This is the first of many reviews from Nuclear Testicles.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........................I'd been quite excited about the release of this game. I pre-ordered it.....three times due to the first two being fucked up by the company but none of that matters anymore. I came home after holiday to be greeted by it and my face lit up. I absolutely loved the first one. A shining beacon amongst the stagnant waves of dumbed down console shooters. I didn't expect the second to stand up against the originals story or atmosphere but I at least expected a faithful product that could make the original proud. To describe fully why Bioshock 2 is a drooling pile of sludge, coughed out in the hope that someone would take pity on it and give it money, is quite hard. In order to do so I'm going to list all the things that the first did well and how Bioshock 2 managed to shit all over it.
Story:
Easily Bioshocks strongest point, there really was no way the sequel could have topped it, although it could have tried. Following the Half-Life formula of talking away the spoon and not actually forcing exposition down the player?s throat, Bioshock used the environment and its fantastic audio diaries to slowly paint a picture of how the world of rapture came to be. The characters were also intriguing to the point of worship. There was your mysterious Irish guide, Atlas. The Mad yet truly brilliant villain, Andrew Ryan and also the pure lunacy of demented artist, Sander Cohen. These are three of my favourite characters in gaming history.
The pacing of the story leading up to the reveal (you know what I'm talking about) was also superb so that when it arrived I was truly blown away. It was a truly magical game that left me totally blown away. Sure the bad ending left something to be desired but all in all it was a stunning narrative.
Bioshock 2 puts the magic of the original to shame. In it you play as a Prototype Big Daddy and within mere minutes the narrative is forced down the players throat through the opening cutscene.....yep I did just say cutscene. The city is now under the rule of Sophia Lamb, a smug old tit whose head is stuck so far up her own arse she can see her bloody neck. She takes your Little Sister, Eleanor, who turns out to be her daughter and then hypnotises you to kill yourself. You wake up some years later to find Rapture in more ruins and team up with wholly uninteresting guide, Augustus Sinclair (but not after Tennenbaum shoves more exposition down your clogged off neck) and together you set off to find your Little Sister which, considering she's the main villains daughter, is basically kidnap. There's not much else that I can say really, like a Houdini splicer it makes a show of itself at first, only to disappear for prolonged periods of time, reappearing briefly to kick you in the nuts after which it pisses of and eventually gets fucked through the head.
Gameplay:
The only thing that hasn't suffered hideously, gameplay has undergone a few changes. Exploration is still the same Aspirin popping, crisp munching idea, only without the constant feeling of dread that came across as a result of the atmosphere created by the first. The only reason we're here is for the combat. I always thought that the first game did everything right with combat. Sure there could have been more variety with the plasmid upgrades and switching between them and weapons could occasionally feel intrusive but it never got in the way of the overall experience of gunning down mutants with a crossbow. The combat system also allowed for many different playing styles. The combat was split into three main sections, Weapons, Plasmids and Tonics. There was eight weapons, six of which could be upgraded twice and also had three ammo sources. The plasmids offered an effective and often hilarious tactical edge (Sonic Boom anyone), and the three types of Tonics, Physical, Combat and Engineering also allowed for impressive levels of customisation. The second follows this structure as well, managing to add a few redundant changes while it's at it.
Playing as a Big Daddy means that you can now dual wield weapons and plasmids, which is alright but it hardly makes much of a difference considering you could switch between them in mere picoseconds in the original. The only thing that truly improves the combat is the drill, which despite running on fuel, doesn't need a bathysphere full of tonics to become effective like the Wrench. The rest of the games weapons are near carbon copies of every gun in the first game, albeit fatter, uglier copies. The only other change is in the Research Camera which has merely been dumbed down for those who couldn?t handle the depth and complexity that comes from taking pictures.
More redundant changes include proper plasmid upgrades, which could have worked if the upgrades were a little more inventive than charge it up and uber-charge it up. Weapons now have a third upgrade which can only be unlocked by buying the other two, although these upgrades are more or less useless gimmicks to make you waste your time spent upgrading. Tonics now fall under one category which gives you more freedom but also takes away the RPG edge that the first was barely clinging onto.
Hacking has changed into a QTE. Not much to say about that. It?s in real time so if you found yourself hacking to escape the heat of combat in the first (like me) then you?re screwed. In order to help with this new HACK system you have a HACK gun that shoots HACK darts that allow you to HACK from a range. When you start hacking you have to stop a needle in a green or blue area as opposed to what I thought was a unique and immersive mini-game involving ordering pipes so that they connect two sections, allowing a liquid to flow through.
Despite promises of full scale splicer rampages, the most splicers you?ll fight at the same time usually only equates to four. Just as well seeing as how you can now only carry five first-aid kits and eve hypos as opposed to nine, securing you a spot in the vita-chamber. New enemies include the brute, which looks like Charles Bronson?s Ball bag, and the Rumbler, a new Big Daddy who uses explosives in the hopes that you won?t catch them with telekinesis and throw them back down his explodo-tube.
The moral choice system in the first Bioshock was probably the games weakest point. When you encountered a Little Sister you could either kill or save her for a lot of Adam or a lot of Adam and gifts to go with it. This could have worked better if the good ending could still be achieved even if you killed a few Sisters and if there was some neutral ending if you decided to mix it up. This game has six endings. A good, a bad and a neutral ending along with a ?you sort of fucked up? version of each. This is due to the new moral choice system which now brings citizens into the equation. There are a few situations in the game when you will be given the option to either save or kill a certain high ranking citizen of Rapture. These situations don?t affect the game much. You get a throwaway line of dialogue and the ending you get is slightly altered. In the end though it still falls down to what you do with the Little Sisters. There is a neutral ending this time although to get it you have to kill and save one Little Sister meaning that if you want the good or bad ending then you?re going to have to either save or kill every single one of them so mixing it up officially gets you the vanilla shite ending.
Unfortunately this is when the game truly screws up. Whereas before you could chose to either save or kill the Sister on the spot, this time you can either break her pathetic neck.....or adopt her. What adopting involves is using most of your first-aid kits to kill the Sisters Big Daddy, buying more from a vending machine, taking the sister to a random corpse and watching over her while splicers come in from all directions to put one great big dent in your helmet. This consumes most of your first-aid kits and hypos, as well as forcing you to use all your good ammo. It then makes you take her to another corpse. You have to do this every time you want to save her and just as a bigger kick in the nuts, the Sisters only bring you three gifts. These gifts consist of some money, a pathetic amount of Adam and a shitty Tonic which is pretty disappointing when you compare it to the plasmids and rare ammo types that you got for being nice in the last game. And as if all that doesn?t sound shit enough, after disposing of all the Little Sisters you will have to fight a Big Sister.
The Big Sister replaced the Bouncer as the games mascot and while 2K was incredibly keen to push these guys down our throats they ultimately had no clue how to use them. Big Sisters are like faster, stronger Big Daddy?s that were once Little Sisters themselves but now spend their days abducting little girls and turning them into Big Sisters. I won?t deny the effective use of the Big Sister in the first few levels. You have a fight with one fifteen minutes into the game. It runs away after losing a third of its health or if you come very close to dying but it?s still an intense fight that gets you excited for the rest of the game. You chase it through the level before eventually losing it then later on, at the end of the Ryan Amusements level; you finish it off in what is easily the highlight of the game. The battle is intense and best of all, unexpected. Even after losing all of my first-aid kits I felt victorious. If I was designing this game then I would have had it so that Big Sister fights were rare, increasingly difficult and totally unexpected. As it is they arrive once all Little Sisters are dealt with. This means you?ll fight one every level (considering that you don?t start ignoring the Little Sisters), you can decide when and where the fight happens and every battle is the same. A great idea wasted. Worst thing is these Sisters attack you even if you save all the Little Ones. That is just stupid game design. As if the crappy gifts weren?t enough punishment for being good, now you have to fight these fucks for showing some shitting compassion.
Atmosphere:
Very few games have come close to topping Bioshocks level of atmosphere. Never once did the game let you feel safe. It?s fantastic use of music and echoing noises left you in a constant state of caution. Whenever you got used to the games terrifying mind tricks it threw something else at you. No game since has topped it in terms of atmosphere and the second wasn?t going to either.
The Second never stood a chance in topping the originals atmosphere unless it brought Owen Wilson in to voice Sinclair. While playing through this game I only got scared once. Shat myself, mind you, but it only happened!!!ONCE!!! The game rehashes almost all of the tricks that the first succeeded in mentally breaking me with, most notably the rising bodies? trick. But whereas the first had a terrifying build up leading up to this fright, it gets thrown at us out of the blue and has no impact whatsoever. The music is also poorly used. There was one point when I was in the complete safety of the seabed when what could have been a very scary tune came on. Nothing happened. I was completely safe. There really isn?t much more that I can say about this except that it?s less of a disappointment knowing that it wouldn?t have been more atmospheric unless it copy and pasted every scene from Silent Hill 2.
To conclude this review, Bioshock 2 is a game for COD fans that aren?t used to a narrative or atmosphere or half decent gameplay. For those who played the original or even those who didn?t but have the slightest appreciation for gaming, avoid this at all costs. Highlights of the game include your first few Drill dashes, the first proper Big Sister fight, the Andrew Ryan Audio Tapes and one particular toilet section. Compared to the highlights from the first this just isn?t enough. The story is stupid and most of the time you?ll just forget it?s there, the whole adopting thing is one of the worst ideas I?ve ever experienced in a game, the levels are incredibly bleak and dreary and the endings....UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. I completely wasted my time saving all Little Sisters and not just did the game call me a dick for killing a mass murderer and a man who literally wanted to die, it didn?t let me kill Sophia Lamb. All the way through this game, my only motivation to finish it was the thought of removing Sophia Lambs head from within her arse using my massive Drill bit cock.
Hope you enjoyed my first review. See you later.
By the way I?d like to make a logo for myself. Does anybody know some decent and easy to use (and free) software I can use?
My apoligies for the double post.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........................I'd been quite excited about the release of this game. I pre-ordered it.....three times due to the first two being fucked up by the company but none of that matters anymore. I came home after holiday to be greeted by it and my face lit up. I absolutely loved the first one. A shining beacon amongst the stagnant waves of dumbed down console shooters. I didn't expect the second to stand up against the originals story or atmosphere but I at least expected a faithful product that could make the original proud. To describe fully why Bioshock 2 is a drooling pile of sludge, coughed out in the hope that someone would take pity on it and give it money, is quite hard. In order to do so I'm going to list all the things that the first did well and how Bioshock 2 managed to shit all over it.
Story:
Easily Bioshocks strongest point, there really was no way the sequel could have topped it, although it could have tried. Following the Half-Life formula of talking away the spoon and not actually forcing exposition down the player?s throat, Bioshock used the environment and its fantastic audio diaries to slowly paint a picture of how the world of rapture came to be. The characters were also intriguing to the point of worship. There was your mysterious Irish guide, Atlas. The Mad yet truly brilliant villain, Andrew Ryan and also the pure lunacy of demented artist, Sander Cohen. These are three of my favourite characters in gaming history.
The pacing of the story leading up to the reveal (you know what I'm talking about) was also superb so that when it arrived I was truly blown away. It was a truly magical game that left me totally blown away. Sure the bad ending left something to be desired but all in all it was a stunning narrative.
Bioshock 2 puts the magic of the original to shame. In it you play as a Prototype Big Daddy and within mere minutes the narrative is forced down the players throat through the opening cutscene.....yep I did just say cutscene. The city is now under the rule of Sophia Lamb, a smug old tit whose head is stuck so far up her own arse she can see her bloody neck. She takes your Little Sister, Eleanor, who turns out to be her daughter and then hypnotises you to kill yourself. You wake up some years later to find Rapture in more ruins and team up with wholly uninteresting guide, Augustus Sinclair (but not after Tennenbaum shoves more exposition down your clogged off neck) and together you set off to find your Little Sister which, considering she's the main villains daughter, is basically kidnap. There's not much else that I can say really, like a Houdini splicer it makes a show of itself at first, only to disappear for prolonged periods of time, reappearing briefly to kick you in the nuts after which it pisses of and eventually gets fucked through the head.
Gameplay:
The only thing that hasn't suffered hideously, gameplay has undergone a few changes. Exploration is still the same Aspirin popping, crisp munching idea, only without the constant feeling of dread that came across as a result of the atmosphere created by the first. The only reason we're here is for the combat. I always thought that the first game did everything right with combat. Sure there could have been more variety with the plasmid upgrades and switching between them and weapons could occasionally feel intrusive but it never got in the way of the overall experience of gunning down mutants with a crossbow. The combat system also allowed for many different playing styles. The combat was split into three main sections, Weapons, Plasmids and Tonics. There was eight weapons, six of which could be upgraded twice and also had three ammo sources. The plasmids offered an effective and often hilarious tactical edge (Sonic Boom anyone), and the three types of Tonics, Physical, Combat and Engineering also allowed for impressive levels of customisation. The second follows this structure as well, managing to add a few redundant changes while it's at it.
Playing as a Big Daddy means that you can now dual wield weapons and plasmids, which is alright but it hardly makes much of a difference considering you could switch between them in mere picoseconds in the original. The only thing that truly improves the combat is the drill, which despite running on fuel, doesn't need a bathysphere full of tonics to become effective like the Wrench. The rest of the games weapons are near carbon copies of every gun in the first game, albeit fatter, uglier copies. The only other change is in the Research Camera which has merely been dumbed down for those who couldn?t handle the depth and complexity that comes from taking pictures.
More redundant changes include proper plasmid upgrades, which could have worked if the upgrades were a little more inventive than charge it up and uber-charge it up. Weapons now have a third upgrade which can only be unlocked by buying the other two, although these upgrades are more or less useless gimmicks to make you waste your time spent upgrading. Tonics now fall under one category which gives you more freedom but also takes away the RPG edge that the first was barely clinging onto.
Hacking has changed into a QTE. Not much to say about that. It?s in real time so if you found yourself hacking to escape the heat of combat in the first (like me) then you?re screwed. In order to help with this new HACK system you have a HACK gun that shoots HACK darts that allow you to HACK from a range. When you start hacking you have to stop a needle in a green or blue area as opposed to what I thought was a unique and immersive mini-game involving ordering pipes so that they connect two sections, allowing a liquid to flow through.
Despite promises of full scale splicer rampages, the most splicers you?ll fight at the same time usually only equates to four. Just as well seeing as how you can now only carry five first-aid kits and eve hypos as opposed to nine, securing you a spot in the vita-chamber. New enemies include the brute, which looks like Charles Bronson?s Ball bag, and the Rumbler, a new Big Daddy who uses explosives in the hopes that you won?t catch them with telekinesis and throw them back down his explodo-tube.
The moral choice system in the first Bioshock was probably the games weakest point. When you encountered a Little Sister you could either kill or save her for a lot of Adam or a lot of Adam and gifts to go with it. This could have worked better if the good ending could still be achieved even if you killed a few Sisters and if there was some neutral ending if you decided to mix it up. This game has six endings. A good, a bad and a neutral ending along with a ?you sort of fucked up? version of each. This is due to the new moral choice system which now brings citizens into the equation. There are a few situations in the game when you will be given the option to either save or kill a certain high ranking citizen of Rapture. These situations don?t affect the game much. You get a throwaway line of dialogue and the ending you get is slightly altered. In the end though it still falls down to what you do with the Little Sisters. There is a neutral ending this time although to get it you have to kill and save one Little Sister meaning that if you want the good or bad ending then you?re going to have to either save or kill every single one of them so mixing it up officially gets you the vanilla shite ending.
Unfortunately this is when the game truly screws up. Whereas before you could chose to either save or kill the Sister on the spot, this time you can either break her pathetic neck.....or adopt her. What adopting involves is using most of your first-aid kits to kill the Sisters Big Daddy, buying more from a vending machine, taking the sister to a random corpse and watching over her while splicers come in from all directions to put one great big dent in your helmet. This consumes most of your first-aid kits and hypos, as well as forcing you to use all your good ammo. It then makes you take her to another corpse. You have to do this every time you want to save her and just as a bigger kick in the nuts, the Sisters only bring you three gifts. These gifts consist of some money, a pathetic amount of Adam and a shitty Tonic which is pretty disappointing when you compare it to the plasmids and rare ammo types that you got for being nice in the last game. And as if all that doesn?t sound shit enough, after disposing of all the Little Sisters you will have to fight a Big Sister.
The Big Sister replaced the Bouncer as the games mascot and while 2K was incredibly keen to push these guys down our throats they ultimately had no clue how to use them. Big Sisters are like faster, stronger Big Daddy?s that were once Little Sisters themselves but now spend their days abducting little girls and turning them into Big Sisters. I won?t deny the effective use of the Big Sister in the first few levels. You have a fight with one fifteen minutes into the game. It runs away after losing a third of its health or if you come very close to dying but it?s still an intense fight that gets you excited for the rest of the game. You chase it through the level before eventually losing it then later on, at the end of the Ryan Amusements level; you finish it off in what is easily the highlight of the game. The battle is intense and best of all, unexpected. Even after losing all of my first-aid kits I felt victorious. If I was designing this game then I would have had it so that Big Sister fights were rare, increasingly difficult and totally unexpected. As it is they arrive once all Little Sisters are dealt with. This means you?ll fight one every level (considering that you don?t start ignoring the Little Sisters), you can decide when and where the fight happens and every battle is the same. A great idea wasted. Worst thing is these Sisters attack you even if you save all the Little Ones. That is just stupid game design. As if the crappy gifts weren?t enough punishment for being good, now you have to fight these fucks for showing some shitting compassion.
Atmosphere:
Very few games have come close to topping Bioshocks level of atmosphere. Never once did the game let you feel safe. It?s fantastic use of music and echoing noises left you in a constant state of caution. Whenever you got used to the games terrifying mind tricks it threw something else at you. No game since has topped it in terms of atmosphere and the second wasn?t going to either.
The Second never stood a chance in topping the originals atmosphere unless it brought Owen Wilson in to voice Sinclair. While playing through this game I only got scared once. Shat myself, mind you, but it only happened!!!ONCE!!! The game rehashes almost all of the tricks that the first succeeded in mentally breaking me with, most notably the rising bodies? trick. But whereas the first had a terrifying build up leading up to this fright, it gets thrown at us out of the blue and has no impact whatsoever. The music is also poorly used. There was one point when I was in the complete safety of the seabed when what could have been a very scary tune came on. Nothing happened. I was completely safe. There really isn?t much more that I can say about this except that it?s less of a disappointment knowing that it wouldn?t have been more atmospheric unless it copy and pasted every scene from Silent Hill 2.
To conclude this review, Bioshock 2 is a game for COD fans that aren?t used to a narrative or atmosphere or half decent gameplay. For those who played the original or even those who didn?t but have the slightest appreciation for gaming, avoid this at all costs. Highlights of the game include your first few Drill dashes, the first proper Big Sister fight, the Andrew Ryan Audio Tapes and one particular toilet section. Compared to the highlights from the first this just isn?t enough. The story is stupid and most of the time you?ll just forget it?s there, the whole adopting thing is one of the worst ideas I?ve ever experienced in a game, the levels are incredibly bleak and dreary and the endings....UUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH. I completely wasted my time saving all Little Sisters and not just did the game call me a dick for killing a mass murderer and a man who literally wanted to die, it didn?t let me kill Sophia Lamb. All the way through this game, my only motivation to finish it was the thought of removing Sophia Lambs head from within her arse using my massive Drill bit cock.
Hope you enjoyed my first review. See you later.
By the way I?d like to make a logo for myself. Does anybody know some decent and easy to use (and free) software I can use?
My apoligies for the double post.