People who cut themselves

[zelda2fanboy]

I've been a long distance relationship with a girl for the past six months and just recently met her in person. We had a good time and had a lot of fun, but she doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about her. She still wants to be friends and stuff, but I feel I carry very little emotional weight as far as our friendship goes.

However, she's really into cutting herself. A lot. She doesn't do it for attention and I don't think she's particularly depressed. She does it to relieve stress and says she feels comforted just by having the knife in her hands. This really upsets me. As I said, there's nothing I can do or say to make her stop, I can't tell her parents (they don't know about me), I live 6 hours away, and she doesn't want to quit at all. I only know that cutting hurts, she's doing it more and more, and it could lead to serious injury. (She's cutting on the area of skin right below her left hip.)

Sigh. I don't know what to do or say or if I even how much I should be worried. I don't want to be an enabler to this addiction/behavior, but then there's nothing I can do to get to stop or slow down. Are they any former or current cutters who can enlighten me on the appeal and what to say or not say?

 

[Suicida1 Midget]

Havent, but i got an idea-
The human body when injured can produce a naturall pain killer. Its strength and effectiveness varies based on how much of injury there is, and how often it happens. Its also addictive. Best thing to stop it is to slowly moderate out of it. That is the only advice i can give at this point.

 

[WeAreStevo]

Most people who cut do so because they are creating a physical pain in substitution of an emotional pain.

This type of behavior is mostly seen in children/adolescents/adults who were victims of abuse and it is used as a coping strategy.

I work as a counselor (MFTi) in a drug rehab center and a lot of the guys there are ex-cutters. They all show the same patterns of abandonment, abuse etc. and almost all of them say that the purpose of their cutting was indeed not for attention, but it was utilized to help ground them, in a sense. In other words, alleviating an inner emotional pain (which by and large is VERY difficult to overcome on ones own) by changing it into a physical pain.

That being said, I think you are spot on about not wanting to be an enabler. Cutting, like most addictive behaviors, causes a person to look for others who will accept them for what they do (i.e. allow them to continue said behavior without holding a mirror up to them and saying "look at what you are actually doing...")

I personally think the best approach is to let her know you are concerned about her, and then express what you truly feel about it.

At that point, it's out of your hands. If she responds well to it, awesome. If not, then I'd say just acknowledge that there isn't a whole lot you can accomplish (forcing an addict into working on their addiction is quite possibly the WORST way to get them to stop) so make peace with that and move on.

Best of luck my friend.

 

[CulixCupric]

Havent, but i got an idea-
The human body when injured can produce a naturall pain killer. Its strength and effectiveness varies based on how much of injury there is, and how often it happens. Its also addictive. Best thing to stop it is to slowly moderate out of it. That is the only advice i can give at this point.

Yeah, It's also an addiction to the polypeptide that is the chemical form of the emotion of pain. emotional chemicals use the same cell receptors as addictive drugs, so you can get addicted to any emotion.

 

[mrblakemiller]

My only advice, as one who cut a few times in his life is this: Don't ask cutters for advice on this. If you want advice, seek the aid of a trained psychologist or other healthcare provider. In the end, you're not in a very good position to help her, especially since she doesn't seem to want to stop, so don't get your hopes up. Simply tell her you really want her to stop and why and strongly suggest she get help. It might even need to come to you ending your relationship with her altogether.

Again, cutters don't know how to deal with this problem better than trained professionals. In fact, neither do I. Seek out someone who has actually learned about this stuff.