Right - I feel there is still too much ambivalence around definitions in our debate - let me take a small break from replying in order to better clarify at least some.
The reason why heterosexual coupling is relevant to the State is precisely because of the contribution it provides to society: this type of stable union, that implies a sexual relationship and that is open to procreation has been named through the history in all cultures and countries, arbitrarily if you like, with words that translate into english as "marriage"; let's call it
"Traditional Marriage" (TM), for now.
It is precisely because of the high cost in terms of both resources and commitment required to generate physically and psychologically healthy children, that TM has been often provided with advantages also of economical nature. This is part of the history of marriage, not of my "argument".
Anyone can be in love, in different ways and may act differently because of it (
"Romantic Marriage", or
RM). Purely because of their love, they are not entitled to preferential treatment. I don't see why the State should be concerned with "formalizing romantic love between individuals", and if it does, it certainly should not end up treating the loving couple/tris/poker different from any other citizen.
Problem is that right now, as a consequence of advances in contraceptives technology, heterosexuals can marry without having children and still get access to marriage benefits; I find this illiberal for obvious reasons, and think TM should be amended to reflect that.
Then there's adoption - and I already agreed that the moment any individual, groups of individuals or people in a TM or RM adopt a child, they should get the same treatment of TM.
Of course I maintain that a replacement for the children original parents who are also an example of a union able to procreate are the ideal match.
I assert that SSM, if should exist, should definitely fall under RM.
The vast majority of people I debated understood the relevance of this argument immediately. The fact that we are still here without you even having acknowledge it is... surprising me.
wolfyrik said:
I really can't understand why you're unable to grasp the incredibly simple premise that incest is dangerous, or how absue can take place. It boggles the mind that you don't understand the need to protect, in law, children from sexual abuse and yes that IS what we're talking about here. Allowing incest would be to open up children to sexual abuse, to legalise it, because all that a relative would have to do, is manipulte and firghten the child into "consent". I put consent in paretheses because children cannot give consent. By law, they are unable. This is to protect them from abuse. And yes, abuse can occur in any relationship, but that doesn't make it ok to carry out that harm on children. I'm truly astonished that you seem to think otherwise.
You still haven't actually detailed hwo this is in any way relevent to allowing same sex marriage. Since gay marriage law does not in any way, shape or form, repeal incest law.
I never mentioned marriage between adults and children, incest can and does happen between consenting adults.
The reason this is relevant with gay marriage is, since you would like to redefine marriage in a way that makes procreation incidental or irrelevant (as a RM), surely there is no reason to prevent close relatives to marry. Otherwise, please explain what your definition and requirements for marriage should be and why you would forbade incest.
This is my point - you cannot remove the relation between marriage and procreation and at the same time keep the restrictions that come from it. If marriage is a contract between two (or more) parties that has no special requirements and confer benefits to the parties, I see no point in applying a door policy to it.
wolfyrik said:
Strawman argument at best. Marriage without financial benefit, is still an act of two people recognising their love in a civil union, people don't get married in order to get benefits, as you bizarrely seem to be suggesting, they get married because they want to formalise their loving relationship. This is something that occurred even before the financial benefits you're so obsessed with, even existed(if they even exist, you haven't actually demonstrated them). This is something that occurred before the church and relevent governments even existed. Marriage is not, was not and never has been soley for the purpose of procreation or your phantom financial gain. So you know a couple who adopted, great! What your point? You claimed that marriage was for the purpose of raising children and financial aid and that only heterosexual couples can procreate ergo, only heterosexual couples should have access to marriage. The fact that this claim is false on every front is your problem, not mine. Your false definition, your error.
Your definition fails because gay couples can and do also raise children, ergo should be elligible for the same financial benefits. Marriage retains it's specific connotation because it's connotation is the formalisation of a relationship.
Your bizarre criteria for what constitutes marriage can be easily demonstrated false by the existence of commonlaw and unwed families. Couples who have children together but choose not to marry. There is literally no difference between a commonlaw couple with children and a married coupled with children, except for the formalisation of their relationship through the civil act of marriage. Commonlaw couples are afforded the same rights and benefits under the law as married couples. Since both gay and straight couples can choose whether or not to raise children, since they both can love each other, why shouldn't both be allowed to formalise their relationship?
In that case let me reiterate that any number of any people can raise children, in a pinch - and this includes close relatives.
So according to your bizarre reasoning any combination of people should be able to marry without any limits?
Adoption is not the same thing, and doesn't hold the same importance, of procreating. The traditional definition of marriage does not include adoption as a sufficient condition for it, and with good reason.
wolfyrik said:
Nor do I need to. You're the one challenging marriage, not me. You haven't actually defined what the "substantial benefits" even are. You absolutely haven't demonstrated them. You're trying to use another fallacious argument, shifting the burden of proof. You're the one making the postive claim, it's for you to demonstrate. How can I possibly demonstrate grounds for a boogeyman you invented? Heck, even if there is a "substantial benefit" to marriage, your only example of this has been providing funds for families. Which as I've already demonstrated, applies to both gay and straight couples, since both can raise families and applies to both married and unmarried straight couples. Why should gay families be banned from receiving the same benefits as straight couples when their expenses are the same? That's descrimination plain and simple, nothing more. What difference does it make if the children are born directly to the couple, are born through surrogacy or are adopted? The expenses are the same, the children's needs are the same.
In many western countries married couples get tax breaks, residence permits if one of them is not a citizen of the same country, and pension reversibility. Those are all services that have a cost for the taxpayers.
TM and procreation fulfill a different, fundamental role than adoption; just because -everyone- can potentially raise a child it doesn't mean they are entitled to the same benefits until they actually do.
wolfyrik said:
The fact that children are born without marriage completely contradicts your claim that marriage is necessary for procreation.
Never claimed that.
wolfyrik said:
I don't see how marriage is needed for stability either, you certainly haven't demonstrated that it is. If a non-married couple can raise children as well as a married couple, what difference does marriage make? You haven't demonstrated that marriage makes anything more successful and I see no evidence to support your claim.
I would have no problem whatsoever if the State kept itself completely out of the marriage business; actually, this could be a preferable, truly equal solution to this ongoing conundrum...
...except that offering a reward for a moral use of natural sexuality is an effective bait and switch to push more people to make babies. Most modern industrialized societies have fallen far below the number of children per couple required to sustain themselves demographically.
wolfyrik said:
Marriage is the name we give to people formalising their relationship.
It this your only definition of marriage?
wolfyrik said:
As for your false equivilency, how is a marriage between an inherenly steryle couple, any different for a sterile couple? The result is the same. They have children through surrogacy, adoption, rasie children from previous relationships or not at all. The sterile couple doesn't get married in order to have children, they get married to formalise their relationship. Why shouldn't the inherently sterile couple have access to the same rights afforded the sterile couple? That's just plain descrimination. Nothing more. There is no down side to allowing it. There is no harm borne to anyone else because of it, just as there is none for the sterile couple. It doesn't change things for fertile couples, so what difference does it make?
If they know they are steryle, and there is no cure for their sterility, than their should be a RM until (and if) they end up adopting someone. Which bears the interesting question of whether or not sterility tests should become mandatory in order to enforce equality...
wolfyrik said:
In otherwords, you ignored my challenge because you couldn't asnwer it. Oh and that's not a question, it's a claim I've already demonstrated as false. What exactly do you want me to answer here?
I asked you if you think that people in (your definition of) a marriage should receive preferential treatment over people that are not married.
For sake of comparison, in TM the presence of offsprings, or the commitment to have them, are reasons I consider perfectly valid for benefits.
wolfyrik said:
Entirely false. Please demonstrate how increasing access to rights, is taking rights away. Your claim is self-contradictory.
Simple - if you are selectively increasing access to
additional rights that historically exist for a specific reason (the possibility of procreation) to people that cannot procreate you are establishing the base for effectively denying those rights. This applies also to heterosexuals, of course, and is the reason current marriage implementation is flawed.
"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal." (Aristotle)
wolfyrik said:
Poly-amory is more difficult to define into law, this is a fact inherent ot the existing legal system, and would remain the same even if gay marriage were not allowed. Allowing gay nmarriage doesn't affect poly-amorous relationships postively or negatively. You're falsely attributing existing dilemmas to the subject to lead to a false conclusion. This is the very definition of a red-herring argument. Funny that you should keep committing the same fallacy, you falsely accused me of earlier. It's is the present legal system of marriage which has a problem with polygamous relationships, not same sex marriage.
It's true that it's difficult, but if you believe that access to RM is fundamental human right, it would be hypocritical not treating poly-amorous couples equally as well - after all, when people form a company there are rights that deal with their mutual responsibilities in regard to their participation in it, including when people joins or leave the company - it cannot be too hard to come up with something for polygamy/polyandry as well.
In TM the problem of polylove is less pronounced - the restriction to just two individuals exist so that both parents have the same responsibility to their offsprings, being so that each person is also a biological parent; - RM would have much more problem explaining an arbitrary headcount of two.
But hey, I am not against even complex and convoluted changes to the law in order to allow polygamy - polyamorous unions sound fun in the bedroom