Opinions and Critiques on a Story Concept

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
Ok so I have this story concept that I want everyone's opinion on.

In the not too distant future, a world Government has taken control of the world as an act of world peace. Nothing to unique there, I know. The world is then divided into a small number of territories referred to as Sectors across the 6 major continents. Sector Subzero is the entirety of the arctics since they are literally frozen wastelands that no one lives in.

Here's where things are unique in my mind, and I have yet to see someone do this. The world government is divided into Dictators of each Sector. Each Dictator is free to do whatever the hell he wants in his sector as long as he doesn't harm other sectors. So as some places may be paradise on earth, others are hell holes.

The story itself pays attention to one specific sector, Sector East Western, which is roughly the eastern third of the United States. In this sector, there is a specially trained group of enforcers designed for personal assignments and take orders directly from the Dictator himself. Residents of each sector know little about the other sectors that don't neighbor them, and the enforcing team is no different. In fact, this team knows even less. They don't question their orders, they do as they're told.

The Dictator decides to screw with some things for reasons I have not yet decided and assigns his minions to assassinate a visiting religious icon from a neighboring sector. This obviously stirs up problems and with having no evidence the Dictator ordered the assassination, the team must go into hiding and survive against a world-wide bounty on their heads for disrupting peace.
I have a lot to work on, I know, but I want everyone's general opinions and advice on this and ways to improve it. I know it's not the most original idea, but I think it has enough to be built on. I just don't want it to fall flat on it's face because I'm too lazy to fill in blanks of reason with something other than "for the lolz."

EDIT: I left this out, this is a film idea. Specifically this has to do with my chosen career path dealing with entertainment. Most likely this will become an animated web series in later years...
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
TizzytheTormentor said:
Interesting but the only thing that seems odd is the whole take over the world as an act of peace, okay, how? was it through war or negotiation? I doubt countries would let themselves be taken over easily for peace. Also the world divided into 6 sectors, 1 is the arctics so lets leave that out. 5 dictators covering the entirety of the world would be hard as shit.

I'd love to see more.
Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear. For a rough estimate, let's say there are 50 Sectors? One of which are the Arctics, the other are split across the 6 Continents. How they form, I would believe that it started as an act for world peace, creating a world association of nations and such, and then that slowly shrunk and merge into the global government. Again, I haven't filled out all the kinks yet...I don't want there to be too big of a technology factors, like flying cars or something, but certainly there would be factors like holographic interfaces.

Originally I had this whole idea of the enforcing group over powering the entire global government, but I think that would be a bit too...unrealistic? I think I should at least see how well received this initial concept is before I even consider doing something vast like that.
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
TizzytheTormentor said:
DrgoFx said:
Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear. For a rough estimate, let's say there are 50 Sectors? One of which are the Arctics, the other are split across the 6 Continents. How they form, I would believe that it started as an act for world peace, creating a world association of nations and such, and then that slowly shrunk and merge into the global government. Again, I haven't filled out all the kinks yet...I don't want there to be too big of a technology factors, like flying cars or something, but certainly there would be factors like holographic interfaces.

Originally I had this whole idea of the enforcing group over powering the entire global government, but I think that would be a bit too...unrealistic? I think I should at least see how well received this initial concept is before I even consider doing something vast like that.
Thanks for clearing that up but even so, It must be hard for 1 dictator to rule a whole continent, I assume they have guys to run most of the cities for them. Also, I assume there are groups of freedom fighters out to fight the tyrannical dictators would that be an angle of some sort? I suppose filling the kinks is the next step right, what you have in mind?
Initially, yes there are freedom fighters and there would most likely be the lower man under the Dictator. Freedom Fighters are an example of what the special enforcing group deal with, atleast the way out of control fighters. They act as the Dictator's personal...assassins I would say? They basically take care of the dirty work to prevent the sector from out right rebelling entirely. Shut down the small shouts of freedom. Other crimes like theft or murder are dealt with typical enforcing law.

Edit: Another thing to remember is that not all the sectors are ruled cruelly. The global law is as long as you don't disrupt another sector, you can do whatever you'd like. It's not to really bring peace every where, but to prevent outright war. Some sectors may have a near paradise of living, and others could bring a new meaning to brutal punishment, and ratway sewers.
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
TizzytheTormentor said:
DrgoFx said:
TizzytheTormentor said:
DrgoFx said:
Sorry, I should have been a bit more clear. For a rough estimate, let's say there are 50 Sectors? One of which are the Arctics, the other are split across the 6 Continents. How they form, I would believe that it started as an act for world peace, creating a world association of nations and such, and then that slowly shrunk and merge into the global government. Again, I haven't filled out all the kinks yet...I don't want there to be too big of a technology factors, like flying cars or something, but certainly there would be factors like holographic interfaces.

Originally I had this whole idea of the enforcing group over powering the entire global government, but I think that would be a bit too...unrealistic? I think I should at least see how well received this initial concept is before I even consider doing something vast like that.
Thanks for clearing that up but even so, It must be hard for 1 dictator to rule a whole continent, I assume they have guys to run most of the cities for them. Also, I assume there are groups of freedom fighters out to fight the tyrannical dictators would that be an angle of some sort? I suppose filling the kinks is the next step right, what you have in mind?
Initially, yes there are freedom fighters and there would most likely be the lower man under the Dictator. Freedom Fighters are an example of what the special enforcing group deal with, atleast the way out of control fighters. They act as the Dictator's personal...assassins I would say? They basically take care of the dirty work to prevent the sector from out right rebelling entirely. Shut down the small shouts of freedom. Other crimes like theft or murder are dealt with typical enforcing law.

Edit: Another thing to remember is that not all the sectors are ruled cruelly. The global law is as long as you don't disrupt another sector, you can do whatever you'd like. It's not to really bring peace every where, but to prevent outright war. Some sectors may have a near paradise of living, and others could bring a new meaning to brutal punishment, and ratway sewers.
Nice, definatly like to see where this goes, I'd love to see each sector and the contrast between paradise sectors and hellish sectors. Very interesting story to be made out of such a concept. Love to see more.

Also, will there be supernatural elements or will it stick to realism completely?
Finally, what about organized religions? Wiped out, tolerated or given more power?
I probably will try and keep it to a realism factor, maybe with slight advances in technology, but not much. Religions would definitely play a part in bringing diversity among the Sectors. Some may banish religion, some may enforce a specific religion, some may just not care and let several religions run about in their sector.
 

Hal10k

New member
May 23, 2011
850
0
0
No offense, but an organization that decides that the best way to ensure world peace is to appoint competing totalitarian warlords to every populated area on Earth sounds pretty coked-up.
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
Hal10k said:
No offense, but an organization that decides that the best way to ensure world peace is to appoint competing totalitarian warlords to every populated area on Earth sounds pretty coked-up.
Well as stated, it was originally like a peace organization of world leaders until it eventually molded into the outcome of dictators. Again, though, dictators aren't always a bad thing. Take Dubai for example, it's a dictator run country and it's relatively peaceful and advanced for a country in it's area.

Again, kinks I have to work out, but it's an interesting idea, no?
 

Johndo

New member
Mar 22, 2012
36
0
0
Hm, well this sounds like a similar setup of Naruto.

Looks like people want to know how this all started. How everyone decided to ban together despite country boundaries, conditions, money and views. Something must have happened that people said, "alright, all of our issues now are unimportant. We got this one single problem and all we can do is come together. But we can't necessarily be under one umbrella so let's split up here and here. And we're going to do that under these guidelines."

Though the setup of the sectors would be pretty small in this story unless you really want to elaborate. But it seems you're interested in the assassination.

It's interesting if each sector finds ways of protecting their idea of Peace. How is life in each sector? Are they repressed in the way that they all want to fight back the government? Or maybe life is fine as long as they are told that everything is fine if they follow orders. Could each sector be dictated in a way that interaction of neighboring sectors is a hindrance to each of their own "Peace?"

I guess you will have to elaborate on how the sectors communicate to each other. This would help illustrate the emotional impact of an assassination attempt. But their's conflict of your description that each sector has very little clue on how they conduct their ways.
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
Johndo said:
Hm, well this sounds like a similar setup of Naruto.

Looks like people want to know how this all started. How everyone decided to ban together despite country boundaries, conditions, money and views. Something must have happened that people said, "alright, all of our issues now are unimportant. We got this one single problem and all we can do is come together. But we can't necessarily be under one umbrella so let's split up here and here. And we're going to do that under these guidelines."

Though the setup of the sectors would be pretty small in this story unless you really want to elaborate. But it seems you're interested in the assassination.

It's interesting if each sector finds ways of protecting their idea of Peace. How is life in each sector? Are they repressed in the way that they all want to fight back the government? Or maybe life is fine as long as they are told that everything is fine if they follow orders. Could each sector be dictated in a way that interaction of neighboring sectors is a hindrance to each of their own "Peace?"

I guess you will have to elaborate on how the sectors communicate to each other. This would help illustrate the emotional impact of an assassination attempt. But their's conflict of your description that each sector has very little clue on how they conduct their ways.
They have very little knowledge because many sectors like to keep to themselves. Some will interact with neighboring sectors, for example the religious visitor. That would be on grounds of one dictator wishing his sector to adopt or consider his neighboring sector's religion. They're all vastly different in how they're run and it wouldn't be much of a surprise if one specific sector is shrouded in mystery because the only thing that goes in or out are supplies.

And that's another thing, supplies and resources are taken from each sector and distributed evenly amongst them, similar to a utopia. What the ruling figure of this sector decides to do with his resources is completely up to him. I would say the "head" or so of the sectors would be in the arctics since there's really no civilization there. At the same time, I'm debating whether or not space travel should be brought into cannon or if I should just roll with "Yeah, there's still plenty of resources on Earth."

I could state that we eventually found the real bottom of the ocean and have conducted mining down there, that could pass as a reason. I really need to work out a lot of the plot holes to make this work, I'm well aware. My focus is more so on events that occur in these individual sectors, the assassination would be one of those events.
 

Johndo

New member
Mar 22, 2012
36
0
0
DrgoFx said:
Johndo said:
Hm, well this sounds like a similar setup of Naruto.

Looks like people want to know how this all started. How everyone decided to ban together despite country boundaries, conditions, money and views. Something must have happened that people said, "alright, all of our issues now are unimportant. We got this one single problem and all we can do is come together. But we can't necessarily be under one umbrella so let's split up here and here. And we're going to do that under these guidelines."

Though the setup of the sectors would be pretty small in this story unless you really want to elaborate. But it seems you're interested in the assassination.

It's interesting if each sector finds ways of protecting their idea of Peace. How is life in each sector? Are they repressed in the way that they all want to fight back the government? Or maybe life is fine as long as they are told that everything is fine if they follow orders. Could each sector be dictated in a way that interaction of neighboring sectors is a hindrance to each of their own "Peace?"

I guess you will have to elaborate on how the sectors communicate to each other. This would help illustrate the emotional impact of an assassination attempt. But their's conflict of your description that each sector has very little clue on how they conduct their ways.
They have very little knowledge because many sectors like to keep to themselves. Some will interact with neighboring sectors, for example the religious visitor. That would be on grounds of one dictator wishing his sector to adopt or consider his neighboring sector's religion. They're all vastly different in how they're run and it wouldn't be much of a surprise if one specific sector is shrouded in mystery because the only thing that goes in or out are supplies.

And that's another thing, supplies and resources are taken from each sector and distributed evenly amongst them, similar to a utopia. What the ruling figure of this sector decides to do with his resources is completely up to him. I would say the "head" or so of the sectors would be in the arctics since there's really no civilization there. At the same time, I'm debating whether or not space travel should be brought into cannon or if I should just roll with "Yeah, there's still plenty of resources on Earth."

I could state that we eventually found the real bottom of the ocean and have conducted mining down there, that could pass as a reason. I really need to work out a lot of the plot holes to make this work, I'm well aware. My focus is more so on events that occur in these individual sectors, the assassination would be one of those events.
I'm glad you have all of this backstory, but you haven't said much about the actual story about the secret group that is on their mission. Be careful as you're spending quite a bit of time on the setting but not the story.

A good story will make the setting and story co-mingle. How they will relate to each other. How a group of people's actions will cause waves.
 

DrgoFx

New member
Aug 30, 2011
768
0
0
Johndo said:
I'm glad you have all of this backstory, but you haven't said much about the actual story about the secret group that is on their mission. Be careful as you're spending quite a bit of time on the setting but not the story.

A good story will make the setting and story co-mingle. How they will relate to each other. How a group of people's actions will cause waves.
For the actual story, again I haven't worked out every little thing. The character will be a small team of "Specialists" that handle the dictator's personal assignments. According to the entirety of the world, they don't exist. Pretty standard stuff there. Where as they're all book smart and are incredibly skilled at their own given tasks, they lack a sense of morality and judgement which prevents them from questioning their actions. My problem here is how do I make that work for the middle portion of the story, while they're in hiding.

They're not all the same, that would be boring. They all have different personalities, different skills, interests, but they lack moral judgement. I'm pretty sure I want one of them to just enjoy their job. I'm thinking another should actually begin to question things. The basic thought is that they're taken from birth and genetically altered to do what they're tasked to do. This is where they're moral judgement has been faltered, and I believe it should be stimulated rather than removed. This way, I can actually have one of the members question their assassination.

As for what each do, it's straight forward enough. Hacker, gunman, martial specialist and another intellectual being which term I am forgetting. The hacker is trained in the fields of technology and the likes. The gunman knows how guns work, obvious. The martial specialist likes to be up close and personal, and the last member acts as a kind of intel. They know as much as needed in the sector, from specifics on their objective to paths they can take to complete this objective. The idea for this one is basically a super-computer being, just human.

TizzytheTormentor said:
I also realized, the setup of this story is shockingly similar to Digital Devil Saga for the PS2 It is basically, several sectors in the world of junkyard fighting for territory and there is a middle ground that is 100% neutral, If a sector violates this, they are cruelly punished, it is where the leaders meet and talk about the crisis's that threaten them both. I forget most of it (long time since I played it) but I suggest you check it out.
I will check it out, but I can assure I've never heard of it until just now with you mentioning it. And here I thought my concept was original.
 

Johndo

New member
Mar 22, 2012
36
0
0
We are very saturated with various settings that rarely are you going to find something new. But no matter what setting, the conflict can still be the same but feel refreshing. Focus on the conflict that these characters will face.

Ex.
The loss of a teammate
Going against your job, morales, teammate, etc.
The question of peace

People want to see how a conflict gets resolved. You obviously want to see what this group will endure but it's very broad. Their's the smaller conflicts too.

Also, you can modify the setting so that it introduces a unique conflict. But don't just have a unique setting simply to have it there. I hate movies that don't integrate everything. I love the movie The Incredibles because everything is intertwined.
 

Austin Merida

New member
Aug 2, 2011
21
0
0
Recommendation from a senseless idiot: don't politicize it too much. For example, I would avoid describing the "paradise" sectors too much, as it could put off many readers if they disagree with your idea of paradise - for example, an anarchist might take issue with a work that espouses benevolent dictatorship. Unless that is the entire point of the work.
 

Odd Owl

New member
Oct 21, 2011
63
0
0
Sounds like an interesting idea. A couple of questions though, for the sake of thought:

DrgoFx said:
They have very little knowledge because many sectors like to keep to themselves. Some will interact with neighboring sectors, for example the religious visitor. That would be on grounds of one dictator wishing his sector to adopt or consider his neighboring sector's religion. They're all vastly different in how they're run and it wouldn't be much of a surprise if one specific sector is shrouded in mystery because the only thing that goes in or out are supplies.

And that's another thing, supplies and resources are taken from each sector and distributed evenly amongst them, similar to a utopia. What the ruling figure of this sector decides to do with his resources is completely up to him. I would say the "head" or so of the sectors would be in the arctics since there's really no civilization there. At the same time, I'm debating whether or not space travel should be brought into cannon or if I should just roll with "Yeah, there's still plenty of resources on Earth."
Why would a global organization willingly entertain, let alone codify, the possibility that dictators are free to cause extreme problems in their own sectors or at large. Dictators abusing their own populations will inevitably lead to unrest in their own sectors, leading in turn to issues that will negatively impact neighboring sectors such as civil wars and refugee migrations. Furthermore, an international system that empowers, if not endorses, malevolent dictators would in that fact alone lose a great deal of credibility. This is, of course, assuming that this fictional setting reflects current trends in globalization and human rights. I was assuming that because it sounds like you're going for a near-future, more-or-less realistic setting. But perhaps there is something in this fictional world that changes those trends. Or perhaps these dictators are something other than human (or considered something other than human by themselves, their subjects, or both), thereby giving them an inherent authority modern leaders don't enjoy.

DrgoFx said:
For the actual story, again I haven't worked out every little thing. The character will be a small team of "Specialists" that handle the dictator's personal assignments. According to the entirety of the world, they don't exist. Pretty standard stuff there. Where as they're all book smart and are incredibly skilled at their own given tasks, they lack a sense of morality and judgement which prevents them from questioning their actions. My problem here is how do I make that work for the middle portion of the story, while they're in hiding.

They're not all the same, that would be boring. They all have different personalities, different skills, interests, but they lack moral judgement. I'm pretty sure I want one of them to just enjoy their job. I'm thinking another should actually begin to question things. The basic thought is that they're taken from birth and genetically altered to do what they're tasked to do. This is where they're moral judgement has been faltered, and I believe it should be stimulated rather than removed. This way, I can actually have one of the members question their assassination.

As for what each do, it's straight forward enough. Hacker, gunman, martial specialist and another intellectual being which term I am forgetting. The hacker is trained in the fields of technology and the likes. The gunman knows how guns work, obvious. The martial specialist likes to be up close and personal, and the last member acts as a kind of intel. They know as much as needed in the sector, from specifics on their objective to paths they can take to complete this objective. The idea for this one is basically a super-computer being, just human.
Are each of these commandoes highly specialized, even within the team, or do their specialties merely reflect personal strengths? For example, is the martial specialist also a trained marksman, or does he solely rely on hand-to-hand combat? I ask because extreme specialization works well in video games, for the sake of balance and strategic gameplay. However, unless there's some reason each team member is uniquely specialized (e.g., Captain Planet), over-specialization isn't particularly realistic. That assumes you want that level of realism, though. If you're thinking more G.I. Joe, less Rainbow Six, then go for it.

Also, your thoughts regarding the specialists' morality is very interesting, and could form a hook for your story. I personally think the idea of brainwashing, genetically engineering, or otherwise tampering with soldiers' consciences is a fascinating subject, and could lead to interesting questions regarding free will and the subjectivity of morality.

Just my $0.02.