Poll: A question for the guys . Sex on the first date, Yay or nay?

[TallanKhan]

While I like the whole idea of taking things slow and getting to know someone, honestly, if she invites me in, I know that I'm not going to say no. I wouldn't plan to sleep with someone on the first date or initiate anything that quickly, but if she initiates, all is well.

 

[ImperialSunlight]

Well, it would be hypocritical of me to disapprove of this since only recently I had sex with my boyfriend who I met two weeks ago, after only speaking to him online, and meeting him once before to play video games. Though I consider him a special case since I am madly, ridiculously in love with him and wouldn't be able to refuse if I tried. So, while us doing it a bit early hasn't seemed to harm our relationship since we're both ok with it, I would suggest that most people should avoid doing so unless they already feel similarly devoted. I'd certainly not expect it from a first-time date and wouldn't ask it of them.

 

[NoeL]

Sex is one of the best things life has to offer and I feel you're missing out.

I wont deny that, but its something that should wait until you are with the one you want to spend your life with. Maybe not married necessarily (since some stupid people seem to think marrying is pointless), but at least wanting to settle down.

Why "should" it be that way? You can argue people "should" use contraception if they're not prepared to raise a child, but saying they "should" abstain from sex seems like an utter and arbitrary waste of your youth.

Also, I appreciate you calling me stupid.

Kinda breaks my heart hearing that, about the toys etc. Because it's clear you had absolutely no fucking clue about the moral status or consequences of your actions - all you knew was that if you didn't obey daddy you'd be punished. And if your daddy had a faulty moral compass, congratulations - now you do too. You only learned how to submit, and never to evaluate. So all you do is stand in line and repeat exactly what you were told, unable to think for yourself.

Funny you should say that, because just about every teacher I have ever had said that I had one of the straightest moral compasses they have ever seen, and wished more teenagers were like me. And My mom, the high school principal has said the same thing, specifically "If teenagers were more like you and didn't try to be little rebels, my job would be much easier and I could enjoy time with students."

Of course they would say that - they likely share very similar views to you. But that only shows you have similar beliefs, and doesn't touch on actual morality. Morality has nothing to do with following rules or living up to expectations. Both will get you praised for being a "good boy" but you're not actually acting morally. Making moral decisions involves evaluating situations and considering how your actions affect the wellbeing of others, and I'm not convinced you do that.

I don't see why I need to know anything beyond "Don't do this or you will get punished." "Fine I wont do it" and then I get to be on my merry way. Your acting like I wasn't told what I did wrong. They would still tell me what I did wrong, and then send me to my room with nothing to do except stare at the ceiling until they said I had a long enough time out. If that's not reasonable, I will say it again, no wonder kids today are a bunch of brats.

Ok, let's make things blindingly obvious:
"Don't help that old lady with her groceries or you will get punished."
"Fine I won't do it then."

Have you done the morally good thing or not? How can you tell?

As I said before, simply doing what you're told is only going to have positive consequences if you're getting told the right thing. I'm sure you know a lot of parents that tell their kids homosexuality is wrong and homosexuals should be punished, yet if they followed their parents' instructions on that issue they would be doing the wrong thing in our opinion.

That's why it's crucial that you know beyond "Don't do this or you will get punished." You need to understand the consequences of your actions to be able to determine whether or not you should do as you're told.

I bolded to the section I take issue with. If someone's continually punished for something but they don't understand what they're doing wrong, all that's going to happen is they'll resent the punisher. They're not likely to start obeying any time soon, and depending on how strong willed they are they may just keep fighting. They believe they're doing the right thing, so will resist the person telling them they're wrong. That's why I believe it's crucial to give kids solid education, where they can see the consequences of their actions for themselves. So rather than thinking "God, my dad's an asshole for grounding me - all I did was have some beer." they're thinking "I could drink this beer, but it's going to impair my judgement and potentially get me into some pretty hairy situations, so better I don't." Repeatedly creaming "OBEY ME OR SUFFER MORE!" at them is a poor strategy - particularly if your kid has strong convictions (which is an admirable trait when correctly nurtured).

Implying that I wouldn't tell them these things. That doesn't change the fact that they will be grounded for it, with the length of time depending what they did. If they cant take that you get punished for actions you were told not to do, then they will find the real world to be a very harsh place.

Telling =/= teaching. You can tell them they did a bad thing until you're blue in the face, but unless you get them to understand why the thing they did is actually bad (and not just disobedient) you're gonna have an uphill battle.

Furthermore, I don't believe you need to teach them that disobedience => punishment for them to be able to survive the world - you only need to teach them that actions => consequences. If they understand how the police system operates and how far their authority extends they can easily see when they should follow instructions and do as they're told. If all they know is "obey or be punished" what are they going to do when a police officer tells them to bend over and take their pants off? It's important they can differentiate between actual authority and artificial authority, and you're not teaching that.

I don't think you're lying, I'm just thoroughly unimpressed. I have no respect for people that need to threaten violence and intimidate others to get along with them. If some girl's dad acted like that to me it wouldn't make me treat his daughter any better (I'd treat her phenomenally regardless), but I'd immediately lose all respect for him. He's only causing harm to our relationship pulling that bullshit. It's a fucking disgusting and disrespectful way to treat another person - particularly someone you just met - so he can go suck a cock for all I care.

Then you're exactly the kind of person I would not want dating my daughter, and she will not date you without me and her mothers blessing (which I don't think she would give you too).

And why is that? Because I don't respond to your flagrant disrespect with licking your boots? Why do you feel you can treat me like a piece of shit then demand my respect?

It actually reminds me of a story my Mom and Grandpa like to tell about how one of the first guys who dated my mom goes to their house for the first date, and walks in and sees all my grandpas shotguns and rifles, with the deer heads and trophy bass on the wall and says
Guy: "Oh.....you guys hunt."
Grandpa: "You bet we do."
Guy: "Oh, I don't like hunting, I think it shouldn't be allowed."
Mom :*looks over at Grandpa, sees him sign language a slice across his neck, meaning "Dump him, its over."*

She broke up with him the next day.

That's fucking appalling. Both your mother and grandpa should be ashamed of themselves.

Again, there are healthier, more respectful, and arguably more effective ways of influencing who your child spends time with than just forbidding contact. If you say to your kid "You can't see that boy anymore!" guess what - they're gonna see them more just to spite you. Sit them down, express your concerns, and trust they're smart enough to look after themselves. Like all kids they're going to get into trouble from time to time, and you need to make sure they can always turn to you for help, rather than hide things from you for fear of punishment.

And I would tell them WHY I don't want them hanging out. You seem to be making these jumps that I am not going to tell them jack shit and just expect them to figure it out on their own. But its not going to change that the decision has been made and very little would stop it.

Lets use you as an example: You are EXACTLY the kind of person I would not want my daughter dating. Your rebellious, you disrespected me, you seem to be dead set on wanting to get inside her pants, good luck getting my seal of approval, or their mothers.

1) I'm not "rebellious", I just actually USE my brain.
2) I only disrespected you after you expressed your utter disrespect for me (correction: I didn't disrespect you at all - I just have no respect for you). How hypocritical for you to take issue with someone being disrespectful directly after you disrespected them! If you greeted me politely and treated me like a human being in the first place we'd all get along swimmingly. It's your fault you got no respect from me.
3) There's nothing wrong with wanting to get inside someone's pants. Believe it or not you can have a sexual relationship with someone without treating them like a piece of meat.

There are 3 ways this is going to end:

1) You crawl back and beg for your forgiveness on your knees, and then I will ask my daughter if she still wants to date you, and I will keep a close eye on you because if you EVER do anything to hurt her, its over.
2) My daughter convinces me that you are ok, you will beg for my forgiveness, and I will keep a close eye on you...........
3) You still act like a rebellious and high and mighty, Me and the wife will convince our daughter that you are a terrible person and that she can do better because you are being rebellious and will likely get her into trouble one day, plus going back to the fact that you are trying to get inside her pants and that means you are a terrible boyfriend (her mother could very easily argue that last one), she will change her mind, and then I will banish you from my home. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

4) She runs away to be with me because we actually like each other, and you lose a daughter. Good job. I hope your reluctance to give people the respect and dignity they deserve was worth it.

EDIT: And why the fuck would I beg for your forgiveness when you were the one that disrespected me?

 

[IceForce]

A person received a warning for saying "Hell yes"

This is why we can't have real discussions on this forum anymore. The rules are so all over the place, it seems the mods simply ban or threaten to ban anyone or remove any post that they find in any way offensive.

There's no responsibility on the part of the mods to prove that it was a necessary action.

While in this case it's obvious the post in question was warned for low content, I will say that some of the warnings I've seen have seemed to be pretty random at times.

It doesn't even show you which mod removed it and for what reason.

Indeed. Instead of just saying "User received a warning for this post", it would be good if it actually said WHY the post got a warning.

Showing which mod warned it could be beneficial too. That way the forum community can see if a particular mod is abusing their powers.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

As for the shotgun thing. I hope you realize that threatening someone with a weapon is illegal. How good of a father could you be from jail? Did you think about that? Hell, just a restraining order would make things kind of awkward should you want to visit your daughter and/or potential grandchildren. That's a problem with people like you. You think the whole world is going to bend over and kiss your ass just because you have a gun. Well, guess what, cops have guns too and they are not going to care what you think is right or wrong; they are going enforce the laws they have sworn to uphold. And, letting giddy parents terrorize the streets with deadly weapons because they don't like who their children are dating isn't one of them.

Although that arguement losses Its weight since I know cops who do it as well, meaning either its not as illegal as you think, or "The Law" dont care. As I said, its a right of passage around here that you must get sweated out by the father of the person you are dating, and that usually involves a gun. Although my girlfriends dad didnt need one. He was a bulldozer/Heavy Equipment mechanic so he didnt have arms, he had tree branchs where his arms should be. Of course, him and my girlfriends mom are divorced (his fault for cheating, the bastard).

You hit your sexual peak at around 17, you can put it off, wait, and have all the special, loving, sex you want, but you will never get that sexual peak back. If there is one thing I still regret at 38 years of age, it's not having more sex as a teenager.

Well, then its already too late for me, considering I turn 20 in 5 days (October 2), and she will be turning 20 on December 29. Not that I HAD any desire for sex when I was 17 anyway. While I have had "thoughts", and I do have the desire to get it on, It will wait until I am married. Its waited 20 years, it can wait 3 more.

Finally, I am gay, I cant get married, so I will always have premarital sex.

Then you are the exception, not the rule. I will try and get Gay Marriage legalized when I go into politics (though I forsee many in my state being unhappy, but they can either listen to me that its not as bad as they think or they can STFU) to which I will still say "wait until you are married" again. So for now, I would say at least be in a long term relationship (And not living under my roof, because I am NOT making the exception there!).

Why "should" it be that way? You can argue people "should" use contraception if they're not prepared to raise a child, but saying they "should" abstain from sex seems like an utter and arbitrary waste of your youth.

Because its something that should be saved for the one you will spend the rest of your life with, as a sign of the love and trust between you and your significant other. Anything else is just shallow and greatly devalues the beauty and sacredness of sex.

Of course they would say that - they likely share very similar views to you. But that only shows you have similar beliefs, and doesn't touch on actual morality. Morality has nothing to do with following rules or living up to expectations. Both will get you praised for being a "good boy" but you're not actually acting morally. Making moral decisions involves evaluating situations and considering how your actions affect the wellbeing of others, and I'm not convinced you do that.

Huh......lets see here: Listen to the people who I live with who tell me this, my friends who also have the same views, and everyone else who has the same views, or some random guy on the internet who is asking me to do things that fly completely in the face of everything I know and every belief I hold.......

Decisions, Decisions...........

Also, from where I am sitting, I AM doing the moral thing, no matter what you may think about it.

Ok, let's make things blindingly obvious:
"Don't help that old lady with her groceries or you will get punished."
"Fine I won't do it then."

Have you done the morally good thing or not? How can you tell?

As I said before, simply doing what you're told is only going to have positive consequences if you're getting told the right thing. I'm sure you know a lot of parents that tell their kids homosexuality is wrong and homosexuals should be punished, yet if they followed their parents' instructions on that issue they would be doing the wrong thing in our opinion.

That's why it's crucial that you know beyond "Don't do this or you will get punished." You need to understand the consequences of your actions to be able to determine whether or not you should do as you're told.

What is it with you and these completely overblown analagys.................

Also, no, I dont know any parents that would punish their children for being gay/lesbian. Hell, one of my friends is bisexual and her parents were just as supportive of her when she dated another girl as when she dated guys. The parents who would punish thier children for homosexuality are extremely small (but always make the news), and most would still love their chilidren and support them, even if only in a "Love the sinner, hate the sin" kind of way, but thats a start.

Telling =/= teaching. You can tell them they did a bad thing until you're blue in the face, but unless you get them to understand why the thing they did is actually bad (and not just disobedient) you're gonna have an uphill battle.

*facepalm* And why isnt "Because I said so" a good answer. I see it used all the time around here and it works fine. *sigh*

And why is that? Because I don't respond to your flagrant disrespect with licking your boots? Why do you feel you can treat me like a piece of shit then demand my respect?

Because as her father, I should already have your respect, were as as her suiter, you got to EARN mine. If you play ball and play it by the rules, then yeah, I will respect you. But if you keep flying in the face of my authority and basically saying "I will do as I please" then you will find your time with my daughter either A) Short or B) Unpleasent.

That's fucking appalling. Both your mother and grandpa should be ashamed of themselves.

No thats called being a good parent. Really, if you cant get along with the in-laws thats a problem. At least I already knew beforehand that me and my girlfriends family would get along, considering that our familys knew eachother to on extent or another for generations (although we arent related in any way, shape, or form).

Also, my mom had a VERY Good reason to listen to my grandparents on this issue. Lets just say that they are products of the 1960's and when my mom was older and did the math in her head of when her parents married and when her older brother was born, she was like "Ewww, YOU GUYS!!!!!! Why would you do that!" (lets just say, its less than 9 months difference)

1) I'm not "rebellious", I just actually USE my brain.
2) I only disrespected you after you expressed your utter disrespect for me (correction: I didn't disrespect you at all - I just have no respect for you). How hypocritical for you to take issue with someone being disrespectful directly after you disrespected them! If you greeted me politely and treated me like a human being in the first place we'd all get along swimmingly. It's your fault you got no respect from me.
3) There's nothing wrong with wanting to get inside someone's pants. Believe it or not you can have a sexual relationship with someone without treating them like a piece of meat.

1) You are showing contempt for my authority, you are showing blatent disregard for the rules I set out, and you seem to think you can just do your own thing. Textbook rebel if you ask me.
2) Once again, as her father, I should already have YOUR respect, and as her suiter, you have to EARN MINE.
3) Take it up with their mother, she would like to have a word with you over that. In case you missed it in one of my earlier post, she HATES how most men today are and how they want sex, and she has openly said that I am one of the few men that is actually ok because I DONT want sex until I am married (I guess it would be 25%, since 1:4 get married as virgins). So she would take even more issue than ME over it, and its likely any daughter we have will take after her mother (well, I guess both of us, technically) on this issue, so........good luck with that. So who would you rather deal with: The 6'2, 230 lb guy with the bayoneted shotgun that you have have gotten on his bad side, or the lady with carrying the katana and a complete contempt for guys who want sex before they are married and who you have ALSO gotten on her bad side....TWICE (once for disrespecting me and once for wanting sex with our daughter and not taking "wait" as an answer). Choose wisely

4) She runs away to be with me because we actually like each other, and you lose a daughter. Good job. I hope your reluctance to give people the respect and dignity they deserve was worth it.

Oh good, so you are going to kidnap her? I will get on the phone with the sheriff right away. Oh, and for a moment lets assume I have the job I was am planing to get, the one I am going to school for, getting internships in, and already kind of have my foot in the door for. Got that in your head?

Good: I hope you like being hunted by local police/sheriffs, the Kansas State Troopers, The FBI, and the Secret Service, because you, my unfortuante friend, have just made the grave mistake of kidnapping the daughter of A SENATOR OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!! Have fun.........

 

[Colour Scientist]

Because its something that should be saved for the one you will spend the rest of your life with, as a sign of the love and trust between you and your significant other. Anything else is just shallow and greatly devalues the beauty and sacredness of sex.

Look, I don't care that you're waiting until you get married to have sex with your girlfriend. Whatever, that's your choice and you both seem pretty happy about it, especially since you've been banging on about it for 2 years now.

What I don't appreciate is you assuming that everyone who doesn't subscribe to your way of thinking is "shallow".
Also, how do you know it devalues the 'beauty and sacredness' of sex? You've never had sex.
You don't know if it's beautiful or not.
You don't know if it's any more or less beautiful before or after marraige.


I'm not even going to touch the 'sacred' part.

Again, you can do what you want with your relationship, but it's bullshit to go around making value judgements about other people's sex lives. Especially when it's a subject you clearly know fuck all about.

 

[A.A.K]

Given I'm the sort to prefer fuck-buddies as first preference, and one night stands as second, if I had to choose between 'relationship', 'relationship of just sex' and 'one off sex'... yea, definitely. I'll take first date sex.

Between my sex drive and my difficulty in deep, emotionally enriching relationships (with normal people at least)... First date sex is awesome.

 

[SmokingBomber465]

Yes.

I really can't think of any arguments for the other side so I am at a loss for explaining myself. Sex brings people together as long as those people are mature, consenting adults.

 

[Ieyke]

Depends

Is this a first date with someone I only recently met? Or one with an individual I've known for months or years, and are just now looking into a romantic relationship?

If the former, the answer is no, at least for the time being. If the latter, yes

Yeah, I'd have to agree with this. If I didn't know the person very well I don't think I'd be comfortable jumping right into it. If I knew and trusted them well enough already, well, why not?

This.

The girls I'd date are girls I'm VERY close friends with, so yes.

If it was some random girl I just met, no.

 

[red_bedbug]

Anyway, I'm not trying to say that you should have sex - that's your choice. I'm just pointing out your paranoia over it.

Then why are you acting like I some kind of terrible mistake for choosing not to have sex. Because in my eyes, I am being properly paranoid over this subject. That seems like a usual problem on this forum: "Do whatever you want, but if that means you will not have sex, we will tell you why you are wrong until you do, and if you don't, you are just some religious funddie."

I would like to state here, before going on to say anything at all, that it's anyone's decision to choose to wait until marriage to have sex. If it's a choice based on the belief that sex is 'sacred' then sure, I respect that and will not contradict anyone's beliefs. If it's a choice based on the misguided concepts, such as abstinence being the only truly safe way or not having sex before marriage being vital to the marriage itself... eh. Then I will bring up my own arguments, simply because I believe that there is way too much misinformation around concerning contraception, sex and sexuality. I believe NoeL is speaking along those same lines.

Anyhow, if there is one thing I believe, is that everybody has the right to their own attitude towards sex, whether it's "fun and a lot" or "something only to be shared with your future spouse", and everyone should be respected for their choice. As long as nobody gets hurt in the process. (Well, unless you get hurt due to experimenting in the bedroom... then you are excused) If after I lay down my arguments, you still tell me: "Ok, but I still don't want to because it's my choice and stand by it." All the more power to you. And if you want to raise your children to that mindset... fine. It's in a parent's right to pass on certain values to their children.

There are however a few things you mentioned I take issue with...

And keeping them from having sex is an entirely valid reason. I have yet to meet a single parent who would be ok with their kids having sex, and in at least one case, my friends parents are even stricter than mine [...] NOT!A!SINGLE!ONE! So I REALLY don't see how I am some sort of sadistic evil parent for doing what literally everyone else is doing.

Actually, yeah, my parents. My father never really cared, my mother actually told me, and I quote, "I am not going to tell you not to have sex before marriage. I think that's nonesense. The important things are that you love him, you make sure you are careful and stay safe."

In fact, I regularly had boyfriends over. Who slept in my room, in my bed, which was a single bed. I think they had a pretty good idea of what waas going on. Well, my father might have naively thought nothing was going on for a bit longer, but my mom certainly knew and certainly brought him up to date.

Also, what you said earlier:

Lets go with my parents threats:
1) Loss access to truck
2) Loss access to cellphone, except for emergancys
3) Loss contact with girlfriend
4) Under House Arrest (meaning I can only go to school and work)
5) Loss access to gaming systems+Ipad.
6) Loss Internet access.
7) Will have to quit school and work to take care of any child that is formed from this.
8) The rest of the family will be told, leading to problems no matter where I go.

As someone whose family was very libreral towards sex, appear disproportionate to me. I'd much rather sit my kids down and give them a long lecture on STD's and contraception methods. Besides, if they really want to have sex, they will find a way without me knowing, somehow. That is however my personal opinion and my way of seeing it.

I like those rules. I will continue those rules. Helps keep people in line. I would also add to the list that if I have a daughter, she will not be allowed to have an abortion unless it will kill her not to. But off course, as a father with access to a shotgun, I will make sure that Junior is always there to love her, respect her, and will marry her to help take care of his child.........even if that means doing it a gunpoint.........

This however, I have to fundamentally disagree with. Here why: first of all, the choice of having an abortion or not should lie with the woman, in my opinion. This does not mean that you are not allowed to express your disagreement, but the choice should ultimately lie by the woman. Second thing regarding this first part: From what I have read If I was your daughter, had sex and now was pregnant, I would ? very honestly ? be terrified to tell you about it. It is way, way more likely that I would look for a way to have an abortion in secret. Notice that I put in bold the "from what I have read", because I obiviously do not know you, but this is, however, my first reaction.

Going on the the hypothetical situation where your daughter comes home pregnant: the way I see it, if "Junior" has not offered to take care of the baby yet, there is a chance that he is a complete douchebag. Now, you are forcing him and your daughter to marry ? to spend every day of the rest of her life with a man that she may not even love, and who may not give a damn about her. (And please don't tell me you will force him to care about her... you might be able to force him into physically caring and providing for her, but you cannot force an emotional attachment with a shotgun.) She will be living in the same house, and sharing hte same bed as the douchebag who got her pregnant and then ran away, and who was forced to marry her at the threat of physical damange. I do not see "Junior" growing warm towards this relationship, much less towards his child.

I am not saying he is going to end up mistreating her, but it would definitely be a very unhappy relationship.

What's more, marriage kind of implies having more sex with that other person... whom your daughter may not love or may discover after a while to only have been a teenage crush. So your daughter will either be living a sexless life, or a life of having sex with someone she does not love. Or cheating on him.

Also, I am not even going into the day you will not be there anymore to keep the relationship working at gunpoint...

And yes, there are people who choose to live a life of abstinence, and I repect them. However, there lies the difference, it's a choice, not something they are forced into.

I just wanted to give my two cents on that last bit. I tried to remain as polite as possible in illustrating a potential scenarion that could result from those actions. Of course, it may also turn out for the best and they will both fall in love and everyone lives happy ever after... but just like the other extreme, that I am not going to outline here, the chance of it happening is very, very small.

Also, I have a question out of honest and pure curiosity: you keep saying that you avoid sex because for you, the risks of pregnancy outweigh the physical benefits of sex. So, what is your attitude towards other forms of sex? Such as sexual activities that do not involve penetration, or oral sex?

 

[Kevlar Eater]

I dunno if I answered this question yet, but I don't think I could do the deed so early. To me, it seems like a form of prostitution; I'm basically paying for the woman's time with me in either a straight transaction between money -> sex, or money -> time -> sex.

 

[red_bedbug]

Automobile accidents are one of the leading (if not #1) cause of death before the age of 44. Yet, we are comfortable letting 15 year olds get behind the wheel of a car. Why? Driving is not necessary. Within our legal system we consider it a privilege not a right. One reason is that we make it a requirement that they learn how to drive responsibly before they do it. Guns are dangerous, one slip-up and BANG! instant and irreversible death. But, I am sure every parent in your little slice of rural America shows their kids how to PROPERLY operate these deadly devices and is then fine with their little offspring using one. Owning a gun may be a right but one can still get by in life just fine without ever touching one.

But when it comes to sex, people FREAK OUT. Somehow sex is more dangerous, more unnecessary, more irresponsible (even beyond the ability to educate people how to BE responsible) than driving or shooting guns. And we place all these arbitrary rules on it. Why is that sex is one of the few activities that requires us to be LOCKED into a long-term binding contract? No one is expected to only shoot their 1st gun or drive their 1st car (or type of gun or car) for the rest of their lives. But when you have sex with someone, oh no, you have to only have sex with that one person until they die. People's bodies are not flooded with hormones compelling them to shoot guns or dive cars, and yet we take these potentially deadly activities for granted even when "kids" do them. Sex isn't even all that deadly, deaths from AIDS don't even rank in the top 5 of communicable diseases in this country and is positively dwarfed by deaths from cancer and heart disease. We freak out more about irresponsible and/or overindulgent sex than we seem to care about people that eat too much (heart disease) or people who smoke (lung cancer).

People like me frequently are accused of placing an overemphasis on sex. I say it's the other way around. For the prudes and the "wait until your married" crowd, sex becomes this irrationally important or sacred activity that can only be performed under the most restrictive and rigid (lol pun) set of rules. It seems to have nothing to do with how dangerous the activity is or what can be done to mitigate that danger. It's also seems necessary to manipulate and coerce other people into believing and behaving the same way. I don't see any campaigns to keep kids away from cars or to stop parents from teaching their kids to use guns.

There is actually an explanation in that originally, these rules were invented to protect women from unwanted pregnancies and being abandoned to take care of their kids on their own. That is, why, for a very long time, sex was perceived as something dangerous that you had to be careful while doing, because having a kid on your own could effectively ruin you. Of course, nowadays, this reason has long been outdated, but that's pretty much what happened for 1000+ years, leading to people forgetting why marriage was instated in the first place.

Also, it is worth noting that until as recently as the beginning of the 20th century, people were often married at age 15 or younger. (girls at least, men... eh...)

That said, I completely agree with everything said up there, although I maintain that ultimately, I respect anyone's decision concerning their own attitude towards sex, as long as the don't mess with anyone's else. What does baffle me however is how it seems impossible to have a proper, normal conversation about sex... or at least it's extremely rare. By that I don't mean conversations of the like of "look at how hot she is", but genuinely just talking about sex itself, such as what it is, what good sex is, how to make the experience better.

How come one can publicly objectify a person's body, even make rape jokes in public, but talking about a genuine act of sex will get create unease and get one banned?

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

There's a very small minority of women I wouldn't have sex with if it was offered. Probably only about 10% would I turn down.

 

[NoeL]

Why "should" it be that way? You can argue people "should" use contraception if they're not prepared to raise a child, but saying they "should" abstain from sex seems like an utter and arbitrary waste of your youth.

Because its something that should be saved for the one you will spend the rest of your life with, as a sign of the love and trust between you and your significant other. Anything else is just shallow and greatly devalues the beauty and sacredness of sex.

That reply contained no substance at all - you just reasserted your belief that sex is sacred. How about you support that assertion? Sex before marriage doesn't "devalue" anything.

Of course they would say that - they likely share very similar views to you. But that only shows you have similar beliefs, and doesn't touch on actual morality. Morality has nothing to do with following rules or living up to expectations. Both will get you praised for being a "good boy" but you're not actually acting morally. Making moral decisions involves evaluating situations and considering how your actions affect the wellbeing of others, and I'm not convinced you do that.

Huh......lets see here: Listen to the people who I live with who tell me this, my friends who also have the same views, and everyone else who has the same views, or some random guy on the internet who is asking me to do things that fly completely in the face of everything I know and every belief I hold.......

Decisions, Decisions...........

Also, from where I am sitting, I AM doing the moral thing, no matter what you may think about it.

In other words: Just follow along with what everyone else is doing like a good little sheep, or use my brain and THINK for myself.

Decisions, Decisions...........

Ok, let's make things blindingly obvious:
"Don't help that old lady with her groceries or you will get punished."
"Fine I won't do it then."

Have you done the morally good thing or not? How can you tell?

As I said before, simply doing what you're told is only going to have positive consequences if you're getting told the right thing. I'm sure you know a lot of parents that tell their kids homosexuality is wrong and homosexuals should be punished, yet if they followed their parents' instructions on that issue they would be doing the wrong thing in our opinion.

That's why it's crucial that you know beyond "Don't do this or you will get punished." You need to understand the consequences of your actions to be able to determine whether or not you should do as you're told.

What is it with you and these completely overblown analagys.................

Also, no, I dont know any parents that would punish their children for being gay/lesbian. Hell, one of my friends is bisexual and her parents were just as supportive of her when she dated another girl as when she dated guys. The parents who would punish thier children for homosexuality are extremely small (but always make the news), and most would still love their chilidren and support them, even if only in a "Love the sinner, hate the sin" kind of way, but thats a start.

You COMPLETELY missed the point I was making, whether you meant to or not. I suggest you try that one again.

Telling =/= teaching. You can tell them they did a bad thing until you're blue in the face, but unless you get them to understand why the thing they did is actually bad (and not just disobedient) you're gonna have an uphill battle.

*facepalm* And why isnt "Because I said so" a good answer. I see it used all the time around here and it works fine. *sigh*

I just explained why "Because I said so" is NOT a good answer. As of yet you've provided no response to that.

And why is that? Because I don't respond to your flagrant disrespect with licking your boots? Why do you feel you can treat me like a piece of shit then demand my respect?

Because as her father, I should already have your respect, were as as her suiter, you got to EARN mine. If you play ball and play it by the rules, then yeah, I will respect you. But if you keep flying in the face of my authority and basically saying "I will do as I please" then you will find your time with my daughter either A) Short or B) Unpleasent.

No, absolutely not. As human beings we all deserve respect until we act in a way that causes us to lose it, regardless of authority. A police officer should be respectful of the people he's charged with protecting, not treat them like shit while demanding they respect him no matter what. You already had my respect both as a person and as the father of the girl I was courting, but you lost that respect when you chose not to extend that to me in return. When you made the conscious decision to treat me as an adversary you lost the right to my respect, regardless of your "authority". I'll still play by your rules and show you respect when I'm on your property (and no, your "property" does NOT include your daughter), but other than that you'll get nothing until you show me you deserve it.

That's fucking appalling. Both your mother and grandpa should be ashamed of themselves.

No thats called being a good parent. Really, if you cant get along with the in-laws thats a problem. At least I already knew beforehand that me and my girlfriends family would get along, considering that our familys knew eachother to on extent or another for generations (although we arent related in any way, shape, or form).

Because heaven forbid you people open your minds to people with different opinions. For fuck's sake...

1) I'm not "rebellious", I just actually USE my brain.
2) I only disrespected you after you expressed your utter disrespect for me (correction: I didn't disrespect you at all - I just have no respect for you). How hypocritical for you to take issue with someone being disrespectful directly after you disrespected them! If you greeted me politely and treated me like a human being in the first place we'd all get along swimmingly. It's your fault you got no respect from me.
3) There's nothing wrong with wanting to get inside someone's pants. Believe it or not you can have a sexual relationship with someone without treating them like a piece of meat.

1) You are showing contempt for my authority, you are showing blatent disregard for the rules I set out, and you seem to think you can just do your own thing. Textbook rebel if you ask me.
2) Once again, as her father, I should already have YOUR respect, and as her suiter, you have to EARN MINE.
3) Take it up with their mother, she would like to have a word with you over that. In case you missed it in one of my earlier post, she HATES how most men today are and how they want sex, and she has openly said that I am one of the few men that is actually ok because I DONT want sex until I am married (I guess it would be 25%, since 1:4 get married as virgins). So she would take even more issue than ME over it, and its likely any daughter we have will take after her mother (well, I guess both of us, technically) on this issue, so........good luck with that. So who would you rather deal with: The 6'2, 230 lb guy with the bayoneted shotgun that you have have gotten on his bad side, or the lady with carrying the katana and a complete contempt for guys who want sex before they are married and who you have ALSO gotten on her bad side....TWICE (once for disrespecting me and once for wanting sex with our daughter and not taking "wait" as an answer). Choose wisely

1) In that sense yes I'm a rebel, and proud of it. If you made rules that weren't senseless I wouldn't be rebelling against them though.
2) NOPE! You don't show respect, you don't get respect. Simple as that.
3) Threatening violence again? Just when you think your opinion of someone can't get any lower... Just like the other guy said, if you pull that shit with me you can expect a visit from the police. If the police fail to uphold the law they can expect a visit from my lawyer.

4) She runs away to be with me because we actually like each other, and you lose a daughter. Good job. I hope your reluctance to give people the respect and dignity they deserve was worth it.

Oh good, so you are going to kidnap her? I will get on the phone with the sheriff right away. Oh, and for a moment lets assume I have the job I was am planing to get, the one I am going to school for, getting internships in, and already kind of have my foot in the door for. Got that in your head?

/facepalm. Yes, because her CHOOSING to leave you equates to me kidnapping here. Uh huh. Good luck with that one!

Good: I hope you like being hunted by local police/sheriffs, the Kansas State Troopers, The FBI, and the Secret Service, because you, my unfortuante friend, have just made the grave mistake of kidnapping the daughter of A SENATOR OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!! Have fun.........

Sure - and when they find me (which wouldn't be hard, as the sheriff's office would be our first stop) I can have her explain to them that she hasn't been kidnapped and instead left home of her own accord. I'd pay to see the look on your face when the local police/sheriffs, Kansas State Troopers, The FBI, and the Secret Service all come and tell you that they can't do jack shit about it. Have fun!

EDIT: You seem to be under the impression that you DESERVE to be respected and your children are OBLIGED to obey you, but have you ever asked the question "Why should they?" Obviously there's much they can learn from you and there will be situations where doing as their told is actually beneficial for them (e.g. "Don't touch the stove."), but you seem to believe being a parent gives you a free pass to dominate your kids and have the final say over their choices in life, and anyone that disagrees with you is a bad person. I don't believe you have that authority, and I don't believe you have the right to the level of control you think you do. If I was your son, and you demanded that I "respect your authoritah", and I asked "Why should I?"... could you even give me a justifiable answer to that?

 

[The Wykydtron]

So with the current thread trend being , dating , relationships and flirting , i decided to make this thread .

So most guys i ask this question to always say yes . Most women i ask this too always say no . However , what people say and what they do are not always the same . This is why i decided to make this thread for you guys .

Will/do you have sex on the first date?

I do and will whenever i get the chance , i have start a few ( sucessfull )relaships after having sex on the first date . Of course i don't bang everyone i go out with , but if they attraction is there , i usually try and steal home ( baseball reference). It doesn't always work , but hell if i'm not going to try . Ironically enough , some girls who told me they don't have sex on the first date , ended up having sex on the first date . I personally don't like setting boundaries like that , especially since sex, for me , is very enjoyable .

Your turn.

Edit:

I want to apologize ( i rarely do that , so appreciate it bitches) . I had two major oversights in creating this thread . The first are for the " wait until marriage guys" . I litterally forgot to include you guys because of my permiscuous nature , i forgot this was even an option. You're input is very appreciated .

Secondly i wrote " sex with a girl " when i meant partner . I did not want to alienate my homosexual homies ! You're imput is also greatly appreciated .

HA! Oh KK, you think I would even be in a situation where your question is relevant? Fortunately not i'm afraid, I find the whole "romantic relationship with females" thing dreadfully overrated and frankly not worth the effort.

Just for the thread's sake, nay. It would take me a considerable amount of time with this girl to get anywhere near that far. I don't really like phyisical intimacy y'know. Sex = highest intimacy possible = blehhhh :S

 

[Adultism]

So many virgins going "I totally wouldn't, I respect women and want them to be happy and maybe someday have a chance with them." ugh super sexism over here.

No I do not honestly because I never do one night stands. + I'm into men and you have to be more careful in that area.

 

[Xman490]

I doubt it. I may be a virgin but I have sincere doubts I could ever look at sex as just... that. And let's face it, sex with a person you've only just met for less than a day probably doesn't have high hopes as being motivated by any emotional aspect.

Indeed, a lack of a sincere emotional aspect/connection would make first-date sex much less than ideal.

However, I have been irritated by being a virgin in a lovers' world for too long, so I would probably (as in 80%-90% or so, based on whether or not she is particularly ugly) go along with first-date sex just to satiate curiosity and ego.

 

[Adultism]

So with the current thread trend being , dating , relationships and flirting , i decided to make this thread .

So most guys i ask this question to always say yes . Most women i ask this too always say no . However , what people say and what they do are not always the same . This is why i decided to make this thread for you guys .

Will/do you have sex on the first date?

I do and will whenever i get the chance , i have start a few ( sucessfull )relaships after having sex on the first date . Of course i don't bang everyone i go out with , but if they attraction is there , i usually try and steal home ( baseball reference). It doesn't always work , but hell if i'm not going to try . Ironically enough , some girls who told me they don't have sex on the first date , ended up having sex on the first date . I personally don't like setting boundaries like that , especially since sex, for me , is very enjoyable .

Your turn.

Edit:

I want to apologize ( i rarely do that , so appreciate it bitches) . I had two major oversights in creating this thread . The first are for the " wait until marriage guys" . I litterally forgot to include you guys because of my permiscuous nature , i forgot this was even an option. You're input is very appreciated .

Secondly i wrote " sex with a girl " when i meant partner . I did not want to alienate my homosexual homies ! You're imput is also greatly appreciated .

HA! Oh KK, you think I would even be in a situation where your question is relevant? Fortunately not i'm afraid, I find the whole "romantic relationship with females" thing dreadfully overrated and frankly not worth the effort.

Just for the thread's sake, nay. It would take me a considerable amount of time with this girl to get anywhere near that far. I don't really like phyisical intimacy y'know. Sex = highest intimacy possible = blehhhh :S

I useto make excuses like that "Oh I hate getting intimate, oh I hate love love is overrated." Its really sad because I know why you say those things

 

[krazykidd]

So many virgins going "I totally wouldn't, I respect women and want them to be happy and maybe someday have a chance with them." ugh super sexism over here.

No I do not honestly because I never do one night stands. + I'm into men and you have to be more careful in that area.

Really? You have to be more careful? How so ? ( I'm genuinly curious). The gay men i know are the most liberal people i have ever met . Sometimes going on 3-4 differents dates in the same dah with different men , and sleeping with all of them ! I always thought being gay would be more fun ( and easy going ) than being heterosexual . Anyways that's what i hear.