Poll: Have random people ever asked you to cheer up?

[DementedSheep]

Yep, a number of times. A lot when I was high school but less so in university where people generally are too busy doing their own thing and mind their own business. I think my bored and daydreaming face looks sad because most of time I'm not actually feeling depressed. It's a little annoying but I guess they are trying to be nice so I try and be nice back. Most of the time anyway, occasionally it comes across as mock or command.
I tend not to smile unless I'm actually talking to someone which leads to "but when you're walking around you never seem to be smiling!". Because...I'm just going to a place and/or thinking? I have nothing to smile at. Even if I am upset 9 times out of 10 I would just want people to leave me alone and feel shamed if it was pointed out that I look upset, especially by a stranger or acquaintance.
People also seem to take reading a book as depressed. As if the only reason I would be reading is because I'm avoiding people due to being upset? instead of just liking reading and not being particularly social.

I did have a nice old couple come talk to me on he train once to cheer me up which actually was appreciated because I rather spooked and upset (and pretty obviously so) at the time and they didn't just tell me to cheer up and walk off as if that is going to do something.

The closest I ever done to that with stranger was asking someone looking nervous at buss stop at night whether they were alright. She just didn't like standing there by herself and since I was waiting on a place nearby to finish making my order I could wait with her.

I also have people think I'm not enthusiastic about stuff when I am. I just don't really show it often I guess. I have force myself to "act enthusiastic" so I'm not a downer.

 

[Chris Moses]

Not only has this happened, but I've been in a relationship with a guy that asked me to smile for the past 17 years.

 

[Clunks]

Yep, happens far more often then I'm comfortable with. I never really understood the attitude behind that until one day a work colleague started complaining to me about depressed looking people coming in and saying something along the lines of "people should smile when they come in here, this is a happy place and they're getting me down." They were getting him down, simply by letting their own feelings show (or just having grumpy-looking neutral faces like mine). Some people are downright proprietorial about the people around them.

On one memorable occasion, I was casually exiting a restaraunt bathroom when a some bloke shouted across the foyer "Jeez, you must have had a difficult one." Good old-fashioned embarrassment kept me from acknowledging him which is just as well, I've heard prison can be unpleasant.

Still, maybe we should reach out to people more. I once saw a woman silently crying on the bus home and did nothing to try and comfort her or ask her if she was alright, because I was embarrassed and didn't know how to help. Whatever my reasons, I'm ashamed that I couldn't bring myself to offer some form of help to someone in need.

 

[frizzlebyte]

It baffles me when someone reacts negatively to someone telling them to smile or cheer up. Not just because smiling takes less effort and thought than building up negative thoughts based off that small interaction but because they have nothing but positive intentions.

A stranger goes out of their way to try and make you feel better, isn't that wonderful? They know nothing about you and chances are they've even seen you before, yet they offer some compassion. I don't know, maybe it's an 'adult' thing.

It always seems to me that the people who say this are bothered that people don't smile all the time like idiots, and comes off as insincere, like a more presumptive version of greeting someone with "how are you?"

If I were visibly sad at the time, I could understand it (though one might appreciate it more if they asked what the matter was before saying "cheer up"), but the problem is that the few times someone has told me I needed to cheer up, I was just minding my own business with a straight face.

 

[DanielBrown]

Nope, which might be pretty odd. My relaxed face is pretty aggressive. I live in Stockholm though. Like any major city we've made casual ignoring an art.
The only thing strangers say to me is either compliments to my hair(ass long, wavy, dark brown/red sexy hair <3) or they claim to know me. Apparently someone in my close area looks identical to me.

 

[solemnwar]

I am female, and therefore it is a GREIVOUS INSULT TO SOCIETY for me to be anything less than a sparkly object of supreme happiness.

Fucking gag me. Hey instead of TELLING me to smile, maybe instead... ask me what's the matter? Actually DO something to make me WANT to smile? I mean, I'd rather you didn't, because I'm an introvert and forced interaction with others (especially strangers) pains me, but it's a lot better than going "SMILE" like a goddamn drill sergeant.

My face at rest naturally is either "bland", or looks like I'm concentrating (I often am, cooking up various character and story plots that never see the light of day because I'm lazy). I'm not unhappy, that's just how my face is, I only smile when I've either thought up something I find particularly amusing or if I'm with close friends that I'm comfortable with.

Edit: Oh fuck I'm at the top of a page. God damn it all.

 

[bluegate]

I dunno. Someone coming up to you and basically going `I've noticed you aren't making the facial expression I think you should be making` is kind of rude. If you're willing to go up to random strangers to ask them to do certain things with their face to please you, you shouldn't be surprised if they tell you where to go.

Well, if you interpret it in such a negative way, then yes, it could be quite the unpleasant experience.
Why not interpret it as a person coming up to you going "I've noticed that you look kind of down, cheer up, it isn't all that bad", as in a person trying to be supportive instead of a person who is trying to force their will onto you.

A well, in the end, the world is what you make of it and everyone has their own outlook on life.

 

[Random Argument Man]

Well..this year I've been on a pattern leading to a nervous breakdown of epic proportions?which lead me to a nervous breakdown. So?Yeah. It's probably in my top 5 sentences that I've heard the most recently.

Good news, things are getting better.

 

[Evil Moo]

It baffles me when someone reacts negatively to someone telling them to smile or cheer up. Not just because smiling takes less effort and thought than building up negative thoughts based off that small interaction but because they have nothing but positive intentions.

A stranger goes out of their way to try and make you feel better, isn't that wonderful? They know nothing about you and chances are they've even seen you before, yet they offer some compassion. I don't know, maybe it's an 'adult' thing.

It's not always true that these people have good intentions. I recall having 'Cheer up', or something similar, shouted at me from a safe distance in a tone of voice that implied quite the opposite intention, followed by derisive sniggering among the shouter and their group of friends, as if at some unspoken in-joke at my expense.

Even in the best case scenario I wouldn't like it.

If I'm in a bad mood, simply informing me that you would rather I not be, or at least that I put on the pretence of happiness through smiling, is not going to make me feel any more inclined or able to do so. If anything it will remind me of what a bad mood I'm in and will only serve to reinforce it.

If I'm not in a bad mood, I'm probably going to be in a worse one for you telling me that I look miserable when I'm not and putting me in the mildly stressful situation of having to interact with a stranger who has immediately demonstrated an inability to read my body language, while simultaneously violating my precious bubble of isolation in a tactless expression of throwaway sentiment...

 

[Hero of Lime]

I never knew this was a thing! People are more willing to compliment something about me than to say "cheer up." I can understand women encountering this more as some kind of weird pick up line from guys.

 

[Heronblade]

Yes, every once in a while, and I can join those who claim it as an annoying request.

I tend to show little in the way of emotion, but if I have reason to smile, I will. If I do not I will not, it is that simple. I see no reason to fake emotions for someone else's sake.

 

[BarkBarker]

Never happened to me, but I have poked someone who had an oddly sad looking face and asked them what's wrong, you know, like a normal person, or maybe even try to cheer them up rather than throw demands at them and hope they stick, like a NICE person, I would pay to see the guy or gal who says it to someone who just got back from a tough funeral, you DARE tell them to smile when shit has gotten difficult to get through and you will see a thing of beauty.

 

[Nouw]

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I have read all of your responses and I appreciate you all taking the time to help me understand something I've been admittedly childish about. I'm not going to write a individual response because I'm fatigued from replying to Master of the Skies and thaluikhain. You'll see my response to them a bit below where they quoted me, I'm not sure whether you have read it. In any case, this has been a very eye-opening experience for me. Thank you n________n

 

[Random berk]

I've had it happen, once or twice. Both times in a nightclub, actually.

I don't like nightclubs. Probably doesn't help that I have a pretty sullen face unless I'm actively smiling though.

 

[Darken12]

When a stranger tells you to smile, they are nonverbally communicating to you that they have absolutely no respect whatsoever for you.

Or they wish you to feel better.

And they put their own wish to see me happy over my own autonomy to feel however I want to feel. This is a sign of disrespect.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

I can't recall ever having a random stranger tell me to cheer up.

That said, I get it from relatives all the time.

 

[Headsprouter]

Yes people often think I am sad. I'm not sad, but would I say I'm particularly feeling happy when told to "cheer up"? Not really. My friends notice it and think I look downright depressed, when really I'm just distant.

This one time, just last week, I was at work, and seething, at the end of my patience. I was glaring at the furniture shop, opposite me, and a women walks by and gives a hearty "Cheer up!", I twitched my eyes. Usually I'm quite tolerant of it, I blush or shrug, but right then, I was not in the mood for it.

 

[Akytalusia]

sure. my default expression is apparently a scowl, so everyone just assumes i'm depressed or pissed all the time. i usually get that from familiar people in social settings, but strangers are too scared to talk to me though, so i don't get it from them.

 

[manic_depressive13]

smiling makes happy btw, our brain is weird like that.

I've only ever asked someone to smile once while I was smiling, and that was the effect I was hoping for, not to please me, as I was walking away a second later.

There have been times when I smiled just because someone told me to smile. It made me feel like shit because I was very upset at the time, and on top of that I felt obligated to force a smile for some random guy I was walking past so he wouldn't think I'm a *****. It's actually kind of infuriating to think he might have walked away feeling satisfied that he cheered me up or made my day, when in reality it was just obnoxious.

So please don't assume that just because someone smiled after you told them to that they were happy about it.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

Its happened on occasion, and much as I would love to respond with something snarky or cynical I just give them the Joker grin and usually they never say that again. I smile when I feel like smiling, but I'm not a grumpy person either. I just tend to have a poker face running most of the time...