"Phew... Close one" -Narrow Drunk Escapes

[Zepren]

The other day, while sat next to the toilet, nursing a very bad hangover. I began to ponder all the stupid things me and my mates have done over the years while drunk.

It was at this point I recalled a great old memory. Me and a few mates had gotten quite blasted. A supermarket in our town had recently closed but for years people had been gettin up onto the roof of it. For the banter you know. Well we noticed the way up and thought we'd have a go. There was a narrow stone wall, on one side grass, on the other, broken glass. Yo hand to climb onto there then use the air-vent and the edge of the roof to hoist yourself up. We all made it up. Discovered there as no much of interest on there and decided to come down. One mate of mine made it down fine. I was after him. Now this was the point where my mind suddenly went "Hey, lets just jump it..." Bad idea. Jumped from the roof to the wall. On foot landed pefectly on the wall. The other went right off.

I flung my arm out randomly to grab something, luckily there was a cable of some sort there and I managed to get my balance. If I hadn't grabbed that through sheer luck, I would have fallen right into the glass.

Close call huh?

And now I come to you guys, what drunk stupidity have you got up to that has resulted in a close call?

 

[Spoonius]

Kicked a bottle along the road towards an intersection once, and it nearly hit a car. If the driver had been going any faster, it would have flown through her window and hit her.

Still got in trouble for it though. But all my friends admit that it was a great kick regardless...

 

[Daveman]

I slapped a guy twice my size round the face. He grabbed me by the throat but fortunately recognised I was too drunk to see straight and he let me ago. That was pretty stupid.

 

[Deleted]

Haha nice story OP. I don't drink so I don't have any contributions.

But one question...

Are you typing this on your toilet?

 

[Doitpow]

Got in a fight with a guy in a bar. Bouncers threw us both out, then they found a a knife on him and turned him over to the police.
Haven't been in a fight since.

 

[x0ny]

Went "swimming" in the River Avon, police had to come rescue us.

 

[Dok Zombie]

Was camping in Wales with some mates back in 2006, we got pissed and decided we were too lazy to walk to the toilets, so we piled into the car. In protest to being beaten to the front seat I clambered onto the roof, where my mates instantly forgot about me and set off at speed, clinging on for dear life I eventually managed to bang loud enough they remembered I was up there and stopped.

By this point we had taken a wrong turn and were atop a pretty steep hill at the bottom of which was the toilet block, it was my job to guide the car safely back down in the pitch dark, I decided it would be funny to try and lead them off the edge of the hill... It's a good job they noticed because it could have ended pretty badly if the car had slid down the hill into the building at the bottom.

Also, while we were pissing, the girls in our group stole the car and drove back to the camp in it.

 

[Wadders]

Last Halloween me and a mate were horrendously drunk, play fighting in the middle of the road, dressed as Droogs from Clockwork Orange, and almost got run over by a taxi. Our other friends were shouting at us to move, but we didnt hear until it was almost too late. Good times

Another time I started on some guy in a club because he knocked my drink a bit. i was already pissed off (aggressive drunk here) and that was the final straw. Luckily our respective mates stepped in, and I went outside to cool off

I also prodded a massive guy on the nose in a pub for some reason once, but he took it in good humour, it was fairly obvious I was shitfaced.

 

[Zepren]

Haha nice story OP. I don't drink so I don't have any contributions.

But one question...

Are you typing this on your toilet?

Lol, no. I typed it when i got home. I was at my mates house when I was by the toilet. Will i ever learn to pass on the wine when i've been on the beer all evening? no. Damn girls. Always one of them is on the wine and can't finish and it's down to the real man to finish it lol

Nice posts everyone. Feel like less of an idiot now. wooooo!

 

[Booze Zombie]

I slapped a guy twice my size round the face. He grabbed me by the throat but fortunately recognised I was too drunk to see straight and he let me ago. That was pretty stupid.

That... you lucky person.

 

[Batfred]

During our collecting traffic ordinance phase, we had loads of stuff; cones, signs, estate agent signs, entire barricades but not a traffic light. I really wanted one, but my pissed fingers weren't strong enough to undo the bolts. So I nutted it. That didn't work, so I went to the next pub. Oddly still got served with blood pouring down my forehead. That's North Wales for you.

The moral of this story: take a spanner out with you, you never know.

 

[DigitalSushi]

During our collecting traffic ordinance phase, we had loads of stuff; cones, signs, estate agent signs, entire barricades but not a traffic light. I really wanted one, but my pissed fingers weren't strong enough to undo the bolts. So I nutted it. That didn't work, so I went to the next pub. Oddly still got served with blood pouring down my forehead. That's North Wales for you.

The moral of this story: take a spanner out with you, you never know.

Ahh, the stealing phase, brilliant.

We used to steal everything, to the point that garden gnomes/statues/stuff in general in Bussy st George Paris are cemented down.

 

[Batfred]

During our collecting traffic ordinance phase, we had loads of stuff; cones, signs, estate agent signs, entire barricades but not a traffic light. I really wanted one, but my pissed fingers weren't strong enough to undo the bolts. So I nutted it. That didn't work, so I went to the next pub. Oddly still got served with blood pouring down my forehead. That's North Wales for you.

The moral of this story: take a spanner out with you, you never know.

Ahh, the stealing phase, brilliant.

We used to steal everything, to the point that garden gnomes/statues/stuff in general in Bussy st George Paris are cemented down.

It was fun wasn't it?! When we started to get bored of the stealing, we used to take the DIY barriers that would block off a manhole and put them across major roads instead effectively stopping traffic. Luckily it would normally be at 3am so I don't think that anyone was too put out by it. I would be sore pissed off now if I came across it in my car now though.

 

[Big-T]

Okay, heres my "Phew...close one"

I was at a party this year during the fall, in my freshman year at college. so of course i was drinking. me and my buddies started to try and pick up girls, and it just so happened that i was the "lucky" one (lucky may be debateable at the end of this story.) i met this one really hot girl on the dancefloor and danced with her for a while, after some time i started making out with this girl. she then told me she wanted to "Find a place to go" so it was at that point that we (girl and myself) left the party to walk back to my dorm room.

After we got to my room, we...ahem... enjoyed each other's company. and it was awesome, until...

After i was done, i realized that the condom had broke. Completely.
So now im scared shitless and i try and keep it cool. NOT an easy thing to do when drunk. So i calmly asked her if she was on "the pill"... yeah she said she wasnt. so now im thinking im gonna have a kid in the near future and my college life is officially over only 2 weeks in.

It was at this point that she told me that she has a genetic disorder (or something, again.. drunk) and she is completly infertile.

I just about pissed my pants i was so happy, honestly. probably the best luck of my life.
i still see her to this day and she is the same size. so im gonna chalk that one up to "Phew... Close one"

 

[DigitalSushi]

It was fun wasn't it?! When we started to get bored of the stealing, we used to take the DIY barriers that would block off a manhole and put them across major roads instead effectively stopping traffic. Luckily it would normally be at 3am so I don't think that anyone was too put out by it. I would be sore pissed off now if I came across it in my car now though.

Yeah that is pretty dangerous, we used to do that to, but keep our spoils of war and decorate our garages with them.

I actually fractured my coccyx surfing down a Tesco's roof, in a trolley, speaking of which i'm going out with my wreck of a friend Kooey tonight, we might end up in north wales cannoeing. If I see you i'll wave!

 

[Rhayn]

I don't do so well selfcontrol-wise when it comes to alcohol, so either I'm semi-sober or drunk off my ass. There's no middleground. When I'm sober, I stop others from doing stupid stuff. When I'm drunk off my ass, I can barely walk. I don't get in fights when drunk either since I'm not, nor do I become, violent. Nor have I done anything to spark fights yet, but then again the groups I move in aren't drinking to get into fights.

That said, a few weeks ago on a party I was even more drunk off my ass than usual, and some guy convinced me to hit the dancefloor. I can't even dance when sober, so imagine what'd it look like completley smashed. Yeah, not a pretty sight. Nonetheless, one of my friends who knew this saw me headed towards the dancefloor, ran up to me and yelled at me until I came back to the table.

Had to call him up next day and thank him.

[sub]I hate dancing...[/sub]

 

[Zepren]

During our collecting traffic ordinance phase, we had loads of stuff; cones, signs, estate agent signs, entire barricades but not a traffic light. I really wanted one, but my pissed fingers weren't strong enough to undo the bolts. So I nutted it. That didn't work, so I went to the next pub. Oddly still got served with blood pouring down my forehead. That's North Wales for you.

The moral of this story: take a spanner out with you, you never know.

Ahh, the stealing phase, brilliant.

We used to steal everything, to the point that garden gnomes/statues/stuff in general in Bussy st George Paris are cemented down.

Hehe stealing phase. Me and my mates had a "Bin-kicking phase" At one point we kicked over EVERY bin in our town. No joke, all in the same night. I remember getting a bus the next day and stood at the bus stop looking at a bin that had been place on top of a pick-up truck. I was just like "WTF?". It's crazy what you do when wasted. Or high. oh the memories... or lack of them