Online Dating... Experiences/Successes/Failures/Anything...

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Yes.... The title pretty much sums up what this topic is about.

I broke up with my ex over 18 months ago, and since then I have been completely singe... not even looking!
Recently I decided that I would actually like to meet someone... but the problem was I have no idea how (I was 18 when I got together with my ex... I am 24 now, and vastly out of practice!

A friend told me to try online dating, and sat me down and we made my profile! And well... yeah... I now have a profile!

I thought it would be something that would appeal to me... You get the chance to try and figure someone out before making contact, and if it comes to nothing... well... nothing lost! No awkward moments... no walking away feeling upset, disappointed or embarrassed...

Well I have been on a few weeks, and sent a few emails, but nothing yet... but am still optimistic about the whole thing...


So, has anyone else had experience with online dating? How has it been for you? What are your experiences? Would you recommend it to others? Have you not tried it, but are interested? Or do you think the whole thing is ridiculous, and that it takes the fun out of meeting people?

Seriously... it's an open topic on the subject! I'm interested to know what people think, or have done!

 

[Lynx]

I'm glad you're so positive about it!

I can't say I've really dated online, per se... Although, now that you mention it, I did get to know my current boyfriend online before meeting him in person. (Back in the day when we were all fifteen and had nothing better to do than hang out at communities and swap music files.) But I've never chatted with someone online with the intention of dating them.

I don't moralize about the whole thing; for some it works and for some it doesn't. Try it and see if it works out, and if it does, go you! If you end up feeling that it's not your thing, don't worry about it. Just don't wrap your entire life around the prospect of dating, like some do. Always enjoy where you're at; whether you're single or dating or married.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I've never used an online dating service, and I don't really plan to either.

The whole thing just doesn't appeal to me, and while I do think it does work great for people that I do know that uses it I just don't see what the big deal is. Which is weird to some people because I'm shy and I suck at small talk. :/

 

[TheFunPolice]

I've not had any personal experience with any, but after my parents divorced a few years ago, my mum met somebody on a dating site and they've been together for about 2 and a half years? He's a really lovely guy and practically lives here now ^_^

So yes! It's quite possible to have a working relationship through dating sites, it all just depends on the people. Good luck with it, dude

 

[krazykidd]

Remember online dating is where women reign . Women get TONS of email ranging from guys wanting only sex to guys who want serious relationships and all the weird stuff in between. So trick is to be original and honest . If you come off as boring or agressive you get nothing . Actually in my opinion it's worst and harder than finding someone outside . Women get 100s of emails so they might take a while to get to you.

 

[lechat]

i would say you all are too young
most women go for older men and i doubt many 18-24 year olds are choosing online dating when they could just as easily go to a club or a park and pick up a guy

 

[HardkorSB]

It's an efficient method of getting dates.
Here's a few tips:

Write something about yourself. "I like to go out but I like to stay in as well. I like all kinds of music blah blah blah..." don't write that kind of stuff. 90% of profiles on sites like these are like that. If you won't write anything interesting then they'll go straight for your pictures and if you don't look really good, they won't be interested. If you can do something awesome then put a youtube link or something on your profile somewhere.
Talk to them about what they wrote (unless they didn't write shit but I don't message those), not just about how they look.
Talk to as many women as you can. You'll get experience, start to see the patterns, what works and what doesn't.
Don't worry about failing. Either she won't reply or she'll insult you. The worst thing that could happen is that someone will insult you on the internet.

 

[Yopaz]

I haven't tried it myself, but from what I've heard making your profile stand out is really important. A lot of profiles are generic and doesn't advertise you in a good way. Make yourself seem interesting somehow.

 

[DanielBrown]

Met a few girlfriends through the internet, but I've never used any dating sites. Seems like a last resort option to me.
Just wiggle your mustache and you'll give any girl weak knees, OP.

Spoiler

 

[Jodokh]

Honesty and keep your penis to your self it's pretty simple.

 

[NoeL]

I've had some success (met a girl and dated for over a year), and from that and the kinds of messages I receive I'd have to say your photos are probably the most important factor. Of the few messages I get, 90+% of them are about how funny my photos are (see [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Jerram_F/photos]). I'm reasonably attractive (from the neck up at least), which I'm sure helps, but I made the conscious effort to use interesting photos rather than just flattering ones (also, because I'm super unphotogenic and have very few flattering photos ). Also, do your best to avoid photos of you with just another girl - particularly if you have your arm around her or something (I broke this rule because it was an awesome photo). Despite what pick up artists say about girls liking guys that other girls like, most girls will think you're still hung up on your ex and avoid you altogether.

Same rule about looking interesting applies for your written profile - it doesn't matter how well you sell yourself if it's not interesting to read. Throw in some jokes, say something unconventional. You don't need to lie about who you are and what you're interested in (I would highly discourage that) but you need to make those interests sound interesting, even if they're kinda not. So rather than say something like "I like pizza" say "Pizza is incredible. With the amount of pizza I smash down I'm often mistaken for a Ninja Turtle... oh and of course because of my leet nunchuck skillz too". Maybe not the best example, but it's an example .

As was mentioned earlier, girls are going to get TONS more messages than you, and that's just something you'll have to accept. Fortunately for you, the simple task of composing a message that doesn't make you sound like a creepo loser is enough to get you in the top 5 percentile. Don't ask for n00dz, don't just say "hey how r u?", don't say "i liek ur face want 2 go out?", but I'm assuming since you're on this forum that won't be a problem. Things to consider when writing a message:

1) DON'T EVER SEND A GENERIC MESSAGE. If you give the impression you haven't even looked at their profile why should they care about you?
2) Ask a question about them. This shows you've read their profile, you know something about them, you're interested in knowing more, and most importantly it gives them something to reply to. If you just say "I think you're cute, you have good taste in music..." etc. you might get a reply that just says "Thanks". Engage with them - don't just flatter them.
3) Flatter them. There's obviously a reason you've chosen to message them - tell them what it is.
4) Remember that, unfortunately, online dating is a numbers game. Rather than looking through 100 profiles and only messaging the one you like the best, send messages to everyone that even slightly tickles your fancy. If you're lucky you'll get replies from some of them, then you can have a few more exchanges, and if the conversation flows easily enough ask them out on a date. You might find you're more into them than you thought you would be, or vice versa. If the former, congrats! If the later, you might get a new friend out of it, and the best thing about having friends is that you also have friends of friends ;D

Here are some tips for women writing messages:

1) Ask if he wants to see your boobs.
2) ????
3) Profit.

In all seriousness, whilst you could land pretty much any guy with that technique it has no "jerk filter". Where guys have to work towards getting a girl to reply, girls need to work towards getting a guy that isn't a complete fucktard to reply.



Also, depending on the girl, don't be scared to be blunt. I sent a girl a message where I basically said "Hi, I'm Jerram. I think you're cute and intelligent, we have similar interests, and a high compatibility score. Want to chat?" (I also asked her about her accent, which she mentioned on her profile (see step 2)), and we're going on a date this Saturday.

 

[Zeldias]

Never did online dating, but I fell madly in love with a woman that I nearly married who I met through a friend I met through an MMO. It was basically this absurd chain of relationships that traveled halfway across the country.

Sadly, things didn't work out. Just be careful and take your time with it. I have a friend who did try it and apparently one of the girls he'd gone on three dates with told him that if he ever left her she'd first kill him, then herself, while brandishing a knife and going on to cut herself. So you never know who the hell you're gonna meet.

 

[Daniel Ferguson]

I get maybe 1 response... if I message like, 1000 people. It never gets past about 5 messages.

 

[upgrayedd]

Use pictures of guys who are hot. You might have more luck!

 

[Vault101]

snip.

thats some pretty good advice

and while it is true that online dating might "benefit" women...as you said its got the downside of having to filter out the creeps from the good ones

 

[Candidus]

I find that online dating is basically shut to me. There are things about me, my tendencies and preferences that I feel ought to be disclosed up-front. But those things tend to get moderated- and I usually get suspended- trying to disclose them in even the most clinical terms.

I had a couple-years long relationship spring out of a friendship in an MMO. So far, that makes MMOs by far the better medium for online dating.

 

[Bertylicious]

Just tell them that you are a pilot. I reckon your entire profile could just be a picture of your face, which you'd only need so they can verify your age, and "I am a pilot".

I mean for heavens sake; you fly for a living. Everyone else in the world just makes spreadsheets and then sits in a tin box for 2 hours swearing at people.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Seriously... it's an open topic on the subject! I'm interested to know what people think, or have done!

Jerram Fahey gives some very solid advice, and I will echo some of what he's said. Most specifically writing an interesting, engaging profile and posting good pictures. On the profile front...some tips. Don't overdo self-deprecation. A little is GOOD. Too much is BAD. It's like salting food. Don't write an essay about how irritated you are with women and how hard it is to find dates. Avoid the sickly pong of desperation. Keep it light hearted, and fun. Like all things romantic, first impressions are crucial. You don't need to put on a persona or be someone you're not, but you want to project the BEST of yourself.

For my own part, I made use of online dating for many, many years. I met 7-8 different girlfriends through it. One was a three year relationship, and that girl has gone on to become my closest friend. She's like a sister to me. Two more were shorter relationships, and both those girls are also very good friends. And of course, I met my current girlfriend of 8 years through online dating.

Being willing to "approach" and show interest in a lot of different people is indeed key. Being picky will just limit your opportunities, and sometimes it's surprising who you end up meshing with. A personality fit is more important than a host of shared interests. My girlfriend and I didn't necessarily have a ton in common when we met, but we grew together over time. Now our interests are practically in lockstep. She games more than I do, for heavens sake.

There is one piece of advice that I think is essential for anyone thinking of making use of online dating, and I haven't really seen it in this thread yet (although Katatori touched on it somewhat tangentially). It made a HUGE difference for me, in terms of graduating from often awkward dates and failed attempts at relationships into very SUCCESSFUL dates and full out girlfriends. And that is this...

Talking to people online is tricky. It's very different from "face time". You tend to express yourself differently. If you're shy, you might project more confidence. You might be more erudite (or less!). You might SEEM talkative if you write big paragraphs, then be brusque in person. What talking online does is it gives you a false sense of intimacy that cannot be sustained face to face. Too much time spent talking to someone and flirting with someone online prior to meeting them can set an expectation for the actual physical encounter that is impossible to meet.

So, if you do find you have a nice rapport with someone, and you start exchanging emails, meet in person as soon as she is comfortable/willing. And be up front if it's a date, and your interest is romantic. Don't be coy about that shit.

Good luck. Online dating isn't really any different from dating anywhere else, you're just using the available tools to maximize the number of people you have access to. Maybe 20 years ago online dating was a little bit new and taboo. It's absolutely bog standard now. Make lots of profiles on lots of different sites, and cast as wide a net as possible, and you WILL get dates. And some will be duds, and some will think you're a dud, but a few will be hits, and sooner or later one of those hits will turn into a girlfriend. And then you can experience the joys of couplehood again, and wonder where all your free time went.