Poll: Another Relationship Poll

[Gudrests]

So my friend brought up an interesting point the other day, saying that relationships are only practice for marriage and such; and that there is no point in dating before you can and intend to get married. I personally disagree with him, but I wanted to know what other people think. So here's my question: Does the person you date have to be someone you intend to marry? Should they be? Why? Do guys and girls have a different view on this?

Dating isn't "practice for marriage". Dating is about finding the right person. Dating is essentially a big game of trial and error. You date someone you're interested in until either you decide to marry or you realize you're incompatible. Dating is also about learning about yourself, what kinds of things you're looking for and what things you aren't. For example, you learn all about habits you didn't know annoy you in other people.

The only problem is that people who date very young are easily fooled into thinking they've found "the one", when 98% of the time they haven't.

i vote 99% of the time there wrong...i thought i was right...i say date a girl that makes you smile...and see how long she can make you smile..and who knows...you might find someone who can make you smile forever when your grandkids are looking for someone to smile with

 

[hurfdurp]

I'm surprised to learn that this friend of yours is male. Does he also think he needs a chaperon to go on a date with his wife? It will be his wife after all.

 

[CRoone]

I don't figure that one's date should be one that one would want to marry, necessarily. Dating isn't so much practice for marriage (that's more what cohabitation is for, I think), but rather, a way of testing the waters. One gets to know others, learns how to act around others, finds what kinds of others one likes better...etc. That's just my take on it, though.

 

[Darktau]

No it doesn't but I would greatly prefer if it ended that way

 

[the Dept of Science]

This thread made me ask myself, if I dated a girl that I thought would be good to marry, would I go through with it?

At the moment, probably not. Something tells me that even if I enjoy being with a girl, at this stage in my life, it would be better for me to have more partners. More stories, more experience, less stability.
Maybe my opinion would change were I with a girl that I would like to marry, however, thats mere speculation at the moment.

 

[Hassao]

The person I date doesn't have to be the person I marry. But the person I date does have to be someone I could picture myself marrying.

Erm, does that make any sense?

yes it does, and I agree.

 

['Aredor]

Well I've dated a girl for three years although we were both perfectly aware of the fact that there's no future for us: we had completely different visions on how our lives should go on. But that doesn't mean we didn't love each other, had our fun and so on, so neither of us took that as any impetus to break up.

Surely there's people who'd view that differently and if one of the two is sure s/he should let the other no so that they can act accordingly.

Besides, there's still places where gays can't get married, so they hardly have any other choice.

 

[_Cake_]

I wouldn't date someone unless I thought I could potentially marry them. On the other hand I don't think you have to(or should) wait till your ready to get married to date. Dating is how you learn what you really want. Keep in mind if your having sex you could have a baby, you can be stuck to anyone you have sex with for the rest of your life weather you want like it or not.

 

[Captain Booyah]

It's a subjective thing. For example, I don't see the point of dating someone unless I plan to have an actual relationship, but that's just a personal preference. I'd see dating as a waste of my time if absolutely nothing was going to come out of it (even if I went away just friends with that person, that would be great), but I can see why some people just do it for fun. Just not my type of fun, I guess.

That said, going into a date instantly thinking 'MARRIAGEMARRIAGEMARRIAGE' seems a tad...extreme? Pressuring? I don't know the right word. That's a very, very scary thing to find out on a first date, not to mention kind of focusing on the wrong thing. That prior dates and relationships are pure 'practice' until you actually get married comes off as a little contrived, too. Marriage is put on too high a pedestal these days.

 

[the_bearpelt]

..... DAMN.
It's like 90% for "No." I picked "Yes."

Okay, so far, from what I've managed to pick up, a guy will be willing to, IN GENERAL, go out with a girl he likes, without necessarily requiring her to be marriage material, right? I know that some men aren't the same way, but IN GENERAL, does that apply?

Cuz I know from a woman's point of view that it's the opposite, most of the time.
Here's a secret. A woman's secret.
If a woman wants to get married at some point in her life, meaning a great majority of women, that means that whoever she dates, she will at some point think to herself, "Would he make a good husband?" Usually right away, too. Maybe even before the first date. It's just how we think.
Of course, women who aren't interested in marriage won't think of it, but women who are almost always do.
Whether or not that decides whether the woman will date said man, though, is harder to tell. That varies a lot.

For me, I probably wouldn't date a guy I couldn't see myself married to eventually. I mean, maybe one or two dates, sure. But a boyfriend? A boyfriend definitely has to be marriage material.

 

[MasterChief892039]

Marriage is a prison for the naive and idealistic, a ritualistic sacrifice of freedom, and overall one of the least gratifying ways to blow at least ?30,000.

Total? Or per year? Because every time I look at what it would cost me to get married again, I think to myself "it'd be cheaper to just hire a girl at $30,000 a year" (which, after all, is less than 30K Euro) to basically be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman crossed with Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady.

I was talking specifically about the ceremony, which, if you don't stop the woman from spending what she wants on it, will cost you a massive amount of money. I'm not even counting divorce arrangements - for that, I'd want the marriage to last for at least thirty years before I figured I got my money's worth.

It's an expensive business.

I'm female and I abhor the idea of a big expensive wedding with a bunch of people watching me walk down the aisle.

[small]-mind you, I'm on the Escapist forums, so I'm probably not a good example of the "average" female-[/small]

At any rate, it's not good to make blanket assumptions about an entire gender. Saying all women expect a massive, garish, bank-breaking wedding is like saying all men are rapists just because the majority of rapists are men - it's an illogical conclusion to draw.

 

[MasterChief892039]

I'm female and I abhor the idea of a big expensive wedding with a bunch of people watching walk me down the aisle.

[small]-mind you, I'm on the Escapist forums, so I'm probably not a good example of the "average" female-[/small]

At any rate, it's not good to make blanket assumptions about an entire gender. That's like saying all men are rapists, just because the majority of rapists are men.

Not good, but it's exactly what most men grew up being told.
"Men are pigs."
"All men want is sex."
"Women > Men."
Spent my whole life with media(music, movies, etc.) jamming those messages down my throat.

Well times have changed, and although most entertainment and media (especially games) still depict less than ideal female characters (as well as minimalizing gay and ethnic roles), if you just sit around swallowing whatever you're spoon fed by the TV, then not only are you a mindless moron without the capacity for critical thinking, but you're also part of the problem.

 

[Requx]

It depends, I mean genneraly its like what you hope to achieve, and I would always consider it because if you never do well who are you gonna marry? Thats why hooking up is good though, that way you dont have to worry about commitment when you may not be ready for it.

 

[Imp Poster]

Dating whether short or long that can get serious but does not mean marriage or could be. Depends on one thing, Love.
Heck, sometimes dating the wrong person reinforces what's right person for you. But then again how would you know until you date them?

 

[MasterChief892039]

It wasn't just television. If it was just television, it would have been fine.
It was in movies.
It was on the radio.
It was everywhere you went.




Blanket generalizations of a whole group of people is a common occurrence in this world. You will not see it stop in your life time. It will come from every place imaginable and some that will end up surprising you.
On the other hand, they hold some truth to them. You're going to have to realize that you may just be a strange one if you are not anything like the stereotype.

I'm aware it wasn't just television, I began my post with "entertainment/media" and only used television as an example.
At any rate, I realize it's human nature to try to see patterns, and therefore we're likely to make generalizations about entire groups of people, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to recognize (or have pointed out to you) the flaws in your thinking and potentially change. Saying, "Oh well, bias is human nature" is just a cowardly way to redirect accountability and avoid putting any effort into altering your mindset.

 

[Dango]

Well it's up to what you want in a relationship, but to me getting in a relationship just for sex is kinda morally wrong.

 

[Mr Godfrey]

Here's the thing: relationships are a complex, and entirely unique thing. What's right for someone else may not be right for you. One size does not fit all, and marriage tends to force people (or try to) into one size. There are a wide variety of different reasons to date someone, and none of them are less legitimate than the next one. The problem is: people grow up with this fixation on marriage, rather than what they really want out of a relationship or with interactions with the opposite sex in general.

 

[David Bray]

Helllllllllllllllllllllll no!

Mine is, but have all the fun you want. Experiment. Learn what you love so that that marriage can be as close to perfect as possible.

 

[Paksenarrion]

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us hewe today. And wove, twue wove, will bwing pwospewity and happiness fowevew and evew...and evew.

 

[Kukakkau]

No that's a little too forward

They should be someone you want to get somewhere with though, not just get with for sex or because there's nobody else