I haven't seen the end of the show "Chowder" or the Fairly Odd Parents movie "Grow up, Timmy Turner!"
Now, that in and of itself shouldn't be surprising. I liked chowder, but was never the biggest fan, and the FOP movie looks awful. But that's not why I haven't seen them
It's because I'm emotionally terrified of them. I think of their premise and content and hear instead "Grow up, 20 year olds who watch these programs and think they are the right audience!"
Now, maybe that's the message of both shows, maybe not. Probably not. I'm reasonably certain that's not what it intended to be conveyed. But I can't watch them, because it might be.
What does that say about me? Am I avoiding them because I'm avoiding my own emotional maturity? Am I just refusing to accept my responsibility as an adult, and hiding from the perceived message of the shows like a child hides from a parent aiming to dole out admonishment?
Because I feel like I've wasted my potential. I worry constantly that I'm not living correctly, and that I haven't done enough to move myself forward. That I never will. I see others my age, not only employed (which I am not, at current), but with REAL jobs. Careers. Jobs that enable them to pay for everything they, as adults, need to pay for. And then I look at myself, and my pathetic work history making minimum wage, pretending to be independent but relying on someone else for everything that allows me to do my day-to-day work that only pays for rent and food. I feel I've failed at life. Not only by the standards of society, but my own goals. I haven't figured out a job. I moved out once, but now I'm back at home. I haven't finished a QUARTER of my college goals (which were always minimal, even as a little kid). I don't feel like going to college does anything for me. So where did I go wrong that I am struggling just to be productive and so many others are not just working at it, but are STABLE?
I know I'm not unique in my doubts and apprehensions, but that doesn't make me feel less scared. It makes it worse. There are so many out there in the same situation as me, or even worse off. How are we all supposed to get it together? Some will, some won't. So where does that leave the future of our society, if it is filled with adult children who never learned how to live? Would we crumble? Or would the ones who have started to figure it out take the reins and keep us herded properly? If so, what does it matter what losers like me think and feel and want out of life?
Now, that in and of itself shouldn't be surprising. I liked chowder, but was never the biggest fan, and the FOP movie looks awful. But that's not why I haven't seen them
It's because I'm emotionally terrified of them. I think of their premise and content and hear instead "Grow up, 20 year olds who watch these programs and think they are the right audience!"
Now, maybe that's the message of both shows, maybe not. Probably not. I'm reasonably certain that's not what it intended to be conveyed. But I can't watch them, because it might be.
What does that say about me? Am I avoiding them because I'm avoiding my own emotional maturity? Am I just refusing to accept my responsibility as an adult, and hiding from the perceived message of the shows like a child hides from a parent aiming to dole out admonishment?
Because I feel like I've wasted my potential. I worry constantly that I'm not living correctly, and that I haven't done enough to move myself forward. That I never will. I see others my age, not only employed (which I am not, at current), but with REAL jobs. Careers. Jobs that enable them to pay for everything they, as adults, need to pay for. And then I look at myself, and my pathetic work history making minimum wage, pretending to be independent but relying on someone else for everything that allows me to do my day-to-day work that only pays for rent and food. I feel I've failed at life. Not only by the standards of society, but my own goals. I haven't figured out a job. I moved out once, but now I'm back at home. I haven't finished a QUARTER of my college goals (which were always minimal, even as a little kid). I don't feel like going to college does anything for me. So where did I go wrong that I am struggling just to be productive and so many others are not just working at it, but are STABLE?
I know I'm not unique in my doubts and apprehensions, but that doesn't make me feel less scared. It makes it worse. There are so many out there in the same situation as me, or even worse off. How are we all supposed to get it together? Some will, some won't. So where does that leave the future of our society, if it is filled with adult children who never learned how to live? Would we crumble? Or would the ones who have started to figure it out take the reins and keep us herded properly? If so, what does it matter what losers like me think and feel and want out of life?