Poll: Another Relationship Poll

[Zaverexus]

So my friend brought up an interesting point the other day, saying that relationships are only practice for marriage and such; and that there is no point in dating before you can and intend to get married. I personally disagree with him, but I wanted to know what other people think. So here's my question: Does the person you date have to be someone you intend to marry? Should they be? Why? Do guys and girls have a different view on this?

 

[rockyoumonkeys]

So my friend brought up an interesting point the other day, saying that relationships are only practice for marriage and such; and that there is no point in dating before you can and intend to get married. I personally disagree with him, but I wanted to know what other people think. So here's my question: Does the person you date have to be someone you intend to marry? Should they be? Why? Do guys and girls have a different view on this?

Dating isn't "practice for marriage". Dating is about finding the right person. Dating is essentially a big game of trial and error. You date someone you're interested in until either you decide to marry or you realize you're incompatible. Dating is also about learning about yourself, what kinds of things you're looking for and what things you aren't. For example, you learn all about habits you didn't know annoy you in other people.

The only problem is that people who date very young are easily fooled into thinking they've found "the one", when 98% of the time they haven't.

 

[Sacman]

Well I won't exactly say marry but I don't want it to be just a fling, I would much rather have an actual relationship...

 

[SwimmingRock]

Should add an option along the lines of:"No interest in marriage". I genuinely don't see the point, so I just went with "no".

 

[X123Lewis123X]

no, you could be dating them because you like them and all but not THAT much, and it could be for practice to keep a good healthy relationship with that one special someone

 

[archvile93]

No, but it should be someone that catches your interest. If after you get to know them you still only see them as someone who's good in bed then you should move on. I say this because you have to date someone in order to determine if they're marriage material; you can't do that by just looking at them.

The person you fall in love with shouldn't be the one you intend to marry, nevermind date, because in my mind marriage does not equal actual love and understanding in a relationship. I don't plan on getting married to anyone, but I certainly plan on falling in love again. You should never have 'marriage' as the ultimate-goal, or even a goal.

Are you saying no one should ever get married? You're certainly right that marraige does not equal love, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get married ever. Besides, what about tax and property right purposes?

 

[DonMartin]

This was a pretty tough one for me...

I generally fear relationships, because I get that nagging feeling in the back of my head that asks "Are we going to be together forever?". I dont like the idea of having to break up with someone, but sadly, sometimes you just have to break someone's heart, or get it broken by someone else.

 

[Robyrt]

The wording is key here. "Intend to marry" is putting the cart before the horse - you really don't know if you intend to marry someone until you've gotten to know them, probably via dating. So no, you don't have to date only people you intend to marry.

On the other hand, you should only date people to whom you could possibly be married. If there is zero chance you will be spending the rest of your life with this person, why bother? It's not a smart use of your time if you intend to marry someone eventually.

If you plan on being perpetually unmarried, of course this question doesn't apply. Do whatever you want - as long as you're not giving a false impression of yourself and your aims.

 

[SimuLord]

This question divides by zero.

How do you know someone is the person you want to marry? You date them. For a long time, in fact, and even then there's no guarantee you're going to be right (a year and a half of dating and half a year of living together before we got married didn't stop my ex-wife and I from divorcing five years later).

Now then, example time:

There's a girl I go to school with. Accounting major, good student, good looks, and if I were 21 and not 33 I might think "zomg, she's wife material, I better date her." But being older and more mature I at least asked her out on a date first. To say the date went "poorly" is putting it mildly. She's a vegan PeTA freak whose views politically are somewhere to the left of Karl Marx, while I'm one of Denis Leary's "angry, gun-toting, meat-eating fucking people." Preconceived notion? Busted.

On the other hand I once went on a date that was more out of her friend telling me "she's really been lonely lately, someone should keep her company" (literally a pity date, although I didn't tell her that)...and had a whirlwind six-month romance that only ended when she pushed me too hard for a commitment I wasn't ready for. Her trying to be "wife material" drove me away.

So you tell me. Is it not an exercise in futility to try and determine someone's marriageability before you date them for awhile first?

 

[AssassinJoe]

God I hope not.

Otherwise we'd be seeing more teens getting married.

 

[SimuLord]

Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, a ritualistic sacrifice of freedom, and overall one of the least gratifying ways to blow at least ?30,000.

Total? Or per year? Because every time I look at what it would cost me to get married again, I think to myself "it'd be cheaper to just hire a girl at $30,000 a year" (which, after all, is less than 30K Euro) to basically be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman crossed with Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady.

 

[the rye]

I never plan on marrying.

 

[Death God]

Not really. If you really love them then yes. But just because your dating them it doesn't mean marriage. If so, so many people wouldn't be dating.

 

[Xyliss]

Yes and no, in the long run you generally want to be dating someone to see if your suitable enough together for marriage but that doesn't mean you shouldn't justdate for fun if you want to.
(Also I am aware some people don't want to get married or date or whatever, I'm speaking in general terms)

 

[Sonofadiddly]

Dating is about learning things about yourself. As you get close to a person, your psychological issues will inevitably make themselves clear. Once you're aware of these issues, you can work on them. Hopefully as time goes on you heal more and more, although unfortunately many people don't bother to work on their issues and get stuck in a pattern of unsatisfying relationships. Where was I going with this?

No, you don't have to intend to marry the person you date. I don't. I haven't learned enough about myself and my ability to be close to someone long-term to even think about getting married. Plus I promised a very wise woman that I wouldn't marry until I was at least 26. Good advice.

 

[quiet_samurai]

So my friend brought up an interesting point the other day, saying that relationships are only practice for marriage and such; and that there is no point in dating before you can and intend to get married. I personally disagree with him, but I wanted to know what other people think. So here's my question: Does the person you date have to be someone you intend to marry? Should they be? Why? Do guys and girls have a different view on this?

Err... no. Dating is merely a social gathering of two people with the intent of getting to know one another. Good dates can lead to romantic or sexual involvement, bad dates lead to those two finding others to repeat the process with.

It's science really.

 

[Jadak]

So my friend brought up an interesting point the other day, saying that relationships are only practice for marriage and such; and that there is no point in dating before you can and intend to get married.

Does that even make sense? I agree with the concept that dating can be regarded as just practice for something long term later, but doesn't that mean exactly the opposite? That you should by doing it before you intend to get married?

Otherwise, you'll find yourself wanting to start looking for a long term partner, and doing horribly because you have zero dating experience. Of course, if you are quite certain you don't want to get commit, then no, I think dating is meaningless. There's always hookers if all you want is sex, or if you're okay with just trying to pick people up for a one night stand or something, whatever, go with that.

 

[Macgyvercas]

The person I date doesn't have to be the person I marry. But the person I date does have to be someone I could picture myself marrying.

Erm, does that make any sense?

 

[Disaster Button]

I always found childhood romances (16 and below) to be quite pointless as I doubted that they would ever marry. I still stand by this but I do know now that just because you aren't gonna marry them doesn't mean you are gonna leave them eventually and it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy it.

 

[thylasos]

No, not at all.

For me it has to be someone I see something of a future with, but I'm not even sure I intend to get married at any stage, so it's a slightly moot point.