Poll: Do you think spanking is wrong?

[justforkix]

I was spanked once as a child. I don't even remember the pain - what I do remember is the realisation just prior to the event, that the imaginary line I'd been told about and knew I was crossing ... well it was real and now I was going to have to pay the piper.

Spanking is not about physically dominating your child, or hurting them - it's about consequences (as is all discipline). Most of the time, reasoning will work - but if a child doesn't believe they are doing something wrong, it doesn't matter how long you spend telling them that it is wrong, they will do it anyway. That is when they must be taught that there are some rules they just have to follow whether they like them or not (you know ... like the Law). If or when they choose not to follow those rules (and they should know that it is a choice they can make) then there will be consequences.

When kids grow up, they will still have a set of rules that they must follow (remember? The LAW!) where the consequences are far more severe than a mere open-handed smack on the bottom. Will children raised without that imaginary line be tolerant of these laws placed on them by society? I don't know, but when I see and read about some of the things British children get up to these days I think that line is more important than ever! There seems to be a move away from taking responsibility for your actions in society in general these days (my finger is pointing at you banking industry!!)

When I have children I will certainly be drawing that line - even though I really hope they never cross it.

 

[Palindromemordnilap_v1legacy]

I was never spanked and I'm still well-behaved. I honestly think spanking was the cause of today's youth problems, not a solution. Those parents who were spanked didn't want to do that to their own child, yet could not think of other ways to enforce discipline. Either that or, like someone else pointed out, we get people who think its okay to hit people. Either of those merely contributes to the problem.

And that's assuming there is a problem. For those of you who think things were better in the old days, go read some Juvenal. He's a Roman writer who complains about exactly the sort of thing you're complaining abut now

 

[Thyunda]

No. I don't think hitting a child is right. Though, good lord, they make it hard some times...

I was spanked as a child. Didn't enjoy it and all it did was make me fear my dad. I'm not sure if it contributed, but I have depression, so... Yeah.

It's been shown that children who are spanked are more likely to be aggressive and are more likely to be bullies in school.
Also it doesn't teach them to behave just to act appropriately when the parent is near. I find it ridiculus that doing the same thing to an adult acting the same way is called assault and doing it to a child is called "appropriate punishment".

How ironic - I was spanked...and had shoes thrown at me if I wasn't in range...but I didn't become a bully. I got bullied instead. =D

 

[Plurralbles]

73+44 people on the Escapist will/do make horrible parents.


Spanking is sometimes justified.

 

[THEfog101]

Because we teach our kids to use their words to solve their problems by hitting them to solve our problems.

If you need to hit someone because you cannot outwit a child, maybe you're not ready to be a parent.

That is not necessarily true. Its worked for hundreds of years in civilized society's all around the world, why would it suddenly mean your a bad parent for doing so? it wasn't until recently that alternatives have became available. Honestly Ive seen kids being brought up via these methods and trust me when i say they could benefit by having a smack or two, especially boy's.

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I was a 'spanked' child.

People have a problem with spanking and call it abuse when a parent takes it too far. And that does happen. It's the parents job to know when it's alright, and when it isn't, and how to control themselves from getting too worked up; so they can spank, without it turning into a full-on beating. People also confuse a spanking , to mean a slap on the face. Face-slapping is a 'no', where I am concerened.

Spanking on the butt, or a sharp swat to the hand; never killed anybody.

I've been on the receiving end of spankings, face-slaps, AND a beating. Regardless of that, I'd still spank my kids on the bottom , or gave a quick swat to the hand. If I could have any - that is. (My odds of having kids are very minimal, physically. So I have to go by what I've seen and heard from helping raise my one niece and 6 nephews. Then again, I don't even really like kids. So it all works out for the best.)

I've also heard a lot of parents say, "I'm going to spank you if you don't stop!" and don't follow through on their threats. The kid thinks their parents are push-overs who never follow through and walks all over them. If you aren't going to spank your kids, don't make yourself a push-over. Just don't make the threat. Stick with your time-outs and not-really-punishments (like sending them to their room with the damn toys and shit still in it. Take the stuff away , damn it!).

I also smile to myself when people think that all kids will sit and listen to your guilt-tripping and actually care, and judge parents for giving their kids a quick swat or a spanking. No parenting plan is the #1 works-every-time plan, or we wouldn't have all these little shits running around. Different kids, need different rules, and every punishment does not work for every kid. That includes spanking. There isn't The One Manual To Rule Them All. Parents have to use their better judgment and what they think is right for THEIR child.

My brother and sister-in-law are big fans of sitting down and 'talking' to all five of their kids. They all have the worst attitude. They are in their pre-teens now, and I can't just blame it on hormones, since they were shitty little kids too. Because they know they can get away with anything, and all they'll receive is a 'talking to'.

I'm not saying don't talk to your kids and try to go about it a different way if you can or if that's how you choose to raise your child, just don't be so quick to judge people as bad parents and call them abusers. I've heard people say that they should call child services on a mother because she gave her kid a quick swat on the hand because the kid was trying to pocket an item in the grocery store. I mean, are you seriously? I could understand calling child services, if she started BEATING the kid with a sack of potatoes or something.

 

[dark-amon]

I think it's relative to the people who use it. It is a fine line between strict parenting and child abuse.
Let's put it in an certain perspective. I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line. In fact it is expected to put them in place. But they are creatures able of feeling pain and able to suffer. If it is immoral to punish children with light physical punishment, why shouldn't it be for animals? (Note that I'm not some PETA-lunatic, I think that animals should be punished when they act in ways we cannot permit.)

 

[minarri]

I don't feel that spanking is among the most effective methods to get your point across. As much as I feel the urge sometimes to punch someone in the face, I think that violence sends the wrong message.

 

[minarri]

I think it's relative to the people who use it. It is a fine line between strict parenting and child abuse.
Let's put it in an certain perspective. I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line. In fact it is expected to put them in place. But they are creatures able of feeling pain and able to suffer. If it is immoral to punish children with light physical punishment, why shouldn't it be for animals? (Note that I'm not some PETA-lunatic, I think that animals should be punished when they act in ways we cannot permit.)

Then place me in that select minority. With dogs all you really need is good control over your voice and body language. Violence isn't necessary dude.

 

[flaming_ninja]

I was spanked didn't do me any harm, and I got the point.

 

[Kroxile]

When I was growing up and my mom would threaten me with spankings I would just laugh it off because I knew she either wasn't serious or because I knew she wouldn't hit me hard enough for it to matter.

But my dad now, he was the disciplinarian of the household and I learned quickly that once dad gets home it was time to stop acting up. At the time I feared him when I would do something to piss him off and as a teenager I hated him with every fiber of my being, but now as an adult I see that everything he did made me a better person today and from fear and hatred came respect and gratitude.

So, in short, yes I agree with spanking your kids. It is a deterrent for bad behavior, builds character later in life, and I plan to raise my own children in much the same way when they get old enough to do anything but cry and poop that is

 

[Quellist]

Being nearly 40 i grew up when spanking was the norm and although i didnt think much of it at the time (who would, when they are on the recieving end?) i think it did me no harm, quite the reverse. Children need to understand actions have consequences and not being born with an inbuilt sense of right and wrong the only way they discover this is by testing the limits of behavior, left undisciplined its all too easy for them to become uncontrollable.

 

[THEfog101]

Yes, it's wrong. Not being able to control you child has nothing to do with hitting.

Try reasoning with a child....just try..

It doesn't matter how good the parenting kids will always and always act out. I had to help raise a part of my family (I.E. Little sister and Nephews) and they don't listen no matter how much you try to talk to them or put them in the corner. Oh and Patience I have before you try breaking that old one on me

I raised three autistic brothers so much so that they regularly forget to not call me dad. Don't give me this bullshit that you can't reason with a child.

I had previously stated before in a few posts up that there are exceptions, but majority of the time kids will defy authority. If you can accomplish such a feat then more power to you.

However I am against the whole demonization of spanking.

Spanking your child will do nothing, but inspire fear of you. There is nothing difficult about positive reenforcement for good behaviors and explaining why it's not okay to hit your brother/sister.

Thats a lie, i was smacked as a kid and now that i reflect on those moments i know that i well and truly deserved it. I never feared my parents but had respect for them instead and that is a completely different ball park, immediately after i was smacked i would tell myself that i hated them but deep down you know that you love them regardless, its the same with any disciplinary method.

 

[Dogmeat T Dingo]

I think it's fine when applied properly. I was belted a few times as a child but never when I didn't deserve it, sometimes a physical deterrent is the most effective way to correct a child I suppose. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have turned out as well as I did if I wasn't punished physically from time to time.

In regards to several comments on here about spanking causing the child to fear their parents, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't want to sound extremist or anything because I'm not, but a child needs to be aware that there are consequences to bad actions. Not saying they should be terrified of their parents, but they do need to respect their authority over them.

 

[andreas3K]

I got smacked in the face a couple of times when I was a kid. It was unpleasant, but it really made me understand that I had done something wrong and I respect my parents for giving me what I deserve.

Kids (and everyone else) need to be punished for bad behavior and spanking can be an effective method if used properly. Talking to them helps them understand what they've done wrong but is not an adequate punishment.

 

[SwagLordYoloson]

It never needs to be done, it's abuse of your physical strength over your child. How the fuck is that something to teach to children? that we solve things through violence? People can be reasoned with, and if your child doesn't respect you you don't fucking hit them, because clearly you haven't validated yourself to them to earn their respect.

You learn that life is tough by experiencing it first hand, you learn fire is hot by experiencing a burn, you learn that swearing at people who you should is wrong with either a smack on the bum as a kid or a punch in the jaw as an adolescent.

Children operate outside the norm that we call rationality, very few children are at the physiological level to understand adult situations. A child who is caught stealing by their parents and smacked for it will have a less chance of doing it again if all their parents did was yell at them and send them to the naughty corner.

 

[dark-amon]

I think it's relative to the people who use it. It is a fine line between strict parenting and child abuse.
Let's put it in an certain perspective. I think few people on this forum would be against using physical punishment against dogs when they act out of line. In fact it is expected to put them in place. But they are creatures able of feeling pain and able to suffer. If it is immoral to punish children with light physical punishment, why shouldn't it be for animals? (Note that I'm not some PETA-lunatic, I think that animals should be punished when they act in ways we cannot permit.)

Then place me in that select minority. With dogs all you really need is good control over your voice and body language. Violence isn't necessary dude.

What minority? The majority oposes spanking as a method of raising children. (at least in Scandenavia)I myself have never been spanked, but in my childhood I've seen alot of parents that when I look back and resent those parents for saying 'boys will be boys' rather than beating the ass of their brats and lock them up in their rooms.

 

[Naleh]

Smacking is a very useful tool for establishing boundaries. I was smacked as a child. Very rarely, but it doesn't need to be often - as long as the possibility is there, it sets up those boundaries. It's a psychological shell that you can build on. So I learned to behave, and I'm now probably the most reasonable and law-abiding* person I know, not because reason and law are enforced, but simply because I know it's the right thing to do. I don't fear my father. Quite the opposite - I deeply respect him** (though of course he has flaws of his own) and I am glad he raised me the way he did.

It's absolutely critical, however, that it never goes over the edge into child abuse. If you're any good at all as a parent - or, dare I say it, a human being - it should never need to.

To extend it to an analogy someone else drew on the previous pages, the same goes for dogs. Dogs don't understand words, and humans can't quite replicate dog communication, so there needs to be some way of firmly establishing who the alpha is and which actions are totally over the line. But you should hardly ever need to. If the dog respects you**, consistent boundaries and tone of voice are all you should need.

Unfortunately, despite an actual referendum showing more than 80% opposition to the change, any sort of physical contact with a child is now illegal in my country.

* (well, I guess in spirit I'm not so law-abiding anymore, since I would be willing to smack my children if I ever have any.)
** (and by the way, "respect" here is not a codeword for "fear" and I despise anyone who would use it as such.)

 

[Bloodstain]

I don't believe it's "wrong", but I do believe there are better ways with dealing with a child.

When you spank them, you teach them to be fearful of the pain, and they won't misbehave because of that fear. They do not really learn why what they did is wrong though, and can end up being more of a problem later on.

If you sit them down and tell them why what they did is wrong, you not only show them more respect, (something they'll appreciate), you'll instil good values in them, and they won't misbehave because they know it's wrong.

Thank you, that's excatly what I wanted to say.

Punishments have to be related to the misbehaving for the kid to actually learn something.
For example: The kid doesn't want to do his (or her) homework. You warn the kid: "You have to do your homework before you can go out playing with your friends". If the kid still doesn't do his homework during the next few hours, you say: "Well, you didn't do your homework, so you can't go out. Finish it first."
That way, the child learns about the correlation: No homework done ---> can't play with friends. It learns to think about consequences.

Much better than the correlation: Misbehaving ---> pain. That would just make the kid live in fear of you. And we, as loving parents (at least here in this gedankenexperiment) want the kid to love us, don't we?

 

[Brandon237]

It is necessary sometimes. Some children need a little more discipline.

And the thread title could be interpreted VERY dodgily...