Please, Help Me Not Break My Parents Hearts.

[Jinxzy]

So for christmas my boyfriends parents got us plain tickets, so I could go meet them for the first time. So We went to Las Vegas and had a blast. I fell in love with the city and the weather, even the people. It's was the most amazing city I have ever been in, there is always something to do. I got to walk everywhere in nice weather and just overall I just didn't want to leave. In fact we were so busy in Vegas that I actually lost weight from just the non-stop walking and drinking water.

So the time came when we had to pack up and head back to Buffalo. When I got back home to Buffalo and seen the snow and everything it just made me depressed. My parents, especially my mother was happy to know I was home and safe. I was happy to see them too but now I just feel sad. I felt like I could just stay in Vega and be happy.

So the problem I have is how do I talk to my parents and let them know that I want to move to Vegas. I just don't see anything positive here in Buffalo anymore. It's just so hard to break the news to them, because they are super over protective. Also I feel like if I tell my mom to earlier she'll actually try to sabotage my leaving attempts. I know it sounds silly, but she actually got my sick before the flight to Vegas and was proud I was sick, thinking I would stay home. I know talking to my father is a lot easier, just talking to my mother is the hardest thing for me. I don't want to break her heart but she needs to let me go, so I can be happy.

Buffalo is an ok city but in Vegas my collage degree is worth something there. In Buffalo, I could only find 2-3 jobs looking for someone like me, in Vegas there was like 20+ people looking. To me it feels like a fresh start and such an amazing chance. I just don't know what to do....

Please help and thank you for taking the time to read this over as well.

 

[Batou667]

I notice from your profile that you're 25, which as far as I'm concerned makes you an adult - not just technically or legally, but adult as in "old enough to be making life decisions".

Do what you want. By all accounts it sounds like Vegas would be good for you. Your parents will come around to the idea... and if they don't, too bad for them. Your mom in particular sounds like the possessive/controlling type so expect things to be difficult for her, but at the same time, don't put your plans on hold just for the sake of trying to make everybody happy. Put yourself first.

 

[Vegosiux]

Well, it's your life. All you can do is approach this matter in a calm and level-headed manner and let your parents know about your plans. Keep in mind that moving to Vegas will come with its own set of challenges, but if you're aware of them and have ways to tackle them, who's to tell you you shouldn't?

And your mother will need to come to terms with it. As my mother, a really awesome lady, once said, "You don't birth children for yourself, you birth them for the world." She did have some trouble with coming to terms that me and my sister have left the nest, but she knew all the time that it was the right thing to let us go.

So basically...if you want to move, and have the resources to, then do so. Your parents need to accept that you're a grown-up. Just make sure that you're prepared for whatever awaits in your new place, and you're golden

 

[EeveeElectro]

You're an adult. They legally can not stop you from flying the nest.
It might upset your mum, but remind her there's still Skype, phonecalls and you can still visit whenever you're free.

You should never live your life around other people. Live your life for YOU. Putting everyone else first will result in you being miserable.
It's admirable you care so much about your parents, but they should know that you were going to leave one day and it's unfair of them to stop you.

It might take them a while to come to terms with it. Tell them as early as possible, even if it's not set in stone. It'll give her longer to come round to the idea and accept it. If she wants you to stay because it would make her miserable she's being selfish and I don't think she sounds like a selfish lady.

Before you go, make sure you've got some kind of savings and worked out what you're going to do.

Will you have a job waiting for you? Will you have a house or be living with boyfriends parents until you get a job? Is the cost of living more expensive over there?

Make sure you visit a few more times and stay longer before you decide. It might just be excitement talking from your first visit and you're looking through rose tinted glasses. After you've been a bit longer you will have done most things you can and some people might be bored by then. If you still feel excited and enthusiastic about it, then definitely go for it. Don't stay in a place where you're miserable.

Don't worry because it's probably not as bad as you think. If your mother tries to sabotage your travels, she would be putting your relationship at risk for selfish reasons and I don't think she would do that. Have a calm chat with her about how you're an adult now and need to stand on your own two feet.

Best of luck with the future!

 

[rutger5000]

Yeah sorry but moving out of your hometown city is always going to break your mothers heart, and she'll always try to sabotage it. That is what mother do, the intention isn't that bad really you shouldn't blame her. Just be decisive and promise to stay in touch.

 

[nyankaty]

Your topic: Help me not break my parents' hearts.

How to not break their hearts: Stay with them.

But you say, "I don't waaaaanna!"

Then you already know that this isn't a matter of asking for advice but for some confirmation and agreement from others that this thing, which you know will break their hearts, is the right thing to do. When it comes to moving away, far away, there is no in between. You either move far away or you don't move far away.

Leaving the nest is always hard if you have any decent connection to your parents, but when they brought you into the world, I know they did so with the knowledge that you'd leave one day and while they'll miss you for a while, I promise they'll adjust to life without you right there and you can stay in contact with them.

You don't really need advice so much as a hearty pat on the back and this: You're doing the right thing, keep at it! Good luck!

 

[Moth_Monk]

Your parents are probably expecting you, maybe even hoping that you move out and become fully independent since your 25. Just sit down with them and tell them you want to go and live in Las Vegas.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

snip

Just make sure you have a plan for when you move and you've worked out a lot of the issues associated with moving far away. Don't go jumping into anything on a whim. You probably already know all this, so just mentioning it.

As for your parents, they probably knew this day was coming, all you can really do is promise you'll call them, or Skype, or visit to ease the blow. They might try to talk you out of it, but if you're sure this is what you want to do and you've planned for it properly, you need to be stubborn. Eventually they'll come around, they probably just want to make sure you're safe, so after a few months of calling to assure them of that fact, they'll be fine.

As a 24 year old with a college degree in graphic arts, I confess I've thought about the exact same things. Vegas has a lot of opportunity for artists. I'm fortunate enough to have a pretty comfortable job in my field and live in a state where the opportunities are only rising, so I don't need to weigh the options as much, but I sure feel your pain.