Pent Up Anger

[JemothSkarii]

I haven't posted here for a while, and a lot of my threads were quite mopey and naive. This one is not the case.
This is anger and hate, with a bit of a desperate plea thrown in.

So my ex ran off with my 'best gay friend' seven months ago shortly after my birthday with nary a goodbye from either of them. Following some angry and drunken empty threats and such to both parties, I just cut off contact. For the following 3-4 months, I would merely stay indoors, drinking whatever I could find and trying to figure out ways to simply forget. I lost my job, my actual best friend and his fiance worried for me, things got very strained with my parents.
Anyways.
Over a month ago, I went to the U.S with my friend and his fiance, met her family, was best man, and finally met a girl I'd been talking to for a while, we clicked instantly, and I now have a pretty decent life.

My problem is this though:
When I'm alone, especially when not pre-occupied, my thoughts will slip back to my ex and her (now ex) boyfriend. All I feel is hatred, pure burning rage like nothing I have felt before. I am by no means an angry or violent person, never really got that angry in my life. But this, this is something I thirst for revenge over, any tactic I had tried in the past didn't settle me, didn't make up for the pain and suffering they caused me. I feel like I went through hell and they just continue with their life like I was nothing. Maybe it's my fear of being forgotten, maybe it's that betrayal that's lay inside me, I don't know. But I have thought of the most horrible and brutal things I could do to them...thinking of things that go against my morals. I want to see them mentally broken so I can just laugh at them. It feels like that's the only way I can forget.

I don't talk about this with anyone, and I don't wanna see a counselor or anything since they haven't really helped in the past. All I want is to let go, to forget, to just stop this vile hatred before I lose this joy that I have.

Can you guys give me some sort of advice?

 

[JemothSkarii]

I would first try to direct that anger somewhere else. Vent it out somehow. The less potent it is, the easier it will be to move on. Exercise, video games, punching bag, take your pick! Getting those feelings out, even if it's only a little, can make a monumental difference. Think about it too, from a logical stand point. You said that you aren't an angry person. Is it worth being angry over the past - something you can't change? Any and all of the scenarios that your anger conjures won't accomplish anything but bring you down to their level, if not lower in my opinion. It could also cause problems with other people around you too, like the girl you are talking to.

I know from experience that getting over something bad that happened to you without any closure or explanation is really tough. It's the not knowing why it happened to you, what the reasons were, how could they be like that. Thoughts like that & others make it tough to move on. You want answers, but in reality we sometimes can't get them without making more mistakes. Hurting more people, or even losing ourselves. It's just not worth it. Reinforce your thoughts with this notion, vent out your anger in a healthy way (I.E. not on another person! ) & try your best to move on each day. When you are alone, fight it! Don't become like the people who hurt you. You probably won't ever forget this, though. Even if we want to forget, we have to live with what we've done & what we've experienced, so that we can know what to do next time: so we don't get hurt again, so we can do better in the future.

I hope this helps!

It is useful information, but the times when the anger really happens is when I can't bring myself to do anything. I have some idea of why she left too: Over the 4 years we were together she had cheated on me several times, and we'd broken up several times. I was getting depressed, paranoid, even robotic in some respects. But I thought I loved her, that she was the one, but my paranoia had kept being right. She left me and cheated on me because I wasn't interesting anymore, and that I'd changed too much.

You were right though: It's mainly the lack of closure that gets me, but I've tried getting it to no avail, letting out my anger on something else really only helps a little. But yes, thanks for your advice, I'll certainly make use of it.

 

[Andrewtheeviscerator]

If you're looking for a way to work off anger I would say exercise is the best option. It's healthy for you and an excellent way to working off stress. Even just going for a jog or using a treadmill or something helps.

Psychologically the best advise I can give is to just try your best to forget. Just think more about the good things in your life than the bad. Also while you think making them suffer will help you, I guarantee it won't, all you'll accomplish is making everyone feel terrible. Also this girl doesn't sound like a very good person if she dated you for over 4 years and cheated with you multiple time, you're probably better off without her.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I can't help with getting over it and not feeling angry in the first place (hell, just look at my thread here), but I would suggest taking up some kind of creative hobby to vent your anger into. When I find myself getting really pissed off about my memories of stuff like that I go and play my bass to take my mind off it. Having something like that to focus on will help you forget about everything else when you're doing it, especially if you're learning something new and setting yourself a challenge. I guess you could try being creatve and painting or writing your own music or something, expressing yourself artistically is going to be a constructive way to use your anger