Nerf my attack!

[Hastur 1993]

I shall summon a shoggoth to intercept your plasma sword which will result in you sinking into it's tar like form.

 

[xmbts]

Ah, but I am rubber and you are glue, so the tar monster bounces off of me and sticks to you. (I hope)

 

[Dango]

But before you can get to either of us, your flamethrower gets sniped by James Bond, thus causing it to blow up and light you ablaze.

 

[Hastur 1993]

Ah but then you choke on the fumes made from the burning rubber and shoggoth while i'm wearing a gas mask.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

Then I use a knife to cut open the gas mask.

 

[Hastur 1993]

You look in horror apon my true form, as it is most lovecraftian.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

I've seen Marble Hornets and the worst that /b/ has to offer....im immune. That said I shove a shotgun into your mouth and fire

 

[ZleazyA]

I equip my Magic Mouth guard of +5 bullet resistance and then chuck a lich at you.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

I toss a firebomb grenade at your little minion and call in a bunker buster

 

[Adventurer2626]

I exit the bunker/building we're in and hop in my Command Wolf AC, bringing cannons to bear on you.

 

[Vesuvius Hetlan]

I dodge your shot bomb your Command wolf with my Maurader bomber

 

[kannibus]

I throw bacon grease into the cannons and thus cause them to backfire.

 

[AgDr_ODST]

I use a bubble shield and once it expires I spartan laser the cockpit of your AC

 

[Hastur 1993]

I use a berserker pack to restore my health then i use my upgraded fist damage to rip and tear your guts!

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

I then use a taser to stop you.

 

[Canadian Briton]

I use my rubber shield to take the attack, then I throw it and your hand, knocking the taser away.

 

[Rogun11]

I go Dead rising 2 on yo ass and make a clever but simple combination to disarmed(or dismember) you. Such as.... Tennis ball cannon. Or Rabies bucket.

 

[SteakHeart]

I summon up the Smoke Monster (the thing in my avatar) to slam you into the ground until your back breaks, then take your form and use it for nefarious purposes.

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

I turn on a wet-and-dry vac and vacuum up the smoke monster, who will dissolve in the heated water within. I then open the top and dump the heated contents on you and bludgeon you with the vacuum repeatedly.