Please help. (I need a guy's opinion.)

[Chancie]

Okay, guys, I desperately need your help with something. Now, this will probably be long but I'm begging you to read it. I am so lost right now, and I need a guy's opinion on what I should do.
About four years ago, I met a guy that started out as just a friend. We have so much in common that it's insane, and a generic friendship started to turn into a great friendship. For the last four years, we've become closer and closer friends.

About a year and a half ago, I started to have feelings for him for more than just a friend. It started out small but grew into a real crush. But, overall, I'm a very shy girl and I've never told him how I felt. Often times, I get the feeling he might feel the same way but might afraid of rejections? I'm not totally sure. My heart says he feels the same way, but my mind second guesses it and says I'm making something out of nothing, and I'm the only one that feels this way.
Regardless, my sister thinks that he feels something for me too based on the fact of how much we talk, and she says that presents are a good indicator. This guy is always giving me gifts and she said guys do not give a girl gifts if they're not interested in her, especially any that are for "no reason." There was once that he surprised me with a "good luck in college" present that probably cost a pretty penny.

Anyways, where I'm getting at is that I've known I've had a crush on him for a while, but I never realized just how much until recently. A few days ago, I found out that he recently started dating someone, and finding out pretty much killed me. And it made me realize just how much I liked this guy.
For the last few days, it's all I've been able to think about and I feel like an idiot. I feel stupid that I never "took the plunge" before and told him. I feel stupid that I argued with myself for so long about whether or not he actually liked me or if I was just "imagining" things. And I feel stupid that this has upset me so much.

My sister thinks that he waited around and tried for so long and I never "responded" to what he was doing (again, me second guessing everything) that he had no choice but to move on to someone else because it probably seemed like I didn?t feel the same way about him.
A friend of mine suggested that I tell him how I feel. Just blurt out everything and let him know just how much I care about him.

But this is where I need your opinions. I'm afraid to do this, thinking it might make me look like this horrible person. Now that he's in a new relationship, I feel like if I told him now, I?d be trying to sabotage his relationship. Because I can't help but wonder what that would be like. "I'm dating this person but my friend of four years might be in love with me." Do you see what I'm saying?

I don't know how a guy would take something like that. I don't know if that would be wrong, and I don't know how bad that would be if I did something like that. Like I said, I feel stupid that it took this to happen for me to realize just how much I care for him and I do want to tell him, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea now. I don't know what will happen, I don't know how he'd see it, I don't know how he'd react, or anything like that.
That's why I'm asking you guys now, both guys and girls (but maybe guys would be most useful?). Please help me. Any advice you have, I'm all ears.
Oh, and if it means anything, I've never actually dated before so please excuse my ignorance.

 

[effilctar]

Woah! Wall of text. My advice thus far, chop up the text into smaller chunks, it looks less daunting that way. Will get back to you with proper advice when I'm done reading.

EDIT: Okay, your sister is completely wrong, with all due respect. Guys, very kind guys in particular, do buy presents impulsively, why just last month I was bored and bought my friend a semi-cheap tiara she mentioned weeks before.
Men do not hang around and then move on either, they either hang around endlessly until you are unavailable, or move on instantly. If a guy likes a girl and even gets a hint of her liking him, he will cling on and casually flirt until he dies of old age, and would have definitely asked the girl out many times. They don't suddenly go for a random girl just because you aren't together.

Don't think I'm saying I think he definitely doesn't like you, I'm simply poking at the holes in your sister's logic. Women don't know how men think just as men don't know how women think, and no amount of experience with the opposite sex will ever change that.


Anyway, I'd say the he might like you and be oblivious to your feelings, causing uncertainty and thus intimidation, he might not like you.. But despite what others say, the absolute worst thing you can do is admit your feelings while he is in a relationship. If he likes you, he may very well resent you for not admitting so before he was otherwise commited. If he doesn't like you, he could either acknowledge it and be understanding or pass it off as jealousy, which could possibly damage your friendship.

My advice is: endure. You must live with the consequences of your actions and take solace in the fact that your pain will eventually pass.

 

[ultrachicken]

Yeah, I think that now that he's in a relationship, you shouldn't bombard him with indecision.

 

[burningdragoon]

Well I agree with um...

My sister thinks that he waited around and tried for so long and I never "responded" to what he was doing (again, me second guessing everything) that he had no choice but to move on to someone else because it probably seemed like I didn?t feel the same way about him.

that bit right there. That's probably what happened.

Honestly, whether you should say something really depends. How long has been dating the other girl? Has he stopped treating you the same way recently? If has completely moved on, then there is really no harm in saying something (or shouldn't be anything). But if he still feels the same way but also likes this other girl a lot, then saying something could really put him in an difficult, uncomfortable and unfair position, but even then it could work out for the best.

I will say, that on more than one occasion (let's say 2, maybe 2.5 times) I've been in a situation like that. Short version is her and I liked each other, things didn't work out, still liked her for a while, I (finally) starting moving on, she started liking me again, repeat. And really... that is a sucky, sucky experience.

 

[Imp Poster]

You still got some cards to play sort of speak. If you guys are close or still close, I assume you guys can talk about almost anything. Well, if a relationship talk ever comes, maybe towards the end of that conversation, make it to where you can say something like, I would go out with you if you were single. See what he says/reaction is.

You may even tell him the truth. Basically, what you just told us. You guys became really close friends. You have developed some feelings more than just friends for him, but your inexperience of having anything more than friends have left you to do nothing more than that. You know, something in the lines of that. I am sure you have better words than I would since you know your situation better. If you are not comfortable with that, then seek his advice(explaining it like you explained to us) like the guy your talking about is not him though and see what he says.

 

[Heart of Darkness]

Okay, so my experience with relationships falls into one high-school fling that didn't really mean anything, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

If you still value his friendship, and he still treats you like a friend, don't risk it by telling him your feelings for him now that he's in a relationship. He might take your confession as an advance, and really, nothing good an come out of it. At best, he'll accept your feelings, but won;t act on it, leaving your crushed;at worst, his current relationship could come crumbling about his ears and he might never speak to you again for sabotaging his current relationship. "If you really love him, let him go." [/moviecliche] If he's happy, let him be happy, and start shopping around for someone else.

However, if his current relationship does end, consider telling him then, but not right away. Give him a chance to cool off if he does break up (assuming it's a messy end), or just give him time to think otherwise. And then just try to bring it up in a casual conversation; don't just run up to him, grab his vest and yell "I LOVE YOU" in his face; maybe drop a few subtle hints, give him a gift or two, or, again, just bring it up in a conversation in the least awkward way you can manage. If he doesn't break up, though, don't consider telling him--at least not for a long while until he's comfortable with his current partner/you're comfortable with your current partner/your feelings for him have subsided.

Again, grain of salt, but I hope you're able to work this out. It does suck, but learn from this experience, and use it to try to overcome your shyness so this doesn't happen again.