Poll: Hoping a Couple Breaks Up; Right/Wrong?

Mr.Mattress

Level 2 Lumberjack
Jul 17, 2009
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I believe it depends:

If the couple is doing great, and they're having no major problems, then of course hoping they break up is rude and mean.

But if the couple just isn't working, or one partner in the relationship (Or both) are abusive, then of course you would want them to break up.
 

hazabaza1

Want Skyrim. Want. Do want.
Nov 26, 2008
9,612
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I'll admit I've done it before but the other guy involved wasn't really someone I considered a friend even though I put up a sort of charade that he was so, you might want to evaluate your friendship.
 

Altorin

Jack of No Trades
May 16, 2008
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yeah, it's pretty fucked up, but as long as you're keeping it to yourself and only hurting yourself with those emotions, it's whatever. it's your life.

I was in a relationship where there were people actually campaigning against it, and if I was your friend and I found out you were hoping for my misery so you could take my girlfriend I'd be pretty upset.
 

Random Argument Man

New member
May 21, 2008
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Had that a few weeks ago. I realized the guy was a vulture. I liked a girl. I'm moving away for a long period of time. Kinda ended my chances with her. Told guy, guy was dating her two weeks later.

I wanted them to break them for two reasons. 1. Guy just wanted to "tap that" and he pretended that he didn't knew that I still liked her. 2. Well...I still liked her and I wanted to keep things open for the next time I see her. I've learned that they actually broke up 3 weeks ago. What I felt at first? Happy! What I felt after a while? Sad. I realized that I was some shallow asshole who wanted "the girl" because I didn't get her.

Moral of the story, don't be an asshole like I was. If they break up, give it time. If deep down the road you still like her, well... I hope things work out for you. However, If you're going to feel like I felt, it's better to focus on something or someone else.
 

NoeL

New member
May 14, 2011
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mitchell271 said:
Is it wrong to hope they'll break up so I can at least try to ask her out?
Not at all. Hopes, dreams, thoughts - everything going on inside your own head is amoral. Morality is about social interaction - the effects your actions have on others. "Hoping" can't directly affect others, therefore morality doesn't even come into it.

That said, what goes on upstairs drives your actions. If you take deliberate action to realise your dreams (i.e. actively try to incite a break up) then it's a dick move and you'll probably end up losing both of them.

But all is fair and love and war. Feel free to make yourself as alluring and tempting as possible, and if she sees a better future in you then good for you.
 

Eternal_Lament

New member
Sep 23, 2010
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Is it wrong to hope? Not really, no. I've had to go through something similar myself (thankfully not the same situation) and I can tell you that while it does feel a little wrong, the actual thought/hope that it will happen is nothing too bad. It happens.

However, were you to try and "advance" said breakup as it were, then I'd say that's a dick move on several levels. Forget the guy for a second and think about the girl you like: if you like her that much that you're still interested even though she's in a relationship, then you know that sabotaging her current relationship for your sake not only makes you a bad friend, it calls into question how you would even treat her in a relationship. Again, I'm guessing you realize this, so I'm not going to lecture or judge you. Just remember: nothing wrong with hoping for something a little selfish, and if the breakup is going to happen then just let it play out it's natural course.

As to whether you should ask her out if they break-up? On the one hand, you would probably be doing her a favor by at least being honest with your feelings about her, but on the other I'm not sure if that's something you should do right away. If she needs a boyfriend then be there for her, or if she just needs a friend then be there as a friend.

captcha: foul play
NO! Bad Captcha! That is not the advice this guy needs!
 

Gmans uncle

New member
Oct 17, 2011
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Don't worry dude...

What you're feeling is natural, normal, and something allot of people have gone through (myself definitely included).
It's not wrong to hope for a chance to ask her out, just maintain a close, positive relationship, don't take any action to intensionally break them up, I've seen many friendships destroyed by action like that, hell I was once almost an accomplice to such an action, which I ultimatly decided against thanks to this lovely community talking me out of it (I think that thread is still on this site somewhere...). But remember, if worst comes to worst there's plenty more fish in the sea.
Hope that helps.
 

DementedSheep

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Jan 8, 2010
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Eh you want what you want. Everyone on occasion wants something shitty like that and it's a normal part of the human condition. It's not a good thing but so long as you don't start intentionally trying to break them up I wouldn't agonize over it. Try not to get to stuck on her though, there are other fish in the sea.
 

Canadamus Prime

Robot in Disguise
Jun 17, 2009
14,334
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Well I wouldn't call it wrong per se, but it is more than a little selfish and perhaps mean spirited too. After all I would think you'd want the best for your friends and wouldn't wish misfortune on them just for your benefit. Maybe that's just me.
However, as others have said, as long as you don't actively try to split them up I can't actually say I'd call it wrong.
 

Grach

New member
Aug 31, 2012
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Odgical said:
Dude. Not to be callous, but every day there are new 19 year old girls you can hit on. None of them are your friend's ex. I say, stop being all tunnel-vision and go ask out a different lass, eh? Women aren't that hard to find, it just feels like it sometimes, maybe, depending on who you are.
This. Believe me, hoping they break up is not being a good friend. Try finding someone else too, nothing guarantees she'll like you back, so try to at least have another girl in your sights. Trust me, you'll end up dissapointed and bitter for a while if you don't.
 

vasiD

New member
Oct 28, 2012
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Probably.

Let me put it this way:
If you want them to break up because he's a dick to her or is in some way bad for her then you're morally fine.
If you want them to break up just so you can date her then you're a bad friend really.

That said, and because I LOVE playing devil's advocate, fuck morals. This is a world in which massive corporations publicly pay politicians to fuck over citizens and condemn the environment. You hoping that a couple breaks up is pretty low on the evil points scale by simple comparison. Plus, I mean, if you're even considering it you must not be that great of friends anyway so, you know, whatever. FUCK THAT SLUT BRO! </3 (I'd put a YOLO here but I really feel that even the 'bro' is going a bit to far, only want to come off as enthusiastic, not sarcastic.)
 

Phlakes

Elite Member
Mar 25, 2010
4,282
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It's not necessarily right but it's natural. No matter what moral high ground you try to take, people want what they want and there's nothing wrong with that, or with trying to get it, as long as it's not at other people's expense.
 

lacktheknack

Je suis joined jewels.
Jan 19, 2009
19,316
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There's nothing wrong with hoping, as long as you don't try anything stupid.

Generally, I try to avoid hoping for something like that for petty reasons. The only relationship I'm hoping will dissolve is my co-worker's, but that's because she's engaged to an epic jackass.
 

Cazza

New member
Jul 13, 2010
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What's the reason behind it? If you want to get in on that so to speak yes it's wrong. If it's because you believe they will end up hurting themselves more by staying together or one of them hurt the other. Then no.
 

templar1138a

New member
Dec 1, 2010
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Firstly, five months is long enough to establish a relationship that'll survive a mere summer break. I say that as someone who's spent four out of six years in a long-distance relationship, not counting the summer breaks when we went to the same college. By our first summer break, we'd decided that we wanted to see if we could move our relationship towards engagement (nothing official at the time, but we liked the idea and kept it as a mutual aspiration). Long distance relationships are only quick to break up by default when it comes to high school graduates.

Secondly, even if they do break up, there's an unwritten rule among most people that you can't date someone if they went out with a friend of yours, especially a best friend. Granted, some people don't follow it, and I think it's bullshit to not do it simply because "You just don't," but my point is that she may not think it's right to date you, no matter how long of a cool-off period you give her. She'd have to REALLY be interested in you to overcome it in that case.

And, of course, if she's completely willing to go out with you, then you have to be careful. Either that means you're a rebound or she's not very committal.

In short: Hope all you want, but don't expect anything.
 

Trueflame

New member
Apr 16, 2013
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It doesn't sound like you're that close friends with the guy. Or friends at all, really, because to me that sounds more like an acquaintance. But even if you were close friends, unless you saw that the two of them were in love, there's nothing wrong with hoping that they break up. Most relationships aren't particularly serious and aren't likely to last anyway. Plus, as long as you're just hoping and don't make a move until after they've broken up, you're totally in the clear in terms of morals, bro-code, or whatever else anyone can conjure up.
 

kypsilon

New member
May 16, 2010
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It's not wrong to feel that way dude, you're human.

It's against my personal moral compass to try and break up a couple for my own nefarious ends, but do whatever you feel you need to. We'll only judge you by your actions and then, only if you tell us.
 

waj9876

New member
Jan 14, 2012
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Eh...a little bit. Just don't ask her out while they are still dating. Doing so would make you an asshole.