Pettiness

[arsenicCatnip]

Evening, Escapists, and welcome to another episode of Wasting Time With Potatoes.

As always, tonight's post is a rant/question. Feel free to skip the spoiler.

Spoiler: Am I petty (and/or pathetic) for this?

My boyfriend's sister-in-law died recently, and today was her funeral. I had the day off, so I spent it by the phone, thinking he might want to talk after the experience; as she and he were pretty close.

I waited for him, and texted a couple of times. I got one response to a text, and worried, gave him a call around 6:40 my time (which is 7:40 his). When he answered, he told me that he'd been transferring stuff to his new phone, and hadn't transferred my number yet. He assured me that he was doing all right (although hesitating a little before he said it), and told me he'd be online tonight. We hung up, and I've been online ever since.

Here's where the pettiness comes in: It's almost 3 am right now. I have to work in the morning, and I've been sitting on my computer for nearly 7 hours waiting for him to come online so we can talk.

Right now, I'm very tempted to just sign offline and go to bed. No offline message left on his IMs, no phone call, no text to say goodnight.

I waited up for him last night, and ended up passing out in front of the computer at 5 am without any message.

I hate it because it makes me feel like a clingy girlfriend when I realize that I keep looking hopefully at my phone when my text notification goes off, in the hopes that it's from him.

Here's the question, kiddies: have you done something petty in revenge for some (real or imagined) slight? What did you do, and why? How did it make you feel?

 

[BonsaiK]

That's not petty, it's not like he's expecting a communication from you. He says he's okay so why not just believe him. I would have just gone to bed hours ago.

I don't really do petty stuff except at work. If bands get too demanding I just stop taking their calls...

 

[arsenicCatnip]

Huh. I thought you were lesbian.

I get that a lot. But nope.

That's not petty, it's not like he's expecting a communication from you. He says he's okay so why not just believe him. I would have just gone to bed hours ago.

I don't believe him because he has a tendency to not tell me anything when he's upset or worried, yet he wants me to talk to him about my little anxieties and fears. The hesitation I heard points me toward 'I'm not okay but I'm not going to talk to you about it right now', so I worry.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Maybe you should give him a break seeing as he'd have to deal with grieving family?
Also you should never wait up that long for someone, if you keep making sacrifices like that you're going to end up resenting him for it(like now) and he won't know why.

 

[Icecoldcynic]

When he wants to talk, he'll talk. Give him some time.

 

[S.R.S.]

Mate of mine keyed my car and you all know "You don't fuck with another man's vehicle!" Apparently it was an accident, so as payback I got him to puke in his own car. There's a story to it but I'd rather not tell. Just the sight and the smell of the mess was priceless. Shit was so cash.

 

[Anthropaphagi]

When someone is dealing with grief, they go through stages, and sometimes they may prefer to be left alone. Yes, he's upset, but also not necessarily ready to talk about it. As has been mentioned, don't spend your nights/mornings waiting for him to contact you as it clearly leads to resentment.

I'm currently dealing with the recent death of a family member, and I'm still not comfortable talking about it. And yes, many people think that I should 'grieve' in front of them and discuss it at length and I really want to know who is the one benefiting from it. Because I'm starting to become resentful of the pressure being put on me to discuss it, if I'm honest.

 

[BonsaiK]

Huh. I thought you were lesbian.

I get that a lot. But nope.

That's not petty, it's not like he's expecting a communication from you. He says he's okay so why not just believe him. I would have just gone to bed hours ago.

I don't believe him because he has a tendency to not tell me anything when he's upset or worried, yet he wants me to talk to him about my little anxieties and fears. The hesitation I heard points me toward 'I'm not okay but I'm not going to talk to you about it right now', so I worry.

Well then that's his fault for not being open with you. Don't worry about it. If something's on his mind it's his responsibility to tell you. If he can't do that you can't be blamed for getting an early night. Get him into the habit of commmunicating with you properly.