On the Spot Monologue

[Odd Water]

Currently I'm thinking about work, since I'm at work currently, funny how that works. Aside from that I'm wondering if I'll have anything to do this weekend, aside from when I'm working. Also I need to do my laundry. And get my copy of Portal 2 back from my friend's younger brother Riku who has had it for a few weeks. I recently remembered Valve adds a mode to play through and listen to creator/staff commetary. I liked it in the Half-Life games and first Portal. Want to do it in that one as well.

I had a guy from Charter come to my place this morning to check the internet connecting. Mine keeps going out a few times a day randomly. And then last Tuesday night it went out 5 times in less then half an hour. The other people I know in the apartment complex I live say same happened to them while back. Had to get someone out there 3 times before they finally sent someone that knew what to do about it. I doubt it was such a guy they sent to my place today. I'm expecting a few lost connection moments tonight and over the next few days as well.

Drinking has been on my mind this week. But I don't drink and never have. But I've got no real reason to start now, and really no real excuse not to start other then don't want to. And if I was going to give in to some depressive mood or "Life Sucks" mind state to drink I've already past that low point moment and didn't then, so lost that excuse to try it. Reason its on my mind is because I spent Monday night with 4 girls all playing drinking games. I had a good time, but I felt kinda like a stick in the mud. Reminds me of high school and college, I was the only one not drinking, or smoking, or on something, or with a kid.

Currently I'm thinking about saunas. It just rained here at work, and it was sunny the whole time. So now it is super steamy outside. It feels horriable here at work now. It was already hot and humid, now its still hot and with a fresh big dose of humid. I may love water, but even I have my limits.

Water... That reminds me, when at the girls' place Monday night we all went for a short swim in thier apartment complex's pool. At like 2 AM, so guess that was Tuesday morning then not Monday night. The pool there is semi-heated? Or it was just so dang hot it never got cold by that time. It was still a little cool, but kinda lukewarm in feeling. No shock or chill getting in. Quite the surprise. I didn't have a swim suit or anything with me, the entier thing was just spur of the moment. I just swam in my jean shorts. There still damp sitting in my clothes hamper. Which remeinds me again, need to do laundry.

I keep looking at the clock. Its been an easier day then usual at work for me. But too easy. I have a lot on my shoulders at work, and now that I have a stress free day I feel bored instead of releaved. My stomach hurts a little as well, has for a few hours now. Its not hunger, I ate less then 6 hours ago before work. Maybe something is bothering me, I've just yet to realize what it is.

Looking at my stomach, I need to exercize. I've always had an active job that kept me fit. Now I'm stuck at a desk most of the day so I'm gaining weight. But I'm only 180 pounds, I've been about 170 for years till now. I don't like it. I'm rounding out slightly, I'm starting to feel weaker, slower. I have less energy then I use to have, my stanima is cut in half from what it was just a few years ago. I have no sex drive anymore. Can't remember the last time I even felt aroused, at least since last year. I tire easy, I pass out trying to play on my Xbox 360 at home in less then half an hour. Yet when I go to bed I sit and lay there awake for hours waiting for sleep to take me. When I do sleep its not for long. I wake up early, still tired, uncomfortable, sometimes sore. Am I getting old? I'm only 27. Its too early for this to kick in now isn't it?

I'm rambleing. But at times I suppose thats what a monologue is. Is this what having a Facebook thing is like? I've never gotten into Facebook, My Space, Live Journal, or other such things. I kinda feel better just rambling this out. But then I remembered I'm at work still, and its hot. Maybe I need a drink. I'll have a water.

(Share your on the spot monologue, comment on another monologue.)

 

[Sir Boss]

Story... what are the basic elements of a good story? interesting characters? twists? tension? drama? i don't rightly know, i do however know that not many people in the industry know either just look around and all the various games like Call of Duty or Halo, or Gears, little story beyond here's a gun here's an enemy point one at the other. and sometimes that's all we need as a story it pains me to say it, as I'm aspiring to be a pretentious indie developer. but yes, it's always good to have mindless games in this industry. we need them, they are our glue, they are what holds the genre from collapsing. what would the film industry be without the Bond, or the Bourne. so, to all you "I'm better that you because I play for story" people remember that without the mindless shooter we wouldn't be here. the industry wouldn't be here. I too enjoy a good story in a game, however, sometimes you just need to blow shit up.

 

[Odd Water]

Current Monologue

My arms hurt some. Power steering has been out in my car for more then a week now. I filled it with new fluid Monday, and it was fine for a day. Then back to being tough and hard to turn. I took it in to get it checked out while I had my oil chained. It was about a thousand miles past time for it. Man told me an entire part had to be ordered and replaced. I told him I would think about it. Not sure I want to. Maybe get a second opinion. For now its easier to deal with the hassle of driving then spending who knows how much on a car part that I may or may not need.

I feel ignored and overlooked at work in a way, but at the same time valued, maybe. My boss at work hired on someone new to work at the warehouse. Trouble is he hired a new supervisor to run the place. I've been telling him for months what I need is extra hands for work, not an extra person to direct. It makes me feel ignored. But it also makes me feel overlooked as to why I couldn't have been given the job. Trouble is, he has me training the man. How messed up is that? My boss hires a guy to be my boss, and then has me train him. Well, he's not really here to be my supervisor. I know that, my boss knows that. Hes going to be the supervisor over the 1st shift crew, but technacly he will be in charge of the whole warehouse over all shifts. I suppose he has me training the guy because he doesn't trust how 1st shift people will do it. After all, if you train someone, you can manipulate it to be how you want, right? I guess in a way it shows how my boss respects and trusts me. But really, as much as they need watching over, they don't need a babysitter, they need enforcement of the rules. Don't do your job, you're fired. Isn't that how it works? Sometimes I wonder about that.

There is so much manipulation, rule breaking, and out right not working going on over here it has me seriously worried at times. I feel pressured and pushed at the same time. I'm being pushed to fight an uphill battle with things here at work, but the way things are I'm being pressed back down the hill in return. The hill is the people here, the goal at the top is getting this place to work right. Its hard to fight the masses, and that's exactaly what it is I'm up against here, the collective masses of the other workers. Even my own crew has turned on me some. I got a write up some weeks back for something I didn't do, and in fact something they do towards each other and even me often. But because they stand together, I can't oppose them. The one can't stand against the many, no matter who is right or what the details are it seems. I'm scared. I feel at times at any moment I could be swept away. The one thing that braces me safely against the pounding of the tide is my boss. He sees the work I do. He knows how much he, and this place need me. But at the same time he doesn't see what they do, or he himself refuses to acknowledge it. I think he is afraid too. If he enforced, fully and fairly, over half our department, on all crews, would be gone. And that would really hurt the company. We just don't have the numbers to handle that many people in losses. And the company would surely come down hard on him as well, if not outright fire him. Maybe he realizes the corner he is backed into as well. He has to do things slowly, in time, working towards something more manageable. And till then, worries it will all come crashing down.

 

[Trivun]

Silence. All around me, nothing but silence. I don't understand what could cause it, even the usual background noises seem distant and filtered, as if they surface only reluctantly. I strain my ears to hear, but sense nothing new. I lie back, dreaming of a far away place, of orange skies and a ghostly blue sunset over the crystal clear lake, mountains capped with blood red snow in the distance. The silence all around me pervades my wandering mind, intruding upon me like an unwanted visitor. Feeling nothing so much more keenly than anything at all.

Darkness falls upon me like a jet curtain. Blessed release. Oblivion.

 

[Feralcentaur]

Bland, the dull beige paint of my bedroom wall does little to distract me from my thoughts, so I can continue thinking with little distraction and I can think about important things, but do I really want that? It is often said ignorance is bliss, but how could I appreciate my ignorance of something without knowing that it is ignorance and knowing that it is bliss? Many would say they'd rather be stupid but happy than knowledgeable and depressed, but how can you feel true happiness and satisfaction without knowing it's something to appreciate? Heh, it appears I'm being proven right that my dull lack of room decoration does little to halt my mind, only for me to think about it not stopping me from thinking... Oh joy...