Poll: Do you want an apology?

[tippy2k2]

One of the things that I've taken from this thread is that some bullied people have turned into absolute monsters, far far worse than their former bullies ever were. To see such a widespread lack of basic humanity is quite sickening to say the least.

I just read through the whole thread, and I have to agree. I can only hope most of them are joking, or exaggerating their feelings. I can understand a desire for revenge, even if I don't agree with it, but to turn into a psychopathic, remorseless bastard... nah.

To be honest, I'm incredibly shocked to see that I'm in the minority when I give a great big "Meh" to past bullies.

The "No" option is destroying the "Yes" option but if the responses in the thread is any indication, A LOT of people saying No add "I wish I could kick their ass" to their post. I'm genuinely shocked that people think that much about their past experience so much. Maybe I'm just not emotional (I don't keep photos or "sentimental value" stuff) or maybe my own experiences with bullies was not nearly as bad as I think it was compared to others...

 

[BathorysGraveland2]

snip

I guess it depends on how heavy they received it. Back in my old high school, bullying consisted of mostly teasing and name-calling, with the very occasional physical altercation (which usually resulted in nothing more than a bruise or two. Only once was anyone ever seriously injured, and that wasn't from bullying but from a guy who had.. mental problems and steel-cap boots).

Judging from some of these replies, especially from the likes of Aeshi, I'm assuming it went beyond that kind of thing and into relentless beatings, hounding and continuous harassment after school hours, which would then lead to mental trauma years later. Personally, I don't consider that bullying, but something more sinister. I can't think of anything else that would cause such a vicious, ice-cold reaction.

 

[Ryotknife]

No, there is not a single person I want an apology from. Ive had incidents with bullies, sure, but ive never been bullied for a prolong period of time. Im probably one of the few whose wasn't relentlessly picked on in these forums (course I used some underhanded tactics in my time). Hell, in High school I was kinda mean to seniors when I was a freshmen >_>.


There are 2 girls I might apologize to as I accidently friendzone them without knowing and may have hurt their feelings when I didn't notice the signs. Course, I was young and was clueless when it came to reading signals.....although I haven't really improved much on that front.

Oh, and my older sister. I was a terror of a little brother....still am in a ways.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I was bullied a bit, but by about halfway through secondary school my mates and kinda kept ourselves to ourselves and were left alone. The bullies tended not to get into Sixth Form either so that really put a stop to the last of the bullshit, despite most of our year shunning us for being the 'alternative' lot.

I wouldn't want an apology. I'm not really that bitter- hell, I know I was kinda a prick to some people- but I'm just not bothered anymore and I know that the bullies haven't really changed that much since then, they're still arseholes today. That and, well, any bitterness that might linger is quashed by knowing that they're failures.

EDIT: Herp derp, I must be tired. I've already posted in this thread.

 

[NightHavoc]

Personally I have been greatly affected by bullying. It has screwed me over making me unable to have close relationships with anyone. I hide in plain sight not letting people get a glimpse of my personality or my vulnerabilities. Despite having quite a few friends no-one really knows me. Bullying did this to me and because of how it sticks I don't want an apology. A few words of regret not can never make up for 8 years of torment. An apology would probably just make things worse since I have put the events themselves behind me. I can even forget that I was bullied at times, but I can't ever make myself trust someone so it's always a part of me. Being grateful for an apology at this point just seems strange to me.

This. So much this. 7 years of bullying left me in a state like this to the point where I don't trust or share my feelings with anyone, they never see the face behind the mask I put up. This happened 10 years ago (I'm in my 20's now) and I still deal with negative thoughts on a daily basis. I'm surprised that I'm actually posting this. I guess seeing all the responses and knowing that I'm not alone helped. I did get an apology from one bully but I felt nothing towards what he said, the damage had been done. I've forgiven them for what they did but some part of me just wants them to experience/understand the pain the past 10 years has brought me, maybe then an apology from them would mean something.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

An apology (especially one that wasn't to my face) wouldn't be enough for me, so no I wouldn't be grateful.

A person would have to be sick in nature in order to bully someone. Boys will be boys just doesn't cut it.

 

[Zeren]

I was bullied, but I don't want an apology. I have my own house, an awesome car, and a sweet and wonderful girlfriend of 2 years.

He lives with his mom, drives a van that breaks monthly, and has relationships that last a few weeks at best.

I think life gave took care of it for me.

 

[VoidWanderer]

I never got bullied much in school, but there was a neighbourhood bully that loved to pick on me. He didn't bully me for long as he decided to play 'chicken' on the three lane motorway behind where we lived in England.

Yes, he decided he could run in front of a car on a major motorway and get to the other side... It didn't end well for him. But I never got to endure any bullying since then. I do feel sorry for those who do get bullied, and people who have never been affected by bullying never realize the impact of their actions. Just remember that bully victims have been known to commit suicide. This affects people profoundly.

A genuine apology for acting like an asshole can have an almost equally profound effect.

 

[chozo_hybrid]

No, because it means hearing from those nasty people again. There's making fun, and then there's relentlessly torturing the same person over and over until they lash out and smash your head in with a chair, with someone looking into the bullying only because someone other then the "geek" got hurt by someone. Never mind that they had physically hurt me to the point of making me bleed, and breaking my nose and getting off with a "Boys will be boys" from the people in charge of my school.

I am normally not a violent person, but that outburst... They say violence never solves anything, but that did. They left me alone that year and I wasn't bullied for the last two years of school, probably thanks to that.

If they did contact me, I'd ignore them or pretend I didn't know them. I'm happy in my life now and I don't need them reminding me of them and their stupid faces.

 

[DementedSheep]

I?ve had an apology from someone who used to bully me quite a lot a years ago. It was...awkward, especially since she wanted to make it up to me and be friends. I never really wanted an apology from her. I just wanted her to leave alone me that?s all. It sounds kinda dickish because I kind of feel like it should but her apology meant nothing to me. I stopped being angry at her a long time ago and now I just don?t care. Stupid teens do stupid things, its in the past and I would prefer it stayed that way.
I don?t bear her any ill will. I accepted her apology just so she feels better about it because she seems to really feel sorry for how she use to behave and seems to be a very nice person now but I don?t really want to be her friend either.
But then while she bulled me it wasn't it could have been worse. I mean she pulled by hair and hit me on occasion but it wasn't at the point where I was afraid to go to school. Maybe that lady on that show had a far worse experience than I.

 

[Ieyke]

Anything I feel I'm owed an apology for is something I'd not accept an apology for.
It'd only piss me off more.

As with many things about me, aside from my size, I'm very dwarven in my ability to relentlessly hold a grudge.

As my captcha says: HULK SMASH

 

[Pessimismus]

I don't need any apologies from people who used to bully me, if I felt they went too far, I most likely kicked their ass in the past already. I may look scrawny, but I always was a lot stronger physically than I looked so I had a tendency to claim any apologies I needed by means of fist.

But good for the people who benefit from those apologies I guess. I don't think they should have held on to the bullying as long as they did but to each their own.

 

[Yopaz]

Personally I have been greatly affected by bullying. It has screwed me over making me unable to have close relationships with anyone. I hide in plain sight not letting people get a glimpse of my personality or my vulnerabilities. Despite having quite a few friends no-one really knows me. Bullying did this to me and because of how it sticks I don't want an apology. A few words of regret not can never make up for 8 years of torment. An apology would probably just make things worse since I have put the events themselves behind me. I can even forget that I was bullied at times, but I can't ever make myself trust someone so it's always a part of me. Being grateful for an apology at this point just seems strange to me.

This. So much this. 7 years of bullying left me in a state like this to the point where I don't trust or share my feelings with anyone, they never see the face behind the mask I put up. This happened 10 years ago (I'm in my 20's now) and I still deal with negative thoughts on a daily basis. I'm surprised that I'm actually posting this. I guess seeing all the responses and knowing that I'm not alone helped. I did get an apology from one bully but I felt nothing towards what he said, the damage had been done. I've forgiven them for what they did but some part of me just wants them to experience/understand the pain the past 10 years has brought me, maybe then an apology from them would mean something.

I think I'm on the same page as you. I don't think I hold any grudges against my bullies and I don't have any desire to get back at them, just like the apology getting revenge wont change anything. Do I feel pity for them when something bad happens? No, I do in fact like the thought that one of my bullies lost his license pretty much the moment he got it and is currently working on the garbage truck (not as a driver). I could probably beat up all my bullies at this point, but I don't have any desire to do so.

 

[deadish]

I think an apology from a school bully or something would be pretty shocking. Shocking as in "There's no way they'd actually mean it".

Seriously, I'd [want] way more than a flimsy apology from those guys.

So no, no I don't want an apology. I want my self-confidence and those 5 years of my life back. /bitterness.

This, only most of the bitterness has gone with time.

Some people are just shitbags. An apology from a shitbag can never be sincere because these people simply lack the capacity for remorse. They don't know how to think about anyone but themselves. They hurt others because they think it's funny. They are simply bad people. Therefore it is a waste of time and energy to deal with them on any level.

If, for example, the kid who spat on me in high school came into my work tomorrow to apologize, I'd say whatever I needed to say to make him go away. Not because I hate him, but because he doesn't rate five seconds of my time. By inflicting his presence on me he would be insulting me all over again.

It's best to just celebrate the fact that you survived. The best revenge you could ever have would be to live a happy, prosperous life where you don't think about them at all.

I'm kind of in an odd position, in that I have "bullied" and been "bullied". "Bullied" because all the bullying was rather mild compare to some of what is described here - physical violence is limited; just ostracisation and verbal harassment. Nevertheless it did have a negative effect on me - or at least it didn't help.

Anyway, in hindsight I was just being an idiot. Young and stupid as they say. If I could go back in time and do everything all over again, I would have handled things a lot differently.

In summary, some of us were just misguided. Of course, there are some who are just psychopaths ...

 

[Colour Scientist]

I was only ever picked on by one guy.
He made me pretty miserable but I learned later in life that he had a really shitty home life so I can kind of see why he needed to make himself feel better.
An apology would be nice but it doesn't bother me anymore so it wouldn't have any great impact for me.

 

[dontlooknow]

It's funny - I actually saw him about two months ago in McDonalds. He didn't serve me but I think he noticed me - the poor chap lucked miserable. I can completely understand why others might want an apology, but for me, I consider that particular chapter as resolved and closed.

 

[FalloutJack]

I am not Japanese or even remotely connected to any sort of Asian culture, but I believe I would expect no less than seppuku on these occasions.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

In primary school I was considered the 'bully' (Christ I hate that word, it's so belittling) because I got violent when people insulted me. I often came out on top. I wouldn't want an apology from anyone who insulted me because it doesn't mean anything and I don't have a very high opinion of them, and I wouldn't give one either because they largely had what was coming to them. In highschool really the worst that happened was that some people were kind of a dick to me some of the time, getting an apology from one of them would be ridiculous.

 

[Angie7F]

I think I was the bully but in terms of discrimination I guess I have encountered a few.
However I do not really want an apology because that is just life and it just prepped me to learn to cope with it.


Even with guys that just said they will call and never called back, i am ok with it.lol

 

[Daveman]

In my head what always sticks out is stuff I've done that was wrong rather than moments when I've been wronged.

For instance at school there was this kid who I was friends with but also he was kind of a dick to me with bullyish tendencies. Anyway, one day everyone else, who I also was friends with because everyone was friends really, decided to "stick up" for me and we chased him around hurling abuse at him until he ran into the toilets locked himself into a cubicle and started crying. I still feel really guilty for that. Conversely I can't remember a single event where he was mean to me, even though I know it happened pretty regularly.

Another time a guy from school was being a massive dick to one of my friends and I told him to stop being such a prick and he casually said he was just behaving like his mum brought him up to and I said "well clearly your mum did a terrible job" and I could see his eyes go hard and he said "my mum's just been diagnosed with cancer" (not in a jokey way like some people do) and, having gone too far to back down, I said "well maybe you should respect her a bit more then". Fortunately the teacher then walked into the classroom, else I would likely have been beaten severely. I immediately felt guilty though and the next day I apologised and asked him if he was ok and we were alright from then on. Clean conscience about that and, with regard to the topic, I'd say it's often more important to apologise than be apologised to.