On the Escapist - constructive criticism would be great. Telling me I suck is also appreciated, as that, to me, is a sign of affection.
I realise that I may have made a mistake by choosing a game already reviewed by a certain trilby wearing gent, but I've been waiting a while for something I can make a decent review out of, and I feel this is it. Hopefully I can distance myself from aforementioned reviewer.
The guidelines seemed to want me to use the buy it/rent it/don't touch it system...if this is wrong, or pretentious in any way, please tell me.
Warning; two of the images in this review contain a high amount of gore, and a stupid amount of blood...so, if you're below, say, ten years old (I think that's the modern day equivalent of 18), and haven't discovered that your parents don't actually care what you play or watch, then shoo! Oh, there's also some slimy cleavage from the female lead of NG.
Here comes the mass wall-o-text.
I realise that I may have made a mistake by choosing a game already reviewed by a certain trilby wearing gent, but I've been waiting a while for something I can make a decent review out of, and I feel this is it. Hopefully I can distance myself from aforementioned reviewer.
The guidelines seemed to want me to use the buy it/rent it/don't touch it system...if this is wrong, or pretentious in any way, please tell me.
Warning; two of the images in this review contain a high amount of gore, and a stupid amount of blood...so, if you're below, say, ten years old (I think that's the modern day equivalent of 18), and haven't discovered that your parents don't actually care what you play or watch, then shoo! Oh, there's also some slimy cleavage from the female lead of NG.
Here comes the mass wall-o-text.
I think I should point out that despite its appearence, the review is not incredibly long - images and generous spacing just spreads it out a fair bit. 2500 words at most...I had to cut it down to get to that.
Just to give this review a little context, I thought I would outline my prior experience with Ninja Gaiden as a series;
I am not a long-time fan of Ninja Gaiden. The first console I owned was the original Playstation, and therefore I
I had, however, heard of Ryu Hayabusa. Oh yes, he was the 'super ninja' that children with high-pitched voices and a tendency to say "owned" far too much were using to kick my arse on Dead Or Alive 4. I'd of course played the previous DOA games, but it was DOA4 that made me harbour a hatred for Ryu that had origins within my very soul.
So, I am not a fan of Ryu, and I am not a particular fan of ninjas in general, save for that clip on Youtube entitled 'Worst Death Scene Ever', I love that.
The context for this, therefore, is before Ninja Gaiden was released on the xbox, my only preconceptions towards it were;
-"Oh...this twat."
-"Ninjas. Meh."
-"What's a SNES?"
The Original Ninja Gaiden on the NES...Must. Not. Make. Comment. On. Graphics!
It may therefore come as a slight surprise that I absolutely loved Ninja Gaiden.
Yes, the difficulty was, at times, ludicrous.
Yes, the female lead's breasts were, to my pubescent mind, occasionally distracting as they filled the screen with their wobbly goodness.
No, it didn't have guns like Devil May Cry did - which, incidentally, I do recall reading on GameFAQS a fair few times around the release.
But the gameplay went beyond fast and into "You'll need to be on steroids to keep up with this bit, kid.", the graphics were pretty damn great at the time, and the story, whilst making little sense, was suitably
Not the deepest of games by far, but it aimed to entertain and entertain it certainly did.
I was able to forget about Ryu being a tool of annoying little shits, I thought the whole ninja thing was pretty cool for blokes in tight leather outfits, and did I mention how damn fast the gameplay seemed to go?
And here is where the review finally starts;
It would be fair to assume that because I loved Ninja Gaiden, I would therefore love the second installment.
This would be an accurate assumption, if the world was filled with well-wishing, hard-working, generous and efficient game developers. It is not. It is filled with malicious wankers.
I was thirteen when I played this game. I was, thankfully, ignorant as to the suggestive theme of covering Rachel's breasts in slime. That imagery would have blown my teenage mind.
I have two main gripes with Ninja Gaiden 2;
Difficulty.
I was good at Ninja Gaiden. Whilst I had friends who were struggling with the early levels on the easier settings, I was steadily getting through it on the harder ones.
Ninja Gaiden was always difficult, however - that game did not cut you any breaks, and I was frankly relieved when Team Ninja announced that they would be lowering the difficulty in Numero Two, as that level of difficulty can sometimes turn a game into a chore.
Ninja Gaiden 2 seemed as if it was trying to put a real emphasis on style - from the removal of limbs to the over the top finishers, it was looking as if the focus was more on making you really feel as if you were this 'super-ninja', a leather clad incarnation of death, rather than smacking you upside the head and calling you a pussy for failing to overcome that damn dragon for the tenth time.
To be honest, this claim on lowering the difficulty, was a sodding lie.
With the first Ninja Gaiden, the game was just so, damn, difficult. But it was always so in a way that seemed fair and logical - they were horrific demons, and it was going to take a little more than poking them with your sword to end their onslaught of pain. So whilst the difficulty was high, it made sense, and your blows always connected, they always did some damage, and there was a sense of reward in killing the tougher enemies.
Ninja Gaiden 2 follows this pattern. To begin with. And then you pass the first level, and come across the 'real' bosses. This is when the developers start to treat you like their *****.
An overly long, drawn out, but excellent example of this is Alexis, one of the Four 'Greater Fiends' in the game, Master of Lightning, or some such stereotype. This boss enraged me - there was no level of fair play here, no sense of reward, just Alexie, his throws, and his invincibility frames.
Alexis usually alternated between three attacks; a throw, another throw, and an unblockable whirlwind-type move. This, in itself, would be okay, as the moves are fairly predictable, and whilst all are unblockable and unstoppable, they can be dodged with adequate timing.
However, any logical, experienced gamer would recognise that the obvious time to attack this boss is in between these attacks, when he has slowed down and appears to be very vulnerable. It doesn't go like that, however. Oh no, because, depending on the next attack he has lined up, Alexis will not take damage. If his throw is followed by, say, another throw, he does a very rapid ascent and then charges at high speed. During this time, he is invulnerable.
But it doesn't always go like this, sometimes he will not react as quickly, or he will perform a move with a large buildup. Meaning that it is a roll of the dice whether or not you can get hits in and interrupt him, allowing you to dish out some ninja ownage. You need to charge in because that is the only time when damage is possible - there is no method to this, it is simply luck of the draw; rushing in fingers crossed that his next move will be one that you can interrupt.
From a fair few bosses like this, to bosses that must be hit with ranged attacks (in a game primarily based around melee combat) to a boss that nukes itself upon defeat (at which point you must block to survive the nuclear explosion...running away doesn't work, but blocking the explosion does.), the end-level battles go from bad to worse.
The combat itself has been improved upon. It's just the design of enemies that occasionally gives me panic attacks.
It is not just the bosses, either - to compensate for the fact that your health regenerates in between fights, the run of the mill enemies move faster, hit harder, seem to throw more often, and love their ranged attacks.
Example; on one occasion I found myself surrounded by your standard super evil ninjas. I was not hit once by a melee attack, but I still died. Why? Explosive shurikens. That many incendiary ranged attacks at once just gets ludicrous, as even daring to attack leaves you bouncing around the room in a series of small but increasingly irritating explosions.
These elements were sometimes present in Ninja Gaiden, but no where near to the extent they seem to be in NG2. At these moments it is not just raising the difficulty, it is incredibly poor design. There is no point debating whether or not it is deliberate - it is still absolutely terrible, and when it happens it takes a game with stunning combat and turns it into a contest of "Which anonymous enemy can make you scream at your 360".
The combat is still set at an amazing pace, remains smooth and satisfying, and there's nothing quite like lopping both arms, a leg, and the head off Anonymous Ninja #137 with a large scythe, but the above examples, whilst not occurring too often, can still ruin your experience of the game for their painful duration.
Pretty much what I looked like after a few rounds against Alexis. Except I have more hair. And I'm not a baby.
Setting, Location, and Plot; Bwaaaaaaah?
As I mentioned much, much further up above the wall of moaning, the plot of the first Ninja Gaiden made little sense. The concepts were strange, the characters were over the top, and the motives of the villains were ambiguous at best.
This is nothing, in comparison to NG2.
The game opens with the premise that a woman/Greater Demon named Elizabet steals a statue from the Hayabusa village, which causes Mount Fuji to explode, thus releasing an incredible amount of demons and fiends.
I'd just like to stop there a second, to let that sink in - the statue being removed...blows up Mount Fuji. What, was it a pressure switch? Did the Hayabusa village plant an atom bomb in Mount Fuji?
Instead of dealing with the problem at its source, and travelling straight to Mount Fuji, everyone seems to decide it is better to pursue the woman with the statue. Maybe returning the statue to Hayabusa village somhow pulls all the demons back inside Mount Fuji, or some bollocks, but I stopped paying attention when Mount Fuji Exploded.
So they pursue Elizabet to New York. Oh yes, for some reason, Elizabet travels to New York, and my old buddy Alexis sets up his base atop the Statue of Liberty. So, this far in;
-Demon Statue Stolen.
-This makes Mount Fuji blow up. Logical.
-Elizabet pisses off to New York, despite it turning out that her eventual objective is in South America. Astoundingly logical.
-Alexis is a cock. Oh, he also decides that it would be awesome to make lightning bolts from the top of the Statue of Liberty. I, for one, would be enjoying my release from eternal imprisonment, rather than pratting about on top of a statue. So logical that even The Logician would be impressed.
But this is nothing new - the core concept is Dragon Ninja vs. Demons of the Underworld, so you can't really expect a great deal of sense. Before I sound contradictory, however, let me explain;
There is a cutoff point. You can only get so backwards, so batshit crazy without causing the gamer genuine anger. The settings provide a great example of why I found myself experiencing this anger.
After defeating Alexis and presumably making New York a better place forever for all the little children, we seem to move on to...I don't even know.
It bears a resemblance to the stereotypical, picturesque image of Venice, especially in the canal department. However, the citizens appear to be Medieval peasants judging from their clothing, and it is now inhabited entirely by...werewolves? Oh yes,
I was dealing with it.
Until they decided to dump me in the canals for the rest of the level.
This is more or less what most of the level can be expected to look like. However, there aren't any werewolves or ninjas in this picture...I don't think.
It is as if the developers stopped caring, and thought it would be
A) More difficult for me and
B) Easier to make,
If I was forced to run along the water of similar looking canals for the rest of the level, whilst still fending off hordes of the Underworld.
I have a theory on this;
Developer A;Okay Developer B, we've implemented Obliteration finishing moves, we're sorted out all the problems with area damage, what other new features do we have?
Developer B;Uhh...hm. Well, Developer A, we certainly made it look nicer!
Developer A;We need a little more than that, Developer B, can you be more specific?
Developer B;Well the water looks great.
Developer A;Brilliant, lets combine the two and dump them in the canals for an hour!
Developer B;I love being a lazy wanker.
Developer A;As do we all.
So, Developer A and B toddle off to the park for an expensive picnic whilst I scream and crawl into the foetal position as a result.
Again, this is about the cutoff point - I can deal with nonsensical locations, but when those locations seem designed to cause me mental illness, I take issue.
And this is where the title comes into relevance - playing this game can hurt. Unless you happen to be a Zen Master, this game will stress you out. Expect to twitch, strain your neck in indignant fury, and cause yourself a large variety of headaches with this one.
Do not misunderstand me - despite my two large problems with this game, it is still fun. Despite the design flaws, despite the massive stress headache I gave myself last night during seemingly impossible boss fight #4, I was still having a lot of fun.
Ninja Gaiden 2 takes your average gamer and turns them into a masochist - they're damaging their mind putting up with this level of difficulty, but they're still sailing through the air, decapitating monstrous entities and generally being awesome, they're working through the inevitable headaches and having a great time.
Conclusion (At Last)
Again, it may seem as if I have contradicted myself in this review; I do not love this game as I did Ninja Gaiden, no. However, I still like it a hell of a lot, and despite the occassional, unholy flaws that can crop up from time to time, the majority of the game is entertaining and enjoyable.
Nevertheless, I would not recommend buying it - if I had bought this, instead of renting it, I would have developed an all new level of self-loathing for myself; I would feel as if I paid 40 quid to hurt myself, and if I found myself truly hating the game, I would still feel obligated to finish it.
The advantage of renting this game is that, if you hate it, or find it infuriatingly difficult, you can just send it back, without being put out too much in terms of cash. If you've played Ninja Gaiden to death and are confident you can breeze through this, then maybe you should consider buying it, but as always, don't trust the demo on terms of difficulty, they put you in the first level, with maxed out weapons and abilities.
So if you are absolutely sure you can play this without contorting your very essence with an infernal wrath not seen since you played Eragon, feel free to purchase a copy, if not;
Rent it.
To calm any angry readers who feel they have wasted their time crawling through the above review.
