Poll: Do you want an apology?

[ShipofFools]

While high school had been very bad due to bullying, I do not wish an apology. Things have changed, I am not the same person I was back then, and my bullies aren't either. I harbour no resentment to them in particular, but more to the system that produces teenagers like them.

Now thats an interesting proposition, you blame the "the system" for bullies? Are you referring to the school and teachers? Maybe The media and culture? I'm not attempting to challenge that view at all, I'm only interested in seeing you expand upon it.

Sure.
When I blame the system, I blame the school that did not care, and the teachers who didn't lift a single finger to even address the problem of bullying.
There where no consequences for bullying, and we were all hormone filled teenagers. There is no way this could have gone right in anyway.

Last year I actually met one of my worst bullies from high school, while my friend and I were sitting on a park bench. He was a completely different person, and so was I. I couldn't harbour a grudge any more. While it hurt me a lot, what helped me even more was letting go of the past.

 

[randomrob]

I neither want nor require an apology from people who have wronged me. I all ready know they were wrong, the fact they've finally worked that out as well is of no consequence to me. What happened happened, and dwelling in the past is unproductive.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

snip

Well I was bullied when I was younger, along with my dad being a terror and I have PTSD and Anxiety Disorder.

So no sometimes it doesn't just go away when you bully someone. Sometimes it effects people really badly and then the perpetrators get to swan off and live their life like they haven't just mentally abused someone to the point of mental illness.

I'm bitter yes but when people say 'Oh it's been years get over it' It just makes it worse rather than better.

No I don't want an apology I'd rather I didn't see them at all.

 

[WarpZone]

Oh, sorry. I thought this thread was about Aliens:Colonial Marines, Mass Effect 3, Final Fantasy Online, Ultimas VII-IX, the Ultima kickstarter that implied that Lord British was somehow OWED an apology from gamers after greenlighting Ultimas VII-IX, Postal III, [Insert name of Sonic The Hedgehog game here,] the early death of the Dreamcast, the early death of the entire current generation of consoles, the entire VIS platform, any 2D sidescroller franchise sequel with 3D in the title, E.T. for the Atari 2600, Duke Nukem Forever, and EA for merely existing. My mistake.

When I was a freshman in high school, they did some kinda retreat thing about introspection and forgiveness. (Catholic school. Long story.) At this retreat, duing some kinda meditation thing, some Senior whose name I don't even know randomly came up to me and hugged me and apologized for some bullshit that I didn't even remember while crying hard enough that I actually believed him.

I felt nothing.

Pfft. High school. Right?

 

[odolwa99]

I know, for a fact, if I were to meet with the people who hassled me in school for 'an apology' it would go the way of River City Ransom. F**k 'em up, that's what I say.

 

[Bvenged]

I either have had an apology already, or I don't want one because I think they are a total prick, or took an apology by my own force.

In my younger years I didn't tolerate bullying and I made that clear to anyone who had that kind of agenda. I was really thin so an easy target, but it didn't stop me from throwing punches at those who tried to bully me anyway. In the latter half of high-school I simply wasn't bullied as I had a finger in most of the social-group pies. A drifter, but not an outsider as I'd simply slip in groups, then out of it to join another one. I would often be invited to social gatherings of a fair few groups too and I'm certainly not an introvert. A minority of people teased or irritated me with a nickname I didn't like in the last year of Sixth Form simply because I expressed how much it annoyed me, but it was all in jest in the end so I let it slide.

I even stood up to bullies who were picking on friends, even though I was quite weedy. Basically if you're friendly and make it known you don't take shit from anybody who tries, you'll make waaaay more friends than enemies and you won't get bullied either. Confidence in yourself and what you like to do outside school is crucial to avoiding bullying, and being social with people - chatting to anybody and everybody - helps too. Everybody knew I gamed or didn't do sports, but I was still invited to play football after school, or go to the pub or cinema, because I would get involved with socialising. If anyone tries to bully you, even if they're twice your size, challenge them in a public area or if they're persistent, take a swing. Worst it gets you is detention or some shit, but then you can explain how the other guy is a bully. In front of him, if you have to.

 

[tippy2k2]

I personally do want an apology. But I think my situation may be a little different than most. While I was bullied by students (who can die in a fire for all I care ;P) what I want an apology from is the school, their superintendent, staff, etc etc etc. Why am I so mad at this? Why do I feel it still affects me personally?
Maybe the whole getting expelled, having to move, and dealing with new people thing. Why was I expelled? Because (and I quote) "[Me] is just too much of a hassle and I really don't want to deal with him... ...Yes I punish him more harshly than other students but that's because I'm tired of seeing him in my office!"
Mind you: This was in 1st grade, my first teacher was sexist against males, my second teacher (got switched half way through the year) had just had a baby and would take it out on the class when the baby kept her up all night... You can see why I'd want an apology from that "school"...

...Also 7th grade but that's a much different story... (before them I was reading/doing math 3-4 grades ahead of my own; after them I still need to take Algebra II in college... yes it was a catholic school... which reminds me I need to take biology too...)

Holy smokes. I've heard about school systems not helping very much (my bully had a talking to repeatedly but unless something could be actually proven, there's not much they could do) but that's just downright shady. That sounds like classic "Blaming the victim" kind of thing and it just piles on top of the bullshit you'd already have to deal with. In school, even if minimal could be done, I at least had an adult authority-figure I could go to who would listen, even if they were neutered in terms of what the school system and laws allowed them to do.

Although that might be one of those "blessings in disguise" for if a school was THAT negligent to it's students, I don't know if it'd be good going to a school like that anyways.

 

[tippy2k2]

Yes, I want an apology. You still owe me that cookie, Tippy!

I owe you a cookie? That's probably true; I tell people I'll give them stuff to make them do something and then I run away before I have to pay! Ha ha!

But I guess since you were able to track me down...

Spoiler: Internet Cookies!

 

[theyellowmeteor]

I bullied a girl once, out of peer pressure. Felt like shit for it years later, went out of my way to contact and apologize to her, and she didn't even remember me. It's reassuring to know that your douchebagery doesn't leave deep scars on the victim.

 

[WOPR]

Holy smokes. I've heard about school systems not helping very much (my bully had a talking to repeatedly but unless something could be actually proven, there's not much they could do) but that's just downright shady. That sounds like classic "Blaming the victim" kind of thing and it just piles on top of the bullshit you'd already have to deal with. In school, even if minimal could be done, I at least had an adult authority-figure I could go to who would listen, even if they were neutered in terms of what the school system and laws allowed them to do.

Although that might be one of those "blessings in disguise" for if a school was THAT negligent to it's students, I don't know if it'd be good going to a school like that anyways.

I just feel like I should add this (bad nights sleep so I'm dozing off right now actually haha) on the "blaming the victim" thing, I actually had that Catholic school from 7th grade suspend me "for my own safety" because so many students (rich ones) were bullying me and it was better for their profits to remove me from the problem rather than them.

Thankfully that was my first AND LAST year at that school.
As for 1st grade... I was at that school for kindergarten as well and it went pretty well. Got sent to the office once for vigilante behavior but other than that the year was fine. Then they got a new principal and I got a new teacher (who everyone said to avoid, what we didn't know was she got remarried for the 3rd time) and it went downhill from there.
12 years of basic schooling and I went to about 7½ schools. (½ = one of the schools was split between two campuses, one campus was K-2 the other was 3-6)

 

[Zhadramekel]

Honestly, I wouldn't want an apology. I left secondary school six years ago and, even though I still get some hurtful comments now, it's in the past. And no matter what, they can't take back all those other things they said, and one word isn't going to make it all better.

 

[Thamian]

I went with no, and here's why: While yes, the whole notion of someone realising the wrong they did and so going on to seek (and in theory gaining) forgiveness for it, is very inspiring and all, in my case atleast, it's complete bollocks. If they realise the wrong they did, good for them, no way in hell I'm going to care. Frankly, I never want to see or hear from those 'people' again in my life.

And for that matter, I'll be damned before I give those fuckers so much as a clue of how much damage they did over those years. An attitude which admitedly makes it much less likely that they would even think of it as something they should feel guilty about. But hey, that's ok. I'd only throw any apology back in their faces anyways.

 

[ATRAYA]

Never apologize to me. Just tell me what circumstances and trains of thought culminated to your decision to wrong me. I hate when people say they "don't want excuses". How else are you supposed to explain yourself?

If your reasoning is sound, I'll hold nothing against you. Saying you're sorry means nothing to me, and just seems like the "easy" way out. And yes, I was bullied as a child (a lot, actually); it toughened me up for high school.

 

[DrDuckman]

Meh, it would just be awkward at this point, and frankly a little insulting, but I'd be ok with it for their sake. I won't pretend that bulling at my younger years did not affect my life negatively, but I also don't particularly place the blame on bullies. They are an external factor I could have responded with appropriately. I blame myself that I did not handle it appropriately so it did not become a pattern, and this knowledge motivated me to improve myself.

The rest is irrelevant, and the bullies themselves different people now, with no real connection to me. Blaming them would be rationalizing my own weakness to stand up to the challenge at the time. An apology would really be for the benefit of the bully's sense of guilt, not really a consolation or atonement.

Ofcourse, I wont claim that all bullied people had opportunities to handle the situation, so I am sure in some cases it's appropriate. But I do think that it's far more productive for most bulling cases for people to use the experience as a lesson, instead of simply being angry at their aggressors. To be clear, I am not victim blaming here, I am just saying that anger and blaming is unproductive.

 

[Magic Muffin Man]

It'd be great if a former bully apologized, but it's not like I NEED it. If anything, it'd just be nice to hear that someone who was an ass in high school turned over a new leaf and felt big enough to apologize for it. It takes balls to admit you're wrong, and I'd appreciate it. But do I need it? Nah, not really.

 

[FamoFunk]

Well it was obviously eating up the other person so much that they had to apologise years later, too.

Some things can knock a person for years and stay with them forever, even the smallest of things. An apology is showing the other person does care about what their actions/asshole-ness did. an apology can mean everything to someone.

 

[scw55]

I know with bullying if you get through it "it makes you stronger as a person" yadder yadder. This may be true. Or it may change you that you have a highly low impression of humanity. But at the end of the day, that time period was miserable.

It is said to be "healthy to move one". Is it?. Is this what people just tell each other to cope?

I would welcome a sincere apology from the two people who bullied me. I would welcome being shown the humanity in people who acted like cocks around me when I was growing up. People will say "kids are kids" or "teenagers are teenagers" and they will 'grow out of it'.
But.
I was nice and lovely when I was young. Why couldn't they be too?. How do I know that the twats who acted like twats aren't still twats? In fact, a few of them have been arrested for stealing cars.

What's the use of "moving on" if the individuals still have the potential to negatively affect other people?
-
It's naive to think that bullying doesn't have long term effects.
My mum was in primary school during the ages when teachers still beat boys and screamed at girls and boys.
She also had a brother who would constantly beat her for no reason. Her parents didn't stop it, in fact they showed her how to fight back. Why would a lovely little girl need to know how to fight against her older brother? When her parents can intervene and stop it?
So yes now, my mum has sever confidence issues. Negative aspects of human beings she gets in contact with severally affect her.
Yes I believe there has been emotional damage caused by her experience of growing up.
Why should she have to have therapy as a result of the actions of others?
It's so naive to think that Bullying is something you can 'move on from'. Maybe you're lucky that your experience wasn't traumatic. Other people's were.

 

[Pero]

Man, I was bullied hard. I was smallest in class + I was nerd. Like every other day I was being physically or mentaly bullied. But idk. I really never cared for it much to think about killin' myself like some kids do, even though there were times when I thought my life was shit. Considering everything I would like an apology, but would it drasticly change my life? No. Not being bullied at times I was bullied - now, that would have changed my life a lot. But that's just the way it is. Some things will never change.

 

[Pero]

I bullied a girl once, out of peer pressure. Felt like shit for it years later, went out of my way to contact and apologize to her, and she didn't even remember me. It's reassuring to know that your douchebagery doesn't leave deep scars on the victim.

Well I guess it depends on person and itensity of bullying. I still remember all the people who bullied me and ways they would bully me. Example (I won't use their names): Seventh grade of primary school (I don't know your schooling system but I was 13 back then). There was this guy holding me against a wall (holding me for my neck that is) and slapping me. It hurt really bad and I tried to shake him of me. He stopped slapping me but still remained holding me and didn't want to let me go. Then a group of girls came by and there were some of my 'friends' in that group. One girl said: What, is little baby gonna cry? (she was talking to me) Oh is little girl gonna cry? You are patethic (still talking to me, to guy who was being bullied). Then the group went and I was bearly holding my tears. The guy held me for a while and then gave me final slap and let me go.
I remember their names and faces perfectly.

 

[EtherealBeaver]

Seriously lady? It's been over a freaking decade and you're blubbering on about how much this apology meant to you? Really? It affected your life THAT much that you're still thinking about it? I, like just about everyone who has ever existed, experienced bullying in my younger days and if someone from the past apologized for bullying me, I would probably just say "Alright" and leave it at that. I don't want and/or need an apology from you; I'm a grown-up and realize how petty kids can be, I don't need your apology.

You´ve never been really bullied I see. My bullies sent me into a 15 years depression which ended up with me almost ending my own life multiple times. I dont even consider my former bullies as people any more and would honestly not mind if they were run down by a car and died.

Personally I am now suffering from sociophobia so bad I cant stand meeting new people or even walking on a crowded street and I am suffering from depression so badly I want to violently cry but because it has been beaten so throughly into me that crying is basically suicide for the day, I cant even cry when Im alone. that is how much bullying can scar you.



Edit: woops wrong quote - fixed