This is a series that I was once writing on facebook but then decided that I was not getting attention from the crowd I was hoping to draw in. Thanks to this website tailoring to video games, I can safely say that the crowd I am looking for is here and I will hopefully find some readers. I will be posting these once a week at a time that I have yet to figure out. But here is the first of for this site.
Ok, I know that I have not written one of these in a long time but I figured now would be the perfect time for one seeing as though it is just after the holiday season and I know damn well that everyone out there is in a state of wanting to kill the next person they see thanks to all of the following.
1. Hearing the same 25 Christmas songs on a 24 hour loop since Columbus Day.
2. The credit card bills that you just received in the mail from that one shopping trip that you said "One more can't hurt." On Black Friday.
3. Salvation Army bells, FUCK THOSE THINGS ARE ANNOYING!!! CONSTANTLY GOING AT IT, DING DING, DING DING, DING DING!!! We get it, you want money, but guess what, I DON'T HAVE ANY TO GIVE YOU!!!
4. The fact that some derp-a-derp r-tarded TV station that I will not name decides that it's an awesome fucking idea to play a 24 hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" and not play "Jingle All The Way" once. Nothing makes me laugh more than the Governator skipping down the street yelling the 8 reindeer.
Ok but on to the actual rant. This one goes out to what I consider to be the most bat-shit retarded video game company out there right now, Nintendo. Yeah, that's right, I'm calling you out. This company has put out two games that I have been looking forward to for a long time this year. First, Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii.
This game is literally a Copy-Paste of a Super Nintendo classic. In all honesty I was hoping that I would feel this a little bit. But not to the point that when I turn it on I think to myself "The graphics on this game are far too good for a SNES Rom, oh what's that, this is a NEW GAME?!?!?!?" No this is not a new game Nintendo, you literally just ripped yourself off and put an old game out with new graphics. The world map even looks like it was a diarama made by a Graphic Design student trying to show off how nerdy they are so that that Emo chick in the back of the room who wears a video game shirt every day will go down on him.
The second game that I was literally dying to play after I finished the first one and literaly fell in love with everything about it, from the gameplay, to the music, to the way the main character holds his chubby little arms out as he flies through the deepest reaches of space, Super Mario Galaxy. This game was everything that I wanted out of a 3D Mario game, the story line was predictable as usual,
Letter from Peach: "Mario, come eat some cake with me."
Mario: "It'sa Cake time. YAHOO!!!"
Toads: "OMG BOWSER IS BACK AGAIN!!!"
This same thing has been going on for 25 years, by the way, Happy Silver Anniversary Mario. But seriously they put this game out after basically making the perfect Mario game and killed everything I loved about the original. Now, I will admit, if there is one thing that 20 years of video games has taught me is that if you loved the original, odds are you won't like the sequel. But COME ON NINTENDO, you took that game and raped it on the street corner, and just to make the crime even more heinous you drug Yoshi into it.
The one thing that I loved the most about the original was most certainly the music. I have been a musician all my life and if there is one thing that will gain a movie or video game respect in my book it's a wonderful ORIGINAL soundtrack that sticks in my head for a long time. Super Mario Galaxy did that, to the point that I am seriously contimplaiting having the Observatory Waltz be a song at my wedding one day when I get married. Yes, I am that much of a nerd, get over it. But Nintendo goes and releases this piece of garbage sequel to the perfect Mario game and kills this wonderful soundtrack. To an extent I can understand the composer's problem with this game and why some of the songs sound like crap. Every time there has been a Mario game that Yoshi was part of, everytime you are riding Yoshi a woodblock is playing. It is a mechanic that has been the soundtrack of Mario games since the early 90's and it is something that would cause every fan boy to ***** if it isn't there. But, honestly, why is the soundtrack in this game complete shit. Where are the beautiful melodies that graced the gamer as they played through the most original Nintendo game ever.
That leads me onto my next point. Originality, this is something that is very important to video games, you can not get away with a piece of shit Copy-Paste of a former game and expect to get away with it. The first Galaxy game was great, I remember being in awe when I got to the Toy Galaxy and was fighting my way through a giant Mecha-Toys Mario to a star. It was a great idea that showed some real thought and imagination on the writers and developers end. But then Nintendo goes along and stabs the idea of originality right in the face when it literly rips off an ENTIRE level from Super Mario 64. This not only shows the fact that the people writing this game don't really give a damn about how people really feel about this game. They can't even give a completely new game, not to mention one with a coherent narative.
The storyline in Galaxy 2 is complete shit. Like I said before, Bowser capturing Peach and Mario going and saving her is a staple in the Mario franchise and will never go anywhere. Mario is strictly motivated by pussy and nothing more. But the first Galaxy had a great story, the Observatory, the point behind the Super Stars and what they were used for and the way that the world map was opened up to you. That was one of the major problems that I had with this game, the world map. In the orignal it was a wonderful idea, as you obtained more Super Stars more of the Observatory turned on and another section of the world map was opened for the player to advance. In Galaxy 2 it was just another rip off of the world map from Mario 3. WHAT THE FUCK NINTENDO?!?!?!?!? Just because you have had a game franchise running for 25 years doesn't give you the right to use the same game mechanic for 20 years and expect different results. A teacher of mine a long time ago used this quote frequently in his classroom "Mistakes show progress, repeated mistakes show stupidity." Nintendo, the way you have been lately is nothing more than absolute stupidity and lack of respect for your consumers.
Ok, I know that I have not written one of these in a long time but I figured now would be the perfect time for one seeing as though it is just after the holiday season and I know damn well that everyone out there is in a state of wanting to kill the next person they see thanks to all of the following.
1. Hearing the same 25 Christmas songs on a 24 hour loop since Columbus Day.
2. The credit card bills that you just received in the mail from that one shopping trip that you said "One more can't hurt." On Black Friday.
3. Salvation Army bells, FUCK THOSE THINGS ARE ANNOYING!!! CONSTANTLY GOING AT IT, DING DING, DING DING, DING DING!!! We get it, you want money, but guess what, I DON'T HAVE ANY TO GIVE YOU!!!
4. The fact that some derp-a-derp r-tarded TV station that I will not name decides that it's an awesome fucking idea to play a 24 hour marathon of "A Christmas Story" and not play "Jingle All The Way" once. Nothing makes me laugh more than the Governator skipping down the street yelling the 8 reindeer.
Ok but on to the actual rant. This one goes out to what I consider to be the most bat-shit retarded video game company out there right now, Nintendo. Yeah, that's right, I'm calling you out. This company has put out two games that I have been looking forward to for a long time this year. First, Donkey Kong Country Returns for the Wii.
This game is literally a Copy-Paste of a Super Nintendo classic. In all honesty I was hoping that I would feel this a little bit. But not to the point that when I turn it on I think to myself "The graphics on this game are far too good for a SNES Rom, oh what's that, this is a NEW GAME?!?!?!?" No this is not a new game Nintendo, you literally just ripped yourself off and put an old game out with new graphics. The world map even looks like it was a diarama made by a Graphic Design student trying to show off how nerdy they are so that that Emo chick in the back of the room who wears a video game shirt every day will go down on him.
The second game that I was literally dying to play after I finished the first one and literaly fell in love with everything about it, from the gameplay, to the music, to the way the main character holds his chubby little arms out as he flies through the deepest reaches of space, Super Mario Galaxy. This game was everything that I wanted out of a 3D Mario game, the story line was predictable as usual,
Letter from Peach: "Mario, come eat some cake with me."
Mario: "It'sa Cake time. YAHOO!!!"
Toads: "OMG BOWSER IS BACK AGAIN!!!"
This same thing has been going on for 25 years, by the way, Happy Silver Anniversary Mario. But seriously they put this game out after basically making the perfect Mario game and killed everything I loved about the original. Now, I will admit, if there is one thing that 20 years of video games has taught me is that if you loved the original, odds are you won't like the sequel. But COME ON NINTENDO, you took that game and raped it on the street corner, and just to make the crime even more heinous you drug Yoshi into it.
The one thing that I loved the most about the original was most certainly the music. I have been a musician all my life and if there is one thing that will gain a movie or video game respect in my book it's a wonderful ORIGINAL soundtrack that sticks in my head for a long time. Super Mario Galaxy did that, to the point that I am seriously contimplaiting having the Observatory Waltz be a song at my wedding one day when I get married. Yes, I am that much of a nerd, get over it. But Nintendo goes and releases this piece of garbage sequel to the perfect Mario game and kills this wonderful soundtrack. To an extent I can understand the composer's problem with this game and why some of the songs sound like crap. Every time there has been a Mario game that Yoshi was part of, everytime you are riding Yoshi a woodblock is playing. It is a mechanic that has been the soundtrack of Mario games since the early 90's and it is something that would cause every fan boy to ***** if it isn't there. But, honestly, why is the soundtrack in this game complete shit. Where are the beautiful melodies that graced the gamer as they played through the most original Nintendo game ever.
That leads me onto my next point. Originality, this is something that is very important to video games, you can not get away with a piece of shit Copy-Paste of a former game and expect to get away with it. The first Galaxy game was great, I remember being in awe when I got to the Toy Galaxy and was fighting my way through a giant Mecha-Toys Mario to a star. It was a great idea that showed some real thought and imagination on the writers and developers end. But then Nintendo goes along and stabs the idea of originality right in the face when it literly rips off an ENTIRE level from Super Mario 64. This not only shows the fact that the people writing this game don't really give a damn about how people really feel about this game. They can't even give a completely new game, not to mention one with a coherent narative.
The storyline in Galaxy 2 is complete shit. Like I said before, Bowser capturing Peach and Mario going and saving her is a staple in the Mario franchise and will never go anywhere. Mario is strictly motivated by pussy and nothing more. But the first Galaxy had a great story, the Observatory, the point behind the Super Stars and what they were used for and the way that the world map was opened up to you. That was one of the major problems that I had with this game, the world map. In the orignal it was a wonderful idea, as you obtained more Super Stars more of the Observatory turned on and another section of the world map was opened for the player to advance. In Galaxy 2 it was just another rip off of the world map from Mario 3. WHAT THE FUCK NINTENDO?!?!?!?!? Just because you have had a game franchise running for 25 years doesn't give you the right to use the same game mechanic for 20 years and expect different results. A teacher of mine a long time ago used this quote frequently in his classroom "Mistakes show progress, repeated mistakes show stupidity." Nintendo, the way you have been lately is nothing more than absolute stupidity and lack of respect for your consumers.
