Please...I need a laugh...

[CrimsonBlaze]

Hey there, Escapist Community.

I'm officially having one of those days; you know, when a veritable s***storm blows your way and you can't avoid it or tell it to go f*** itself. This is especially so when you have absolutely nothing to do with it and you can't help but feel so p***ed that you want to hulk out.

But I shouldn't and won't. Instead, I just need to get my mind off of it.

So I'm asking the community for a solid; make me laugh. Post something that cheers you up or that you think might cheer me up (anything will do so long as it's humorous).

I honestly don't want to go to sleep angry (cus' I heard that not healthy or something), and I usually get some stomach turning nightmares if I go to sleep angry.

So thank you to all who post and those who also drop by to share a laugh.

p.s. As much as I'd like to, I would rather not go into any details; it's just one of those unavoidable bulls*** moments that are better left forgotten.

 

[Caiphus]

Let me try and help you out of your rut with a collection of shitty jokes!

Spoiler: What's big, white, and if it falls out of a tree it kills you?

A fridge

Spoiler: What's big, grey and cannot climb trees?

A carpark

Spoiler: What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

So two men are sitting in a hotel bar, which happens to be on the tenth floor of the hotel. One strikes up a conversation with the other.
"Do you know that this hotel is so tall that if you jump off the roof, the updraft gets so strong that it will push you through that window over there?"
The other man scoffs,
"Bullshit. If that's true, why don't you prove it?"
So the first man agrees, and walks out of the bar. A minute later, he swoops in through the window, slightly dishevelled but otherwise unharmed. The second man is amazed.
"Wow!" he says. "I can't believe it! That must have been luck. Do it again."
Sure enough, the man walks out of the bar, and a minute later, swiftly dives in through the window.
The second man is jumping up and down with excitement now.
"This is incredible!" he exclaims, "I need to have a go at this!"
So he runs out of the bar. A couple minutes later he flashes past the window, hits the ground, and is killed instantly.
The bartender finally pipes up from across the room,

"You're such a fucking asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

 

[Casual Shinji]

A guy tells his wife, "You look great without glasses, honey!" The wife says, "But I don't wear glasses." To which the guy replies, "Yeah, but I do."

One of those senior jokes that are all the rage.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Here have a funny video from Chris Cohen!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Found on a friend's page:


Posted in Forum Games:


And something that never fails to make me laugh.

Spoiler: Heavy Rain spoiler

 

[Eddie the head]

Well John Olvers new show if fucking hilarious.

Spoiler: NUKE

I mean come on if the world is going to end can we do it on purpose?

 

[FolloweroftheApoetic]

House Rules

Please only use one dish and cup and rinse those fuckers after. -we are robofamilynow

Please everybody wear your standard issue galactic attire to the tabel if you have not yet constructed your space fleet uniform there is tin foil in the garage and some sparkly glue.

Please everybody take the time out of your day to paint a historical figure as Rodie for the band of your choosing cerca anything before 2005

Please family please dont set a shit tone of inaccurately adjusted clock around the coach and do not take the plastic covers offthem to stand paper cut outs of strange creatures you drew on the hands. (seriously you piss me off when you do that.)

Crimson Blade SPECIFICALLY stop posting instagram pictures of the catbox. Stop posting them on every social media site that you can. Stop updating them and take the accounts down. Seriously guys. Our data plan.

The TV is not a beer pong table. I don't care how cool it looks when you do that.

Who ever keeps putting half eaten slices of pizza into the computer tower and then screwing it back on. Thank you for the pizza.

 

[Ten Foot Bunny]

Need a laugh? Then watch what is probably the funniest game show blooper of all time!

Actually, I don't know if you'd call this a blooper, or an outrageous series of hilarious coincidences culminating in the best round of competition ever flung across the airwaves. Even the host can't contain himself.

Spoiler: Watch your screens. Concentrate!

 

[Tanis]

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

Spoiler

They're right WE DO taste like chicken!

Wait...am I doing this right?

 

[Kelnius]

Hmm . . . I'm really curious what made your day so not-good, but alright, I'll give this a go.

Whenever I'm upset, my girlfriend sends me videos of cute, fluffy or funny animals. So how's this? A sneezing dog:

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ytWGjBJumw

I thought it was cut and funny, but if that doesn't work, here's a joke, not my favourite, but not too offensive either:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

 

[King of Asgaard]

Hey. Hey you.
https://twitter.com/Totalbiscuit/status/501929230201270272

And that's a fact.

For a laugh, have these:

Spoiler

 

[Trinket to Ride]

Spoiler: Silly dogs?

Spoiler: Those ketchup robots that you've probably already seen but if not need to?

 

[william12123]

Ok, here's one i came up with myself recently:

I'm an optical engineer. We may not be the brightest, but we sure know how to reflect!

 

[Ed130 The Vanguard]

Have some DasBoSchitt.

Spoiler

He does longer vids as well called the Gmod Idiot Box, think Robot Chicken but in machinima.

 

[SmugFrog]

I saw this picture, and then couldn't help but use paint to add one thing to it:

Spoiler: NOM NOM NOM

And then this always cheers me up...

Spoiler: Yeahhh...

 

[Danny Dowling]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zb5IH57SorQ

 

[WhiteFangofWhoa]

Sorry to hear it mate.

Spoiler: I laughed at this one, hopefully you will too.

 

[Shymer]

How about a love song from the incomparable Tim Minchin.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6raVzrbqrM

 

[bjj hero]

Knock knock...

Whos there?

Europe...

Europe who?

No, youre a poo!

 

[Asita]

You need a laugh?


If that fails, we could always try a squirrel joke

Spoiler