Open Relationships

[Hader]

We've all heard of the open relationship.

The one where the people in it can also go around doing whatever they want with whoever else they decide looks particularly tempting on any particular day.

It can also be said for most people (guys at least) there is a moment when you are cursing your loyalties to your partner[footnote]Usually when face to face with someone you find particularly tempting on that particular day.[/footnote].

But does this situation exactly exist?
I for one don't know anyone who even claims to be in one of these no doubt magical arrangements.

Granted that the citizens of the Escapist aren't necessarily the most social and womanising bunch (myself included), has anyone encountered one of these "open" relationships?

I had one friend who was in a somewhat open relationship a while back. Other than that though I never really have had any first-hand experience with it. Or even observed it.

I don't think I could do such a thing myself though. If there's a girl I give my heart and attention to...then sorry, but I am hogging her. In every way possible... >_>

 

[Smooth Operator]

In my mind it seems like a good idea, I'll have multiple girls not getting tied down and dealing with the dating nuisances, but... it's more likely she will have an all you can swallow buffet and I'll be sitting on the sidelines with jealousy eating me up.

I'm sure there are plenty of others who can do this, and I don't judge them, apart from those who have an open-relationship where only one partner knows... a buddy of mine does that quite often.
But hey it's not like they can't see hes a man-whore, just that the "I can change him" plans never bear fruit.

 

[tthor]

human beings seek to be polygamous, while at the same time wanting their spouse(s) to remain monogamous. this is where the conflict arises, because if you remain monogamous, you/your spouse will be wishing to be with others but can't. if you are polygamous, then it is very easy to become extremely jealous of your spouse(s), even possibly as a result becoming subconsciously less emotionally attached

I personally find the monogamistic route more appealing for myself, I have always been a hopeless romantic at heart

 

[j0frenzy]

I am technically currently in one. My long term GF and I got to school in two different states and have found the physical limits annoying at times. We have come to an agreement that as long as we don't have to interact with anyone the other slept with, it is ok. What I have found out since then, I am possessive as well as pragmatic. Also, I am not wired into having multiple relationships going at once, though it was not helped that the second girl was nuttier that a squirrel's diet and required emotional support for everything everyday. I didn't hate her, but we were not meant to be, but she went suicidal every time I tried to break up with her. And then her friends accused me of just using her for sex. I don't miss that relationship at all.
Another thing I learned: I am an idiot. Despite the fact I know I cannot handle emotionally supporting two women at once, I still think about trying to hook up with the random woman on campus, and with 2:1 girl/guy ratio here, it is not hard to come up with potential females to hit on.

 

[jonyboy13]

Well, sex and love are two diffrent things. Yes, they are great together but they don't HAVE TO be together. At the end of the day it is what the 2 partners want. Some people build for polygamy and others for monogamy.

 

[Terminal Blue]

I'm closer to being polyamorous than anything else, which means I reject the idea of having monogamous romantic attachments (even if you allow each other to have casual sex around it) at all.

I have two partners, one male and one female, each of whom has other partners of their own in one form or another. Frankly, the situation has turned out better than I ever could have hoped. They get on very well, in fact. There's a definate hierarchy, but it's not fixed and I wouldn't say either of them represents my primary relationship.

More than two and I think I'd have problems at the moment, looking after people ethically in this kind of situation does raise whole new challenges which you never have to deal with in monogamous relationships.

Jealousy.. meh.. I used to think I was the most jealous person in the world. The fact is, noone teaches you to control jealousy in this sense because the assumption is that you'll never have to. I find it slightly strange that we run courses to teach people to control emotions like anger, yet most people just seem to assume jealousy is uncontrollable.

I've found it's only really insecurity which makes people feel jealous. In fact, I find there's a real, unselfish joy in being able to see the positive affect other people have in your partners' lives.

 

[blankedboy]

I have an absolutely perfect Concession comic to link right now but I'd probably get banned/flamed for it.

So yeah, I doubt a successful open relationship will ever go for very long, but I'm sure it's happened.

 

[Nurb]

I was in a relationship with a married couple in college where I was free to see other people but I moved and couldn't continue it. Since we all clicked it turned out to be a fantastic experience. I would like to have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend in a closed relationship instead of being the 3rd to a couple and see how things go.

Sometimes it's closed
sometimes it's open
Some people can handle it
Some people can't handle it
Some can work out issues in a poly relationship as they come up
Some can't work out issues and can be affected by anger, insecurity or jealousy

It all depends on the type of person you are, the type of people you form a poly relationship with, and how well everyone gets along and communicates.

And it's definately not for everyone, but if people click, feeling the love you experience in a typical two person relationship doubled is something that's worth the greater risk of failure for me

 

[Nimcha]

My relationship isn't as 'open' as most examples here, me and my girlfriend only occasionally let another girl join in. And that's working fine. More than fine, even.

We've discussed this issue and came to the conclusion that our relationship is fine like that, we both don't feel the need to sleep with other people unless we're both there.

 

[Sparcrypt]

They do exist, but it's rare.

Those who work in porn for instance are often in a relationship or married.

As to if the people who do it are mentally healthy, who knows.

 

[CleverCover]

Probably wouldn't work for me. I'm terribly insecure and possessive.

And...I think I know of an open one. Well, they used to do stuff..but now they live too far apart for it to work.

I believe the rule was, "Whatever, as long as there's no diseases."

 

[Shockolate]

I'm sure it happens.

I'd never do it though.

Fucking School Days........

 

[similar.squirrel]

It can work, but only in the absence of any insecurity. I learned that the hard way; never had much self-esteem to begin with, and when another guy turned up I panicked and assumed she would leave me for him. Became intolerable to be around, and she acted accordingly.

I'm not the kind of person who can find girls easily, whereas she had men queueing up to be with her. That discrepancy didn't make for a good open relationship. To be honest, I would be more than happy to avoid any kind of relationship for the next five years or so, just as long as I had the ability to find sexual partners fairly regularly. Emotional investment doesn't seem like a good idea right now.

 

[Kathinka]

while not technicly in an completely open relationship, i have an agreement with my boyfriend: i'm allowed other girls, just not guys, as long as he is allowed to join in every now and then. we both know that we love the other unconditionally and exclusively, so it's not a problem for any of us.

we see it more like an extension and improvement of our common sexlive than as "sleeping with someone else". we have this arrangement since all of the almost seven years we are together now, and i sometimes inquire a little if it is a problem for him, but he is perfectly happy with the way things are.

so allthough this is not as extreme as a real open relationship, based on that i would think that yes, things like that can work between the right partners. probably not for everyone though, i for one couldn't stand my boyfriend sleeping with other girls if i'm not present/involved.

edit: really, fucking captcha, really? first "university of cocks" the other day, and now "whorin 101,". i swear, this is not random, some one is sitting somewhere and types this codes and is making complete fools of us all...

 

[Trolldor]

I saw the evolution of a mongomous relation become an affair, saw it transform in to an open relationship and now it's polygymous.

Man, people are hilarious.

 

[Black Phoenix]

I don't hold with open relationships personally, taking the view that people either want to be with each other or they don't. But hey, if people can get it to work, more power to them.

These days, I'd just be happy with a relationship at all...

 

[DanielBrown]

An old friend of mine was in a relationship with some guy. He suggested that they should have an open relationship and she was all game.
It wasn't as awesome when she fooled around like crazy while he didn't get any action however.

As for myself; no, I wouldn't want an open relationship. I'm completly disgusted by cheating and in my perception you're either in a relationship with one person, or you're not in one at all.
Mormons gonna hate.

 

[Wondermint13]

I suggested to an ex girlfriend of mine once to have an open relationship. But not because I wanted different Women, but because I wanted my girlfriend to have a different man from time to. It was just something that really turned me on back then. I actually wanted to have a girfriend that has been 'appreciated' by another guy while we were in a relationship. I think she tried it with a friend of mine once and I had never felt so proud of her. But it wasnt really for us so we went back to the whole fairytale relationship instead.

Though despite my thrills and what-not I'm completely sickened by cheating! It's unforgiveable in my eyes. If you're going to be a classic couple there are things you have to accept. There's not much I would not give my girl so long as she was willing to talk to me first

As for other reasons, I encounted mostly the females of an open relationship because it seemed it was their boyfriends who were always away studying abroad or just traveling while She would stay with her close friends, family and pets. We're hot blooded afterall so I can see why some people would need a little affection with so much time apart from the other half. That or the guy had already made up his mind before he left that we was going to get freaky while away.

I think Ive had a thing with atleast 2 girls in the past who have claimed to be in open relationships but I know that sometimes a girl just says that for the sake of thrilling the one she is after..

As for now? So long as I have a woman that makes me proud. Ofcourse!

 

[Lucifron]

I'm not even going to go into the rest of that stuff...
But how awkward would that phone call be!?

Um, not at all?

"Hey, honey, I'm over at Megan's - she wants to have sex."

"Okay, see you later. Have fun - remember to use protection."

Then again, keep in mind that I am like the least jealous person on the planet. About sex, anyway. Chocolate not so much.

Spoiler

OT/response: I do not believe that sex is the same thing as love, or that utilizing another person to "get off" has to be very different from watching a porno. As long as both parties are in understanding, then what the hell?
I'm not saying that running around and fucking other people is the best way to keep a marriage going, I'd probably be disinclined to the idea regardless of amounts of utilization in my own relationship(s), but swinging seems like a fun thing to do.

 

[Aerodyamic]

Based on personal experience, open relationships only work if all parties involved are aware of the situation, completely grasp it, and are truly 100% accepting of it. If the principals involved can't negotiate, trust each other, and be completely honest, it won't work.

That said, it's possible to have them work, if the reasons are valid, and if all involved are of a non-jealous stripe, which is pretty rare.