It's a shit thing to do to a person no doubt, but better in the long run for both of you.
Your ex and her friends have every right to be pissed at you.
Your ex and her friends have every right to be pissed at you.
Poll: Dumped a girl. Help? Please?
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If you only wait a couple of weeks, she's going to figure that you dumped her for the other girl anyways, in which case you're back where you started. The only difference is that you weren't upfront with it, which just makes everything worse from my experience.smithy_2045 said:
I'm just going off how I think I'd prefer things to be if I were the one to be dumped. If you're going to dump me for someone else, tell me what was wrong with our relationship, don't just saying you've found someone better, and don't immediately get into a relationship with some other dickhead.Naeras said:
There's really no good way to tell another girl that you "have feelings" for someone else.
The girl-brain immediately calculates that as: [sob] She's prettier and better then me and he dumped me for a better person I'm not good enough [/sob].
And if they know the girl? Oh god...
But you did fine. I didn't sense any jackassery in what you told her. Enjoy your new relationship.
The girl-brain immediately calculates that as: [sob] She's prettier and better then me and he dumped me for a better person I'm not good enough [/sob].
And if they know the girl? Oh god...
But you did fine. I didn't sense any jackassery in what you told her. Enjoy your new relationship.
You can't control how you feel for someone. You broke up with her in a mature way because you knew it wasn't working. If her friends take her side that's natural because they're her friends and your friends will take your side. I'm not your friend and I think what you did was acceptable and probably what was best for both of you.
I never got the impression here that there were any bigger issues with that relationship other than "I've fallen in love with someone else". Explaining why you like the other person better can be done, but it's more often than not extremely hard to put words to stuff like that, and it rarely helps anyone even when you manage to do it.smithy_2045 said:
Also, the new person isn't necessarily a "dickhead".
If you've fallen in love with someone else, there are inherently issues with the current relationship. I would loose all respect for someone who didn't bother to try and explain what caused the relationship to break down. A break up is never going to be easy, but that's no excuse to be lazy about it all. If someone wrecks my relationship with someone, whether they meant it or not, I reserve the right to think of them as a dickhead. They mightn't be one, but I'll still think of them as one.Naeras said:
*shrug* Depends how you handled it. Ultimately, dumping someone is never the "wrong thing to do", because wanting to dump your girlfriend is in itself pretty solid evidence that the relationship isn't working!
But - like it or not - you've hurt your ex's feelings (it's almost impossible not to when dumping someone), and it's completely normal that her friends will want to rally around her. Slagging you off may well help her feel a bit better about the whole thing.
So just give her plenty of space and be prepared to tolerate a bit of extra venom thrown your way.
But - like it or not - you've hurt your ex's feelings (it's almost impossible not to when dumping someone), and it's completely normal that her friends will want to rally around her. Slagging you off may well help her feel a bit better about the whole thing.
So just give her plenty of space and be prepared to tolerate a bit of extra venom thrown your way.
No. Believe me, it doesn't have to be issues at all. Don't get me wrong, usually there really are underlying issues, but it's completely possible for a perfectly healthy relationship to crash and burn simply because of feelings for someone else.smithy_2045 said:
As long as every party involved is being honest, I agree completely.
If someone wrecks your relationship with someone, as in, if that person specifically tries to ruins your relationship, then yes, you can call that person a dickhead. That wasn't quite what happened here, however.
Acceptable? Yes. To reiterate what others have said, at least you told her before persuing this other girl. About her friends, they're her freinds of course they will think your a jerk. Just like your friends are going to think it was fine. Relationships end, she'll get over it i can almost garuntee you that...
Unles of course the day you broke up with her also happened to be her birthday, your 5 month anniversary and the day that she told you she loves you but the odds of al those things coinciding arer pretty slim...
TL;DR: Your fine, have fun in your new relationship.
Unles of course the day you broke up with her also happened to be her birthday, your 5 month anniversary and the day that she told you she loves you but the odds of al those things coinciding arer pretty slim...
TL;DR: Your fine, have fun in your new relationship.
Maybe you could have handled it a bit more tactfully, but you certainly did the right thing by telling her instead of doing nothing and letting nature run its course.
Bad Easton! Bad!Easton Dark said:I simply must try this "asking" thing. It sounds lovely.cookyy2k said:We tried that with my fiancee's best friend... best weekend ever.Liquidacid23 said:the proper course of action would have been to check and see if she was up for a 3some first... you never know unless you ask
OP, you did the right thing. People can and will be bitches. The best you can do is shrug it off ad be happy with the person you have now.
I'm not saying the OP is a dickhead, just that if my gf broke up with for some other guy I'd think the other guy was a dickhead, regardless of whether he actually is.Naeras said:
I can certainly see where you're points are coming from, but I just don't agree. Maybe I'm holding people to an impossibly high standard, I dunno. But I can't foresee myself changing my mind.
Y'know, if the worst thing this girl has to go through in life is to be passed over by a guy for another girl... she's doing pretty damn good in life. She'll get over it. She'll grow up some. She'll be better for it.
If not, she can look forward to a bloody miserable existence.
What you did was best for the both of you. It probably could have been better circumstances, but life isn't perfect.
If not, she can look forward to a bloody miserable existence.
What you did was best for the both of you. It probably could have been better circumstances, but life isn't perfect.
I'm sorry for disappointing you with my lust, Master. Minion will go to the corner. :cBabyRaptor said:Bad Easton! Bad!Easton Dark said:I simply must try this "asking" thing. It sounds lovely.cookyy2k said:We tried that with my fiancee's best friend... best weekend ever.Liquidacid23 said:the proper course of action would have been to check and see if she was up for a 3some first... you never know unless you ask
Sounds to me like you did the right thing man. If that's how you felt, your relationship with your then girlfriend would've no doubt deteriorated. Though, I can't say that it's surprising that her friends were so keen to slander you.
seems like a good over all move to me, if the new girl makes you happier, then yeah, probably for the best you moved on.
also, girls are a pack animal, mess with one, mess with them all, no surprise they turned on you. best to shrug off off your Ex's friends ramblings best you can
also, girls are a pack animal, mess with one, mess with them all, no surprise they turned on you. best to shrug off off your Ex's friends ramblings best you can
