Not sure how to ask this.

[kommando367]

I've been trying to figure something out about my female friends and
I'm not really sure how ask this, but here goes nothing.

I have a few female friends which I know have boyfriends, but like me enough to randomly hug me and are
particularly affectionate towards me and they seem to dislike it when I hug or otherwise show affection to other girls.

First off, can someone tell me why certain girls do this? I mean, I get that it seems like they really like me,
but I don't like to get between other's relationships or cause drama, so I'm really not sure what to do here.

Also, what's up with the new captchas?

EDIT:Ok I think I have enough info to unblur the lines I wanted unblurred.

So how 'bout them captchas? How does a word bouncing around affect a bot program's ability to read it? Did someone actually crack the old system, or did the Escapist just add new stuff for shits and giggles?

 

[Hagi]

I'd say the hugging is just a sign of friendship. They like you, as a friend, and so they'll hug you and show you affection.

And when you hug another girl and give her attention that means you're not spending time with them, which they'll dislike.

Jealousy is a pretty normal thing and it doesn't just apply to romantic relations. It's nice to feel like the center of your group of friends and when your friends spend time with others that can evoke feelings of jealousy. Some of those feelings will show, even if the person feels bad about having them.

And you should do whatever you want. Their jealousy is their problem, not yours. Their show of affection is their choice, not yours. If you're unsure of what their actions mean then that's their failing, not yours. Just keep going as you were, if one of your friends wants to tell you something then that's their responsibility.

 

[EeveeElectro]

She's just being friendly. You might be misreading being friendly for affection.
I like hugging my guy friends, and that's usually where I draw the line.

They get jealous because women in genera are just jealous. Or maybe it's not jealousy and they just feel like you're being a bit rude if you're ignoring her and giving another female friend attention instead.

Girls are typically hostile towards other girls, especially if we don't know the other girl. I cant really explain why, I guess it may have something to do with jealousy. Maybe we find them a threat.

Also just because a girl is being affectionate (whatever your explanation of that is) doesn't necessarily mean she likes you. Some girls are just affectionate towards everyone, unless she treats you a lot nicer than all her other guy friends.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Jealousy is a pretty normal thing and it doesn't just apply to romantic relations. It's nice to feel like the center of your group of friends and when your friends spend time with others that can evoke feelings of jealousy. Some of those feelings will show, even if the person feels bad about having them.

And you should do whatever you want. Their jealousy is their problem, not yours. Their show of affection is their choice, not yours. If you're unsure of what their actions mean then that's their failing, not yours. Just keep going as you were, if one of your friends wants to tell you something then that's their responsibility.

Pretty much this. It stems from their own insecurity, they're probably afraid that you'll start to prefer the other person and start spending less time with them. They'll just have to learn to deal with it.

They get jealous because people in general are just jealous.

Everyone gets jealous, it's natural.

Girls are typically hostile towards other girls, especially if we don't know the other girl. I cant really explain why, I guess it may have something to do with jealousy. Maybe we find them a threat.

I don't think it's nearly as common as you make it out to be, at least not in my own experience.

 

[FamoFunk]

I'm in a long term relationship and still hug Male friends, why wouldn't I? They've been my friends for years and that doesn't stop or change because I'm committed to someone else. I'm also affectionate to both Male and Female friends, because I do love them a friends and we have a solid friendship. But it obviously not on the same level as the one with my partner.

The disliking it when you hug or show affection to other Girls I don't get, being a Female myself I still haven't worked out why other Females do stuff like that.

 

[kommando367]

When I said "particularly affectionate", I meant the kind of affection I normally expect from a girlfriend, like this one girl who lays her head on my chest when she hugs me and another that jumped on me. Should I just write that off as a type of "friendly" affection?

 

[Hagi]

When I said "particularly affectionate", I meant the kind of affection I normally expect from a girlfriend, like this one girl who lays her head on my chest when she hugs me and another that jumped on me. Should I just write that off as a type of "friendly" affection?

Yup.

They have boyfriends. They probably sleep with those. Naked.

Where exactly do you think laying her head no your chest rates on a scale from standing next to each other to sleeping together naked sits?

Unless she's seriously avoiding her boyfriend whatever she's doing with you is very likely to pale in comparison to whatever she's doing with him.

Laying your head on another's chest is something one would do with family and thus not romantic. Jumping on someone is also something one would do with family and thus also not romantic. Kissing, sleeping together etc. is something one would (probably) not do with family.

 

[KINGBeerZ]

Nothing wrong with giving your friend a hug, just shows they care about you, after all people don't have to be in a serious relationship to care about one another.

 

[Signa]

I don't think it's nearly as common as you make it out to be, at least not in my own experience.

In mine, they really aren't either, but they are willing to go there easier for stupider offenses. I had a co-worker and have a sister that get quite catty when one of their friends does something that they don't approve of. It doesn't have to affect them directly, but if they can be judgmental about it, they will be. They aren't so harsh to their guy-friends.

OT: I dunno OP, it's a strange situation. I say do whatever makes you feel good about your friends, and if one of them have a problem with it, they aren't really your friend. It's their problem to get over, not yours to fix.

 

[Jonluw]

I know how you feel dood, but they're probably not into you that way.

Thing is a lot of girls are, like Kendarik says, touch oriented in friendly interaction.

Yes. Lots of girls are touch oriented with friends. It's a sign of playfulness, affection, and friendship. It is not necessarily a sign of sexual attraction or the desire for a relationship other than friendship. You will note that girls do this with each other even when they are straight.

However, what these kinds of girls really should get around to realize soon is that not everyone uses touching as a sign of friendship. This kind of friendly touching can get very awkward for people like me (and presumably OP), for whom touching is strictly reserved for intimacy.
I've had a couple of female friends who, in general, like touching people they're friendly with. For me, this was really pretty uncomfortable, as in my world touching is a sign of romantic or sexual attraction.

 

[Naeras]

First off, can someone tell me why certain girls do this? I mean, I get that it seems like they really like me,
but I don't like to get between other's relationships or cause drama, so I'm really not sure what to do here

My guess would be that either they just don't like the person you're hugging, or they're a bit too protective when it comes to male friends.

However, what these kinds of girls really should get around to realize soon is that not everyone uses touching as a sign of friendship. This kind of friendly touching can get very awkward for people like me (and presumably OP), for whom touching is strictly reserved for intimacy.
I've had a couple of female friends who, in general, like touching people they're friendly with. For me, this was really pretty uncomfortable, as in my world touching is a sign of romantic or sexual attraction.

Then just tell them that you're not comfortable with it. They'll understand, and thus stop doing it, unless they're retarded.

 

[gazumped]

I have a few female friends which I know have boyfriends, but like me enough to randomly hug me and are particularly affectionate towards me and they seem to dislike it when I hug or otherwise show affection to other girls.

Bear in mind that other girls have already answered this saying 'it's all in your head, man', and I'm pretty sure my view (as another girl) is uncommon

But as someone who feels like I don't have a lot of people who care about me, I get very excited when I think a guy might be interested in me. Even if I have a boyfriend at the time (I will tend to have the gut feeling that said boyfriend doesn't really care about me anyway and is just with me because it's easier) I want to suck up the rare attention I get from other guys like a sponge.

(Disclaimer at this point: It is something I have become more aware of over time and in my last relationship I tried not to do it, so much that I started getting aggressive with male friends who showed an interest in me. Maybe I need to find a happy medium, though.)

So I'm saying there is the possibility that one or two of the female friends you're talking about see in you a potential ego boost and (whether consciously or not) are encouraging you to have feelings for them to increase their self worth. If you then show similar affection to another girl, they see that they're not special or a one of a kind for you, which is mightily annoying if the idea of being such was boosting their self esteem. (Certainly not something you should feel bad about.)

So, even if it's not a case of 'you're just imagining it, dude,' it's still unlikely that any of these girls are acting this way because they want to get in your pants. Well, very unlikely that ALL of them do, for sure.

 

[Something Amyss]

Girls tend to be more affectionate than boys. It's a societal thing. Mystery solved.

 

[Phasmal]

You know I read the other day that a lot of dudes mistakenly think that their lady-friends are interested in them: http://www.scientificamerican.com/p...=attraction-between-friends-of-oppos-12-07-22 - there. Could be just because everyone assumes males and females cant be friends without sexual tension. Which is totally untrue.

But anyway, girls tend to be more physically affectionate. I used to lay my head on my female friend's lap but it didn't mean I was into her. My other female friend used to slap all her friend's arses for a laugh.

You're probably just reading too much into it, besides, if these ladies have boyfriends it's probably best not to go there even if they do come out and say they are interested. But until then I'd just play it cool.

 

[Angie7F]

Unless the girl actually articulates their feelings, I don't think you should read too much into it.
However, if you are worried about the jealousy thing, just show that your are not interested.

 

[Alternative]

Depends. Do you feel that it is ok that animals are bred to die, just so you can have a burger?
if yes then there's no need to feel guilty.
in no then you might feel guilty.

Personally I enjoy my meaty, delicious steaks without guilt because i don't care about non-sentient creatures much.

EDIT: I appear to have posted in the wrong thread.
*facepalm*

 

[MrHide-Patten]

Girls just being friendly and possesive. Doesn't mean she wants your sausage, unless she's grabbing your junk like Michael Jackson, don't read too much into it.

 

[Draxz]

Take it from me... Personally, I think it's ~jealousy~.
Even when not with a certain guy, if they feel close enough to hug them, they can sometimes feel left-out or not loved (as a friend) as much.

Though, there is the odd chance they secretly think you're gay and want you as their 'Gay Best Friend'.

 

[Signa]

Depends. Do you feel that it is ok that animals are bred to die, just so you can have a burger?
if yes then there's no need to feel guilty.
in no then you might feel guilty.

Personally I enjoy my meaty, delicious steaks without guilt because i don't care about non-sentient creatures much.

I'm laughing so hard at your post right now.

 

[Aerosteam]

I think they're just over protective(?)

And about the captchas (A subject I'm familiar with), it came with the new forum layout. I guess.

Depends. Do you feel that it is ok that animals are bred to die, just so you can have a burger?
if yes then there's no need to feel guilty.
in no then you might feel guilty.

Personally I enjoy my meaty, delicious steaks without guilt because i don't care about non-sentient creatures much.

EDIT: I appear to have posted in the wrong thread.
*facepalm*

Sweet Jesus.