Paranoia By Proxy?

[Seldon2639]

So, here's the deal. My best friend, and one of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, is back together with a girl who had dumped him because she decided she liked one of their common friends more. The short version of all of this is: am I being paranoid (or out of line) for wanting to mention to him that the best explanation I have for this is that he was her second choice? Is there a better explanation for her behavior?

But, here's the background that might make things make a bit more sense:

My friend is too nice/forgiving/trusting for his own good. His first girlfriend cheated on him twice (and was forgiven) with the same ex-boyfriend. She consistently told my friend that she loved him, and wanted to eventually marry him, but that she was still in love with her ex, and that she was torn. Bear in mind that all of this happened in college. She had self-esteem issues that my friend tried to help with, but she instead decided to start dressing like a slut and flirting with other guys. Eventually, she sort-of broke up with my friend so she could "find herself" with a new group of friends, then got high on a medicine used of cyanide poisoning, cried on my friend's shoulder, and eventually begged to get back together. It was only at this point that my friend finally put his foot down and said "oh, screw this".

Given that I had been the voice of reason (or at least of not-trusting his ex) during all of that uber-drama, is it unreasonable of me to express concerns now? Am I wrong that it seems like the current girlfriend is only dating him because her other option fell through, and that she'll bail if she finds someone she "likes more" who doesn't reject her?

 

[Wayte]

Nah that sounds like a reasonable conclusion. Don't expect him to be so understanding though.

 

[ErictheRed1989]

I'd be careful, if you just flatout tell him what you think you run the risk of looking like the unsupportive badguy. My advise would be just let the relationship run its course, if it ends be supportive and not all "I told you so". Don't let this skank ruin your friendship.

 

[Seldon2639]

Relationship threads, /sigh, are you sure a community of nerds was the best place to come for relationship advice?

Are you sure you really needed to post a one-sentence, completely unhelpful, reply in a thread which you already indicated you have no interest in? Incidentally, I'm not asking for relationship advice, I'm asking for advice on how to approach a friend about a concern I have about his relationship. Completely different concept. Furthermore, and not to belabor the point: get bent.

 

[Jonny49]

That's certainly a dilemma, but since I'm no agony aunt, I'll give you the simplest advice a person can give:
Don't do anything stupid.

Yeah, that's about it. Watch out for your mate by all means, but be careful where you tread.

 

[ryai458]

So, here's the deal. My best friend, and one of the nicest people you'd ever hope to meet, is back together with a girl who had dumped him because she decided she liked one of their common friends more. The short version of all of this is: am I being paranoid (or out of line) for wanting to mention to him that the best explanation I have for this is that he was her second choice? Is there a better explanation for her behavior?

But, here's the background that might make things make a bit more sense:

My friend is too nice/forgiving/trusting for his own good. His first girlfriend cheated on him twice (and was forgiven) with the same ex-boyfriend. She consistently told my friend that she loved him, and wanted to eventually marry him, but that she was still in love with her ex, and that she was torn. Bear in mind that all of this happened in college. She had self-esteem issues that my friend tried to help with, but she instead decided to start dressing like a slut and flirting with other guys. Eventually, she sort-of broke up with my friend so she could "find herself" with a new group of friends, then got high on a medicine used of cyanide poisoning, cried on my friend's shoulder, and eventually begged to get back together. It was only at this point that my friend finally put his foot down and said "oh, screw this".

Given that I had been the voice of reason (or at least of not-trusting his ex) during all of that uber-drama, is it unreasonable of me to express concerns now? Am I wrong that it seems like the current girlfriend is only dating him because her other option fell through, and that she'll bail if she finds someone she "likes more" who doesn't reject her?

Tell your friend to read this (http://www.laddertheory.com/) and understand it.
P.S. the link is safe.