Poll: Have I been a jerk?

[michiehoward]

No, don't think you're a jerk. My grandmother corrected my grammar constantly as a child. Now I a strive as an adult to make sure I don't sound like a dumbass while speaking.

But...big but. My grandma did it when I when I was young, so I would not pick up bad grammar habits. They are hard to stop. Your mother has been speaking like this now her whole life. It will be hard for her to correct herself, to her mind it sounds correct when she is saying it. So good luck.

At least she does not make up words that sound like real ones...I hate that.

 

[PatrickXD]

'Grammar Nazi's' who correct what is effectively an idiom do look like fools. Double negatives are a part of how some people speak. No, it doesn't really make sense. Neither does the phrase 'by the skin of your teeth'. Literally the phrases seem strange, nonsense even. But the point is that whoever is listening knows what the person speaking means. Ultimately, it's fine to correct something like a double negative as a joke. Don't be serious about it. Don't labor the point. Don't be inappropriate.

I just realised that I didn't actually answer your question properly. No, this does not make you a jerk. Yes, it is a jerk thing to do.

 

[axlryder]

I think she's being stubborn in refusing to correct her own language. Especially true when considering it does affect people's perception of you. I also don't think she reacted appropriately given the fact that her response was overly defensive and very immature. For the record, around here people perceive double negatives to be more just a product of poor education rather than idioms. Perhaps it's different elsewhere.

That said, you're being kind of douche if you do it incessantly or when they're in the middle of saying something or trying to pursue a specific conversation/point/question/whatever. Also, if a person isn't comfortable with you correcting them in general then you're better off just not doing it if it's not something REALLY important.

 

[SecondPrize]

I did that constantly to a kid I knew. He's thanked me for it since.

 

[NiPah]

Let me put it this way... You're not no jerk.

 

[IamLEAM1983]

I can empathize, OP. I tend to *want* to do this all the time.

The thing is, your respect for the English language isn't something that's easily perceivable for most folks. What you see as simple care and consideration, they'll understandably see as pedantry.

Live and let live. People are generally more open to the idea of being corrected on paper than in person. As a rule, I try and correct other people if doing so pulls them out of a bind; not otherwise. Say, a loved one's updating their resume, and you spot a formatting mistake that makes their document less appealing to the average employer. That or, say, typos.

Then yeah, you're justified in offering corrections. If you're just doing it in the middle of a casual conversation, though? That's a jerk move. Never correct someone if they haven't asked for it. That's the long and short of it.

 

[deadpoolhulk]

it annoys most people when its done to them. so i would say that it isn't enough to class you as a bad person. but still isn't exactly pleasent either.

 

[AlexWinter]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

Well she probably makes herself look like an idiot by talking like that. You're just trying to teach her how to speak properly. She's just over-sensitive. Some people never learn to take criticism or recognize their weaknesses.

 

[Professor Idle]

If someone says something completely wrong, than that's fine, but derailing their train of thought at the expense of a mistake isn't helpful at all.

That's just about as helpful and concise as you could put it. Keep it in mind, folks.

 

[Lilani]

I can't believe all the people here who said "yes."

If your own mother is going around making herself look like a retard, then you certainly owe it to her to correct her whether she likes it or not.

The only time incorrect grammar makes someone look like a "retard" is if it's affecting how people understand them. People use incorrect grammar all the time when speaking. I don't think anybody is going to get confused about your intentions if you make a sign at a supermarket that says "Five items or less" instead of "Five items or fewer."

The way to REALLY make someone look like a retard is to stop the conversation and point out all of the insignificant mistakes they make.

 

[Quaxar]

I can't believe all the people here who said "yes."

If your own mother is going around making herself look like a retard, then you certainly owe it to her to correct her whether she likes it or not.

The only time incorrect grammar makes someone look like a "retard" is if it's affecting how people understand them.

Actually, I dare say it also makes you look bad at least when you can't even use it right in a formal letter. I think I've never gotten something from work that had proper grammar, most contained more than ten of the randomest commas possible among other things. Which looks quite troubling if it's signed by the three heads of the relevant departments (or whatever I can possibly call them).
You can still understand the meaning just fine but gorramit I have no idea how a person can get into a position this high without any knowledge of grammar.

 

[Sigmund Av Volsung]

My mum always uses incorrect words and grammar when she is talking. I always strive to correct her, but a few days ago, she got really pissed off when I corrected her on a double negative, saying that 'I just do it to feel big' and that 'I'm the one who comes out of the situation looking stupid'. Have I been a jerk all along? Or is she over-reacting?

It depends on frequency; do it all the time, and it will get irritating to people, if you do it ever so often, it shouldn't be much of a problem.

I think that she was just angry of how well you understand the grammar and she doesn't.

So she just took it out on you.

Just, do it ever so often, and try to just deal with it.

And if it's so painful that you can't stand it, then try to sound gentle in your delivery.

 

[Lilani]

Actually, I dare say it also makes you look bad at least when you can't even use it right in a formal letter. I think I've never gotten something from work that had proper grammar, most contained more than ten of the randomest commas possible among other things. Which looks quite troubling if it's signed by the three heads of the relevant departments (or whatever I can possibly call them).
You can still understand the meaning just fine but gorramit I have no idea how a person can get into a position this high without any knowledge of grammar.

That is true, however that is also a completely different situation from what the OP presented us with. He isn't correcting department heads who are using incorrect grammar in formal letters, he's correcting his mother in casual conversations. And apparently quite chronically. While such things can be done with the best of intentions in mind, there's a certain point where sharing knowledge on how to use language properly becomes nitpicking and nagging.

 

[Auron225]

Correct peoples grammar all you like but bear in mind that nobody appreciates it and nobody will ever thank you for it. You may or may not be gradually making them more grammatically correct, but it is at the expense of whatever relationship you have with the person. I don't ever consider that worth it.

The only time it is worth it is if I don't like the person to begin with and WANT to annoy them but even that almost never happens.

 

[T3hSource]

Someone correcting my grammar is fine by me, I just shrug it off with "same thing anyway", which means 'you got the meaning of what I was saying, the rest doesn't matter'.
I accept criticism and corrections, accept and learn from them, no frustrations, no grudges.

 

[Quaxar]

Actually, I dare say it also makes you look bad at least when you can't even use it right in a formal letter. I think I've never gotten something from work that had proper grammar, most contained more than ten of the randomest commas possible among other things. Which looks quite troubling if it's signed by the three heads of the relevant departments (or whatever I can possibly call them).
You can still understand the meaning just fine but gorramit I have no idea how a person can get into a position this high without any knowledge of grammar.

That is true, however that is also a completely different situation from what the OP presented us with. He isn't correcting department heads who are using incorrect grammar in formal letters, he's correcting his mother in casual conversations. And apparently quite chronically. While such things can be done with the best of intentions in mind, there's a certain point where sharing knowledge on how to use language properly becomes nitpicking and nagging.

Still, habitual usage of bad grammar doesn't suddenly disappear when you're in a more formal situation. Or at least I'd find it more weird if someone who regularly misuses English just switched to perfect grammar when appropriate. If you are never corrected how are you going to learn how to apply it correctly when it is especially called for?

On the other hand I am someone who actually despises anyone who regularly spells like a 3 year-old and are close to strangling any person who tells me they are only willing to adhere to the socially agreed upon basis of a language in a situation where their future depends on it and otherwise won't bother to spell at all. So maybe I'm not the right person to talk here.

 

[Lilani]

Still, habitual usage of bad grammar doesn't suddenly disappear when you're in a more formal situation. Or at least I'd find it more weird if someone who regularly misuses English just switched to perfect grammar when appropriate. If you are never corrected how are you going to learn how to apply it correctly when it is especially called for?

On the other hand I am someone who actually despises anyone who regularly spells like a 3 year-old and are close to strangling any person who tells me they are only willing to adhere to the socially agreed upon basis of a language in a situation where their future depends on it and otherwise won't bother to spell at all. So maybe I'm not the right person to talk here.

The problem here is, we have no idea what sort of mistakes the OP's mother was making. It could have been something "terrible" like saying "There isn't no milk left in the fridge," or it could have been something as benign as mixing up the use of "less" and "fewer." The justification for the OP's actions relies solely upon his mother's grammar being worse than a five year old's, but in reality none of us have a fucking clue. I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt and assume the woman is at least semi-educated and knows not to say things like "I is going to the store now, am you wanting some cheese?" If it's not at least that bad, I don't see any justification for such persistent corrections.

And it is a matter of respect, as well. There's a certain point where people are so set in their ways, trying to correct them is really just not worth the impertinence and embarrassment you're causing them. It's like racist old people--yeah it's all well and good to call out racism when you see it, but really, they're old. They've been that way for a long time, and there's really no point in changing that now. Their opinions on foreigners means nothing in the grand scheme, and it isn't worth pissing off somebody's grandpa and sending him into a tizzy for the rest of the afternoon.

If it were my kid constantly correcting my grammar or misspoken sentences? I know I'd tell him to knock it off. There's a time and a place, and I think it's much more likely the OP is simply doing this for his own sake rather than keeping his mother from asking a waiter at a restaurant, "Is there being a soup of the day?"

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

Totally justified... There is no excuse for bad spoken english if it is your first language!

 

[cakedcrusader]

While it's annoying when someone is constantly messing up grammar and English, there is honestly no way of correcting someones spelling constantly in an every day situation without sounding like a pretentious douchebag. If you're correcting someones essay or something, then yeah that's fine, you're just trying to help. But if your friend accidentally texts you using the wrong "your/you're" or "their/there/they're" and you give them a long winded reply about how wrong their grammar is, well, it does make you look like a total jerk, and it makes that person feel very small and very stupid.

 

[RicoGrey]

Whether or not you are an actual jerk does not matter. What matters is people's perception of you. Obviously your mom views you as a jerk for this type of behavior.

There have been actual studies that show that people in general will view this behavior negatively, so it would be in your best interest to not do it. Specifically people are more likely to view you as arrogant, insecure, and less intelligent. I do not have links to these studies, but I am sure you can find them if you google it.