Enough is enough! For years upon years, barbarians such as P.E.T.A. and other vegan organizations have mercilessly attacked the environment under the banner of equality and ethics- but no more. Today, fellow Escapists, marks the beginning of a new era, one driven by true environmentalism, one fueled by a desire to help those who cannot fight for themselves, one that does not punish the selfless and helpless. Today, I hearby create the new group P.E.T.P.- or, People for the Ethical Treatment of Plants. Its ironic that most of those who call themselves "green" devour our leafy brethren, almost daily, without remorse. Did you know that plants actually help revert global climate change? Its true! They take in the dangerous CO2 emitted by careless animals through their selfish respiration process, and turn it into Oxygen, the gas of life. Yet people who say they wish to save the planet go out of their way to compose an unnatural, discriminatory diet plan that singles out plants and targets them as victims. I have had enough of the lies and double talk- plants are the lifeblood of the planet, selfless, silent heroes providing the rest of us unworthy creatures with oxygen and homes. They should be revered, not eaten by power-hungry maniacs who seek to create a dark world where animals reign supreme over such majestic beings as redwoods and sunflowers. Even the common garden weed, thought of as a pest by thoughtless humans, has rights in the eyes of Mother Nature. Speaking of gardens- which are seen as peaceful to humans- they have to stop. These death camps, along with farms, not only treat plants as slaves (they are often planted into a boring society composed of acres of the same plant, and are often periodically sprayed with posion) using them to work land, only to eat them when they grow old, but they also propogate a negative speciesist image where animals are seen to have a natural, god-given dominion over nature's leafy beauties. And gardens and farms are only two examples of the thousands of mistreatments plants face due to animal hands.
Please help the cause of P.E.T.P., and end this inter-kingdom war before it destroys both Animalia and Plantae as we know it. You can even help us today! The next time you think about eating a plant, just remember P.E.T.P., and have an animal instead. It may seem cruel, but animals have far more right to feed on each other than they do to viciously devour the innocent plant. That salad may sound delicious, but please, for the sake of ethics and the environment, have a hamburger instead. If you really want to help, wheat buns can be tastily simulated with squirrel fur! With the help of people like you, we can really make a difference.
Thank you for reading, and remember, the power is yours!
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