some types of gaming may make some males feel a weird sort of protectiveness just because of the attention that rarity might inspire. ("Girl, what are you doin' in this part of town? Don'cha know it ain't safe?")lilmisspotatoes said:
Obviously I can't speak for the experience of female gamers, but my experience with non-gamers has often been that mentioning gaming is not exactly a conversation starter. It's funny that there are any number of hobbies that people feel no compunctions against speaking about to people who don't practice them, but gaming often remains an "outsider" hobby. I still cringe at the memory of my father mentioning to the older sister of my then-girlfriend that I played role-playing games and watching on her face how her opinion of me changed in the span of moments.
I guess the good news is that video games are becoming more mainstream, and I'd imagine it won't be too long before cross-gender acceptance of gaming as a hobby comes with it.
While there is human contact I find myself rather fond of, for the most part though it's just me and my dog. I live alone and have zero desire for a roommate or live in girlfriend. I've worked hard to get what I have and where I am and don't need anyone else around gumming things up. The truth is I?m happiest alone. Conversation?s better; certainly the sex is, albeit heavy-handed at times.
It's a male-dominated group, that I agree with. And the relative rarity of being a female gamer was nice at first. But it kind of wears thin at times.Naheal said:
Maybe I'm just bitching, or talking out of my rear. But I would like to see the label of gamer be something to wear proudly for both genders, instead of something to hide. The more female gamers realize that hey, the guys won't deride you for liking to play, the more we'll become accepted.
At least I think so. I hope so.
Gaming is a hobby often practiced by those who are already slightly on the outside of society due to high intelligence (and yes, this is my arrogance talking. Shush, I've earned it). And despite what the media shows, it actually does take a brain to game (even games that I really don't find appealing, like Gears of War, I will admit need some strategy besides Leeroy-ing your way through). Still, as with any hobby, there are those people who make it even more of an outcast thing (the kid who stabbed the other one in the BRAIN for cheating comes to mind...).Callate said:
I find it curious (TMI here, feel free to skip this part) that I have found more acceptance about talking to people about my interest in BDSM than I have discussing gaming pretty much anywhere away from these forums. It is more okay for me to go outside wearing a collar than it is to wear my favorite gaming shirts.
Video games are becoming more mainstream, but tabletop gaming is still mostly male-dominated, I Hit It With My Axe aside. And really, I'd give my right foot to be able to find a group of people that I could spend a few hours gaming with every week.
But again, it's a dream that will likely never come to fruition.
and now I'm curious. What part of Colorado are you originally from?pixiejedi said:
I'm trying to get the hugs and whatnot I want from friends and family. It's not the same (not even bloody close) but it goes a ways toward the need being filled.
I can really sympathize with your situation. I, too am suffering from a lack of human contact. I moved back in with my parents after a failed expedition for a new life in another state. So now I'm living in a very rural and desolate place that's very far from any friends I made in high school. What's worse is that due to the rural area I live in, I can't get any quality internet. We're just using this lame usb modem pay as you go scam. So that means I can't play any online games to keep my mind off the isolation. I do have friends, but they're busy going on with their lives. You know, the rush after graduation to build your castles on the sand. They would call but they mostly live fulfilled lives. And even when they do I barely have anything to talk about.
"So what's going on with you?"
"Oh you know. Nothing."
My sense of purpose in life will be fulfilled in about year when the paperwork clears. Until then, I'm still here in the middle of nowhere with no companionship. I am looking for work though. Something so easy they would hire a young guy with no real skills or experience. It'll take a while, but time is the one thing I've got. That will cheer me up a bit. Not the contact with customers, of course. I've been down that road before. When you serve other people, the customers become npcs. They're not human. You're just a fleshy construct that fills their consumer desires. No, the real prize is your co-workers. That's the closest thing to a friend I expect to find out here. Someone who knows you more than an acquaintance and can kick back with you come break time. I just hope to find a workplace with people my age and people I can relate to.
Finding good coworkers will do much to bridge the gap, but I don't think they'll completely cure my need for quality social interaction. I miss my friends back when I was still in high school. Every so often our group of about six friends would all gather at this one girl's house. We'd all watch movies we considered thought-provoking and then have lengthy abstract discussions afterward. They were typically pretentious and obnoxious conversations, because we were just kids who thought they knew everything. But it was so refreshing to attempt to define the conditions of our common realities by simply talking it over with friends. Then, when we were feeling brave we would trespass on the neighborhood country club's lawn and lie down looking up at the open night sky. We were always caught somehow, and pursued by this same black SUV. I need friends like that again, but that's a long way off for now.
So what do I do in the meantime? I mostly wait around for my friends to call. Even though the conversation is understandably bland, it still is better than solitary confinement. Too bad that only happens only twice a week, these days. When my friends have better things to do, I always fall back on tedious forms of self-hypnosis. I don't have much I can do in the form of games. I only have a PSP and my old Gameboy Advanced. I've already run through my library of Gameboy games since coming here, and I can only afford new PSP games every once in awhile. Paid for with the few crumbs of financial goodwill my parents may toss my way. Currently, I survive on "Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness" and "Prinny! Can I Really be the Hero?". They're good games, but filling entire days with them can become grating. I try to mix up the monotony with works of fiction. I've got about six novels still packed away in boxes. I've got nearly endless time I could spend reading them, but as of yet I can't be bothered to try. Before I left my apartment I copied a couple series of stuff from my roommate's treasure chest of an external hard-drive. I've already burned through most of what he gave me. Got a few episodes left of Cowboy Bebop and most of Tenchi Muyo left. It's going to get rough once I run out of those.
What time I can't sufficiently waste on those two mediums I spend watching the most passive means of entertainment, TV. I bounce between a couple of channels, but I mostly just watch Deadliest Catch. It's appropriate I think, because so often I feel like that's what my life has become without human contact. Floating adrift at sea, cold and alone. It's enough to drive you insane.
So to cut a long ramble short, I understand what you're coming from. Simply being around these mammals we call strangers is not the same as quality time spent with people who care about you. We don't crave small talk; we miss our companions, our partners in crime, our band of merry men, our three amigos, our drinking buddies. Your case is only slightly different by the type of relationship you have, but the same feeling of yearning to be in good company is universal, I think. So yes we as human beings do need quality human contact, Ms. Kaname avatar.
"So what's going on with you?"
"Oh you know. Nothing."
My sense of purpose in life will be fulfilled in about year when the paperwork clears. Until then, I'm still here in the middle of nowhere with no companionship. I am looking for work though. Something so easy they would hire a young guy with no real skills or experience. It'll take a while, but time is the one thing I've got. That will cheer me up a bit. Not the contact with customers, of course. I've been down that road before. When you serve other people, the customers become npcs. They're not human. You're just a fleshy construct that fills their consumer desires. No, the real prize is your co-workers. That's the closest thing to a friend I expect to find out here. Someone who knows you more than an acquaintance and can kick back with you come break time. I just hope to find a workplace with people my age and people I can relate to.
Finding good coworkers will do much to bridge the gap, but I don't think they'll completely cure my need for quality social interaction. I miss my friends back when I was still in high school. Every so often our group of about six friends would all gather at this one girl's house. We'd all watch movies we considered thought-provoking and then have lengthy abstract discussions afterward. They were typically pretentious and obnoxious conversations, because we were just kids who thought they knew everything. But it was so refreshing to attempt to define the conditions of our common realities by simply talking it over with friends. Then, when we were feeling brave we would trespass on the neighborhood country club's lawn and lie down looking up at the open night sky. We were always caught somehow, and pursued by this same black SUV. I need friends like that again, but that's a long way off for now.
So what do I do in the meantime? I mostly wait around for my friends to call. Even though the conversation is understandably bland, it still is better than solitary confinement. Too bad that only happens only twice a week, these days. When my friends have better things to do, I always fall back on tedious forms of self-hypnosis. I don't have much I can do in the form of games. I only have a PSP and my old Gameboy Advanced. I've already run through my library of Gameboy games since coming here, and I can only afford new PSP games every once in awhile. Paid for with the few crumbs of financial goodwill my parents may toss my way. Currently, I survive on "Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness" and "Prinny! Can I Really be the Hero?". They're good games, but filling entire days with them can become grating. I try to mix up the monotony with works of fiction. I've got about six novels still packed away in boxes. I've got nearly endless time I could spend reading them, but as of yet I can't be bothered to try. Before I left my apartment I copied a couple series of stuff from my roommate's treasure chest of an external hard-drive. I've already burned through most of what he gave me. Got a few episodes left of Cowboy Bebop and most of Tenchi Muyo left. It's going to get rough once I run out of those.
What time I can't sufficiently waste on those two mediums I spend watching the most passive means of entertainment, TV. I bounce between a couple of channels, but I mostly just watch Deadliest Catch. It's appropriate I think, because so often I feel like that's what my life has become without human contact. Floating adrift at sea, cold and alone. It's enough to drive you insane.
So to cut a long ramble short, I understand what you're coming from. Simply being around these mammals we call strangers is not the same as quality time spent with people who care about you. We don't crave small talk; we miss our companions, our partners in crime, our band of merry men, our three amigos, our drinking buddies. Your case is only slightly different by the type of relationship you have, but the same feeling of yearning to be in good company is universal, I think. So yes we as human beings do need quality human contact, Ms. Kaname avatar.
*Screeching tires* Hold up. "When he was a kid." Folks are gaming well into their 40s at least now. In fact one of my old roomies was one of the folks who played D&D back when it first came out. Hell, my first console was one that was bought by my mother for herself.pixiejedi said:
It is male dominated, but tabletop players tend to face a greater stigma, be you male or female. I doubt that we'll ever run into a point to where we'll be able to wear that label "proudly" per se, but it may come to a point to where we'll be able to actually talk about what it is that we do.lilmisspotatoes said:
I like being around people and I like being alone, I find that too much people time (like a week straight) makes me exhausted, but I can spend a very long time alone and not get any of those funny things where people go crazy, then again, I have a really vivid imagination, and between family, friends, teachers, bus people, etc, along with my obscenely full house (there are no massively empty rooms, they all have a table or chairs or something), I tend to feel a bit shut in (mentally), and being alone allows me to sing to music (I'm a bad singer but I love it), be a little stupid and generally just do whatever I want.
...
...
... So yeah, I like company, but I deal with alone time better.
...
...
... So yeah, I like company, but I deal with alone time better.
I can't help but wonder if this isn't a factor. There sometimes seems to be a fear among some women that men will be put off by them if said men realize the women are smarter than their male colleagues. (Nor will I deny that for some men, this may actually be an accurate supposition.)lilmisspotatoes said:
There's also a general fear of looking stupid among your peers that applies to both sexes. Better to exclude someone from your peer group than to allow them to judge you unfavorably.
I agree that gamers often seem to be smarter than their non-game-playing peers. Without an ability to quickly understand and integrate fairly complex systems, one simply isn't likely gravitate towards gaming. (I'm waiting for the chicken-or-egg study that suggests that intelligence is born from exposure to games from an early age rather than games being the territory of intelligent people. Maybe some of the "games are turning our kids into murder machines" money could be siphoned off...)
The slightly arcane nature of gaming to non-hobbyists, and the social isolation it creates for many (whether intelligence-born or not) also creates for non-hobbyists a tendency to view gamers as almost a foreign culture or a cult, with the attendant tendency to play amateur anthropologist whenever a member of the subgroup behaves outside the greater social norm. ("What is it about this strange, primitive tribe that lends itself to such baffling acts of violence?")
Interesting. It does raise oddly parallel questions about what people expect from stereotypical gender roles... It may also be that what one does in the bedroom is still treated with a degree of courtesy that's extended to private matters while what one does for socially for fun is "public" and fair game for judgement.
Without a good game store or college/university nearby, I'm somewhat at odds for advice. I recently visited a game store in Victoria B.C. and was issued a completely impromptu invitation to join the proprietor's group for the evening after a conversing for a time about what was new and good in the store. I guess if there are any local film festivals or book stores with good science fiction sections you might also run across regulars with whom there might be overlap.
Best of luck with that dream, in any case.
