Poll: DOOM: Repercussions of Evil

[balimuzz]

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

 

[EnzoHonda]

Some of the issues with past/present tense seem to indicate that English may not be the author's first language. It kind of sounds like the writing of a Chinese girlfriend I once had. Other than that, I really like the avatar.

 

[ShockValue]

This seems vaguley familiar.

 

[Damien the Pigeon]

I think because the OP started the option "could use editing", this was intended to be poor work. That would make him a troll.

And if not, I don't want to be rude, but the plot was bad enough to make me think you were a troll. You can't develop a story like that and expect to impact the reader in that short a time.

 

[Erana]

This seems vaguley familiar.

Likewise.
Anyone remember this? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R0ZZF4O0K4]
OP troll...

 

[sgtshock]

Absolutely brilliant. I knew I was in for a treat when the deep relationship between John and his father was established ("YOU WILL BE KILL BY DEMONS" is destined to be a classic quote of literature). I must say you are a master at creating tension. I could feel my adreneline rushing when Cernal Joson ordered to John: "You must fight the demons!" The incredible battle between John and the Cyberdemon that streched over 3 sentences was woven with great detail while still managing to keep the fast pace of the battle going on. Sheer brilliance.

The ultimate message of the piece is compelling. Pinned by the ceiling, and seemingly dead, John can only shout "I MUST KILL THE DEMONS!" It is an insightful expose on today's society that we do not care for our lives anymore, we care only for the pitiful objectives we set for ourselves, be it going to work on time or killing demons. We have lost sight of the big picture. Just as Joe Average worries not of his life as a whole, but only the little details, so to does John neglect to reflect on his current state, and thinks only of killing demons than preserving his own life. His foolishness is punished by one of the most brilliant plot twists since Citizen Kane: John has joined the Legions of the Undead he sought to destroy. It is a powerful, timeless message that will go down echo through time and history. Bravo.

 

[CandleJack707]

Peter Chimera would be proud. That's because Peter Chimera wrote it

Also I like the video where they sing it better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBQIx5jiTsg

EDIT: Add a poll choice where we claim that you copy/pasted it

 

[Valiance]

This story has one of the most shocking twists I've ever read in a thriller novella.

 

[balimuzz]

Peter Chimera would be proud. That's because Peter Chimera wrote it

Also I like the video where they sing it better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBQIx5jiTsg

EDIT: Add a poll choice where we claim that you copy/pasted it

I did, I was just looking for peoples' thoughts on this piece of brilliant literature.