Poll: Dating or marriage?

[Lilani]

Dating. Multiple women.

Only a sucker would go for marriage these days. Why should I put half of my property and my hard-gained money in jeopardy for a female, and pay for her lifestyle after the divorce while she's boning someone else?

I'm sorry, but you have the most unfortunate outlook on people. I always told myself I'd never date someone unless I saw some potential to marry them. And guess what? I have a boyfriend now, and every day it amazes me even more how much he loves me. And I love him just as much. But even if I didn't love him, I would never hurt him by cheating on him. Nobody deserves that, and I don't think I could never do that to anyone.

You just need to find someone like that for you. Because, believe it or not, there are plenty of nice people out there in the world. You just have to look a bit harder, and be open. They'll show up where you least suspect them :3 Yes, one day some girl will pop up that will make you eat every one of your words. Then you'll realize what it means to be married for life. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNfvuJr9164]

 

[subtlefuge]

Yeah, I'm going to have to go with this topic not making sense.

Here's a bit of unsolicited advice though. If you can't be happy by yourself, you will never be happy with anyone else. Also, next time someone mentions something about being single, ask them what's wrong with it, because nothing is.

 

[bdcjacko]

This is really comparing walking to taking the bus. There are so many outside factors that it really depends on what your end goal is. Are you planning to go to the corner store, across town or across the country. How nice it the bus, what is the weather like? Do you have change for the bus ride? When does the next bus come? Do you already own a car thus making this entire line of reasoning moot?

So if all you want to do is date around, date around by all means. If you have found someone that you want to be with for the rest of your lives, then get married. And just because something does or doesn't work for you doesn't mean everyone else will have the same experiences.

Personally, dating is a pain in the ass. I rather be with a long term girlfriend that I will one day possibly marry. And strangely enough I'm in that situation.

 

[plugav]

How do you know if you want to marry someone you like, if you haven't dated them first? I don't think you should go on your first date with marriage in mind - it's a sure way to scare your potential partner away.

That said, I only vote dating because: A) I don't think marriage without dating first is a reasonable option; and B) I don't believe marriage is the only way to have a long-lasting relationship. Other than that, you can't really choose between dating and marriage, because they're not opposites.

 

[Vern5]

I think marriage is a throwback to ancient times when families had to be extremely close so that their offspring had a better chance of survival or something else like that.

The way I see it, if you really love somebody then you shouldn't need some form of bondage to prove that point. You should stick around the person you love because you love them, not because you have to.

That being said, I can't look down on people who are married. For on one hand I think marriage is like putting yourself into slavery to somebody you love, which is just weird. On the other hand, putting yourself into slavery to somebody could be seen as a sign of deep affection to certain people. Just because I don't get doesn't mean it can't be worth something to somebody, I guess.

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

I don't see the point of marriage, if you truly love each other than why do you feel the need to validate with some ceremony. I'm rather indifferent to the idea, so I suppose if the person I was with was particularly desperate to go through with it then I'd go along with the thing. So yeah, marriage holds no significence for me such as the emotional connection you have with the person.

 

[Flatfrog]

It's nice to be with someone. It doesn't have to be forever. Sex is nice. Relationships are nice. Does any more need to be said?

Having said that, I do think that if you've been with someone more than a year or so and haven't even considered staying with them forever, you should consider moving on. From my own experience, when you've found the right person you know pretty quickly.

And of course, when I say 'the' right person, I mean 'a' right person:

 

[BrailleOperatic]

Why do we have to choose? Dating is good. Marriage is good. They're similar but it's not really fair to compare them. I like both options, and besides, one tends to lead to another.

 

[Sandernista]

I think marriage is a throwback to ancient times when families had to be extremely close so that their offspring had a better chance of survival or something else like that.

The way I see it, if you really love somebody then you shouldn't need some form of bondage to prove that point. You should stick around the person you love because you love them, not because you have to.

That being said, I can't look down on people who are married. For on one hand I think marriage is like putting yourself into slavery to somebody you love, which is just weird. On the other hand, putting yourself into slavery to somebody could be seen as a sign of deep affection to certain people. Just because I don't get doesn't mean it can't be worth something to somebody, I guess.

When was marriage slavery? Please clarify.

OT: I put dating because while I would like to get married someday, how am I going to know who to marry, or what I'm looking for?

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

I think the thing that make me stick out a bit among fellow women is that I don't date someone unless I would consider marrying them

Not to burst your bubble...but that's a little silly.

Sometimes you might like someone to that point...but then you date them and realize they're not quite the one for you. Or you might miss someone who IS the one.

Not to mention it's a bit creepy to think THAT far ahead (unless you're past 40).


OT: Yeah, I dunno. I'm dating and enjoying it. Marriage has not even crossed my mind. I mean...We've only been going out for 4 months (and known each other for about 6 months). Thinking of that at this point would just be weird.

 

[Vern5]

I think marriage is a throwback to ancient times when families had to be extremely close so that their offspring had a better chance of survival or something else like that.

The way I see it, if you really love somebody then you shouldn't need some form of bondage to prove that point. You should stick around the person you love because you love them, not because you have to.

That being said, I can't look down on people who are married. For on one hand I think marriage is like putting yourself into slavery to somebody you love, which is just weird. On the other hand, putting yourself into slavery to somebody could be seen as a sign of deep affection to certain people. Just because I don't get doesn't mean it can't be worth something to somebody, I guess.

When was marriage slavery? Please clarify.

OT: I put dating because while I would like to get married someday, how am I going to know who to marry, or what I'm looking for?

I meant that more figuratively than physically, though I'm sure there were eras and situations when slavery and marriage were more similar than different.

I just think its weird that people are expected to legally bind themselves to their true love. I mean, if you really have that kind of connection with someone then you should be compelled to stick by them no matter what. But that's just me.

 

[Cowabungaa]

When was marriage slavery? Please clarify.

It was the original purpose of marriage, back in Babylonian times, when marriage was basically an ownership contract for the woman. Or to put it in more biological terms; a way to purchase exclusive mating rights.

It's the normal terms of a marriage where I live. So yeah, in case of divorce I lose half my house, half my things, and I pay alimony for the child AND the spouse. Unless there's a pre-nup, and even then it might not be validated in court.

I see no reason to marry, except for fiscal deductions, it is an financial decision. Each his own I guess, but it's too serious a decision to take when we are still enthralled by love.

Normal or not, it's easily changed. Regardless, at least you're right about the last thing; it's a serious decision that should only be made when you're well-advanced in a relationship.

I see it as more than a financial decision though. To me, it's a ritual to prove the commitment we have already made to each other in our hearts to friends and family. And it's romantic to boot.

 

[Valdus]

Marriage for me. I have a personal rule - "IF I don't see a future with the person I'm with I end it". It's worked out well for me so far.

Coincidently the only time I didn't follow it was when I was dating a girl who wanted different things. The end result was me breaking her heart (geez, just thinking about how upset she was still makes me feel guilty despite it being years ago). Looking back I know I shouldn't have let it get as far as it did.

 

[Woodsey]

If you're any younger than 30 I am going to laugh at you.

 

[ace_of_something]

I've been married for almost 3 years now. It's pretty awesome. Yeah you have new and different problems you never had when dating. (mostly related to money and the realizing it isn't 'just your money' anymore) But a lot of bullcrap from dating is gone, you always know where your spouse stands and you have one person who backs you up no matter what, and who even when you're at your worst still loves you. We help make each other better people. I've become a lot more patient and have way less 'money problems' since getting married because my wife compliments my faults.

That being said, I used to be a serial monogamist. Refusing to date someone unless you consider them marriage material is going to leave you sad and lonely.

That's the whole point of dating is to test them out, see how you mesh, if you don't you end it maturely and move on. If you find someone you want to marry who isn't ready... wait... but not forever. You can't force someone into that if they're not ready for that kind of commitment they simply aren't.

 

[ace_of_something]

If you're any younger than 30 I am going to laugh at you.

That's kind of a good point.
The average age for people getting married for the first time (at least in the USA) has gone up quite a bit in the last 20 years. It's now, i think, 26. That's the AVERAGE so a lot of people are older. I was 28 (closer to 29) my wife was 26.

It's especially common in women to have 'dates' in mind like "i should be married by age XX" "i should have my first kid by age XX" and they get really upset when things aren't happening by those benchmarks.
I find it odd. My wife is French so maybe that's why she doesn't do that, thank god.

 

[FamoFunk]

Umm, I'd happily date someone long-term basically be in a relationship for the rest of my life without marragie, I think other things show a bigger commitment than that. Like children or buying a house together etc.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

Hmm. I want to get married at some point, but it's not like I'm exclusively looking for someone I want to marry whilst dating.
If it all works out for a long period of time, sure, but I'm not in a rush.

 

[Meggiepants]

I personally would find it impossible to determine whether or not someone was marriage material until I had dated them. I mean, it's not like guys come up to you and are like, "Hey, I'm good with kids, a considerate lover and I also do dishes."

You gotta do some dating to find some of this shit out.

Not only that, but I strongly believe that you have to live with someone for a while to know whether or not they really are someone you can marry. I think far too many people go into marriage these days after having six months of awesome dating.

Dating is not living with someone. Dating is you at your best behavior and having all fun all the time. Life is much more than just fun. It's paying bills, dealing with car troubles, dealing with health issues, dealing with work issues, dealing with financial issues... you get the gist.

Until you face these stresses with the one you love and discover how they react under those same stresses, you won't know whether or not you can overcome life's little problems without destroying the relationship.

But that's just me.

Also, random hookups, if this is really what you mean by dating, is sometimes how you find the one you want to marry. Those who cast a wide net, as they say.

 

[Nimcha]

Neither, really. I'm currently dating someone and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this person. Whether or not that includes marriage is unknown.

I find both attitudes in the OP such nonsense, first of all I hate it when people pity someone who is single. Not everybody's life revolves around relationships, you know. And why would you only date someone when you want to marry them? First of all that puts such unnecessary pressure on the relationship and second of all you're denying yourself the fun on having a meaningless fling or something similar. And for what? Do you really need a marriage contract to validate your relationship?

Ugh, sorry for the rant.