Parents+Privacy=0

[TheLaofKazi]

Fortunately, my parents are't the same. They don't intrude on my social life that much, especially when it comes to the internet, mostly because they aren't really adept at using it. I really hate it when parents can't respect their kid's privacy, especially when that "kid" is old enough to have a job, buy his own computer, and even pay some bills.

And what's with all of these "you live in their house, they can do whatever they want" posts? Sure, that may be the case, but that doesn't change the fact that they are being invasive and unreasonable. I'm sorry for sounding angry like that, but that kind of logic really gets on my nerves, because it almost completely ignores the main point. The same annoying argument is used in so many other issues. Like with dealing with bad teachers "well, it's their class, their rules, follow them. Don't like it? Tough." or bad bosses at work "well, you are their employee, you have to follow their rules. Don't like it? Tough." Sure, that's unfortunately how things work, assholes and unreasonable people get in positions of authority, that's just what happens. But can we at least agree that they are being assholes, or that maybe some sort of compromise between the two parties should be made, because everybody matters, not just the people with authority.

Sorry, but that shit just gets to me.

Here's my little secret: When around your parents, tell them as much as you possibly can. You'll be surprised how much there is to tell them without sharing your more secret information. I pretty much got my privacy by telling them more than they cared to hear about. Because of that, they don't feel the need to go looking into my personal life.

Yeah, that's sort of what I do. I tell them what I up to, but leave out the stuff they would make a big deal about, or maybe put it in a context that is a bit lighter or they can understand easier.

 

[Omega Pirate]

i dont even have a door in my room i just got 3 walls and 1 big closet .. tell me how private that is >.>

i dont even have a door in my room i just got 3 walls and 1 big closet .. tell me how private that is >.>

You described my own room just fine thus I am often deprived of a small thing I cherish more than most people. Just because you can handle it does not mean anybody can or ever will. SERIOUSLY NO OFFENSE!

I dont even have a closet...

 

[wearesoneutralthatithurts]

aeh..get youself caught while you´re wanking. that might stop it. (But if you have prude parents, than maybe not.) Friend of mine had the same problem and solved it that way.

by the way:what means to luck out? have luck? Didnt found that in a dictionary


i never had a key t my room, but my parents knocked the door before they came in. plus they were never invasive. (and thats happy)
maybe they need to be educated. About privacy and about having a son who is getting older.
Maybe they are concerned about your small social life or something. iParents want the best for their child(i read that) but ist their definition of best.
Maybe you and your parents should adust your definitions.

 

[Lexodus]

Privacy? What's that? I can sympathize. I can't even lock my own doors without my father throwing a hissyfit(or something akin to a hissyfit anyway) and there's the fact that just about EVERYONE walks into my room without even knocking on the bloody door.

No wonder I never say anything to anyone in real life about my social life on internet. It's the only place where one can get any privacy heh. :|

I'm with you guys. It's awful- I've tried to explain 'Knock and wait for an answer', and the only results I have gotten are:

Situation 1: *Knock* "Come in." *Door opens, annoying parents comes in*
Situation 2: *Knock* "No." or no answer, which I have explained means 'No', and they'll come in anyway.

Also, my parents are so bad I rarely invite people over, and when I do I have to give them a talk (and tell my parents to be on their best behaviour). They act like retarded children and it is insanely embarrassing. My girlfriend's coming over this weekend to meet them, and I'm dreading it.

 

[Lexodus]

Just because they are legally allowed to do something doesn't make it right or good parenting. This combined with the fact that these so called "spoiled teenagers" are usually unable to move out and live by themselves gives them a right to complain.

It doesn't matter.

It's their house. Their rules. They aren't doing anything wrong.

How much you like or dislike it is a moot point.

'I hate this planet's weather, but I can't move to a new one. This sucks! The planet has no right!'

Not at all valid analogy. The planet is not sentient and/or in direct contact with its inhabitants, nor does it love them or feel attachment to them, and thus it doesn't work at all.

 

[Saulkar]

Here's my little secret: When around your parents, tell them as much as you possibly can. You'll be surprised how much there is to tell them without sharing your more secret information. I pretty much got my privacy by telling them more than they cared to hear about. Because of that, they don't feel the need to go looking into my personal life.

Might work, never know until you try.

 

[Saulkar]

The one thing money cannot buy is a private life

Yes it can go rent an apartment.

Only if you have enough money and my part time job does not pay enough. The cheapest/shittiest apartments are $300+ utilities a month, they do not even have heating. I still need to save up for college.

 

[Saulkar]

my friend has a much worse situation than you i think.

Nit trying to 1up your story but he isnt allowed to shut any doors in the house- no bathroom doors or anything.

theres invasive, then theres just creepy.

Shize, that is bad. >.>

 

[Saulkar]

Well here's the thing, if you live in their house (this isn't official) your parents should have the right to go wherever they want. If you can't hide where you're going online from them...learn how to, it's not hard.

Yup, as long as you live at home, you give up privacy rights. Now smart parents start giving you more privacy rights and independance as you grow, otherwise you would be screwed when you first move out (seen that happen to people).

I also think you have zero expection of privacy for anything you post online. You put it on facebook, myspace, devart, or any other similar system? Public (even if you have private settings, you should expect what you post there is forwardable). Certainly anything on forums is completely public.

Oh, and as for hiding where you are going online, that would depend on your parents. I guarentee you that I could track every single thing you do and you'd never know... but for a lot of parents, just using the "private" mode built into most new browsers is enough to stop them.

I am not trying to hide anything and by privacy I mean a break from the people I have to deal with everyday in real life. Additionally the people I interact with online are ones I have evaluated and even then they only know enough of me to know what I am like, not who I am. Thus it is still private and they cannot criticize me for something that went wrong during the day. Think of it as a social hideout.

 

[Saulkar]

Are you living under their roof?

Yes.

Don't like this?

Tough.

Wow, this kind of argument get's on my nerves more than almost anything else. Partly because it cannot be applied to every situation where someone could be upset with something their parents are doing, like in the extreme case of child abuse (NOTE: this comparison is making use of hyperbole for effect). You act like the fact that they provide shelter excuses any action that they do (again not that I think this situation is anywhere near as bad as child abuse). While this is not child abuse it IS bad parenting to never let your child have any of a social life to keep to himself IMHO. Besides, if a kid is dependent on his parents and doesn't like something they do, what's he supposed to do, run away? try to live on the street? It's not like we're talking about some 25-30 year old who just doesn't WANT to move out, we're talking about people who probably CAN'T move out. [/rant]

I understood everything you said and like you said it is nothing like child abuse. They know enough of my social life online and offline but they do not give me a private social life. I would leave home if I could but I am still in high school and I am pooling most of my money to go to college. So yeah, thanks for wording it better than I could.

 

[Saulkar]

I shut the door, really. But unfortunately my house is seriously made out of paper, because shutting out sound is impossible. I love singing, for example, but I can't sing when mom's home(which she always is), because then she'll yell at me for annoying her. Also I can't stay up too late, because she can hear me type on the keyboard through the wall.

But I'm a pretty damn open person, I see no reason to hide things from, well, anyone really(unless it's mean things, I don't tell someone I think can sometimes be annoying that they're annoying pricks ), so besides the lack of verbal privacy, I don't have much to complain about, especially since I usually get left alone when I'm at the comp.

You could just tell your parents if you want some privacy though. Tell them you want to be left alone for a while and that you would appreciate it if they respected that.

I understand where you are coming from and I have personally never had to deal with that. Additionally my parents know quite abit about my limited social life and I have nothing to hide, I am merely seeking a private social life. Something I can keep to myself.

 

[Saulkar]

My mom is a bit socially awkward and doesn't really know how to act normally about frivolous things. Like my brother went off to college and joins a fraternity and nows she basically sits on Facebook (actually she always does that) and basically scans his profile to see if he is drinking. He comes home for Thanksgiving this week and he gets 20 questions about drinking. It's just annoying. I was apprehensive of adding her as a friend on Facebook because I thought she wouldn't give me any privacy, but she was good at first. After a while she started commenting on everything I did and it became annoying. One day I was sitting in our dining room, where our family computer is, and my mom was looking at the profiles of my friends and that was the point where I felt she crossed the line. I deleted her because I felt if she couldn't trust me enough she didn't have to watch over me. I didn't go on for a month it drove her crazy.

Ouch! At least you do not live in the same house, I still have a couple years to go. Thanks for the post.

 

[unicron44]

My mom is a bit socially awkward and doesn't really know how to act normally about frivolous things. Like my brother went off to college and joins a fraternity and nows she basically sits on Facebook (actually she always does that) and basically scans his profile to see if he is drinking. He comes home for Thanksgiving this week and he gets 20 questions about drinking. It's just annoying. I was apprehensive of adding her as a friend on Facebook because I thought she wouldn't give me any privacy, but she was good at first. After a while she started commenting on everything I did and it became annoying. One day I was sitting in our dining room, where our family computer is, and my mom was looking at the profiles of my friends and that was the point where I felt she crossed the line. I deleted her because I felt if she couldn't trust me enough she didn't have to watch over me. I didn't go on for a month it drove her crazy.

Ouch! At least you do not live in the same house, I still have a couple years to go. Thanks for the post.

No man we still live in the same house, it's brutal.

 

[Saulkar]

Are you living under their roof?

Yes.

Don't like this?

Tough.

Because parents have the right to be totalitarians, because they spawned you? Hardly.

I live with my mother and brother and we always respect eachother's privacy. No one likes it to have their privacy invaded, be it because of curiosity or 'monitoring'. If you want to know something, ask. If someone doesn't tell you, he or she has a good reason not to.

That is exactly what I am going for, I try to hide nothing comprimising or something that NEEDS to be talked about. If they want to check if I am safe I am ok with that, if they have a juvenile spurt of invasive curiosity I wish they would respect my privacy when I ask. Thanks for the post.

 

[Saulkar]

My mom is a bit socially awkward and doesn't really know how to act normally about frivolous things. Like my brother went off to college and joins a fraternity and nows she basically sits on Facebook (actually she always does that) and basically scans his profile to see if he is drinking. He comes home for Thanksgiving this week and he gets 20 questions about drinking. It's just annoying. I was apprehensive of adding her as a friend on Facebook because I thought she wouldn't give me any privacy, but she was good at first. After a while she started commenting on everything I did and it became annoying. One day I was sitting in our dining room, where our family computer is, and my mom was looking at the profiles of my friends and that was the point where I felt she crossed the line. I deleted her because I felt if she couldn't trust me enough she didn't have to watch over me. I didn't go on for a month it drove her crazy.

Ouch! At least you do not live in the same house, I still have a couple years to go. Thanks for the post.

No man we still live in the same house, it's brutal.

Double Ouch!

 

[Lexodus]

Just because they are legally allowed to do something doesn't make it right or good parenting. This combined with the fact that these so called "spoiled teenagers" are usually unable to move out and live by themselves gives them a right to complain.

It doesn't matter.

It's their house. Their rules. They aren't doing anything wrong.

How much you like or dislike it is a moot point.

'I hate this planet's weather, but I can't move to a new one. This sucks! The planet has no right!'

Not at all valid analogy. The planet is not sentient and/or in direct contact with its inhabitants, nor does it love them or feel attachment to them, and thus it doesn't work at all.

My point was that complaining about the issue is rather pointless.

It's not- as we have stated, the first possibility is complaining, and the second is making your parents get the message. Many parents *will* get the message, and some don't have to, and that's hardly pointless.

 

[random_bars]

To be honest, I don't think the whole "you're a kid, they're your parents, they pay your bills and give you a home etc etc, they can do whatever they want to you" argument holds water. Maybe if they took you in off the street, but they're your parents. They conceived you, in full knowledge that they would spend the next eighteen years of their lives housing you, feeding you, and so on. It's not some kind of huge priveledge, it was their choice in the first place.

It's like buying a pet, then deciding that because you own it, you can treat it however you want and it should be grateful, because you're the one that feeds it and houses it and so on; and that if it doesn't like it you'll put it out on the street to fend for itself. That, of course, is fucking stupid, just like the parents argument.